The Jerk Quotes

#1. I had a stupid crush on a guy who barely tolerated me most of the time. Was that the kind of girl I was? Pick the jerk over the nice guy?

Kelley Armstrong

#2. I've got a dad thanks. Your just the jerk who knocked up my mum and left her to figure out what to do with a son who likes setting things on fire. - Adam Vasic

Kelley Armstrong

#3. Happiness, when it comes, is stronger than all the jerk girls in Santo Domingo combined.

Junot Diaz

#4. If you run into one jerk in a day, that person is a jerk. If everyone you run into all day is a jerk, maybe you are the jerk.

Brian Iverson

#5. Every time I find something redeeming about you the jerk side messes it up.

Mina Carter

#6. When you've been hurt, you don't make excuses for the jerk who hurt you. That's his mama's job.

Catherine Anderson

#7. Reece, the jerk, appeared unperturbed. He raised a big hand and waved. Hi, folks. My name is Reece Peterson. I'm a wolf from the Pelly River pack in the North West Territories. I work as an ice road trucker and in my spare time I like to camp, ski and, more recently, drive Teddy nuts.

Eve Langlais

#8. As soon as they were spotted, one of the jerk's buddies pointed at me and said, "Arrest her! She's the one who killed Zak!"
Why I outta ... Wait Zak? I thought we all agreed he was Captain Asshole? Oh, no ... Guess that was just me.

Bella Shadow

#9. Gave him my best I'm-pissed-at-you face, but the jerk grinned back at me, showing off his dimples. Those two dents in his cheeks got to me every damned time I saw them.

Aileen Erin

#10. If you fall in love with jerk, don't you just reject him.
He may reveal the jerk part of you which concealed.

Toba Beta

#11. This is a terrible plan," he says to Han Solo - Solo, who crouches down so as not to be seen. Han Solo, the jerk. The very handsome, very charismatic jerk. "And I hate you very much.

Chuck Wendig

#12. Veins practically popping out of his neck, the jerk leaned out his window and yelled a bunch of swear words, including a new one I tucked away in my brain for future use, if necessary.

James Patterson

#13. There's a saying that when you go on traveling tours, you get to know whom the designated jerk is going to be within three days, and if you don't know it by then, you're the jerk.

Carolyn See

#14. If those scientists could come up with some way to turn off the jerk circuit in guys' brains, I'd be all in favor of that.

Ted Chiang

#15. ..I resent the jerk part. I'm meaner than that....

Finn Marlowe

#16. From the pastor who has an affair with his secretary, to the jerk at the office who happens to be a deacon, to the overbearing boss who can't miss his Monday night Bible study, Christians today cause more problems for the gospel than all the devil's demons put together.

Wes Moore

#17. I'll get cast occasionally as sort of the jerk version of myself, and I have fun doing that. But it's really better for everyone if I stay behind the camera.

Aaron Sorkin

#18. My dad was a great movie companion. He wouldn't diminish 'The Jerk.' If I liked it, he liked it. He could see it through my eyes.

Noah Baumbach

#19. I'm 48. For a while after 'The Jerk' (movie) I had a feeling of failure. I was a little scared. First people discover you and they love you. You get big and then you fail. And people are glad that you fail. But I've always come back and I've started to trust myself.

Steve Martin

#20. Put the jerk in the south wing, you won't see him for weeks at a time. Or lock him in the attic. The law will not be on your side, but literary precedent will.

Sarah Rees Brennan

#21. People love my collard greens. They love my macaroni and cheese. They love the gumbo. They love my Jamaican jerk or my Jamaican curry chicken. They love the jerk, though. And they love my Mexican food.

Tamala Jones

#22. The fact that you just said The Jerk is your favorite movie ever is incredibly fucking hot and I'm pretty sure we need to make out now.

Colleen Hoover

#23. Most of my stuff before CSI was kind of the jerk boyfriend, so I thought this was one of those deals, where these two have a thing going on, so we had a scene where they make out.

George Eads

#24. No. Sorry. You have spent months being the biggest jerk to me. You don't get to decide to like me one day and think I will forget that. I want someone to care for me like my dad cared for my mom. And you aren't him.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#25. How can you be so nice to me and how can you forgive me when I've been such a jerk?"
Maddy appears to think for a moment. "When you are reading a book and you finish a chapter, you don't keep re-reading the chapter you just finished. You move on to the next chapter to see what happens.

