Quotes About Jokes

#1. But I know this is impossible. I know that the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get. The old life, the jokes, the drinks, the arguments, the lovemaking, the tiny, heartbreaking commonplace.

C.S. Lewis

#2. - Obviously, we're hoping that the weather forecasters are wrong, the way they tend to be about ninety-eight percent of the time
A few adults chuckled at that lameness. I remember thinking, hoping, that I would never turn into the kind of person who though weather jokes were funny.

Siobhan Vivian

#3. There are things you do when you're writing that are so fun to do it's almost like they're private jokes that are amusing to you but no one else is going to enjoy them nearly as much and you worry you're going to have to take them out in the end.

Chad Harbach

#4. The government, the state, they're just objects of jokes rather than serious consideration. I can't possibly take them seriously.

Joseph Brodsky

#5. Jokes, secrets, complicities; a glance here, a word there: that is their way of being together, of being apart.

J.M. Coetzee

#6. I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it.

David E. Kelley

#7. I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.

Jo Brand

#8. I've never had sex. Never wanted to. Not with a man or a woman or an animal, though my family jokes about it. And I never will. The thought of it disgusts me.

Marie Phillips

#9. I think very long and hard about every possibly offensive joke I want to make. I really hate mean humor and would hate to make anyone reading my jokes feel truly bad.

Megan Amram

#10. I like things that are immature and offbeat and bizarre. Random jokes. Weird stuff. And stupid. Stupid is the highest compliment a person can pay to me.

Andy Samberg

#11. I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

Amy Schumer

#12. You're gonna be like Aquaman?" she asked. "Get the fish to fight for you?"
"Thanks," Percy said. "I haven't heard enough Aquaman jokes for one lifetime.

Rick Riordan

#13. Words played an important part in my growing up. Not only the written word ... but words that flew through the air: jokes, riddles, puns.

James Howe

#14. One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me ... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter.

Duane G. Carey

#15. I don't know how it all at once came to me to talk a lot, tell jokes, kick up, and suddenly have views. When it was time to have them, there was no telling how I picked them from the air.

Saul Bellow

#16. [The people that worked on The Simpsons] just had good taste. They knew how to execute absurd jokes.

Eric Andre

#17. People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.

Daniel Tosh

#18. Boys from my generation all love Jim Carrey! But you know, just being in his house with him and pitching jokes that he would act out, literally felt like the dreams that I had, so it was amazing.

John Francis Daley

#19. Whites and Indians laughed at most of the same jokes, but they laughed for different reasons.

Sherman Alexie

#20. An informal tone can ignore some grammar rules, crack jokes, and generally allows more creative freedom. When you need to come across as more friendly and likable, adopt a more informal tone. Brands that are specifically targeting Generation Y often take this approach.

Gabriel Aluisy

#21. This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes on the set about what they actually look like. But, see, I personally think they'd be a great toy. So ... just batteries aren't included.

Kevin Sorbo

#22. Something about not waiting for the laugh of a laugh track allows you to take lines that otherwise might be seen as just direct jokes, and make them seem realistic.

Mitchell Hurwitz

#23. in this society, things you'd think could only be bad jokes actually happen all the time.

Banana Yoshimoto

#24. All jokes aside, if you hurt her again, I will fucking murder you, and I'm not talking about a nice quiet murder, I'm talking dick cut off, internal organs everywhere kind of murder. So please, be mindful of that.

Claire Contreras

#25. And another ingredient for your pot of adolescent jokes soup." The

Love Belvin

#26. In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

Frank Dane

#27. I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.

Lee Trevino

#28. Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.

Jimmy Fallon

#29. You are a fucking delight, princess. It's like you know the dirty jokes in my head I'm too scared to make in front of you.

Melanie Harlow

#30. Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself.

Mike Birbiglia

#31. There were very strict social conventions, and you adhered to it, and I think it gave you a lot of character. When a man said something, he meant it. He wasn't kidding around. There were no jokes involved. Nobody was in the mood to joke unless you hit a guy with a baseball bat.

