Dov Davidoff Famous Quotes & Sayings

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Top 100 Dov Davidoff Quotes

#1. If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor. - Author: Dov Davidoff
Dov Davidoff Quotes #1117570
#2. Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#3. Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#4. Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#5. The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#6. I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#7. Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#8. If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#9. I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#10. Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#11. Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do ... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#12. Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#13. The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#14. Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#15. White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#16. Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#17. Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#18. Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#19. I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#20. You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#21. One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#22. Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#23. Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#24. The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#25. Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#26. People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#27. Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#28. A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#29. I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#30. Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#31. TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#32. Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#33. I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#34. I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#35. Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#36. My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#37. If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#38. Parenthood seems really rewarding ... like martyrdom, but without the glamour. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#39. People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#40. I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#41. When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#42. Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#43. I think you have a lot to offer ... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#44. If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#45. I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#46. America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#47. I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#48. People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#49. Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#50. Latin women enjoy being women more than other women. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#51. Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#52. Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#53. Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#54. If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood. - Author: Dov Davidoff
Dov Davidoff Quotes #424607
#55. Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#56. There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#57. The more I get to know people, the less I know about people. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#58. Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#59. When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#60. Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#61. I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#62. We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#63. Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#64. Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#65. Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#66. The man I want to be could easily beat me up. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#67. It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#68. Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth ... I guess. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#69. Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#70. The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#71. Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'. - Author: Dov Davidoff
Dov Davidoff Quotes #121371
#72. Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#73. The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face. - Author: Dov Davidoff
Dov Davidoff Quotes #84827
#74. Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#75. Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror? - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#76. It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#77. I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#78. I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#79. Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#80. Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#81. Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#82. At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#83. Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#84. Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#85. Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness? - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#86. Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#87. If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#88. Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#89. The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#90. People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#91. Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#92. If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#93. Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#94. Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#95. The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#96. Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#97. Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#98. No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#99. Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason. - Author: Dov Davidoff
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#100. How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more? - Author: Dov Davidoff
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