Stephen Reid Andrews

#26. You're gay," wash stated.
Rhodes nodded, a short jerk of his head, dropping his gaze to his beer.
"As in, you-like-men gay."
Still eying his beer, Rhodes gave an affirmative shrug.
"As in, you like-to-fuck-men gay."
"Yes!

Katie Allen

#27. On Dealing with Bullies "You're going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it." On

Justin Halpern

#28. Just because you were inside me does not make us betrothed, you Neanderthal jerk.

Kate Meader

#29. And sometimes it's the very otherness of a stranger, someone who doesn't belong to our ethnic or ideological or religious group, an otherness that can repel us initially, but which can jerk us out of our habitual selfishness, and give us intonations of that sacred otherness, which is God.

Karen Armstrong

#30. He's like the kid they use down in Louisiana as alligator bait. They tie him to the end of a rope and he walks out into the swamp. All the kid can do is hope they jerk the rope back in time.

Michael Levine

#31. I want to give you back your first kiss, the one that jerk stole from
you. And I want it to be something that even a coma can't make you
forget.

Shelly Crane

#32. Upon her butler's announcing the arrival of Mr Ravenscar, Lady Mablethorpe, who had been dozing over a novel from the Circulating Library, sat up with a jerk, and raised a hand to her dishevelled cap.

Georgette Heyer

#33. We get paid to hang out in this beautiful court! Four puppets on a string, just like those two up there (pointing to the two hanging puppets), waiting for someone to jerk them into life and make them talk.

Luigi Pirandello

#34. It isn't the ups and downs that make life difficult; it's the jerks.

Charlie Chaplin

#35. Is being a jerk one of the five stages of grief?

Lisa Schroeder

#36. My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell.

Kevin Spacey

#37. We never have as great an opportunity to show self-comfort as when others around us aren't. Hint: Don't be a jerk because someone else is. Praise the behaviors in others that you most want to flourish.

Kare Anderson

#38. He stands watching me, motionless in those drawstring pants, his legs braced in a fighting stance, his eyes bursting with need. His broad shoulders jerk with his breaths, and he curls his fingers into fists at his sides. The deep roughness of his voice scrapes my flesh. Come here then.

Katy Evans

#39. An invisible fire scorched the bottoms of her hands, the feel reminding her of raw energy and stealth, and she tried to jerk away, unable to do so because the man held her in place. He would surely kill her now. No one touched a lion and lived to tell about it.

Destiny Booze

#40. Yeah. Go ahead and pick something to watch," he answers. "I'm just popping upstairs to jerk it and then I'll join you."

"Okay, I think I'm in the mood for - wait, what?

Elle Kennedy

#41. You want to be a better person? Go listen to someone you disagree with. don't argue with them just listen. It's remarkable what interesting things people will say if you take the time to not be a jerk.

Brandon Sanderson

#42. Caleb had been my imperfection, with his slightly Americanized British accent, and the way he could play any sport and quote any philosopher. He was such a mix of class and jock, romance and jerk, it made me crazy.

Tarryn Fisher

#43. It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and all the other dark and sinister forces, which make assholes possible.

Alexei Maxim Russell

#44. Johnny Rotten. He's a big fan of mine. I used to see him out in the audience in England and he'd stand up and holler. He's funny. Smart too, and a nice guy. Don't think he's a jerk because he isn't.

Captain Beefheart

#45. I think that you are an uptight, pony-owning, trickle-down-economics-loving, Scotch-on-the-rocks-drinking, my-wife-better-take-my-last-name sexist jerk!

Julie James

#46. Who the hell wants to be the one to tell a kid that santa claus isn't real. it's the truth, right? but you're still a jerk for saying it.

David Levithan

#47. I do what I do for the people who believe in me, not for the jerks who don't.

Terry Fox

#48. Ready comprehension is often a knee-jerk response and the most dangerous form of understanding. It blinks an opaque screen over your ability to learn. Be warned. Understand nothing. All comprehension is temporary.

Frank Herbert

#49. If it's that jerk, he's going to see my gun. 'My body is a weapon.' Dumb sh*t. I bet my gun can take out his body really damn quick.

Lexi Blake

#50. Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are.

