Top 100 Zach Braff Quotes
#1. It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.
Zach Braff
#2. For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?
Zach Braff
#3. They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.
Zach Braff
#4. I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer ... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?
Zach Braff
#5. I'm a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don't know the difference and, let's face it, they aren't going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.
Zach Braff
#6. I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.
Zach Braff
#7. I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.
Zach Braff
#8. Minutes to learn, a lifetime to master. People just don't understand that
Zach Braff
#9. I'm always being told by directors that I add chemistry to scenes, so I mean how difficult could it be?
Zach Braff
#10. I've always preferred Marvel over DC. I just relate to their characters better. I mean look at Wolverine, at first he was just a bit player in an ensemble cast. Now he's the only reason people read X-Men. Just like me and Scrubs.
Zach Braff
#11. Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me
Zach Braff
#12. I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.
Zach Braff
#13. People are always going to find fault with anything you do, any process that you're a part of. The creative process means taking risks, I've taken risks and I've made mistakes, but the bottom line is, could anyone else have done any better ? I have to believe that what I created was worthwhile.
Zach Braff
#14. I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.
Zach Braff
#15. I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper.
Zach Braff
#16. I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.
Zach Braff
#17. People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.
Zach Braff
#18. I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I'm successful
Zach Braff
#19. I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.
Zach Braff
#20. Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.
Zach Braff
#21. I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.
Zach Braff
#22. The success of 'Scrubs' allowed me to pursue anything I felt passionately about without having to worry about money. It allowed me to spend my summer work shopping my show at a nonprofit theater.
Zach Braff
#24. I think slavery was an awful, awful period in our history, but when I look at what's become of black culture since emancipation, I think you have to admit, maybe the Confederacy was on to something
Zach Braff
#25. When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.
Zach Braff
#26. Incognito mode? What do they have to hide? Zach Braff doesn't have anything to hide - Zach Braff lays it all out there for everybody to see. That is Zach Braff's secret to Zach Braff's success.
Zach Braff
#27. It's just people trying to get on TV, not like it's really going to do them any good since people can just watch me.
Zach Braff
#28. After all meat is meat. I don't understand why so many people are bithing about it. It's very healthy and contains lots of vitamins
Zach Braff
#29. Hitler was about population control.
Zach Braff
#30. I never looked at bread the same way again
Zach Braff
#31. Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.
Zach Braff
#32. In fifth grade, we had to write a story and read it in front of the class. When I read mine out, the class were just belly laughing. And I remember being like, 'This is the coolest!' So I want to dedicate my life to trying to make people laugh. I can't imagine doing anything else.
Zach Braff
#33. I was originally set to star in 'The Bourne Identity,' but I found it too difficult to even pretend to forget who I was.
Zach Braff
#34. So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don't see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person.
Zach Braff
#35. It used to be that you came out of school, and you got married - those who were going to get married. But my peers are getting married in their early 30s, so now there's like this extra 10 years of that angst.
Zach Braff
#36. I never go looking for child pornography, but I mean, if somebody sends me an email with some pictures, I'm not going to turn around and report them.
Zach Braff
#37. I love 'Scrubs.' It's the best day job in the world.
Zach Braff
#38. I find it hard to believe that so many people doubt the existence of God. I mean, seriously, I'm here, so is it such a stretch to imagine that another all-powerful being could exist somewhere in the universe?
Zach Braff
#39. One time this guy on the street wanted me to give him a medical opinion, because I'm a doctor on TV. I'm also a real doctor. But I'm also Zack Braff, so I kicked him in the groin.
Zach Braff
#40. It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.
Zach Braff
#41. Gay men in L.A. are all a bunch of tens looking for an eleven.
Zach Braff
#42. Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.
Zach Braff
#43. Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she's saying. Come on, she's a woman. But still, it's very cute.
Zach Braff
#44. They put all this money into these huge films and then no one goes to see them. That sort of shows they're out of touch. Then everyone in town passes on my little movie and it does really well.
Zach Braff
#45. It was really starting to get pathetic, everyday they would come in looking for one thing or another. 'Zach, can you give me some acting tips?' 'Zach, will you let me blow you?' 'Can I have some cash?' That's when I made the call, that's when I decided seven was enough
Zach Braff
#46. Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matter how hard they try I will always be better than them.
