Funny Time Out Quotes

#1. It's funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it's time to go out and get a job. But like many things the masses do, just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Steve Pavlina

#2. Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

Dane Cook

#3. Ben walks in the room and asks, "What were you guys doing?" Nikki says "Nothing" at the same time I say, "Your sister and I were just makin' out.

Simone Elkeles

#4. That's the funny thing about life. We're rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. The just-misses. The almost-never-happeneds. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present.

Lauren Miller

#5. Headstones:
What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!"
"This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide."
"OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!

Neil Leckman

#6. One of the most jolting days of adulthood comes the first time you run out of toilet paper. Toilet paper, up until this point, always just existed. And now it's a finite resource, constantly in danger of extinction, that must be carefully tracked and monitored, like pandas?

Kelly Williams Brown

#7. Do you think it's funny to be so serious when I'm not even out of high school?' she asked.
'I don't see how it could be any other way,' said Lee. 'Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth, and laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death, and sometimes it isn't in time.

John Steinbeck

#8. Ted and I had history," Jake said. "We were in love. This hurts all the time. I never stop thinking about how much this hurts."
Zoe stretched out her arms and pretended to play a goddamn violin.

Carolyn Mackler

#9. It's funny how quickly tomorrow becomes yesterday and then last week and then you run out of time.

Michelle Gable

#10. I mean, I - it's so funny, I am, you know, I am, you know, a working woman out in the world, but I still live with my parents half the time. I've been sort of taking this very long, stuttering period of moving out.

Lena Dunham

#11. No, writing musicals is the hardest thing in the world. And it was really funny, because I remember when the South Park movie came out, there were some critics that said, 'Well it's obvious that in order to get it to be 90 minutes they filled some time with music.'

Trey Parker

#12. It was a typically British birth ... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward ... I came out in sympathy.

Bob Hope

#13. The first time you went out, you became mixed up with a group of radical political terrorists."
"That could have happened to anyone!

Lisa Kleypas

#14. And I would stop and take you in, all of you, and when our eyes lock we'd just stare into each other's souls and all of the lost time would come out in the shape of a big smile, a few tears and a tight hug that feels like ...
I don't know, it would feel like home.

Morgan Parker

#15. I think that came out of watching all those serious movies for all that time. If you watch a movie like Zero Hour, Sterling Hayden is pretty funny, and so are the guys in the cockpit.

David Zucker

#16. Horace, who had been trying to find out the meaning of Kurokuma for some time now, was pleased to hear the translation.
"Black bear," he repeated. "It's undoubtedly because I'm so terrible in battle."
"I'd guess so," Will put in. "I've seen you in battle and you're definitely terrible.

John Flanagan

#17. Andy was speechless. He'd forgotten that there was actually another person in the room- someone with her own needs and desires and shit to freak out about. But it was funny, or better than funny, that sometimes two people could be feeling the exact same thing at the exact same time.

Tommy Wallach

#18. Time has that funny way of smoothing out the rough edges of things, even ones that hurt a little bit. Or a lot.

Megan Hart

#19. I found out a long time ago that if I didn't have a good story for a song, I could just make one up! Now it seems over half the stories in my show are made up. The funny thing is, those seem to be the ones that resonate the most with the audiences.

Ronny Cox

#20. With one out in the first, Dave Roberts looks a lot better than the last time he pitched against the Padres!

Jerry Coleman

#21. Arthur shook his head and sat down. He looked up.
"I thought you must be dead ... " he said simply.
"So did I for a while," said Ford, "and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic.

Douglas Adams

#22. I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize.

Judy Gold

#23. Anna seems warmer every time I meet her, thinks Lou. Funny, that. Some people, who seem friendly on first impression, turn out to be disappointingly superficial, whereas the aloof ones, like Anna, emerge as affectionate and loyal.

Sarah Rayner

#24. It's very funny because every time I make a movie, and I've heard this re-echoed by other filmmakers and actors I have worked with, you kind of feel like you're naked again. You have to figure it all out from scratch, as if you had never done it before.

Todd Haynes

#25. The most prudent thing any intelligent animal can do, if it would prefer its descendents not to spend a lot of time on a slab with electrodes clamped to their brains or sticking mines on the bottom of ships, or being patronised by zoologists, is to make bloody certain humans don't find out about it.