Kurt Vonnegut

#51. I just found out that I'm scared of heights, Bri, he rasped out. Gone was the cocky jerk. This was my cousin, the one who had come to check on me when we were younger because I left and didn't wait for them.

Tijan

#52. If a jerk burns the flag, America is not threatened, democracy is not under siege, freedom is not at risk.

Gary Ackerman

#53. Each tim I think I am falling for Mister Right, and then what happens? BAM! The guy turns out to be a fraud, a swindling scoundrel, or a dishonest, disparaging jerk!

Kym Petrie

#54. A person with grace is somebody who's socially graceful or is a classy person, but sometimes you just feel the opposite of that, and you just feel like a jerk and a loser and a weirdo.

Matt Berninger

#55. I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

Doug Stanhope

#56. The palm of his hand was a dull red. Not a good sign.
I jerk off left-handed, he thought, at least that's something.

Stephen King

#57. She'd cried loudly enough that the man sitting across from her had offered her a tissue, and she'd screamed, what do you think you're looking at jerk? At him, because that was what you did in New York. After that she felt a little better.

Cassandra Clare

#58. You're the very nicest jerk I know.

Suzanne Brockmann

#59. Be respectful to your peers and yourself, of course. Don't be a jerk. But at the same time don't settle for anything less than yourself.

Christina Grimmie

#60. I prescribe a quick jerk off in the shower and a return to sanity. (Dr. Hugo Peralta)

Kate Richards

#61. I think that it is real important for someone to be really honest and open emotionally. I'm really an emotional person. If I'm that way and the guy isn't that way I just really feel like a jerk.

Molly Ringwald

#62. It takes just about the same amount of time to be a nice guy as it does to be a jerk.

Mark Sanborn

#63. He had light blond hair and a demanding voice. Devin took him either as a total jerk or the guy in charge.

Jordan Jarman

#64. Most people, when they think of an insult, they keep it to themselves. But you wouldn't believe the things people say on my Twitter feed, and I'm a nice guy. Imagine if I was a jerk.

Jeff Ross

#65. Knee-Jerk Irony: The tendency to make flippant ironic comments as a reflexive matter of course in everyday conversation.

Douglas Coupland

#66. Patriotism can be good or bad. Knee-jerk patriotism can be very bad. I'm patriotic almost to the point of self-consciousness, but I love my country the way I love a friend or a child who I would correct if she was going the wrong way. Who I expect the very best from.

Emmylou Harris

#67. Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?

Eugene Mirman

#68. I jerk around and see Sister Dora, a portly woman who's the head cook in the kitchen, staring daggers at me. This is nothing new. She stares daggers at everyone who walks through the lunch line holding a tray, as though our needing sustenance is a personal affront.

Pittacus Lore

#69. True friends are the ones who will tell you when you are being a jerk or worse and still hang out with you.

Darrin Wiggins

#70. With our mad lust for Uniformity and a Higher Standard of Living and Expanding Markets, we go to a country like Afghanistan and cruelly try to jerk her forward two thousand years in two decades, giving no thought to the profound shock this must be to her national psychology.

Dervla Murphy

#71. I think you're nice to me and that scares the fuck out of me. Because when a guy's a jerk or an asshole, it's easier because you know where you stand.

Rachel Cohn

#72. If you could jerk off to something else, like a hamburger, could you imagine the delight in being alive?

Jonathan Goldstein

#73. The wedding vows are a license to be a complete jerk, with full knowledge that the person you married has agreed, no matter how large a horse's ass you are, to stay by your side until death. A fool could tell you this is a bad deal.

Adriana Trigiani

#74. Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk"
SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it.

Tucker Max

#75. Maybe she'd remember him as a pain in the ass. Or maybe, he hoped most of all, that she'd remember what she told him: "You can be a real jerk sometimes, but you're decent."
As epitaphs went, it wasn't bad.

Dani Harper

#76. I'm such a jerk; it had never occurred to me that when we look at a photo from the front, the eyes reproduce exactly the position and the vision of the lens; it's these things that are taken for granted and it never occurs to anyone to think about them.

Julio Cortazar

#77. She longed for a man who'd be just her man, not some player who'd have a bunch of other women on the side. She wanted a man who'd work, not some jerk who was always getting fired because his job description was smaller than his ego. Someone reliable and solid, like her Grandpa Earl had been.

Eden Connor

#78. Ron gave a tiny jerk of the head that Harry understood to mean, Well - if you must.