Zach Braff
#47. Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you're racist
Zach Braff
#48. It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.
Zach Braff
#49. I don't want to be one of those guys, but Snape DOES kill Dumbledore.
Zach Braff
#50. People are always saying bad things about them, but really they think they're just trying to clean up our planet. I'm not saying it's right but, you know, we could all benefit from following that example.
Zach Braff
#51. I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.
Zach Braff
#52. When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie ... well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.
Zach Braff
#53. My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.
Zach Braff
#54. I wouldn't call myself a modern Shakespeare, but Shakespeare was probably to his generation what I am to mine.
Zach Braff
#55. I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.
Zach Braff
#56. Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him.
Zach Braff
#57. You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn't comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors.
Zach Braff
#58. I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.
Zach Braff
#59. One time I considered making a video game about my life where people control a character called 'Zach Braff' and run around being awesome. Then I realized that getting to pretend to be me would be like shooting up heroin for anyone who played it, and I don't want that on my conscience.
Zach Braff
#60. I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?
Zach Braff
#61. Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?
Zach Braff
#62. Eight gold medals? If I wanted I could make a movie about me winning nine gold medals. Now that's real power.
Zach Braff
#63. You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.
Zach Braff
#64. It's hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.
Zach Braff
#65. I find my movie props in my neighbors houses.
Zach Braff
#66. Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early?
Zach Braff
#67. I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff
Zach Braff
#68. I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.
Zach Braff
#69. Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.
Zach Braff
#70. I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.
Zach Braff
#71. I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.
Zach Braff
#72. It's trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture
Zach Braff
#73. She can't say no if she's unconscious.
Zach Braff
#74. A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it.
Zach Braff
#75. I'm 26 years old, and I've spent my whole life waiting for something else to start. Now I realize that this is all there is, and I'm going to try to live my life like that.
Zach Braff
#76. People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.
Zach Braff
#77. If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two of us, it's light and dark. I am by far the better Jew.
Zach Braff
#78. Yeah, the gay pride movement is precious and all, but I think it's about time we asked ourselves what gay people really have to offer to society.
Zach Braff
#79. I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a look at my surrounding cast and ask yourself, who's the real miracle worker?
Zach Braff
#80. I'm a big proponent of 'Don't Ask, Don't tell,' in fact, I enforce it strictly on all of my dates. First, I don't ask them for sex, and then I warn them not to tell anyone after I'm through.
Zach Braff
#81. If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.
Zach Braff
#82. In theater or movies you see either 'I'm religious' or 'I'm an atheist.' I've never seen too much discussion of 'I believe there's a higher power but I'm hesitant to reach out to him because I don't know if I'm worthy of his attention.'
Zach Braff
#83. You don't need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads'll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I'll kill all of them.
Zach Braff
#84. To say I live a cursed life is an understatement. I have to get up every day and work with people who are not as successful as me nor will they ever be as successful as me. Nobody knows the struggles I go through.
Zach Braff
#85. Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?
Zach Braff
#86. Well, I'm not saying that America is a bad place or anything. I just think 9/11 needed to happen sooner or later.
Zach Braff
#87. Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with.
Zach Braff
#88. If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!
Zach Braff
#89. I really couldn't say how famous I really am, that's for the history books to decide. But I'll probably be pretty up there.
Zach Braff
#90. Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I'd make a pretty good saint.
Zach Braff
#91. I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.
Zach Braff
#92. The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.
Zach Braff
#93. When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?
Zach Braff
#94. They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?
Zach Braff
#95. Yeah i saw An Inconvenient Truth, and i dont want to say it was preachy but let's not kid ourselves, i've got far more important work to do
Zach Braff
#96. Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
Zach Braff
#97. Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust.
Zach Braff
#98. I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!
Zach Braff
#99. I don't even like the show that much, I mean, it's about doctors. It's not like doctors are as important as actors anyway, I bet I've saved more lives with my acting talent then any doctor has.
Zach Braff
#100. You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.
Zach Braff
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