Top 100 You Jerk Quotes
#1. How can you possibly think I'd want you to sacrifice yourself to save me? As if there wasn't enough danger, now I have to worry you'll take a bullet for me."
My arms crossed as his anger ignited my own.
"As if, you jerk. You can take your own stupid bullet.
Corrine Jackson
#2. Good night, Gabriel.' [Kaitlyn] said
You jerk
[Gabriel] widened his eyes. 'Don't you want to stay? It's a big bed.
L.J.Smith
#3. THEO: Who do you picture when you think of me?
MORGAN: Papa Smurf.
THEO: Do you have a camera in here somewhere?
MORGAN: Yes, Theo. I watch you jerk off to smurf porn every night.
Con Riley
#4. It just goes to show you - for every woman you jerk off to, there's a tired husband/boyfriend/significant other jerking off to some other bitch. October
Asa Akira
#6. Okay. What do I have to do?"
"Unless you plan on creating a door and walking the Paths alone, you really ought to take my hand."
"I mean when we get there, you jerk.
Kiersten White
#7. You jerk off feel great you wanna go working out.Keep jerking off and working out life is good.
Elliott Hulse
#9. You jerk."
Grinning, he backed down the steps. "I'll see you at noon, Kitten."
"I hate you," I hissed.
"The feeling's mutual." He glanced over his shoulder. "Twenty bucks says you wear a once-piece swimsuit."
He was insufferable.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#10. Writing to you is like some embarrassing remake of Waiting For Godot. Why don't you jerk off on paper in my direction, as I've done. I am so unhappy it's amusing.
Maryse Holder
#11. Vivian, I'd like to give you my heart, but since that might be inconvenient I've brought you someone else's."
"Rafe you jerk, this is a sheep's heart.
Annette Curtis Klause
#12. No. Sorry. You have spent months being the biggest jerk to me. You don't get to decide to like me one day and think I will forget that. I want someone to care for me like my dad cared for my mom. And you aren't him.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#13. I think you need a concrete, real-world metaphor to talk about inner life without feeling like a jerk.
Tift Merritt
#14. How can you be so nice to me and how can you forgive me when I've been such a jerk?"
Maddy appears to think for a moment. "When you are reading a book and you finish a chapter, you don't keep re-reading the chapter you just finished. You move on to the next chapter to see what happens.
Stephen Reid Andrews
#15. You're gay," wash stated.
Rhodes nodded, a short jerk of his head, dropping his gaze to his beer.
"As in, you-like-men gay."
Still eying his beer, Rhodes gave an affirmative shrug.
"As in, you like-to-fuck-men gay."
"Yes!
Katie Allen
#16. On Dealing with Bullies "You're going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it." On
Justin Halpern
#17. Just because you were inside me does not make us betrothed, you Neanderthal jerk.
Kate Meader
#18. I want to give you back your first kiss, the one that jerk stole from
you. And I want it to be something that even a coma can't make you
forget.
Shelly Crane
#19. Naked and fully aroused, they were both clearly ready to go, and Tate couldn't stop himself from spitting in his palm and starting to really jerk himself off. "You dirty fucker,
Ella Frank
#20. He's a jerk."
"No Luminista. He's a young man who loves you but doesn't know how to treat you right yet. You have to show him how. Show him that you can take what he dishes out without crumbling. That you're beautiful and strong, and he should lift you up, not tear you down.
Ednah Walters
#21. I knew it," she snapped. "You're no different from all men. You're just another jerk pretending to be single! I didn't wanna wrap a lie into a Christmas present anyway.
Maha Erwin
#22. We never have as great an opportunity to show self-comfort as when others around us aren't. Hint: Don't be a jerk because someone else is. Praise the behaviors in others that you most want to flourish.
Kare Anderson
#23. Yeah. Go ahead and pick something to watch," he answers. "I'm just popping upstairs to jerk it and then I'll join you."
"Okay, I think I'm in the mood for - wait, what?
Elle Kennedy
#24. You want to be a better person? Go listen to someone you disagree with. don't argue with them just listen. It's remarkable what interesting things people will say if you take the time to not be a jerk.
