Top 100 Moron Quotes
#1. Are you going to shoot me?' Vengeous sneered. 'I wouldn't be surprised. What would a thing like you know about honor? Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.'
And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight.
Derek Landy
#2. Sigh. These were my people now that I was a writer, people who didn't understand anything. I mean, they understood perfectly the thing I cared most about - books - but basically were moron-level elsewhere.
Claire Dederer
#3. Ranger sent us to check on you," Hal said. "We just got here, and we heard shots."
"Some moron ate my jelly doughnut," Lula said. "So I shot him.
Janet Evanovich
#4. The general image of a man in an American sitcom is like a complete moron. You'd think the industry was run by a feminist cabal.
Hanna Rosin
#5. You lame moron. What a stupid thing to say. She tells you she loves you and you come back with "That's nice"? Gods! You might as well tell her that her ass is fat and go ahead and get the groin kick. This time you deserve it.
- Syn
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#6. Keep, keep, keep adding muscles keep and keep becomings stronger and more... As more you have, as more you are moron.
Deyth Banger
#7. George W. Bush: a person who is the ultimate outcome of the American condition. Someone promoted above ability because of circumstance and organisation and empathy. You don't have to be intelligent. A moron in a hurry could know that you don't prevent war by having a war.
David Lange
#8. I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
George Carlin
#9. God. It was like Idiot Skank and her sidekick, Skanky Moron do Denver.
Kristen Ashley
#10. Annabeth finished her note and folded the napkin. On the outside, she wrote: Connor, Give this to Rachel. Not a prank. Don't be a moron. Love, Annabeth
Rick Riordan
#11. At long last, I felt a sense of accomplishment and a sense of closure. In the secret places of my very small heart, I had long entertained dreams of coming back in my next life as a moron.
Joe Queenan
#12. Oh God, make me a normal twentieth-century girl!' Thanks to our labours, this will mean increasingly, 'Make me a minx, a moron, and a parasite'.
C.S. Lewis
#13. Even if we accept, as the basic tenet of true democracy, that one moron is equal to one genius, is it necessary to go a further step and hold that two morons are better than one genius?
Leo Szilard
#14. Everyone likes ice cream," he said, white with rage. The mask of patience was slipping, and I don't know how I managed to hold back my tears. "Everyone except you, son, because you're a moron.
Cesar Aira
#15. You are a moron.
Jackson wanted to bash the message into his head. Because obviously his brain wasn't going to be of any help in the matter. And God knew his friend that lived behind the zipper of his jeans was clueless.
Candis Terry
#16. Oh, fuck my life. I'm in love with this moron.
Kay Simone
#17. The correct way to punctuate a sentence that states: "Of course it is none of my business, but
" is to place a period after the word "but." Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
Robert A. Heinlein
#18. Like Harry Potter's cape?" I said. "Yes." Matthias's grey eyes gave me a flat look, his voice heavy on the sarcasm. "Just like that. You're such a moron.
A&E Kirk
#19. You want me to marry Paul? But he is a moron and an idiot! He hasn't learned to fight properly, and he can't even read."
The king's smile widened. "I knew you'd like him.
Katharina Gerlach
#20. What a moron I was to think you were sweet and innocent, when it turns out you were actually college-educated the whole time!
Margaret Atwood
#22. Get your dirty stinking moron knees off my chest.
J.D. Salinger
#23. Maybe you should check your facts before you try to make someone else look stupid. That way you won't end up looking like a moron yourself. (Michael/Del)
Priscilla Glenn
#24. You saved me, you moron!" she yelled. "You're being deliberately stupid and dense about this! My God, you ask a lot of yourself!"
He touched his forehead to hers. "I can't help it," he blurted. "I love you.
Shannon McKenna
#25. There's a shark out there!" "Where?" another beachgoer asked. She looked at him as if he were a moron. Where did he think a shark might be? At the ice cream vendor?
Briar Lee Mitchell
#27. Idiot! Lunatic! Moron! Jackass! Selfish irresponsible fool!
Stephenie Meyer
#28. If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.
Louie Anderson
#29. She is a moron and too dumb to menstruate straight.
perhaps the best line from Shooter
Walter Dean Myers
#30. Who was the moron on the phone?"
"Carl Avery," Kate said. "A long-standing client and potential felon.
Jennifer Crusie
#31. Yeah, he's taking this little kid home." I let the sarcasm drip. "At least I won't whine like a spoiled brat, unlike you, you bleach-blonde brainless moron. Really, Officer Dan, I am sooooo disappointed in you. This is your girlfriend? Really? I thought you had better taste than this.
Apryl Baker
#32. That which besets me is indifference. I can't be bothered about people. Or rather, I won't. For I avoid, carefully, all occasions of being bothered ... a person who, so far as self-knowledge is concerned, is just a moron.
