Jeff Ross Quotes

#1. When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

Jeff Ross

#2. Sometimes during my set I invite volunteers up on stage to get speed-roasted and I'm worried that I may have hundreds of people rushing the stage all at once. Luckily I'm a black belt in karate and I can fend them off.

Jeff Ross

#3. I think comics should test people, I think it's our job to go too far. That way we know as a society what too far is. Where else are you going to hear it?

Jeff Ross

#4. Could you imagine me and the roasters taking on the GOP field? It would be the greatest show ever. Prove that you can take a joke. Prove that you're a man or woman of the people. Prove that you're not above criticism even in the form of a backhanded compliment.

Jeff Ross

#5. Most people, when they think of an insult, they keep it to themselves. But you wouldn't believe the things people say on my Twitter feed, and I'm a nice guy. Imagine if I was a jerk.

Jeff Ross

#6. I think it's important for comedians to do our little part. I don't do it carelessly. I do it thoughtfully. I don't try to just shock. I try to make a statement.

Jeff Ross

#7. Humor that is edgy is never squeaky clean.

Jeff Ross

#8. Occasionally a roast master needs to get out of Dodge.

Jeff Ross

#9. I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Jeff Ross

#10. My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Jeff Ross

#11. If you keep looking backwards, you don't go anywhere.

Jeff Ross

#12. I'm not hurting anybody. Comedy's all about innuendo. I'm putting it out there just like anybody else.

Jeff Ross

#13. I'm a big fan of Courtney Love. I love Hole and I love her acting and I love her attitude. I just hope I never meet her in a dark alley.

Jeff Ross

#14. I don't think you cross the line - I think you move the line.

Jeff Ross

#15. I usually have sex to my stand-up comedy album. Power move.

Jeff Ross

#16. You have such a huge career ... behind you.

Jeff Ross

#17. Bad taste is not illegal. I always got my first laughs as a kid by saying inappropriate things. That's always how we're going to get our laughs as comics.

Jeff Ross

#18. Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

Jeff Ross

#19. Comedians second-guessing themselves is scary. Poor taste is not a crime and we can't forget that.

Jeff Ross

#20. Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.

Jeff Ross

#21. Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

Jeff Ross

#22. People love to see public figures get taken down a notch, and by the same token, everyone loves to be the center of attention, even when there's a target on their forehead.

Jeff Ross

#23. I was the kid who always hung back and then dropped the jokes when you least expected it. Timing was everything. My mouth sort of developed over time.

Jeff Ross

#24. There are no subtleties in a war zone. I think that's why comedy does so well there. It goes right for the gut. So those punch lines start penetrating the bullet-proof vests.

Jeff Ross

#25. Instead of running for President, why don't you try walking on a treadmill?

Jeff Ross

#26. When I see something that's sensitive, I go, 'You've got to put that out there.' You need to keep the dialogue going and shine a light on the bad guys. If you sweep it under the carpet, people forget about it. People stop talking about it.

Jeff Ross

#27. I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special.

Jeff Ross

#28. With roasting, you've really got to bring your A-game. I hate to admit it, but I probably think and obsess more about the roasts than my own series. Because there's so much attention focused on the roasts. It's like the 'Super Bowl' of comedy. Everybody is going to talk about it. Forever.

Jeff Ross

#29. You don't mess with Oprah. She has enough money in her left pocket to have me killed.

Jeff Ross

#30. South Park called ... they want their everything back.

Jeff Ross

#31. Athletes tend to have less of a sense of humor than most people. They are heroes to so many. That might be part of it.

Jeff Ross

#32. Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and face.

Jeff Ross

#33. It's up to comedians to shine the light on what's wrong in the world, and we don't want things swept under the rug.

Jeff Ross

#34. How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

Jeff Ross

#35. As soon as a roast is announced, I get everybody - family, friends, waitresses, cab drivers - giving me jokes about the person getting roasted. I'm the mouthpiece for the masses.

Jeff Ross

#36. Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barr - who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.

Jeff Ross

#37. I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.

Jeff Ross

#38. When I first started doing these roasts in the mid '90s, they were a lost art, like jousting or calligraphy. But I feel like roasts help tame the room and let off steam ... It's like it's all being handled by professionals.

Jeff Ross