Jack Kirby

#32. Even 'Lord of the Rings' had dwarf-tossing jokes in it. It's like, 'Really?'

Peter Dinklage

#33. What gets me, Varinka, is not really the lack of money but all those little troubles life is full of, all whispering, all those jeers and jokes.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#34. If you like quick put-downs and aggressive interactions with the audience, you will probably not enjoy the rambles of an unusual character act making jokes about cats for an hour.

Amy Hoggart

#35. Jokes are many things. 'Funny' is only one of them.

Melinda Chapman

#36. I don't know how to tell a joke. I never tell jokes. I can tell stories that happened to me ... anecdotes. But never a joke.

Lucille Ball

#37. I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous.

David Cross

#38. Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to Tottenham and to Rangers, and saw the same thing: that the natural state of a football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score.

Nick Hornby

#39. My act's not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes.

Judah Friedlander

#40. My goal is to be exactly how I am offstage - although I realize I'm supposed to punctuate it with jokes.

Andy Kindler

#41. End of the Summer
It was end of the summer
And my heart was broken
but i was smiling, laughing, making jokes
Like there was nothing bleeding inside
As always.

Arzum Uzun

#42. Yes, I was slightly outside everything when I was growing up. My mother jokes that I was exchanged at birth. She brought us up to have traditional values. She was absolutely not part of the '60s generation.

Janet McTeer

#43. I believe that a perfect house is like a perfect person; no one really wants to be around them and everyone secretly hates them. Be the weird person. Be the interesting person, the person that sometimes says inappropriate things or laughs too loud at jokes, and have your home reflect who you are.

Emily Henderson

#44. Another day gone and no jokes.

Flann O'Brien

#45. Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was telling jokes for a living.

Jamie Foxx

#46. I think jokes can actually go to places that drama can't.

Robert Webb

#47. Fate does not play jokes.

Gamal Abdel Nasser

#48. The Scripture warns about evil communications that corrupt good manners. Off-color jokes and dirty stories have no place in the Christian life. Thousands of people are engaging in immorality by the way they talk. Keep your talk pure. Ask God to purify your tongue.

Billy Graham

#49. Jokes in the face of calamity made one feel dirty, guilty; they also dissolved the fear and lessened the weight of uncertainty, of which there was to much to bear.

Elif Shafak

#50. What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

Carlos Mencia

#51. I enjoy life. I always enjoy jokes.

Ivan Lendl

#52. Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

Steven Wright

#53. Yeah, I crack myself up a lot more than I crack anybody else up, but that is okay. At least I am smart enough to get my own jokes.

Corey Taylor

#54. I don't have to write jokes. I don't have to write insults. If you ask the man of the hour in the hot seat, my mere existence is clearly insult enough.

Rachael Ray

#55. You young men have too many jokes. When there are no jokes you've nothing left.

Henry James

#56. All day my mind drifts off into fantasies and little stupid jokes.

Jean-Pierre Jeunet

#57. I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.

Amy Schumer

#58. When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents!

Dick Bruna

#59. I'm the youngest of four, and I'm always the clown - making the jokes, wanting attention.

Rose Byrne

#60. I could never do stand-up because it's that thing of having to get up on stage. And out of every 10 jokes you tell, nine of them have to get a really good response.

Daniel Radcliffe

#61. These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all.

David Mitchell

#62. I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.

Noel Fielding

#63. He was the class clown, the court jester, because he'd learn early that if you cracked jokes and pretended you weren't scared, you usually didn't get beat up. Even the baddest gangster kids would tolerate you, keep you around for laughs. Plus, humor was a good way to hide the pain

Rick Riordan

#64. Life likes jokes; life is constantly making jokes, even at the most inopportune moments.

Elizabeth McCracken

#65. I like sort of esoteric and weird Twitter jokes. But I actually unfollow people if they make jokes about a celebrity's death within the first two minutes of that celebrity dying.

Timothy Simons

#66. My knowledge of the universe is that if I write stupid jokes, the universe gives me a really nice house and great meals. I do not believe mankind will ever develop a formula to explain this.