Brandon Sanderson
#25. I know that I was a total jerk for a few weeks. But I do trust you," Fitz told Sophie. "I hope you trust me.
Shannon Messenger
#26. I think that you are an uptight, pony-owning, trickle-down-economics-loving, Scotch-on-the-rocks-drinking, my-wife-better-take-my-last-name sexist jerk!
Julie James
#27. I will never grow thick skin so that you don't have to feel bad about being a jerk to me.
Dan Pearce
#28. Who the hell wants to be the one to tell a kid that santa claus isn't real. it's the truth, right? but you're still a jerk for saying it.
David Levithan
#29. We overweight people, we say terrible things to ourselves. Oh, you wouldn't believe it. 'You fat pig. How can you do this? You're a disgusting jerk.' And that gets you nowhere. That gets you right back into a bowl of pasta fregula.
Richard Simmons
#30. If you run into one jerk in a day, that person is a jerk. If everyone you run into all day is a jerk, maybe you are the jerk.
Brian Iverson
#31. What do you say, Pooh?"
Pooh opened his eyes with a jerk and said, "Extremely."
"Extremely what?" asked Rabbit.
"What you were saying," said Pooh. "Undoubtably.
A.A. Milne
#32. Every time I find something redeeming about you the jerk side messes it up.
Mina Carter
#33. If you're courting me, you have to tell me something about yourself that no one else knows."
He was silent for a moment. "I'd rather jerk-off to thoughts of you than be with anyone else.
Katie Reus
#34. A person with grace is somebody who's socially graceful or is a classy person, but sometimes you just feel the opposite of that, and you just feel like a jerk and a loser and a weirdo.
Matt Berninger
#35. She'd cried loudly enough that the man sitting across from her had offered her a tissue, and she'd screamed, what do you think you're looking at jerk? At him, because that was what you did in New York. After that she felt a little better.
Cassandra Clare
#37. Most people, when they think of an insult, they keep it to themselves. But you wouldn't believe the things people say on my Twitter feed, and I'm a nice guy. Imagine if I was a jerk.
Jeff Ross
#38. It's definitely fun to play something you're not, which is always a good time. Who doesn't want to get to act like a jerk or a douche, every now and then?
Rob Riggle
#39. As soon as you start preaching, nobody wants to hear you because then you're a jerk.
Neil Young
#40. Because when a guy's a jerk or an asshole, it's easier because you know exactly where you stand.
David Levithan
#41. If I was to interrupt this article every few sentences, asking you whether or not I was making a good impression on you, I hope and believe that you would think I was a servile jerk. Yet this is what our politicians are doing in every speech.
Christopher Hitchens
#42. I'm safe, even if I'm a jerk."
"I have friends who will hunt you down and kill you if I go missing.
Susan May Warren
#43. True friends are the ones who will tell you when you are being a jerk or worse and still hang out with you.
Darrin Wiggins
#44. I think you're nice to me and that scares the fuck out of me. Because when a guy's a jerk or an asshole, it's easier because you know where you stand.
Rachel Cohn
#45. If you could jerk off to something else, like a hamburger, could you imagine the delight in being alive?
Jonathan Goldstein
#46. The wedding vows are a license to be a complete jerk, with full knowledge that the person you married has agreed, no matter how large a horse's ass you are, to stay by your side until death. A fool could tell you this is a bad deal.
Adriana Trigiani
#47. Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk"
SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it.
Tucker Max
#48. Maybe she'd remember him as a pain in the ass. Or maybe, he hoped most of all, that she'd remember what she told him: "You can be a real jerk sometimes, but you're decent."
As epitaphs went, it wasn't bad.
Dani Harper
#49. Even thought you've been acting like a jerk all night, you're still here. I could tell you were angry. So you're angry; at least you're something. You're not nothing anymore.
Jennifer R. Hubbard
#50. I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
Jim Gaffigan
#51. Sometimes you are being interviewed by someone and you think, if I knew this person they'd be my best friend. Other times you're being interviewed by a complete jerk.
