Top 100 Chuck Wendig Quotes
#1. You wanted to show us ... a battle droid? The most incompetent droid soldier in the history of both the Republic and the Empire. A mechanical comedy of errors.
Chuck Wendig
#2. She thinks, I want an orange soda. And I want vodka to mix into the orange soda. And while we're at it, I'd also like to stop being able to see how people are going to bite it. Oh, and a pony. I definitely want a goddamn pony.
Chuck Wendig
#3. The SUV carves its way through dark pine forests. Morning sun passes through the pleached trees, dappling the windows of the vehicle.
Chuck Wendig
#4. Dialogue is a little bit jazz, a little bit hand-to-hand combat.
Chuck Wendig
#5. Not it. Her. Give the Falcon some respect, kid.
Chuck Wendig
#6. All under the pretense of military application."
He pouts. "No pretense about it. Remember, the Internet was a military application. And now look at how it's changed our culture.
Chuck Wendig
#7. Don't judge me, Captain Judgeypants. I go there for the sandwiches.)
Chuck Wendig
#8. It's probably the only attraction in Shartlesburg, Pennsylvania, a town whose name Miriam finds so funny she, well, nearly sharts every time she hears it.
Chuck Wendig
#9. The desire for perfection is like a pit of wet coal silt: it will grab your boots like iron hands and never let you go. 13.
Chuck Wendig
#10. A good life lesson is not to take strange meat from strange people. "You're
Chuck Wendig
#11. And in the months since the destruction of the Empire's dread battle station, we have already liberated countless planets in the name of the Alliance.
Chuck Wendig
#12. (As are all living things. All are caught in the river of power that is the Force, trapped by its currents. Only those who wield the dark side of the Force are capable of changing those currents; they are riverbreakers. They do not surrender to fate. They are its foes.) The
Chuck Wendig
#13. Sir, I don't want this to get ugly." "Have you seen your face, guardsman? Too late to wish for pretty." Temmin
Chuck Wendig
#14. THE HOT WATER'S a scorcher and the cold water's like a winter puddle, and the shower offers nothing in between.
Chuck Wendig
#15. And oh, could he smell them. It wasn't just the stench of body sweat. It was the rancid odor of human meat. With every breath they gave it off. Blood under their tongue. Long pork between their teeth. Eau de cannibal.
Chuck Wendig
#16. You're not tasked with desalinating an ocean or training a komodo dragon to cure ebola. I'm saying, sludge yourself into the ass receptacle and peck keyboard keys like a hungry chicken until it makes words.
Chuck Wendig
#17. That's why we gotta do good things now. Make good decisions. Try to move the rudder long before the boat ever gets near the iceberg, right?
Chuck Wendig
#18. Use the words that live inside your head. And if the words that live inside your head are those of a sentimental Victorian troubadour, then please close your head in a door jamb until you kill all that overwrought prose in an act of brain damage.
Chuck Wendig
#19. A fully-realized and known world is also a boring world. Mystery, alongside conflict, is another of those vital vittles that feeds the reader and keeps them hooked. Question marks are shaped like hooks for a reason, I say
so leave lots of questions.
Chuck Wendig
#21. Once, if you told people you were self-published, they'd look at you like you were a smelly old jobless hobo just come off a dusty boxcar with soupcan shoes and a hat made from a coyote skull.
Chuck Wendig
#22. The future is suddenly unpinned - evolving, spinning, leaping about like a panicked tree-loormor.
Chuck Wendig
#23. Balastair says with a small smile. I've missed you.
Chuck Wendig
#24. That's a lesson we could stand to learn. Imperials are just like us. Some of them, at least. It's easy to label those who serve the Galactic Empire as pure evil, all enemy, but truth is, a lot of those who do so were either sold a bill of lies, or forced to by threat of pain or death.
Chuck Wendig
#25. And the lone Jedi that exists - the son of Anakin Skywalker - possesses an untouchable soul. At least for now.
Chuck Wendig
#26. Earth is home to more than twelve thousand species of ants. If you weighed all the ants and all the humans, the ants would weigh more.
Chuck Wendig
#27. My name's Mapo," the boy says. "Mesa Jar Jar.
Chuck Wendig
#28. If you want to find the way forward, then stop looking for maps and start walking.
Chuck Wendig
#29. In the kitchen, Chris pours her a glass of sun tea. Bitter. She hates the way they make tea up here. Tea should be sweet, gritty with sugar. Up here it's like the Yankees want their tea to taste like wash water.
Chuck Wendig
#30. A storyteller makes us feel something. Makes us give a shit when we have no good reason to do so. Fun is not the last stop on the story train. The storyteller is master manipulator. The storyteller is cackling puppetmaster.
Chuck Wendig
#31. Gotta have a head like a wrecking ball, a spirit like one of them punching clown dummies that always weeble-wobbles back up to standing. This takes time. Stories need to find the right home, the right audience. Stick with it. Quitting is for sad pandas.