Terry Pratchett

#26. Time was a funny and fickle thing. Sometimes there was never enough of it, and other times it stretched out endlessly.

J. Lynn

#27. Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy!

Hannah Murray

#28. Fuck You!' [Oskar said] 'Exuse me!' [His mom said] 'Sorry. I mean, screw you.' 'You need a time-out!' 'I need a mausoleum!

Jonathan Safran Foer

#29. Oh all the time when Victoria Wood and I did our series. There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still ask that. It's like asking: 'Can women breathe in and out?'

Julie Walters

#30. It's upsetting that it is such a big deal. I wish it weren't an issue all the time. It's funny that people say it's a departure, because I've been acting since I was a child. I've played three gay roles out of hundreds.

Randy Harrison

#31. It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it.

Owen Wilson

#32. Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high school. 3. Spend time alone. 4. Don't take a comedy course. 5. Read other humorists but don't worship them. 6. Don't get your hopes up.

Bruce McCall

#33. He twisted at the waist and stretched out on his side. You're a bit crazy. You throw apples in people's faces when you're angry. You go off half-cocked half the time. It entertains me to no end. So if you are irrational, I hope you stay that way. I love it.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#34. Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples ... it was a trick pie!

Noel Fielding

#35. Comedy, I figured, was the thing that came to me the most easily. Playing the trumpet and piano took practice. I thought that was a waste of time. I'd go out on the street corner and be funny. In a minute.

George Carlin

#36. For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.

Darynda Jones

#37. I had no idea what time it was, but I felt boneless and it would take an act of God to get me out of this bed. Or chocolate.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#38. When I was younger, my sister thought it was funny to pretend to punch me in the face because my mom was concerned about my teeth falling out. They were loose for a long time, and she knocked out my teeth.

Amy Adams

#39. My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.

Anthony Jeselnik

#40. It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

Dave Barry

#41. Winter has come to Maui. Time to get out the plaid board shorts ...

Tom Althouse

#42. When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out.
I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit this time?

Ilona Andrews

#43. I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny ... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.

Demetri Martin

#44. I hope you had an entertaining time following me around." I took my keys out.
"You should be a reality show," he said. "It's that good. And you know, I might be a totally unstable former assassin, but man. You manage to shock even me.

Richelle Mead

#45. This is no time for drinking a mug of water - which you would do nowhere else in the world. A mug of water! You just don't drink water from mugs, do ya? Except on the telly. Water out of a mug! Should be a hot drink ... mug of water.

Russell Brand

#46. It's funny, don't you think, how time seems to do a lot of things? It flies, it tells, and worst of all, it runs out.

Markus Zusak

#47. I was once knocked out by a Mexican bantamweight - six of my pals were swinging him around by his heels at the time.

Randall Cobb

#48. At the time, my 6-year-old kept thinking my character's name was "Sam Alone," which is kind of brilliant. The funny came out of Sam's sad core: the alcoholic, the sex addict, the person who thinks he's God's gift.

Ted Danson

#49. Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even more seriously hurt but my fall was broken by the smog.

Jack Paar

#50. But desperation does funny things to a person. Makes you grasp for any sliver of hope. Makes you throw rational thought and logic out the window. Makes you act in ways you would never have imagined possible. Turns strong men into weak. Honest men into liars.

Siobhan Davis

#51. Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old model from Los Angeles. Like every other model in L.A., She's dating an older retired guy. What's going on?

Conan O'Brien

#52. Right on time, sugar." Josh draped his arm around her shoulders and steered her through the lobby. "Traffic okay?"
"Yeah, except when that alien spaceship landed on I-90 and then all those crickets jumped out to perform Beethoven's Fifth on kazoos. Otherwise, clear sailing.

Jamie Farrell

#53. When I started out in the late '80s, my act was pretty terrible, and for years, I kind of toiled in obscurity. I don't believe in a hierarchy in comedy; I feel that a person deserves respect the first time they get onstage, and after that, they just have to be funny and get more consistent.

Andy Kindler

#54. I think audiences have always wanted to see women in the movies, but every time a movie like 'Bridesmaids' comes out, everyone says, 'Oh how funny, people do want to see women in the movies.'