Judith Guest
#52. When you've been hurt, you don't make excuses for the jerk who hurt you. That's his mama's job.
Catherine Anderson
#53. Ron gave a tiny jerk of the head that Harry understood to mean, Well - if you must.
J.K. Rowling
#54. Dangerous, free time on your hands. You can only jerk off so often.
Larry Kramer
#55. The bottom line is: if you were a jerk in your original life, you're probably going to be a bigger undead jerk, If you were a decent person, say a juvenile-services librarian with a secret collection of unicorn figurines, you're probably going to be a kinder, gentler vampire.
Molly Harper
#56. I now watch porn, but I don't have the feeling to go to the bath and start to jerk off. It's the world bad idea ever came. I have quite jerk off and I will quit it's not the way I should live, the same is for you!
Deyth Banger
#57. I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause you run into somebody. "Oh, she knows ... " You got to take some time alone to process the shame.
Louis C.K.
#59. As you get to know me, you kind of figure me out, that I'm not as probably as bad of a guy that I've been reported to be. I'm not that jerk.
Terrell Owens
#60. I'm sorry. I behaved like a jerk.
You did.
Is that forgiveness?
I'm not sure. I think it's an acknowledgment of imperfection. And an admission that I believe time is too short to hold a grudge.
Janet Mullany
#61. The telephone is a great knee-jerk machine, but if you really want to tell someone how you feel, you need the slowness of the letter. In a society where everything is fast, it's like going out in the country and looking up at the stars.
Nick Bantock
#62. The danger in reviewing and teaching literature for a living (is) you can develop a kind of knee-jerk superiority to the material you're decoding
Maureen Corrigan
#63. There's nothing more distasteful than an academic having to, like, trot out his credentials. You really come off as a jerk when you do that.
Reza Aslan
#64. I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.
Zach Braff
#65. Fang! Come Back!" I started pulling his hair. Shaking his head and shoulders. Hard. "Wake up! Snap out of it! You stupid jerk! I am going to kill you if you die on me!
James Patterson
#66. Oh my Queen Mab, I thought you were dead! Or at least knocked up! And I thought I'd be dead, because no one but Jerk-Face over there knew about me, and I thought I would starve. Starve to death!" "Tink," Ren warned, voice low.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#67. That's the thing about slippery slopes. Take that first step, and the next thing you know, you've completed a jerk-off hat trick to your bestie.
Lauren Blakely
#68. You make a lot of films, do you? You make a lot of films yourself? Yeah, I'd like to see you make a film first before you get to talk about it. What a jerk.
George Clooney
#69. Dealing with Dillan being a jerk can mess up any saint on a good day. And you know I'm no saint.
Kate Evangelista
#70. You are such a jerk! Get back here!"
"Jerk?" he repeated. " You're the one spying in windows.
Becca Fitzpatrick
#71. I want to rip off your logic and make passionate sense to you. I want to ride in the swing of your hips. My fingers will dig in you like quotation marks, blazing your limbs into parts of speech.
Jeffrey McDaniel
#72. People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit; it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.
Anthony Jeselnik
#73. If you don't feel the same way about him, if you're just leading him on, you need to tell him that. I've seen too many nice guys get shafted because a girl can't get over some jerk.
Nenia Campbell
#74. You have to be courageous in life to allow a lightness to engage your being. It is easy to be a jerk. To be unhappy with all this weird stuff around us just seems to me to be such a waste. That's a jerk.
Frederick Lenz
#75. Jerk? Is that the best you've got? How disappointing.
Michelle Rowen
#76. I feel like my own background in improv and doing documentaries makes me really comfortable with a situation where you're letting things unfold and you don't have to be a jerk, stomping his feet, trying to get his way on everything.
Seth Gordon
#77. Gave him my best I'm-pissed-at-you face, but the jerk grinned back at me, showing off his dimples. Those two dents in his cheeks got to me every damned time I saw them.
Aileen Erin
#78. When the cow jerks away, it'll yank the door open."