Chuck Wendig
#32. And no hope is greater than that of the Wookiees of Kashyyyk. Heroes of the Rebellion Han Solo and Chewbacca have gathered a team of smugglers and scoundrels to free Kashyyyk from its Imperial slavers once and for all.
Chuck Wendig
#33. The Empire pretends it's about law and order, but at the end of the day, it's about dressing up oppression in the costume of justice. The
Chuck Wendig
#34. Palpatine has the presence of a collapsing star and the consumptive void that results from it. It draws you in. It takes something from you. It is a flensing, frightening force. But Rax stands tall,
Chuck Wendig
#36. Dengar guffaws. "You little scrap-muncher. I was putting away bounties while you were still in your space diapers." "What's it say about you that you're still in your space diapers?
Chuck Wendig
#37. Now she thinks to go at this all by herself: a rogue element.
Chuck Wendig
#38. Conflict is the food that feeds the reader. It's a spicy hell-broth that nourishes.
Chuck Wendig
#39. Question marks are shaped like hooks for a reason: they will hook the reader and drag them deeper into the story
Chuck Wendig
#40. Hollis Copper knows that everyone has a story and if you want to speak to someone, you better find a way to speak to his or her story.
Chuck Wendig
#41. May the Force be with you, mister."
"You too, kid. You too.
Chuck Wendig
#42. Golathan gets a mean look. Vulpine. Vicious. Like he's about to tear a chicken into wet gobbets and red feathers.
Chuck Wendig
#43. A lady should be respectful," is all he manages through gritted teeth. He pitches the towel in the corner.
Miriam snorts. "That's me. My fair fuckin' lady.
Chuck Wendig
#44. Writers are made
forged, really, in a kiln of their own madness and insecurities
over the course of many, many moons. The writer you are when you begin is not the same as the writer you become.
Chuck Wendig
#45. Mood is painted in the margins: you create the image by negative space, dancing around it without ever saying it. 9.
Chuck Wendig
#46. Chewbacca is lovely and all, but he's a gargantuan pillar of hair who smells not unlike a moist gundark's undercarriage. And all that nonsensical growling? And the hugging?
Chuck Wendig
#47. Repeat the mantra: Writing is when I make the words. Editing is when I make them not shitty.
Chuck Wendig
#48. Even a small group of people can change the galaxy.
Chuck Wendig
#49. Stories have the power to make people feel. To give a shit. To change their opinions. To change the world.
Chuck Wendig
#50. That was a pretty good laptop, but Reagan's glad to lose it. Sometimes sacrifices must be made in the search for sweet lulz
Chuck Wendig
#51. I'm a certified bad-ass indestructible bitch. The sun tries to burn me, I'll kick him in his fiery balls. I don't need no stinking suntan lotion.
Chuck Wendig
#53. For the record," Miriam says, "I'm a supremely vulgar human being and even I think bearded taco is a disgusting term. My vagina is a beautiful flower, thank you very much, not a pube-shellacked burrito. Uck.
Chuck Wendig
#55. We're all the heroes of our own tales. Even villains.
Chuck Wendig
#56. This is a terrible plan," he says to Han Solo - Solo, who crouches down so as not to be seen. Han Solo, the jerk. The very handsome, very charismatic jerk. "And I hate you very much.
Chuck Wendig
#57. The age of the insect, he thinks. The meek truly shall inherit the earth.
Chuck Wendig
#58. He's built like a brick shithouse made of a hundred smaller brick shithouses.
Chuck Wendig
#59. Dang, that sounds like a fucking movie and shit. Sleep Hard 4: Sleep Harder.
Chuck Wendig
#60. The times we live in often dictate the type of entertainment we seek
and we're starting to slide once more into a very dark and scary corner of American life.
Chuck Wendig
#61. We think the future is robots and hovercars and maybe it's really here.
Chuck Wendig
#62. You need to march your doubt out into a field and put a .357 round in the back of its head. Let its death soak into the earth, grow the wheat, make bread from its blood. Because, for real, fuck doubt. Fuck doubt right in its wax-clogged ear.
Chuck Wendig
#63. Your first draft can and should look like a fucking warzone. That's okay. Don't sweat it, because you survived. Put differently, that first draft of yours has permission to suck. Go forth and care not.
Chuck Wendig
#64. He was a nice guy, Jimmy, but rich or not he was dumb as a bag of retards, and smoking all that weed didn't help.
Chuck Wendig
#65. Mmph! Mmph. Translation: The Emperor will have your heads for this.
Chuck Wendig
#66. Be patient. Be strong. Fight back where you can. The Imperial war machine falls apart one gear, one gun, one stormtrooper at a time. The New Republic is coming. And we want your help to finish the fight.
Chuck Wendig
#67. It is our job to ruin the perfection of the empty page. It is our job to disrupt the status quo: because that's what storytelling us. Taking a straight line and bending it, breaking it, shaping it into something far stranger and far greater.