Isla Fisher

#55. People don't understand that when I'm on the show I'm totally relaxed, hanging out, having a fun time, watching videos, and being goofy. Sometimes I say stupid comments, just being funny, and people think I'm a dumb person.

Chanel West Coast

#56. One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.

Mitch Hedberg

#57. I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a room. You know people would be like, 'Did you see that guy come out of the bathroom? The one with doves, it was beautiful.'

Daniel Tosh

#58. If this prinicpal thinks blogging isn't educational, he needs his head examined: he should be seeking out every student blogger in the school and giving them special time to blog more - and giving them extra credit besides.

Cory Doctorow

#59. The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs ... one step at a time.

Joe Girard

#60. Everyone thinks of Anubis as this super jacked up jackal. I find that amusing. I guess he must work out a lot. I guess when you think of it, it is kind of funny. No other picture of gods from that time are ripped. I guess Anubis did Egyptian steroids.

Jessica Florence

#61. At least you left out the oh-my-God sauce this time."
"Made myself a batch with it," Shane said. "It's got the biohazard sticker on it in the fridge, so don't bitch if you get flamed.

Rachel Caine

#62. You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than you. The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level.

John Krasinski

#63. I love film, but it's funny going to drama school for three years, where you spend most of your time training for theatre, then coming out and just doing films.

Tuppence Middleton

#64. The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.

Milton Jones

#65. Time is a funny thing. I was always puzzled with the way a single day could stretch itself out to the point of eternity in your mind, all while years melted down into the fraction of a second.

Gloria Naylor

#66. I have a Dominique Wilkins Hawks jersey that I still wear. That's probably my favorite one. What's funny is that I spend all this time collecting jerseys, and now people are out there collecting mine.

Chris Paul

#67. Brilliant ... Marriage Confidential is both laugh-out-loud funny and gasp-out-loud shocking, and nothing less than a Feminine Mystique for our time. Mark my words, your marriage will change after reading this book.

Debby Applegate

#68. Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.

Emo Philips

#69. One time, Bert and I were making out for so long it wasn't even funny..But then it was funny.

Gerard Way

#70. People have said to me for a long time, "Man you're funny." I say, "Well, I'm quick," but being funny on purpose, take after take - that's why I said for me it was new territory, and so by improvising something might come out that might be good. And it's film, so they can cut it if it isn't.

Denzel Washington

#71. You're lucky you didn't know him back in his tech phase. There was this time in our second year when we were living in the same house. Kitchen table kept wobbling so Landis shoved this metal saucer under one of the legs. Wasn't until two weeks later we found out it was a land mine.

Benedict Jacka

#72. When I was coming out of depression, I made one random video. It wasn't funny or anything, but just the idea that people I didn't know were watching it made me feel less alone than I'd felt in a long time.

Lilly Singh

#73. The amazing thing about Freak Out! was that there was nothing quite like it in rock 'n roll at the time. It was really simultaneously crude and ugly, and incredibly sophisticated. The Beatles were funny, but there was nothing with the kind of sneer that you could feel in the music of Frank Zappa.

Matt Groening

#74. Sai-Liber is my family name.Much like Wayfairer.You may call me Tetraphrimaportacheeq.It is much simpler."
To who? I'd barely got it out the first time.

G.L. Tomas

#75. Comedy started out as my hobby and then it became my profession. It's like being on call all the time, like having a built-in beeper. You can't just leave the office and relax because you never know when you'll think of something funny.

Jim Carrey

#76. Now that I look back, I don't know why I was so stressed about it all this time. Funny how sometimes you worry a lot about something and it turns out to be nothing.

R.J. Palacio

#77. Hey, guys, I'm going to change," Tony announced. "You all need to get out of here for a little bit." "So fucking change. You change in the locker room all the time-what's the bug deal?" Slade asked. Tony groaned and his eyes narrowed at Slade. "Oh. Gotcha!" Slade turned and announced, "Everybody ...

Sidney Halston

#78. I tell girls all the time that the men that have fallen in love with me, have all fallen during a man repeller stage ... funny how life works out like that.

Rachel Roy