Top 100 Jennifer Crusie Quotes
#1. Breasts are very important for women. Their clothes just don't hang right without them.
Jennifer Crusie
#2. Every species has a dinner date as part of courting ritual. A woman who won't let you pay for dinner is rejecting your courtship. She may think she's playing fair, or that she's being a feminist, but a very deep level, she knows that she's crossing you off her list of possibilities.
Jennifer Crusie
#3. If you can look at somebody and say, 'I never loved you, you were a mistake,' that's one thing. But if you look at him and say, 'You were everything and I poisoned it because I wouldn't stand up for myself,' that's hard. That's too hard ...
Jennifer Crusie
#4. [ ... ] And those women with the camera looked loose.
Excellent, Phin thought. At last, some good news.
Jennifer Crusie
#5. I'm an open Minded Man. How about a threesom? You, me and the machine?
Jennifer Crusie
#6. You're not by any chance my stepmother are you?" Min said to her mother's reflection. "Because that would explain so much.
Jennifer Crusie
#8. You know, I'm not even sure how we ended up living together."
"I am," Jake said, turning back to the lake. "Sex. It's a powerful force, my boy, and women use it."
"Is that why you gave them up?" Will asked, sympathetically. "Did paranoia drive you to celibacy?
Jennifer Crusie
#9. I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She would'nt do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end.
Jennifer Crusie
#10. If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Gwen Goodnight
Jennifer Crusie
#11. Infatuation lasts anywhere from six months to three years, and you can't know you've found the right person until you've worked your way through it. You quit
Jennifer Crusie
#12. I'm thirty-four."
"You don't look thirty-four."
"That's because I'm not married." Mae's smile felt as if it were set in concrete. "Marriage tends to age a woman.
Jennifer Crusie
#13. At eleven, Kate woke Jake up when she went searching in the cooler for juice.
"You know, you used to be peaceful," he grumbled.
"I can't believe you were ever married." Kate said, as she cracked the can open. "What did you do, make her stand in the corner all the time?
Jennifer Crusie
#14. They stared at each other for a moment, perplexed by their newfound siblinghood. 'So we're the Luke and Leia of hell,' Mab said.
Jennifer Crusie
#15. He loved her all he could; but he couldn't love her very much.
Jennifer Crusie
#16. The first rule in life is 'everybody lies.' Remember that and you'll get a lot further.
Jennifer Crusie
#17. If you can't be a good example, then be a terrible warning.
Jennifer Crusie
#18. There wasn't enough gratitude in the world for a server who kept drinks coming at a time like this.
Jennifer Crusie
#19. I had you pictured dead in a pool of blood in front of the fireplace. And now you show up alive, and I want to kill you myself. (Zack)
Jennifer Crusie
#21. Anthony watched him, dumbfounded, and then turned to Lucy. "What have you done with Zack's brain?"
Lucy stood to follow Zack. "What brain? I don't think he has one. I think he's just one giant exposed nerve ending. I swear sometimes at night, I can hear his neurons snapping like popcorn.
Jennifer Crusie
#22. nfatuation lasts anywhere from six months to three years, and you can't know you've found the right person until you're worked your way through it.
Jennifer Crusie
#23. I have to give birth to be a good Ameican? No. There are more than four million babies born in this country every year. The American Way is covered. If it worries you, you can have extra to make up for mine.
Jennifer Crusie
#24. You've always been nuts. That's fine. I can deal with nuts. But lately, you've been depressed nuts. I can't deal with that.
- Anthony
Jennifer Crusie
#25. You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,
headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me.
Jennifer Crusie
#26. On the very outside chance that we might play again, you should know that pool is the closest thing I have to a religion. Don't ever throw a game with me again.
Jennifer Crusie
#28. Lee stood in front of the class the first day and said, "Anybody who makes fun of romance fiction is making fun of Jane Austen, and anybody who makes fun of Jane Austen answers to me." Why yes, I would walk across broken glass for that man. Why do you ask?
Jennifer Crusie
#29. Quinn talked with her entire body: arms, eyes, shoulders, mouth. She was performance art, so alive that sometimes he argued with her just so he could watch her flush and gesture.
Jennifer Crusie
#30. This is a woman you've known less than twelve hours. It took you a year to pick out a couch, but you're seriously - "
"Yes," Roger said. "She's the one.
Jennifer Crusie
#31. As far as I'm concerned the last good man went when Elvis died.
Jennifer Crusie
#32. Can we go to work now? Because we're about a minute away from breaking out the
ice cream and talking about our feelings, and I don't think we can come back from that.
Jennifer Crusie
#33. Four fabulous days and three glorious nights. More than that, Victoria thought. Fabulous days and glorious nights for the rest of my life.
Jennifer Crusie
#34. Part of being a writer is defending your vision and not caving in to outside pressures.