Joel Klein

#67. It seems to me that romantic comedies used to be about falling in love, but in recent years they've really become just comedies where the love story is only there as a spine to hang the jokes on.

Nigel Cole

#68. You can never have a thousand percent batting average on jokes - it's just never going to happen.

Paul Feig

#69. There are no lame jokes. There are lame jokers.

Abdullah Abu Snaineh

#70. Schadenfreude is as old as the Scriptures. Believe me, when the girls in the Red Sea bowling league heard that Lot's wife had morphed into a pillar of salt, the deer-lick jokes flew.

Dennis Miller

#71. When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

Jeff Dunham

#72. Make a list of all the lovers you've ever had.
Warren Lasher
Ed "Rubberhead" Catapano
Charles Deats or Keats
Alfonse
Tuck it in your pocket. Leave it lying around, conspicuously. Somehow you lose it. Make "mislaid" jokes to yourself. Make another list.

Lorrie Moore

#73. You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!

Tina Fey

#74. It's pretty easy to hear what people are physically responding to versus what's just flat as a pancake in the room when it comes to jokes.

Elizabeth Banks

#75. It's tough being a dictator, but I've always thought it must be tougher being a hanger-on to a dictator. The late nights spent listening to his crazed ranting, the weary rictus grin from smiling at bad jokes, the draining knowledge that one misjudged comment could land you on the chopping block.

John Niven

#76. I feel that after all those horrible reviews and jokes, I wasn't crazy all these years to stand up for the music I believe in. This album has proven that somewhere in the human race, the human heart is still racing and breaking and I am so grateful.

Barry Manilow

#77. What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

Steven Wright

#78. I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

Allan Sloan

#79. A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.

Dave Attell

#80. It was one of God's jokes that such a dumb mind had been put in such an eloquent body.

Charlaine Harris

#81. Jokes are so personal, and they bring us together in so many ways.

Mike Birbiglia

#82. There's a lot of hypocrisy in audiences. I'd never dream of telling even on a nightclub stage, let alone my show, some of the jokes that are told in a lot of the living rooms from which we get those letters!

Johnny Carson

#83. Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.'

Ron Funches

#84. Some of our jokes we made up on the fly. I love Lecrae; we have been friends for a while and he is just one of my favorite people.

Bart Millard

#85. Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

Dov Davidoff

#86. I learned to think about religion, race and sex through the complex and often unattractive medium of jokes.

Andrew Hudgins

#87. For generations comedians have made jokes about Scots-Irish in the South inter-breeding. "I am my own grandpa" and all that stuff; you know, because they all were marrying their first cousins.

Ishmael Reed

#88. I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

Tahar Ben Jelloun

#89. That, my dear Liv, was confidence. Talk to someone. Make jokes with them. Seem interested in what they are saying even if they're dull as mud." He shrugged. "Anyone... anyone at all, can be glamoured if you know how.

Danika Stone

#90. Wait, it's going to fall," I say, pointing to the banner. "Pull it tighter-there, yeah, see how loose it is?"
"A little to the left" Isaac mocks me, grinning. "A little to the right?"
I stick my tongue out at him.
"Better be careful with that thing," he jokes.

J.A. Redmerski

#91. 28Just leave in peace the one who waits in silence, patiently bearing the burden of God; 29Just don't interfere if he falls, gape-mouthed in the dust. There may well be hope yet. 30Just let him offer his cheek when struck. Let him be the butt of jokes.

Anonymous

#92. There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

Larry David

#93. I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.

Daniel Tosh

#94. I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.

Paula Poundstone

#95. Everyone can write jokes and makes things clever.

David Walton

#96. People think computers are different from people because they don't have minds, even though, in the Turing test, computers can have conversations with people about the weather and wine and what Italy is like, and they can even tell jokes.

Mark Haddon

#97. I make jokes. That's what I do.

Wyatt Cenac

#98. I'm from New York, I make kind of somewhat maybe lewd, at times - maybe some would say dirty - jokes. But in jest.

Sarah Michelle Gellar

#99. I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes.

Bruce Forsyth

#100. It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

Brian P. Cleary