Top 76 Writing Jokes Quotes
#1. I'm not good at anything except writing jokes. I wasn't good at sports, I wasn't good at anything artsy, ever. I think there was a real worry for a while about what I would be good at. I was just this chubby little Indian kid who looked like a nerd.
Mindy Kaling
#2. I'm a Macintosh nut. I got my PowerBook, so if I'm not writing jokes, I'm working on that.
Jeff Dunham
#3. Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
#4. I got a pit bull from a shelter, so my whole life is centered on this dog, and I've been writing a lot of dog jokes. I should probably give up now, because I'm writing jokes about my dog.
Joe Mande
#5. I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I'm alive and I'm living and I'm experiencing different things every day, the show will always change.
Gabriel Iglesias
#6. I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.
Jon Stewart
#7. I started doing my own animated movies when I was in ninth grade; that's when I got the filmmaking bug. When I was about 16, I started writing jokes for doing stand up, and then I was 19 and started doing stand up.
Judah Friedlander
#9. Twitter taught me how to become better at writing jokes because it forces you to chip away at all the extraneous words.
Peter Serafinowicz
#10. My first job on the radio was writing jokes for a Baltimore DJ called Johnny Walker, who was sort of a '70s era shock jock who all the teenage boys listened to in my school.
Ira Glass
#11. Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It's sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but needs to be close so she secretly becomes the maid in the household.
Emo Philips
#12. People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they're brilliant at writing jokes, and I'm not.
Nick Offerman
#13. I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
Rodney Dangerfield
#14. I'm on Twitter a lot of the day because I really like Twitter. It's great for jokes. But when I'm writing, I can't do anything else. I can't even listen to music. I just have to write, and then I can do something else. I can't multitask.
Mallory Ortberg
#15. I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.
Kathleen Madigan
#16. I am not so secretly a comedian. I write a lot of my own material if you've seen videos I've done. I write jokes.
Laura Benanti
#17. For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word for word and that worked pretty well. Now, I do almost all of my writing on stage and then record and listen for any new things and then I write those down.
Gary Gulman
#18. As for jokes, I don't think it's necessarily that what I write is funny.
Peter David
#20. There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult.
Alex Turner
#21. I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I call myself a humorist.
Nick Offerman
#22. When my muffin top makes an appearance after a dedicated weekend of pizza indulging, when I feel too tired to write and all my words sound boring, when my students aren't laughing at my jokes, I am still enough.
Michelle Elaine Kennedy
#23. Women are often pushed into the idea that they write softer, more character-driven jokes.
Allison Silverman
#24. Listen: Love your fiction, even if you hate the act of creating that fiction, love the stories to a fault. Cry at your tragedies, laugh at your jokes, rejoice at your character's victories - or give it all up and go knit a damned sweater, instead.
Caitlin R. Kiernan
#25. I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.
Anthony Jeselnik
#26. When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, "I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty."
Jon Stewart
#27. I wrote. I wrote all the things I couldn't say to him. I wrote about how much I believed in us. I wrote about how much I trusted God. I wrote that I was praying for him. I wrote down all the jokes I could remember, which weren't many.
Kimberly Novosel
#28. Everything starts with writing. And then to support your vision, your ideas, your philosophy, your jokes, whatever, you've gotta perform them and/or direct them, or sometimes just produce them.
Mel Brooks
#29. I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.
Al Madrigal
#30. There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. So it sort of selects itself. It has to. And plus, often something that wouldn't be funny at the time is okay to make jokes about later.
Calvin Trillin
#31. I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me ... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree.
Chris Rock
#32. People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter.
Nick Thune
#33. The difficulty in the way of writing a children's play is that Barrie was born too soon. Many people must have felt the same about Shakespeare. We who came later have no chance. What fun to have been Adam, and to have had the whole world of plots and jokes and stories at one's disposal.
A.A. Milne
#34. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.
Dave Attell
#35. Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw.
Woody Allen
#36. Jokes that are gratuitously offensive are synonymous with bad writing to me. I'm offended as a writer first and as a person second.
Rachel Bloom
#37. I have this natural thing in my head that when I sit down to write something serious, I tend to make jokes. I can't help it. I can't help but desire for the narrative to be as complicated and as truthful as possible. That's just the way my head works.
