Top 100 Derek Landy Quotes
#1. Serpine: No, my old enemy, I think for the moment anyway, we're all alone. And you have something I want
Skulduggery: A winning sense of style?
Derek Landy
#2. Valkyrie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your friend is most likely dead."
"Of course he's dead. He's a skeleton.
Derek Landy
#3. I just want to let you know that I love you all. Even those of you that I don't like; that's you Beryl.
Derek Landy
#4. Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.'
'Do we have the right plan?'
'Not yet.'
'Do we have any plan?'
'Not yet.
Derek Landy
#5. If you can't stand to be alone with your thoughts, maybe there's something wrong with your thoughts.
Derek Landy
#6. Here lies Valkyrie Cain, who died heroically after falling of a train." At least it rhymed.
Derek Landy
#7. If we're going to go through with this," he said gruffly, "then hurry it up. It's not everyday I send someone into hell.
Derek Landy
#8. That's a shame. I'm sure somebody, somewhere, cares.
Derek Landy
#9. Tanith immediately told them that Valkyrie had beaten up a priest and an old woman.
Derek Landy
#10. Now quit your bellyaching and dance with me, you subaquatic fool. - Susan, to Gordon (The Horror Writers' Halloween Ball)
Derek Landy
#11. We can hold them off," Shudder said. "What do you think, Skulduggery?"
"Should be fun," Skulduggery responded. "Valkyrie here has never held off a horde of zombies before. It'll be a good experience for her."
"Oh, joy," she muttered.
Derek Landy
#12. You don't treat me like a child."
He smiled. "Of course I do, but you seem to have this ridiculous notion that being treated like a child means to be treated with less respect than an adult.
Derek Landy
#13. Oh my god you're thicker than you look
Derek Landy
#14. We don't do what we do for the glory or the fame or the credit; we do it for the quiet satisfaction of making the world a better place, saving the lives of innocents, and being better than you are.
Derek Landy
#15. I'm in the mood for some fighting." "If there is," Stephanie said, handing him his gun, "here's something you can use." "Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?" "Uh, no." Skulduggery paused. "Excellent," he said, and tucked the gun away.
Derek Landy
#16. Just leave her alone. You're annoying her.'
'I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know how to be annoyed. She's, what, a week old?'
'She's three months.'
'She's three months in our years, but what is she in baby years?
Derek Landy
#17. That's ridiculous. The only point in having enemies is so you can defeat them, kill them, brush them aside."
"Or give them a chance to redeem themselves.
Derek Landy
#18. He broke the first law of being a vampire when he killed his own kind. If he can't stick to that simple rule, how safe do you think you are?
Derek Landy
#19. What is it with you women? You come into out lives, you take everythin'! Throughtout the years you got little peces of me, of my very soul, and now? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even shave? - Billy-Ray Sanguine
Derek Landy
#20. Scapegrace went to roll his eyes, but lost his enthusiasm halfway through and ended up looking at the ceiling.
Derek Landy
#21. I mean you ACRES of harm,' Dalrymple growled. 'Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTINENT of harm upon you before we are through.
Derek Landy
#22. The only thing we know for certain is that Darquesse is coming, and she's coming to kill us all.
Derek Landy
#23. You promise?"
"I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.
Derek Landy
#24. And I have lifetimes inside me, I'm the girl you see standing here,and I'm a cranky old professor, and I'm a peace-loving man, and I'm a killer and a maid and a king and a peasant. I am a dozen more. You think you're old? You got nothing on me.
Derek Landy
#25. Punishment is not the answer. Punishment is easy. It's lazy. Redemption is hard. Redemption makes you work.
-Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#26. Sanguine chuckled. I like you, boy. You got optimism in these bones. I like you so much that I ain't gonna tell you what I did to poor old Jethro, the first Jethro, may he rest in peace, may they someday find his head.
Derek Landy
#27. That girl," Skulduggery muttered, "never does what she's bloody well told ...
Derek Landy
#28. You're still upset about that time I made you explode, aren't you? I can tell.
Derek Landy
#29. He has a name."
"Oh yeah. Skulduggery isn't it?" Fletcher responded. "That's an unusual one. Tell me were you born a skeleton or were your folks just disturbingly hopeful?
Derek Landy
#30. I kill a sofa for you and you go and sit in a chair?" Skulduggery asked. "I don't think you appreciate the sacrifice that has been made for you.
Derek Landy
#31. Milo turned to Glen. "What about you? Can I trust you not to do anything stupid?"
"I am a creature of the night," Glen whispered.
"That'll have to do," said Milo, and hurried out.
Derek Landy
#32. Are there children out there?
Um, yes sir, they're all children.
Run a few down.
Sir?
Drive over a few of the little brats. That'll scare 'em off.
Derek Landy
#33. He things we think he's a double agent, working for them but secretly working for us. He doesn't know we know he's a triple agent, working for them but secretly working for us but really he's secretly working for them. Dexter, how's your brain?"
"Hurting.
Derek Landy
#34. To betray is to act against, I just haven't acted at all - China Sorrows
Derek Landy
#35. But he's in shackles, right? You beat him?"