Aldous Huxley
#33. The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.
Frank Zappa
#34. Kyle is a werewolf?"asked Simon
"Of course he's a werewolf,you moron"said Jace
Cassandra Clare
#35. Anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron.
Jackie Mason
#36. You should put it on your business cards - Tom Paretski, the pocket-sized plumber. No job too small."
"Again with the height jokes. What do you have on yours? Phil Morrison, the muscle-bound moron?"
"Now, come on - that's poor effort. How about Private Dick - the biggest in the business?"
J.L. Merrow
#37. I was lousy in school. Real screwed-up. A moron. I was antisocial and didn't bother with the other kids. A really bad student. I didn't have any brains. I didn't know what I was doing there. That's why I became an actor.
Anthony Hopkins
#38. Blah, blah, blah. Heard it all before. I'm an American, you moron. We wrote the book on insignificant peasants making good. I'm also not an idiot. And I'm also not buying it." I
Gini Koch
#39. When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool you end up looking like a moron instead.
Robin Hobb
#40. Trusting someone nice to you doesn't make you a moron. It makes the person who fucked you over an asshole.
Kristen Ashley
#42. Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons.
Dave Barry
#43. People would be in hysterics if they saw that. It's like, wow, he's a superhuman moron ... So he wears lipstick, has a little bouffant, and does little circus acts as well. Oh, he's so sexy.
Robert Pattinson
#44. I examined the ten feet I would have to walk alone and remembered my left mind made me a moron.
Ashlan Thomas
#45. As soon as people enter a theater they must become moron consumers who must be fed information.
Abbas Kiarostami
#46. He hated it when you called him a moron. All morons hate it when you call them a moron
Jerome Salinger
#47. Girls get their boobs and forget they were ever so gutsy and smart. Boys, too, can display their own brand of clever and funny behavior, but let them get that first erection and they go complete moron for the next sixty years. For both genders, adolescence occurs as a kind of Ice Age of Dumbness.
Chuck Palahniuk
#48. I'm a technological moron. I have, I have problems with like.. the television
Natalie
#49. I believe [ ... ] that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.
Neil Gaiman
#50. That girl seemed awful nice. If that bastard did anything to her, I've got a crowbar in my trunk that'll fit might fine up that moron's ass.
Vonnie Davis
#51. I'm a moron because I don't want to lie in a gutter puking over myself ... yeah right
Davey Havok
#52. Fantastic. My little brother's ambition is to be a stick-in-the-mud moron with no personality.
Melina Marchetta
#53. It is always difficult for a woman to be grateful for a form of chivalry that seems to be based on the premise that she is a moron.
Alice Duer Miller
#54. Our civilisation cannot afford to let the censor-moron loose. The censor-moron does not really hate anything but the living and growing human consciousness.
D.H. Lawrence
#55. The first step to stringing the boss up from a lamppost is saying the boss is a moron.
Ted Rall
#56. Yeah, I know you think I'm a fucking moron, but I can figure it out if you only use small words,
Hanya Yanagihara
#57. I'd have to be a complete idiot to leave this girl. An absolute moron. I buried my face in her hair, holding on to her for a long time, and then I kissed her cheek before letting go.
Julie Cross
#58. You looked like a half-literate moron in that letter, like an anti-intellectual jackanapes trying to stampede his way into power with all the finesse of a lovestruck buffalo.
Patrick Ness
#59. Why then you're as mad as me. No, madder. For I distrust 'reality' and its moron mother, the universe, while you fasten your innocence to fallible devices which pretend at happy endings.
Ray Bradbury
#60. Any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulfur takes a huge level of endurance. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.
Matt Damon
#61. I am very fortunate. I am a glass-half-full eternal optimist type to the point of being a moron. But I would never presume to know how hard it goes for others. How, for some people, just getting though the day is an incredible effort that can hardly be borne.
John Niven
#62. We have to confront the very scary fact that the president is a moron. He's really dumb.
Aaron McGruder
#63. What moron said that knowledge is power? Knowledge is power only if it doesn't depress you so much that it leaves you in an immobile heap at the end of your bed.
Paula Poundstone
#64. Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons
Scott Adams
#65. As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
H.L. Mencken
#66. Oh, my god, you moron, she's one of us. She's a Keeper! Humans don't spit bullets back out! I gotta go get Cormac. This isn't good.
Donna Augustine
#67. I am happy to welcome you to a town peopled in morons exclusively. Furthermore, I hope that your transformation to moron is not an unpleasant experience.
Patrick DeWitt
#68. He's a moron being an asshole. You don't shoot people for being assholes, or the human race would be extinct.
