Top 100 Jerk Quotes
#1. Will, you look like hell!" I yelled through the glass door.
"I can't say how you look," he said. "But if you look like you sound, you look like a jerk. Please help me.
Alex Flinn
#2. On November 7, 2006, Cafferty called Donald Rumsfeld "an obnoxious jerk and war criminal".
Jack Cafferty
#3. Kiefer Sutherland is a crazy jerk on '24,' but you love him because he gets the job done. And I think that that goes for a lot of action stars, I mean Steven Segal is a jerk, but you want to watch him because, eventually, he's a jerk who can beat up bad people.
Paul Scheer
#4. White lies are in chapter two of the bestfriend handbook. They are to be used sparingly and only under extreme circumstances. I'm pretty sure finding out your boyfriend of more than a year is a total jerk qualifies.
Heather Hepler
#5. Is it or is it not ethical to create an embryo, and to create a person for the purpose of getting an organ to give to someone else? Your knee-jerk reaction is 'absolutely not;' but you need the ethical analysis of that to show why and how that is something that you need to stay away from.
Anthony Fauci
#6. Try to reframe the provocation: Maybe he's having a rough day. There's no need to take it personally. Don't act like a jerk just because he is. He couldn't help it. This could be a testy situation, but easy does it.
Martin E.P. Seligman
#7. I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.' ... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
#8. You jerk."
Grinning, he backed down the steps. "I'll see you at noon, Kitten."
"I hate you," I hissed.
"The feeling's mutual." He glanced over his shoulder. "Twenty bucks says you wear a once-piece swimsuit."
He was insufferable.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#9. Hey Diddle Diddle
You can diddle with mystery or jerk off in the unknown,
but when you're screwing with hard facts,
one of you are going to get fucked.
Beryl Dov
#10. Ideology is masturbation, a jerk-off afforded to those few privileged with time on their hands and no wolves at the door.
Rick Remender
#11. He tried to close a hand around the precious coffee but had to jerk his fingers away, sharply enough that his wrist popped painfully. Tallow wondered if the other end of the coffee machine was slurping water out of a lake in Hell.
Warren Ellis
#12. Hey, Hot Stuff, Can't wait till you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it's soon. You're way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I'm out here waiting. Your Future
Greg Behrendt
#13. Counterpart to the knee-jerk liberal is the new knee-pad conservative, always groveling before the rich and the powerful.
Edward Abbey
#14. I'm not religious, but by nature I am spiritual. I'm an artist, and creativity seems to go hand in hand with spirituality. But I have a knee-jerk reaction against organized religions. Actually, I have knee-jerk reactions against anything that's organized.
Nikki Sixx
#15. There's a fine line between being truthful and being a complete jerk, I respond and with that I turn my back to the fire. I mutter an obligatory 'goodnight' before falling into sleep.
Celia Mcmahon
#16. You want to jerk me off, baby? Fine." Sweat had started appearing on his forehead. "But don't you dare put me in that innocent little mouth. I'm warning you, I won't be able to keep myself from fucking it until you know what I taste like.
Anonymous
#17. I'm going to keep these panties, too. Maybe jerk off with them wrapped around my cock, imagining it's your lips.
Megan Erickson
#18. You betcha. If I get to punch a manic, lanky jerk in the face, my night will be complete." I gave her a fierce grin, still riding off the energy of the crowd.
Alexandra Martin
#19. When I say I love you and you don't believe me, you're being a jerk. Basically what you're saying is I only love conditionally. You think you're being self-deprecating and funny, but you're really saying I'm not a good enough person to love you if you have a few flaws. It gets old.
Donald Miller
#20. There are 5,000 great people for every jerk on Usenet. But that still is a lot of jerks. Proceed with caution and eyes wide open.
Don Rittner
#21. I'm just starting to scratch the surface of what really makes me happy and it's taken me a while to admit that acting like a little child and being a jerk and a punk is fun.
Leonardo DiCaprio
#22. Instantly, Harry felt a jerk somewhere behind his navel. His feet had left the ground. He could not unclench the hand holding the Triwizard Cup; it was pulling him onward in a howl of wind and swirling color, Cedric at his side.