J.K. Rowling

#79. As the earth presses a lump of prehistoric sung in heat and crushing weight deep under the ground. I hate him. Hate. I hate him. A jerk is forming inside my body. No it's not my heart.This it's harder, cold and clean. I wrap myself around this new jewel, cradle it within me

Janet Fitch

#80. The bottom line is: if you were a jerk in your original life, you're probably going to be a bigger undead jerk, If you were a decent person, say a juvenile-services librarian with a secret collection of unicorn figurines, you're probably going to be a kinder, gentler vampire.

Molly Harper

#81. I now watch porn, but I don't have the feeling to go to the bath and start to jerk off. It's the world bad idea ever came. I have quite jerk off and I will quit it's not the way I should live, the same is for you!

Deyth Banger

#82. I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause you run into somebody. "Oh, she knows ... " You got to take some time alone to process the shame.

Louis C.K.

#83. I could be a real jerk on the days I was pitching.

Bob Gibson

#84. Good night, Gabriel.' [Kaitlyn] said
You jerk
[Gabriel] widened his eyes. 'Don't you want to stay? It's a big bed.

L.J.Smith

#85. The telephone is a great knee-jerk machine, but if you really want to tell someone how you feel, you need the slowness of the letter. In a society where everything is fast, it's like going out in the country and looking up at the stars.

Nick Bantock

#86. Rob says, just before a piercing screech crashes through the phone and I jerk it away from my ear like I've been slapped. Either that's a banshee coming to take my soul to the underworld, or it's Rob's daughter, Kinzie.

C.M. Stunich

#87. The danger in reviewing and teaching literature for a living (is) you can develop a kind of knee-jerk superiority to the material you're decoding

Maureen Corrigan

#88. We shouldn't knee jerk anything. The Iraqi government a few years back, when they had a chance to sign an agreement that would keep some of our presence there, refused to do it. So we've got to be very careful and thoughtful before we do anything.

Carl Levin

#89. I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.

Zach Braff

#90. That's the thing about slippery slopes. Take that first step, and the next thing you know, you've completed a jerk-off hat trick to your bestie.

Lauren Blakely

#91. The student's job is to stay open-minded, to quell the knee-jerk defensiveness we all possess in the face of suggestions for improvement, and to maintain patience when faced with a process that is often slow, confusing, and frustrating.

Renee Fleming

#92. For a full minute, our bowels were one with the bowels of the earth--like some nightmare attempt to attach our naval cords again and jerk us back to the womb of creation." -Cecelia Brady describing the earthquake

F Scott Fitzgerald

#93. With a quick jerk, Qhuinn wrapped his arms around the single most important person in his life. It was not Layla, although he felt a pang at that denial. It was not John, or his king. It wasn't the brothers. This male was the reason for everything.

J.R. Ward

#94. I have heard the most fantastical gossip about myself and each time I thought, "If only my life were that exciting, fun, outrageous, and sexy". Then again my memory wasn't so sharp when I took drugs. Some of what was said about me might be true. At worst it gave me jerk-off material.

Aiden Shaw

#95. You are such a jerk! Get back here!"
"Jerk?" he repeated. " You're the one spying in windows.

Becca Fitzpatrick

#96. I want to rip off your logic and make passionate sense to you. I want to ride in the swing of your hips. My fingers will dig in you like quotation marks, blazing your limbs into parts of speech.

Jeffrey McDaniel

#97. If you don't feel the same way about him, if you're just leading him on, you need to tell him that. I've seen too many nice guys get shafted because a girl can't get over some jerk.

Nenia Campbell

#98. I get more out of life just being myself, by just being a human being. Not by being a rock star, not by being whatever. Sometimes I act like a jerk, but I think people respect me for being myself. That's the ultimate thing about the Smashing Pumpkins.

Billy Corgan

#99. He always suspected the poetic description of Time like an ever-rolling stream. Time, in his experience, moved more like rocks ... sliding, pressing, building up force underground and then, with one jerk that shakes the crockery, a whole field of turnips mysteriously slips sideways by six feet.

Terry Pratchett

#100. Wait! he yelled.
I didn't turn around, I walked faster. Then I heard him slam his fist on the hood of his car. I almost stopped.
Maybe I would have if he'd followed me. But he didn't. He got in his car and he left, just like he said he would.

Jenny Han