L.S. Hawker
#69. I froze like a startled bunny. Fumbling the disk into my purse, I cut my eyes toward the hallway.
Had I locked the front door?
Of course I had. Only a moron would break into someone's house and forget to lock the door.
Damn it! I'd forgotten to lock the door.
Lois Greiman
#70. Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
Dane Cook
#71. Valkyrie: "You are such a moron."
Skulduggery: "Don't be jealous of my genius.
Derek Landy
#72. One wrong move and I'm sleeping with the fishes?"
Zeus' brow creased in confusion. "Why would you sleep in water?"
Hades looked at his brother like he was a moron. "It's The Godfather...Forget it.
Tellulah Darling
#73. Only some ghastly dehumanised moron would want to get rid of the Routemaster.
Ken Livingstone
#74. You don't have to be a genius when you're surrounded by morons.
Josh Lieb
#75. I think people will be surprised to find that I'm not as much of an idiot as they think I am. I'm not a real moron.
Steve-O
#76. I'm fine. If he believes it, he's a moron.
Tracy Bilen
#77. Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Jim Gaffigan
#78. What if she'd turned down the lightly flung invitation and went about her life, thudding obliviously along like a drunk person, a blind person, a moron, someone who thinks that the small packet of happiness she carries is enough.
Meg Wolitzer
#80. Is it just me or do they put the MORON in OXYMORON?
Melissa Cutler
#81. It had been a long time since Kai had seen that expression on his adviser. The expression that indicated he thought Kai was a moron.
Marissa Meyer
#83. And there's no figuring out the unknowable. And there's some kind of oxymoron in that that's more moron than anything else.
Sarah Mussi
#84. Burrich the Stablemaster, the man who raised me, once warned me, "When you cut pieces from the truth to avoid sounding like a fool, you end up sounding like a moron instead." I
Robin Hobb
#85. No, thanks," Ty responded wryly. "I prefer not to be a moron."
"I'm flattered. I've moved up from idiot to moron," Zane said. "And you have moved from utterly reprehensible asshole to only moderately annoying asshole.
Abigail Roux
#86. Actually," Jayden said, "Not completely unlike the Cloak of Invisibility, although different in that those individuals using these devices wouldn't become completely invisible. Exactly." "So nothing like it," Matthias said. "Moron status secured.
A&E Kirk
#87. The heart, you moron!" she screeched, clutching at the stake. "It has to be the heart!" "Oh, right, thanks," I said, grabbing another sign. I screamed as I drove it home, aiming more carefully this time.
Molly Harper
#88. P.P.S. AND YOU CAN TALK. "Just say the word." JUST SAY THE WORD? What kind of expression is that? WHAT WORD WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SAY ANYWAY? MORON?
Letter from Emily to Charles.
Jaclyn Moriarty
#89. Townsend shrugged. 'With all due respect to the good doctor, I highly suspect he's a moron,
Ally Carter
#90. If you want to go public with your opinions, then someone is going to judge you a moron. And there is always a risk that you may be.
Isaac Kramnick
#91. I don't want to tell your story because you're a insensitive, self-centered moron. I've told a lot of stories about young people, and I always feel there's hope.
Joel Schumacher
#92. Really? Paul Ryan truly prefers that a narcissistic, ignorant, ungovernable, unqualified, race-baiting, misogynistic moron becomes our next president?
Richard North Patterson
#93. It's called Valentine's Day, you moron. If you're going to date a human, Dankmar, you need to remember their holidays.
Abbi Glines
#94. The American moron's mind simply does not run in that direction; he wants to keep his Ford, even at the cost of losing the Bill of Rights
H.L. Mencken
#95. So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
Emo Philips
#96. Must be something in the water," he drawled, directing a subtle wink to her as Crowe's glare deepened.
"There is. Usually the body of the last moron that pissed me off.
Lora Leigh
#97. Budge and I were sworn enemies from day one. But ever since the day I lifted the lid on the craziness that killed his best friend last fall, Budge has been extremely nice to me. We talk all the time. Like last week he said, "Hey, moron, can you pass the milk?"
That's some good progress.
Jenny B. Jones
#98. The strength of the computer lies in its being a logic machine. It does precisely what it is programed to do. This makes it fast and precise. It also makes it a total moron; for logic is essentially stupid.
Peter Drucker
#99. I couldn't help feeling people thought I was a moron, and my self-imposed insecurity constantly bedeviled me.
Nicholas Brendon
#100. The door creaked and I lifted my eyes to see Gee stick
her head back inside. "It's cal ed Valentine's Day, you moron," she announced. "If you're going to date a human, Dankmar, you need to remember their holidays." Gee gave me an exasperated look before closing the door once more.
Abbi Glines
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