J.K. Rowling
#23. So really, it was just as well that Godmother had caught up to me, in spite of my best efforts to avoid her. I'd hate to find out that the universe really wasn't conspiring against me. It would jerk the rug out from under my persecution complex. -Harry
Jim Butcher
#24. A curious observation is the uniform way that committees review curriculum for each field of study. Too often, authorities have a knee-jerk impulse to declare that 'all curriculum areas will be the same.' In fact, real and significant differences exist between fields of study.
Heidi Hayes Jacobs
#25. Love is bullshit. Emotion is bullshit. I am a rock. A jerk. I'm an uncaring asshole and proud of it.
Chuck Palahniuk
#26. Sorry to disappoint you. He's not evil. He's just a jerk. Sometimes it's a fine line.
Kami Garcia
#27. In the past, I had a knee-jerk approach to work, and it showed on screen. I was doing movies for the wrong reasons - trying to juggle dates, do too many guest appearances, take up projects under pressure or for emotional reasons.
Salman Khan
#29. You don't know anything about me."
"Everything I need to know is written all over your face."
"Right now the only thing my face should be conveying is that it thinks you're a jerk."
He bowed his head as if to say, exactly.
Kasie West
#30. I don't need some jerk like Romney, Santorum, Obama, Bush, Clinton or the rest of them telling me that they're my leaders. They couldn't lead me across the street.
Gerald Celente
#31. *jerk'jrk 1 an ex-wife or ex-husband who continually annoys you with stupid, irrational, and immature behavior 2 one whose values differ so dramatically from yours that you wonder how you will ever make it through your child's lifetime
Julie A., M.A. Ross
#32. At least when somebody's suffocating, you can tell: you see their faces turn blue, their lips quiver, their eyes buck, and their throats jerk. But when a man is mentally packing his bags the suitcase is never out until he's already standing on the other side of the door.
Kalisha Buckhanon
#33. You have to admit you're a jerk and that everything was all your fault." "So, like, what men are supposed to do in general," I said.
Gillian Flynn
#34. And then you get some jerk for a boss. And you think, 'I wish God was my boss. That would be awesome. He wouldn't care about my sales sheet. He would care about my soul sheet.' Then you feel a little embarrassed because that was such a low-quality joke.
Jon Acuff
#35. It's music rage, which is like road rage, only more righteous. When you get road rage, a tiny part of you knows you're being a jerk, but when you get music rage, you're carrying out the will of God, and God wants these people dead
Nick Hornby
#36. Whatever," I said. "It's getting cloying in here. Are we there yet?" He smiled. "Jerk." "Wuss." "Jackass." "Pansy." "Philistine." "Dandysprat." "Butthead." "Whiner ...
Jim Butcher
#37. You jerk off feel great you wanna go working out.Keep jerking off and working out life is good.
Elliott Hulse
#38. If I'm going to follow a god, why would I want to follow a god of my creation? That would be an alcoholic idiot nitwit jerk god!
Willie Aames
#39. Better to be a jerk that knees than a knee that jerks.
William Safire
#40. If everyone really knew what a jerk I am in real life, I wouldn't be so adored in the slightest.
Christian Bale
#41. Life sucks when you find out Superman's a jerk.
Lisa Turner
#42. ..I resent the jerk part. I'm meaner than that....
Finn Marlowe
#43. But today? I'm taking the low road because that man, that jerk, deserves it, whoever he is. Fucking asshole ...
Winter Renshaw
#44. We tend to have a knee-jerk negative response to anything that seems to want or have control over us.
Sheena Iyengar
#45. Like a jerk, I went to a nutritionist and I ate the most repulsive, awful things. I didn't allow myself to eat chocolate cake and french fries and cheeseburgers.
Sally Field
#46. I don't know why the world has to be populated by so many unpleasant people. I really don't. It really takes an effort to be rude, too. The amount of energy people expend on being a jerk astounds me sometimes.
Meg Cabot
#47. Shit, I could jerk you up from there, pop you like a whip. Pop you so hard your snatch will snap off and smack the wall."
"So," Vanilla said. "How was charm school?
Joe R. Lansdale
#48. Maybe it was bad, maybe he was a jerk. But looking at her made him want Teresa back.