Justin Simien
#38. I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my writing for the amusement of readers.
Armistead Maupin
#39. There are things you do when you're writing that are so fun to do it's almost like they're private jokes that are amusing to you but no one else is going to enjoy them nearly as much and you worry you're going to have to take them out in the end.
Chad Harbach
#40. People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
Daniel Tosh
#41. I don't have to write jokes. I don't have to write insults. If you ask the man of the hour in the hot seat, my mere existence is clearly insult enough.
Rachael Ray
#42. Character is character and voice is voice, which translates nicely from writing novels to writing TV. But the process is different. You have a writer's room, people pitch you jokes and you collaborate.
Jennifer Weiner
#43. I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
David Cross
#44. I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.
Drew Carey
#45. Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.
Margaret Mahy
#46. I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.
Anthony Jeselnik
#47. I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?"
Chris Rock
#48. I do Twitter, but I'm still not great on it - I'm not good at writing short little jokes, so my Twitter's not really a jokey thing.
Cecily Strong
#49. I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.
Jim Gaffigan
#50. Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
Aziz Ansari
#51. I always remember writing a page of jokes for a comedian and handing it to him backstage at a club and he read it and then took his cigarette lighter and lit the page on.
Garry Marshall
#52. I think my one of my strengths in standup is my ability to adlib. I do all my best writing on stage. I can sit down and write jokes, but I'd rather go on stage with a premise or an idea and let the jokes come that way. My creative juices are never flowing any better than when I'm onstage.
Henry Cho
#53. Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.
Anthony Jeselnik
#54. In my early writing, all of my characters were exactly the same person. They all spoke the same, made the same types of jokes, reacted the same, etc. I think they were all just me in disguise.
James Dashner
#55. If you play Mark Twain and he's not funny, you are definitely not playing Mark Twain. That was the biggest challenge, in some ways. Writing and performing jokes that can come out of that brilliant delivery system he constructed: the friendly, avuncular truth-teller.
Val Kilmer
#56. Pointing out the emotion in a scene is like laughing at your own jokes.
Diana Gabaldon
#57. The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing, and we laugh at our own jokes.
Adrian Edmondson
#58. My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.
Woody Allen
#59. If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.
Scott Adams
#60. She used to write all the time,' Elizabeth explained, 'before she lost all that weight. Remember? When she was the butt of everyone's jokes instead of the girl all the boys want to date?
Francine Pascal
#61. I think sketch writing is a good spot for everyone to start because it requires you to develop characters, have a beginning, middle and end and have a bunch of jokes in a short amount of time.
Blake Anderson
#62. Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
#63. A sign read "Free drinks for billiards competitors only." Hand-lettered below read "All others will pay." It was written in blood. I could tell because a red fairy with what looked like black insect wings was writing it at the time, with his own dismembered finger.
Red Tash
#64. Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why.
Chris Hardwick
#65. I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny.
John Mulaney
#66. As a comedian, I'm like one of those on-the-scene reporters. I will actually go and try to find disasters so I can write jokes as the disasters unfold.
Paul Provenza
#67. I actually write some pretty tough jokes. I don't want to push the "soft" angle too much.
Allison Silverman
#68. I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
Jackie Mason
#69. Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
Dov Davidoff
#70. There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that's just a written joke, versus the comedy of the situation. Ideally, you're pulling as much comedy out of the situation as you can.
John Mulaney
#71. I think things evolve into jokes. I don't generally write them down as jokes. I talk them out.
Marc Maron
#72. I'm just having fun making jokes and writing books. But you see me once a year, I come on when I have a new book out, but basically, I've got my nose to the grindstone and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do in life, which is make stories.
T.C. Boyle
#73. A professional writer is a joke. You write because you can't do anything else, and then you have another job.
Jamaica Kincaid
#74. When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And I really don't care where it goes.
Dave Barry
#75. What I didn't realize is that the writing process for comedies is that you do your table read, and if you aren't funny on that first day during the table read, they take your jokes away and give them to somebody else.
David Morse
#76. If you're going to have a book full of clever people and nobody ever jokes, it's just not going to ring true to the reader. That said, humor writing is the hardest kind of writing there is.
Patrick Rothfuss
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