"I like to think I beat him in a moral sense, in that he's an assassin and I'm not, but apart from that, no, not really.
Derek Landy
#36. Kindness suits you."
"Really? I think I'm quite allergic to it.
Derek Landy
#37. Just a few questions for you, Mr. Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we've become friends in these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?
Derek Landy
#38. Valkyrie: "You are such a moron."
Skulduggery: "Don't be jealous of my genius.
Derek Landy
#39. Until next time," Hansard said, "when hopefully, you won't have my father's vomit in your hair.
Derek Landy
#40. That was a good day for me," Skulduggery said. "I didn't have to hit anyone. I didn't have to shoot anyone. I just sat around and talked to my good friend and partner, Valkyrie Cain.
Derek Landy
#41. Stephanie had no problem doing what she
was told, just so long as she was given a good reason why she
should.
Derek Landy
#42. Zombies were an accident - much like champagne and penicillin, but much less welcome. Necromancers weren't working on a way to turn people into shambling pieces of unintelligent rot- - Kenspeckle
Derek Landy
#43. I think zombies are kind of cute."
"Seriously?"
"I may be thinking about bunnies. Which one has the fluffy little tail, zombies or bunnies?"
"Bunnies."
"Then it's bunnies I'm thinking of.
Derek Landy
#44. Stephanie, you jumped off a building." "Yes, but the branches broke my fall. Every one of them." "And how were the branches?" "A lot unlike pillows." "You could have been killed." "But I wasn't.
Derek Landy
#45. For now Valkyrie remembered where she had seen that name before. In the Book of Names, in that final column. Next to Stephanie Edgley, next to Valkyrie Cain. Her true name. The only name that ever really mattered.
Darquesse.
Derek Landy
#46. I can be quite charming when I want to be. - Strom
Derek Landy
#47. Is he all scarred now?"
"Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.
Derek Landy
#48. Please don't arrest me."
"Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure."
"You could be undercover.
Derek Landy
#49. Well, for future reference, this is my serious face.
Derek Landy
#50. You're late,' he said.
'I'm beautiful.'
'You're always beautiful.'
'I'm always late too.
Derek Landy
#51. You'll know they've spotted us when they screech," Skulduggery told her. The creatures screeched.
Derek Landy
#52. Its roof sagged and let in water when it rained, its walls groaned and let in wind when it blew, and its doors creaked and let in hypocrites when it suited. There
Derek Landy
#53. An old man stood by the window, his hands clasped behind his back. He had probably been waiting for them in this exact pose. He was, quite obviously, a dick.
Derek Landy
#54. Desmond, don't poke the baby!' ... 'I'll get you next time-' Don't threaten the baby either!' ...
Derek Landy
#55. What about you?" he asked, his words not much more than a mumble. "Regrets?"
"Many," Skuduggery said.
Tesseract's breath rattled in his chest. "That's the goo thing about living. You get to make up for past mistakes."
"Or make brand-new ones.
Derek Landy
#56. So how are we going to get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our own?'
'No, we're going to find a way to let our friends in, and then we'll let them fight while we stand by and look smug.'
'I like that plan.'
'It has its moments.
Derek Landy
#58. Wow," she said. "It's like you're teaching me something and being all wise."
"You are not easy to get along with," Skulduggery said.
Derek Landy
#59. Well, I don't plan on dying anytime soon, and I've got something he didn't."
"And that is ... ?"
"Your hat. Take me with you, or I'll stand on it.
Derek Landy
#60. Scientists are a cold-blooded bunch. Standing by while innocent people are killed, while the power you so generously donated is twisted and warped by the fragile little minds of the ordinary people. I can't believe you thought your plan would ever work. - Darquesse, to Argeddion
Derek Landy
#61. We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.'
Skulduggery Pleasant
Derek Landy
#62. I have faith," Tanith said. "As do I," said Ghastly. Valkyrie smiled at them gratefully. "So you think the plan will work?" "God, no," said Ghastly. "Sorry, Val," said Tanith.
Derek Landy
#63. Stephanie: I wouldn't mind a sister either
Tanith: Any chance of that happening?
Stephanie: I can't see what would be in it for my parents. I mean, they have the perfect daughter already - What more could they want?
Derek Landy
#64. You say one more thing that sounds like it's ripped from the pages of a really bad gothic romance and I'm out of here, are we clear? - Valkyrie Cain
Derek Landy
#65. We already have a Death Bringer, thank you. We don't need another one. - Oblivious
Derek Landy
#66. Talking about one's feelings defeats the purpose of having those feelings. Once you try to put the human experience into words, it becomes little more than a spectator sport. Everything must have a cause, and a name. Every random thought must have a root in something else.
Derek Landy
#67. You killed the teleporters." - Valkyrie
"I did." - Paddy
"You are Batu."
"I am ... Sorcerers would tell me their biggest secrets - do you know why? Because I'm a mere mortal. Because they're far too arrogant to think that a mortal could pose a threat to gods like them.