James Dashner
#49. I believe in the same thing they believe in,' I say, with a jerk of my chin toward town and St. Columba's. 'I just don't believe you can find it in a building.
Maggie Stiefvater
#50. My eyes meet his eyes.
"You were a jerk," I say.
His hands move to my cheeks. "I'm sorry."
I pull away, but I can only go an inch before I bump into lacrosse sticks, not that I really want to go any farther. "Nope. No way. You do not get to kiss me yet."
He pouts.
Carrie Jones
#51. I usually never stay at the board after a game. Especially against Spassky. I made a dumb suggestion and he refuted it instantly! I know I'm going to have to play him some day and it was really stupid to look like such a jerk in front of him.
Bobby Fischer
#52. I turned to Thalia. 'I'll hold the flower while you beat up the thief?'
She sighed. 'Fine. Let's go catch this jerk.
Rick Riordan
#53. Where'd the dog go?" I ask, sounding panicky.
"That wasn't a dog, Zara," he says, words whisper strong.
I jerk my head up. "What was it then? A cat? A gerbil? A geriatric hamster?
Carrie Jones
#54. You're a jerk,' repeated the alien, 'a complete asshole.
Douglas Adams
#55. Occasionally, family members may reach a point in which they cannot tolerate the odd behavior of the schizophrenic any longer. Often, this leads them to seek help. Other times, it causes said family member to walk away, like the complete raving jerk that she is.
Holly Schindler
#56. Veins practically popping out of his neck, the jerk leaned out his window and yelled a bunch of swear words, including a new one I tucked away in my brain for future use, if necessary.
James Patterson
#57. You can't go into the office and be a jerk. You can't yell at your kids or your wife or your husband for no reason. That makes you a terrible person.
Chuck Klosterman
#58. What is known can't jerk us around unwittingly. Before anything can be resolved, the implicit must be made into the explicit.
Ryan Holiday
#59. No, I'm not a jerk, Astrid. You know what I am? I'm the guy getting people killed," Sam said quietly. Then, "My head is exploding from it. I can't get my brain around it. I can't do this. I can't be that guy, Astrid, I'm a kid ...
Michael Grant
#60. It's tough being an actor making music, because even I have a knee-jerk reaction to that.
John Hawkes
#61. How long will you be gone?" I asked just to make very clear how I didn't enjoy getting ditched.
"As long as it takes. When I get back, I'll kiss you until you can't stand."
"Stop with the threats. I'll miss you even if you're a jerk.
Bijou Hunter
#62. [I like to cook] Shepherd's pie, which is a classic British dish. But my version reflects my Jamaican roots, because I add jerk to it as well.
Naomie Harris
#63. There's a saying that when you go on traveling tours, you get to know whom the designated jerk is going to be within three days, and if you don't know it by then, you're the jerk.
Carolyn See
#64. That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
Bill Maher
#65. Grief is when you feel so helpless and stupid that you think nothing will ever be right again, and your macaroni and cheese tastes like sawdust, and you can't even jerk off because it seems like too much trouble. (172)
Sherman Alexie
#66. Of course,it had to be just a rebound thing. There was no way I was interested in this arrogant, obnoxious jerk. No matter how hot he might be.
Jenna Black
#67. Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
Jim Gaffigan
#68. You're going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it.
Justin Halpern
#69. Don, we're huge fans," I said.
"Don, we're huge fans," he shot back in a high-pitched voice meant to mock me.
What a jerk, I thought, but I didn't care, because he was Don Berman, and that's what Don Berman did.
Natalie Standiford
#70. Realize the complicated specials of what we call the "inferiority complex." In other words, what, Miss Thing, is so damn special about you to make you feel so specially inferior to any other jerk?
Perry Brass
#71. I entered Excessive Modesty Mode. Nothing is stupider and more ineffective than Excessive Modesty Mode. It is a mode in which you show that you're modest by arguing with someone who is trying to compliment you. Essentially, you are going out of your way to try to convince someone that you're a jerk.
Jesse Andrews
#72. I just want you as you are. Broken. Misunderstood. Jerk. I want the real version, the dark version, the one who made me the saddest I've ever been in my life, but also the happiest." Now was
L.J. Shen
#73. Wolverine is a jerk!! And he smells like beers!