"But what's going to make the cow jerk away?" asked Little Richard.
"You're going to milk it," said Slank.
"But I don't know how to milk a cow!" said Little Richard.
"Exactly.
Dave Barry
#79. You know, I always suspected you were the kind of guy to jerk off to your own reflection, but this is a step too far.
Melanie Marchande
#80. The little people will get even, which is one of a thousand reasons why they are not little people at all. If you're a jerk as a leader, you will be torpedoed. And usually it won't be by your vice presidents; it will be on the loading dock at 3am when no supervisors are around.
Tom Peters
#81. I worked in a grocery store my whole life, Honey-girl. I know what lonely housewives think of this."
"I meant the baby, Jerk."
"Attached to me."
"You think you're cute, don't you?"
"Are you honestly asking me this? I know you're not debating it.
Pella Grace
#82. People always say, "When did you know you were funny?" They don't mean that in a bad way - this already makes me sound like such a jerk.
Rob Huebel
#83. A slow, wry smile teased Daemon's lips. "Simmer down, Kitten, before I have to get you a ball of yarn to play with."
Annoyance flared deep inside me. "Don't start with me, jerk-face.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#84. If you dress or look in ways that scream "jerk", "douchebag" or "terrorist", don't expect to enjoy meaningful social interactions on a regular basis, buddy! Now,
Robert Moore
#85. If you fall in love with jerk, don't you just reject him.
He may reveal the jerk part of you which concealed.
Toba Beta
#86. Lean down a minute first," he says. "Need to tell you something." I lean over and put my good ear to his lips, which tickle as he whispers. "Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it." I jerk my head back but end up laughing. "Thanks, I'll keep it in mind.
Suzanne Collins
#87. When you're in bad mood,
you find jerk on anywhere.
Toba Beta
#88. Now don't jerk me around. This is the Midlands. There are no vampires here, and dressing up like one doesn't make it so. You can't even tell me how he's got no marks on his neck!"
"Oh yes I can. It's the twenty-first century. These days we tend to clean up after ourselves.
John Hennessy
#89. Burnett wasn't fooled, that was aparent by his expression, but he didn't argue, either. Well, as long as one didn't call slamming the door an argument.
"Jerk" Holiday muttered.
"I can hear you" he retorted from the other side of the wall.
C.C. Hunter
#90. Jack in and jerk off, kid! You too can save the world ... from those evil, bug-eyed commies from space!
Hal Duncan
#91. This is a terrible plan," he says to Han Solo - Solo, who crouches down so as not to be seen. Han Solo, the jerk. The very handsome, very charismatic jerk. "And I hate you very much.
Chuck Wendig
#92. Since the only way you are going to find solutions to painful problems is by thinking deeply about them - i.e., reflecting - if you can develop a knee-jerk reaction to pain that is to reflect rather than to fight or flee, it will lead to your rapid learning/evolving.
Ray Dalio
#93. You don't scare me," he added.
"Oh, but I should."
"I'll never be scared by a girl."
"Oh so now you're not only a complete jerk, but your sexist too. Real nice, Radder."
"Thank you," he said, "your offenses mean nothing.
Ellie A. Gray
#94. He's not an JERK, he's just a JERK to you!
Renee Wade
#95. I fall in love with characters when they're out of their element or are uncomfortable and you really feel for them in a knee-jerk sympathetic way.
Anna Kendrick
#96. Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.
Jim Gaffigan
#97. Don't point your accusatory finger at me, unless you want me to wrap my hand around it, grip it tight, and jerk it off. That's how a real politician defers blame.
Jarod Kintz
#98. You're a jerk,' repeated the alien, 'a complete asshole.
Douglas Adams
#99. You can't go into the office and be a jerk. You can't yell at your kids or your wife or your husband for no reason. That makes you a terrible person.
Chuck Klosterman
#100. No, I'm not a jerk, Astrid. You know what I am? I'm the guy getting people killed," Sam said quietly. Then, "My head is exploding from it. I can't get my brain around it. I can't do this. I can't be that guy, Astrid, I'm a kid ...
Michael Grant
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