Derek Landy
#68. Did you know, and this is a fact here, did you know that most spiders are ugly? It's true. The woman spiders have it really hard time of it. I saw it on a documentary. Why do you think the Black Widow kills the guy she mates with? Shame, that's why - Tanith Low
Derek Landy
#69. Kenspeckle: Have you eaten?
Valkyrie: One of your assistants brought me a burger for breakfast
Kenspeckle: I meant, have you eaten sensibly?
Valkyrie: I was very sensible while I was eating the burger. Didn't miss my mouth once
Derek Landy
#70. You said I was your number-one pick."
"And you are. In our hearts. Alphabetically, though, Dusk comes before you.
Derek Landy
#71. You're not stealing anything, you're not breaking anything, so I'd guess you're Stephanie.
Derek Landy
#72. I am eternal. I am the night. I am the day. I am forever. And who are you?"
"I'm Skulduggery Pleasant."
"Oh, hell.
(The Horror Writers' Halloween Ball)
Derek Landy
#73. What?" she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. "See that?" "What, the snow?" "Beyond that." "More snow?" "Stop looking at the snow.
Derek Landy
#74. Which college?'
'Hmm?'
'Which college do you go to?'
Fletcher nodded. 'Yes.'
'I'm sorry?'
'Oh,' Fletcher said, and laughed.
Valkyrie's parents looked at Fletcher in near bewilderment. Fletcher looked back at them in total bewilderment. Valkyrie shook her head.
Derek Landy
#75. The problem with living so long is that we get used to it. We watch the mortals age and wither and die around us, watch the world change and decay ... but no matter the hardship or the pain or the sorrow we suffer, we choose to continue living. Out of sheer habit, I think.
Derek Landy
#76. What is it with you women?" he yelled, kicking at the air. "You come into our lives, you take everythin'! Throughout the years you got little pieces of me, of my very SOUL, and NOW? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even SHAVE?
Derek Landy
#77. And what about magic?"
"What about it?"
"Will you teach me?"
"You don't even know if you're capable of doing magic."
"How do I find out? Is there a test or something?"
"Yes, we cut off your head. If it grows back, you can do magic.
Derek Landy
#78. Dexter, please put your shirt on. Valkyrie's getting distracted."
"I'm not," she said, then smiled at Vex. "You don't have to put your shirt on.
Derek Landy
#79. Put a smile on that face, Valkyrie. You're unique. Easily as unique as I am."
"Two freaks in a pod, eh?"
His head tilted, amused. "Wouldn't have it any other way.
Derek Landy
#80. This necklace has cost two very fine men their lives. At times I wear it in tribute to their sacrifice. Other times, I wear it because it goes with this skirt, - China Sorrows
Derek Landy
#81. China is the same age as I am, and even I have to admit that she wears it better!" He laughed, then stopped and peered at her. "Because I'm a skeleton" he explained.
Derek Landy
#82. The greatest enemy we can face is ourselves, and the greatest battle is against the darkness within.
Derek Landy
#83. We could wear disguises," said Frightening.
Aurora nodded quickly. "Like a false beard. I've always wanted to wear a false beard."
Vex frowned. "But you're a woman."
"Exactly. They'd never suspect it was me.
Derek Landy
#84. You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated."
"I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for.
Derek Landy
#85. My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.'
'I missed you too, Thurid.
Derek Landy
#86. You've done what?"
"I know," he said. "You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me.
Derek Landy
#87. Skulduggery pleasant is the best book I've ever read and has enspired myself to become an author.
Derek Landy
#88. Tricking?" Ravel said. "I wouldn't call it tricking, no. Manipulating? It could possibly be seen as manipulating.
Derek Landy
#89. I don't find you suspicious at all.' He turned to Martha and whispered, 'I find him incredibly suspicious.
Derek Landy
#90. Enjoy that?" Tanith said with a little grin.
Valkyrie grinned back, her eyes bright. "I keep telling Skulduggery he should get a bike."
"What does he say?"
"He says people who wear leathers, like you, should ride motorbikes. People who wear exquisite suits, like him, should drive Bentleys.
Derek Landy
#91. She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties.
Derek Landy
#92. I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.'
'You smell terrible.'
'That's the smell of evil.'
'It's like rancid meat and bad eggs.'
'Evil, Scapegrace insisted.
Derek Landy
#93. I love stories with a happy ending, Inspector Me said.
Derek Landy
#94. The girl looked down at her plate. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Would it have made it easier to kill a murderer?"
The girl paused. "Yes."
"Then what kind of test would it have been?" Quoneel asked.
Derek Landy
#95. That's beautiful,' Valkyrie said, looking at it.
Isn't it? This necklace has cost two very fine men their lives. At times, I wear it in tribute to their sacrifice. Other times, I wear it because it goes with this skirt.
Derek Landy
#96. What would killing the Elders result in?"
"Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?
Derek Landy
#97. A little internal bleeding never hurt anyone. - Valkyrie
Derek Landy
#98. Every solution to every problem is simple. It's the distance between the two where the mystery lies.
Derek Landy
#100. Reading those books is all he does these days. I think he's even read some of them twice. What kind of disturbed individual would read the same book twice, I ask you?
Derek Landy
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