Chris Yost
#74. That you exist this way, Zoe, you're the ultimate proof that we can be so much more than just the sum of our parts and knee-jerk impulses. Something about you just could not be controlled, just had to be free.
Heather Anastasiu
#75. It occurs to me that as different as we are in our behavior and decisions, our most basic, knee-jerk emotional reactions to really big things are often remarkably similar. And it is in these moments that I am most grateful for my sister.
Emily Giffin
#76. As far as he was concerned, a man who decided to rob and kill deserved what he got when he lost the game. He did not dwell on them, but neither did he jerk his eyes away if they fell on one of the robbers.
Robert Jordan
#77. All broken hearts are circumstantial. Every lovelorn jerk is the victim of bad timing, good intentions, and someone else's poor decision making.
Joshua Ferris
#78. Music is for people. The word 'pop' is simply short for popular. It means that people like it. I'm just a normal jerk who happens to make music. As long as my brain and fingers work, I'm cool.
Eddie Van Halen
#79. Was after all a rather mature blossom, such as could be plucked from the stem only by a vigorous jerk.
Henry James
#80. Know the quiet place within your heart and touch the rainbow of possibility; be alive to the gentle breeze of communication, and please stop being such a jerk.
Garrison Keillor
#81. That, I realized, is the great beauty of dreams: the devil may inevitably find a way to jerk you off, but you can always wake up before he makes you cum.
Jim Carroll
#82. I know what it's like to meet someone you admire and have them be a complete jerk.
Nicolas Cage
#83. All too frequently, the knee jerk reaction to tragedies by the media and chattering class is to move to restrict our rights ... Our founding documents make it clear that our inalienable rights come from God and that the job of the government is to ensure and protect those God-given rights.
Dave Brat
#84. A jerk, a creep or an asshole in a wheelchair, is still a jerk, a creep or an Asshole.
Michael Kroft
#85. I could be a jerk and get a lot more publicity, but that's not who I am.
Pete Sampras
#86. Maybe one of the qualities of being a great coach is being [a jerk]. There are quite a few of them around.
Larry Robinson
#87. You are avake, yah?" said a voice in a horribly recognizable accent.
"Yah," I muttered, rubbing my head. "And you are still a jerk, yah?
James Patterson
#88. I've been a jerk on the internet since the internet started.
Martin Shkreli
#89. If those scientists could come up with some way to turn off the jerk circuit in guys' brains, I'd be all in favor of that.
Ted Chiang
#90. Dissent is morally neutral. You can correctly call yourself a dissident because you like to kick puppies, but at the end of the day, you're just a jerk who likes to kick puppies.
Jonah Goldberg
#91. I don't mind if somebody comes up to me and shakes my hand, but if I'm in the middle of a restaurant and somebody asks me for a picture, I can be a jerk and say no, or I can say yes and draw more attention to myself, which is exactly the opposite of what I want.
Macaulay Culkin
#92. Success is not about money and power. Real success is about relationships. There's no point in making $50 million a year if your teenager thinks you're a jerk and you spend no time with your wife.
Christopher Reeve
#93. Be a kind person. Yes, even to jerks. Let them be a jerk. You be a kind person.
Karen Salmansohn
#94. For every 10 good things, there's always some jerk that wants to say something bad.
Devon Sawa
#95. The easiest way to disarm a bully or a jerk is to take any insult he throws at you and follow it with, 'I know, and isn't it fabulous?!
Dan Pearce
#96. I knew your father. I hated him."
"That surprises me your Majesty." Loki smiled broadly at her. "My father was a stone-cold jerk. That sounds like your taste exactly.
Amanda Hocking
#97. I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens.
Jim Jefferies
#98. Be a dog, be a jerk, be a devil, be a worst imaginable creature, but never be a good man, for being civilized in chaos is itself a chaos.
Abdul Mueed
#99. Politics means facing up to hard choices and facing down prejudice, short-termism, the easy, tempting court of knee-jerk public reaction.
Charles Kennedy
#100. Having been bullied growing up, it's something that's really near and dear to my heart. You probably won't have many friends on Snapchat if you're being a jerk.
Evan Spiegel
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