Jennifer Crusie
#35. Zack?" Anthony's voice was suddenly serious. "You know, it's not a great idea to seduce a woman you're protecting. All kidding aside, do you want me to send Matthews over?"
"Who?"
"Junior."
"I will shoot him on sight," Zack said and hung up so he could follow Lucy into the kitchen.
Jennifer Crusie
#36. No more pep talks about believing in toads," Liza said.
"Don't they turn into princeses when you kiss them?" Bonnie said.
"Thats frogs," Liza Said. "Entirely different species.
Jennifer Crusie
#37. Have her kidnapped. Tell her you're pregnant and she's the mother. Leave a trail of bread crumbs.
Jennifer Crusie
#38. If you're going to have an asthma attack in the surf, I strongly recommend you do so in Nantucket.
Jennifer Crusie
#39. I'm stuck in the old me, and I don't know how to get out. I just know the old me isn't the real me anymore.
Jennifer Crusie
#41. If she'd just kept her mouth shut, she would have been perfect, but no ...
Jennifer Crusie
#42. What happened to the good old days when rich white men just bought their way into office?
Jennifer Crusie
#43. I was standing in the doorway when he said hi," Amy said. "And from the look on his face, what he has for you is not the key to the city.
Jennifer Crusie
#44. It was a lot easier when we could just brand'em," Ben said. "Then everybody'd know not to mess with our womenfolk.
Jennifer Crusie
#45. The measuring and mixing always smoothed out her thinking processes - nothing was as calming as creaming butter - and when the kitchen was warm from the oven overheating and the smell of baking chocolate, she took final stock of where she'd been and where she was going. Everything was fine.
Jennifer Crusie
#46. Mitch woke up the next morning the way he always did: badly.
Jennifer Crusie
#47. The reason you can't lose weight is that you're not supposed to lose weight, you're not built that way, and if you did manage through some stupid diet to take the weight off, you'd be like that chicken mess you just made. Some things are supposed to be made with butter. You're one of them.
Jennifer Crusie
#48. I've been spending a lot of time out of here, Harry said. Thank God I don't have a date tonight. This would not be in easy smell to explain.
Jennifer Crusie
#49. You have to open up to the world and learn optimism ... Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim.
Jennifer Crusie
#50. I like my afterglow with you in motion. I measure time by how your body sways.
Jennifer Crusie
#51. - Teach me something new, she said, and he bent her back onto the bed and she shivered as his body slid against hers.
- Okay, Phin said. But pay attention, Julie Ann, there'll be a quiz.
Jennifer Crusie
#52. First, I'm not getting married, so you can forget the wife. Second, if I was insane enough to get married, I wouldn't have kids. Third, if I was insane enough to get married and have kids, it would be a cold day in hell I'd let you babysit.
Jennifer Crusie
#53. I'm fine," Kate said. "In fact, since my last two dates were so awful, things can only get better."
"Bad deduction," Jessie said. "If that were true, I'd be dating Harrison Ford by now.
Jennifer Crusie
#54. Dead woman are not romantic,' Sophie said flatly.
'Okay, she's not dead,' Phin said. 'The bear ate her, and she came her brains out.
Jennifer Crusie
#55. Feel no guilt. Getting married and giving birth does not mean that you have sold your life away to perfectly healthy people who can get their own damn socks.
Jennifer Crusie
#56. Of course it hurt you neanderthal! See that? Thats blood. If theres blood, theres pain. Its like smoke and fire.
Jennifer Crusie
#57. Nobody in my life has ever known me the way you do. Nobody in my life has ever made me feel as good as you do. You know me, you know everything about me, and when you leave me, you're going to be leaving the real me, the me nobody else has ever seen, that's who you're going to be rejecting.
Jennifer Crusie
#58. Your cat just got cat hair on me." "It's only fair," Min said. "Your suit just got expensive suit lint on him.
Jennifer Crusie
#59. The therapist, he thought, and it bothered him a lot more than it should have. After all, he had nothing permanent with Sophie. He just needed to touch her on a semiregular basis or he couldn't finish his sentences.
Jennifer Crusie
#60. Any instructions?" Carpenter said. "Yeah," Shane said. "Shoot anybody who looks at Agnes funny. And anybody else you don't like. I'm getting tired of this shi*." "Somebody needs a hug," Carpenter said. "Humor," Shane said. "Har.
Jennifer Crusie
#61. That woman needs protecting like Rambo needs a bodyguard.
Jennifer Crusie
#62. No, this wasn't just about sex, but for the next hour or so, it was going to be mostly about sex.
Jennifer Crusie
#64. What are we going to do with the body?" She had visions of dragging it into the swamp, whispering, "Here, gator, gator," and she made a little sound of distress at the thought.
Jennifer Crusie
#65. Really, The smart thing to do was to stop dating and get a cat.
Jennifer Crusie
#66. Stephen Sondheim said : If you know where you're going, you've gone. Move on.