Chuck Wendig
#69. Write as much as you can.
As fast as you can.
Finish your shit.
Hit your deadlines.
Try very hard not to suck.
Chuck Wendig
#70. Crayola makes all kinds of crazy colors. You know. Burnt umber. Burnt sienna. Blanched almond. Baby-shit yellow. And so on, and so forth. I'm just saying, cockroaches Have their own color. It's distinct. Crayola should get on that. The kids'll love it.
Chuck Wendig
#71. Of course, Admiral Ackbar is a student of history, and in many cases smaller, lesser forces have outmatched and outfoxed their betters. The Ghostfinder fleet versus the Sith armada. The Mandalorians versus the Grand Army of the Republic. And, of course, the Rebel Alliance versus the Empire. History
Chuck Wendig
#72. Chewie hugs him and purrs. "I'll be back. We're not done, you and I. We'll see each other again. I'm gonna be a father and no way my kid won't have you in his life." One more bark and yip as Chewie pets his head. "Yeah, pal. I know." He sighs. "I love you, too.
Chuck Wendig
#73. The writer is editor, marketer, blogger, reader, thinker, designer, publisher, public speaker, budget-maker, contract reader, trouble-shooter, coffee-hound, liver-pickler, shame-farmer, god, devil, gibbering protozoa.
Chuck Wendig
#74. A chill crawls up Miriam's spine. A parade of baby spiders.
Chuck Wendig
#75. People are weird, Atlanta thinks. Everybody's someone different than you suspect.
Chuck Wendig
#76. Worry more about being a COOL HUMAN meeting other COOL HUMANS." - Chuck Wendig.
To that end, "Hello," said the cool human to all the others.
Chuck Wendig
#77. Learn from your existence and borrow things from your day to day. Have adventures. Take risks. Put yourself into your fiction. Because life offers a kind of writing advice you just can't read about
it's something only you can experience.
Chuck Wendig
#78. Chewbacca's back home, looking for his family. Luke's searching the galaxy for old Jedi teachings. Han Solo's got nothing to smuggle, nowhere to gamble, no foolish Rebellion to fight for. He's like the Falcon: retired to a hangar somewhere, waiting for something, anything, to happen.
Chuck Wendig
#79. Everything means something, but not every something matters.
Chuck Wendig
#80. Democracy is not in need of defense. People are.
Chuck Wendig
#81. Thanks, Darth Obvious. Or is it Emperor Palpable?
Chuck Wendig
#83. Storytellers think they're writing for the audience. They're writing, in a way, to hurt the audience.
Chuck Wendig
#84. Life is equal parts strange and beautiful and horrible, and we're tossed into it without a map or an instruction guide. Poems and stories have a way of helping us make sense of things.
Chuck Wendig
#86. Story should be a descent
the feeling that there is an intense gravity to the narrative that draws you down, down, down.
Chuck Wendig
#87. Walls tagged with graffiti (one such piece of tagging: a stencil of a familiar Sith Lord's helmet with the phrase beneath it reading VADER LIVES).
Chuck Wendig
#89. What...what are you?" she asked.
"I'm Batman.
Chuck Wendig
#90. Stormtroopers were literally supposed to be within the same range of height and weight in part because of exactly that - he wasn't joking when he said he was too tall to be a stormtrooper.
Chuck Wendig
#91. I would straight up fuck a snowman right now, she says. Just to cool down. - Miriam Black
Chuck Wendig
#92. suddenly he's forced to wonder if each Jawa is just a fraternity of wet rats gathering together under brown robes and a black face veil.
Chuck Wendig
#93. If there's one mystical energy that powers the galaxy, it's not the Force. It's pure, unadulterated irony.
Chuck Wendig
#94. PREPARE TO FIRE ALL CANNONS," Bones says - his voice warping so that it has a strange, hard-angle accent to it. "COMMENTARY: I SAY WE BLAST THE MEATBAG AND SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE, MASTER.
Chuck Wendig
#95. Always quick with the wit. It's your defense, isn't it? Little girl doesn't want the world to know how sad she is, how damaged. Your words, your attitude, all a big misdirection. A magician's trick.
Chuck Wendig
#96. She gets on her tippy-toes and kisses him. Long, slow, deep. The kind of kiss where you can feel little pieces of your soul trading places as mouths open and breath mingles.
Chuck Wendig
#97. I want soldiers who hate what they had to do and fear having to ever do it again." "And if that means we lose the war?" "Then we lose the war by keeping ourselves." That
Chuck Wendig
#98. He has never won a game of Galactic Expansion against the repurposed interrogator droid. But he's close now. It's never been this close.
Chuck Wendig
#99. The audience wants a safety blanket. It's the storyteller's job to take that safety blanket and choke them with it until they experience a profound narrative orgasm.
Chuck Wendig
#100. Good story thrives on protagonists in pain.
Chuck Wendig
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