Jennifer Crusie
#67. You know who you remind me of? The kid cop in Lethal Weapon 3. You know, the one who says, 'it's my twenty-first birthday today', and right away you know he's dead meat?
Jennifer Crusie
#68. There never were any women who liked to cook for men everyday. There were only women who cooked for survival and pretended to like it. And now there are men who cook for survival. Like you. Think of this as survivalist training. Very macho.
Jennifer Crusie
#69. The problem wasn't that Stephen was a fathead and Virginia was a gossip. It was that Stephen was a driven fathead with a large conservative following and Virginia talked to everyone.
Jennifer Crusie
#70. Books provide a handy shorthand when Rory's mostly MIA father, Christopher, is first introduced to viewers. Christopher's offer to buy Rory the Compact Oxford English Dictionary she covets is sincere; his lack of ability to follow through on his good intentions is Christopher in a nutshell.
Jennifer Crusie
#71. This is making me crazy. I hate relying on other people to save me, I hate being clingy, I hate it, and every time you show up, I lean on you. - Matilda Scarlet Veronica Betty Vilma Goodnight
Jennifer Crusie
#72. Sorry. I forgot your lust for small talk. And how have you been in the fourteen hours since we last spoke, eight of which you were sleeping?
Jennifer Crusie
#73. One of the biggest problems this country has is that people think a law is a law only if they agree with it. And if they don't, it's all right to kick guys like Joe out of the service and bomb abortion clinics because there's a higher law at work.
Jennifer Crusie
#75. Values aren't buses," she said shortly. "They're not supposed to get you anywhere. They're supposed to define who you are. And I'd rather be touchy-feely than morally bankrupt.
Jennifer Crusie
#76. Mab: You know, Bill, you should see an optometrist about that rolling-eye problem. Makes you look rude and patronizing.
Jennifer Crusie
#77. Dempseys are never in trouble. We just have stretches of life that are more interesting than others.
Jennifer Crusie
#78. A lot of really big trees had died to make that desk. His mother had probably gnawed them down, used her nails to saw the boards, and finished the decorative cutwork with her tongue.
Jennifer Crusie
#79. You're planning on being disappointed, you'd be disappointed if you weren't disappointed, your whole world view depends on men disappointing you. Well, that's just cowardly.
Jennifer Crusie
#80. Be sober, be vigilant because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
Jennifer Crusie
#81. That furniture cost me a fortune! It's designer furniture." "Designed by whom ? Darth Vader ? The Hitler Youth ?
Jennifer Crusie
#82. Mitch's take on humanity had deteriorated to the point where he assumed someone was lying if her lips were moving.
Jennifer Crusie
#83. Have you ever met a woman you wanted to give everything to?
just turn over everything you had?
-Davy Dempsey-
Jennifer Crusie
#84. You don't believe in unconditional love. Neither does Alex. So you both threw away the best thing you ever had because you didn't believe in each other or yourselves.
Jennifer Crusie
#86. You can't just jump into debauchery one night and expect to get the hang of it by morning. It takes years.
Jennifer Crusie
#87. His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.
Jennifer Crusie
#88. Phin spared a moment of sympathy for Frank until he looked back and saw him at the bar, leaning into Clea's cleavage. Get a grip, Frank, he thought, and then he looked down Sophie's dress and thought, Never mind, Frank.
Jennifer Crusie
#89. Okay, Shane," Agnes said as Brenda's clock gonged midnight. "I got Joey in the kitchen, a cop in the front hall, a dead body in the basement, and you in my bedroom. Where do you want to start?
Jennifer Crusie
#90. I'm talkin' about you. Stop pretending you're normal. You're insane. Make that work for you.
Jennifer Crusie
#91. Drink to me! I just realized that I've slept with everyone at this table! ~Nell
Jennifer Crusie
#92. You've lived in America for twenty years. Eat badly, damn it.
Jennifer Crusie
#94. When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.
Jennifer Crusie
#95. Mason was leaving her for a fifty-four-year-old woman who didn't moisturize
Jennifer Crusie
#96. Very few people mate for life with the people they fall for at twelve. Doesn't mean is isn't real, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean it doesn't matter, but basically, we're talking a practice swing in the big game of love.
Jennifer Crusie
#97. Look, Mother, I am never going to be thin.
I'm Norwegian. If you wanted a thin daughter, you should not have married a man whose female ancestors carried cows home from the pasture
Jennifer Crusie
#98. There was something about having a plan for dinner, a recipe in hand, that made her feel much less hostile about food.
Jennifer Crusie
#99. Don't let foolish assumptions about what's appropriate keep you from a good man. There are too few good men around to ignore one just because he's the perfect age for you.
Jennifer Crusie
#100. Say, 'Thank you, Phin.' "
"Oh, please."
"Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. "
"I don't think so."
"Say, 'You are a great lover, Phin.' "
"I'm out of here.
Jennifer Crusie
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