Top 100 Chris Rock Quotes
#1. Women can have all the evidence but they still want the confession.
Chris Rock
#2. It's easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever.
Chris Rock
#3. No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.
Chris Rock
#4. I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?"
Chris Rock
#5. When you make comedy, you make it for the people and you try to have as many screenings and as many tests and you do focus groups and you read the cards and you try to give the people what they want in this comedy.
Chris Rock
#6. Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!
Chris Rock
#7. Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.
Chris Rock
#8. I do what I can do when I can do it.
Chris Rock
#9. Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everyone else.
Chris Rock
#10. I'm like the Hulk on stage. It's way over the top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go What did I say?! I'll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go Eww, that was mean.
Chris Rock
#11. Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.
Chris Rock
#12. I have my own demons and dark moods. It's weird.
Chris Rock
#13. I took my AlDS test. You start reflecting ... You start thinking about every nasty, skank-ass ... It's like the movie Scrooge, and the Ghost of Pussy Past comes.
Chris Rock
#14. I never had the confidence to say I was going to be in front of the camera as a comedian until I saw Eddie Murphy years later.
Chris Rock
#15. I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life 'cause comedians are their own species. If you get away from them, especially as a comedian, I think it's dangerous.
Chris Rock
#16. You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.
Chris Rock
#17. If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.
Chris Rock
#18. Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check ... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"
Chris Rock
#19. There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking about what they see. But we seldom talk about what we feel.
Chris Rock
#20. The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let's hope America keeps producing nicer white people.
Chris Rock
#21. An entertainer's reputation as a live act is the most valuable thing he or she can have. If people know you give good shows, you'll never be broke for the rest of your life.
Chris Rock
#23. We got no wealthy black people. We got rich people. Shaq is rich. The guy who signs his checks is wealthy.
Chris Rock
#24. There's always a moment in any stand-up show I do where people are booing. They kinda boo a premise. And then I bail myself out with a joke. But it's like trying to do movies where there's a dramatic undertone.
Chris Rock
#25. People basically aren't that racist. They want their laughs. If I make a white guy laugh, he's gonna come see me. He's not gonna go see the white guy who doesn't make him laugh just because that guy is white.
Chris Rock
#26. Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.
Chris Rock
#27. Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
Chris Rock
#28. Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
Chris Rock
#29. No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.
Chris Rock
#30. You got a gun, you don't have to work out.
Chris Rock
#31. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.
Chris Rock
#32. A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
Chris Rock
#33. Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.
Chris Rock
#34. They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.
Chris Rock
#35. Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
Chris Rock
#36. Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.
Chris Rock
#37. Men do not settle down. Men surrender.
Chris Rock
#38. Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
Chris Rock
#39. I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.
Chris Rock
#40. When I started out in comedy, it was common knowledge that it took about 10 years to get good. And that was okay because it took you about 9 years to get on television.
Chris Rock
#41. If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets,
Chris Rock
#42. I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.
Chris Rock
#43. Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
Chris Rock
#44. People are the same wherever you go. And if they weren't, they wouldn't laugh at the same s**t.
Chris Rock
#45. I met so many people after I got rich and famous, and I learned that you can't ultimately trust people unless they were your friends when you were broke.
Chris Rock
#46. It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can't beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.
Chris Rock
#47. Every now and then I'm in a situation where someone doesn't recognize me, and I experience racism. Things like not being buzzed into a store or sitting in first class on a plane and having someone ask to see my ticket four times.
Chris Rock
#48. My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars. And I bought a red Corvette for $45,000 dollars. I'm thinking, 'I've got 45 grand left!' Taxes didn't even come into my equation. At the end of the first year of making 90 grand I was 25, 30 in the hole. We live in this baller, spend-money culture.
Chris Rock
#49. My mother always says: "You know better, so you'll be punished. Your friends don't know better, so they won't be punished. They can go snatch chains and they'll be fine. But if you snatch chains, you'll end up in jail because you know better."
Chris Rock
#50. I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.
Chris Rock
#51. When a musical act performs, the black audience goes crazy for all the stuff, the album cuts, everything. White audiences, they're nice and all, but they're not going to lose it until they get the hits. Comedy is the same thing.
Chris Rock
#52. Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense
Chris Rock
#53. Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
Chris Rock
#54. Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
Chris Rock
#55. When people try to read between the lines - critics, they have a job. Their job is to make something bigger than it is.
Chris Rock
#56. School shootings were invented by blacks ... and stolen by the white man.
Chris Rock
#57. Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.
Chris Rock
#58. You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.
Chris Rock
#59. I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law.
Chris Rock
#60. You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?
Chris Rock
#61. I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.
Chris Rock
#62. If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!
Chris Rock
#63. If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.
Chris Rock
#64. Artistically I'm curious. But in life? No. I can go to a restaurant and order the same thing for 10 years.
Chris Rock
#65. They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.
Chris Rock
#66. Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?
Chris Rock
#67. I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that.
Chris Rock
#68. I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.
Chris Rock
#70. You want to track Hollywood careers, look in the real estate section. You see a guy buy a house that costs $6 million, and you can literally start counting the days until he starts doing crappy movies.
Chris Rock
#71. I've remade a few movies and they all have one thing in common: great endings. If you're going to remake something, make sure that ending is tight. It's a little less challenging, if you have a great ending. If you don't have a great ending, don't remake the movie.
Chris Rock
#72. There's bad and then there's EDDY CURRY BAD.
Chris Rock
#73. Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.
Chris Rock
#74. Men lie the most,
women tell the biggest lies.
Chris Rock
#75. Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?
Chris Rock
#76. So there's a cloud of rage around me, but being an artist kind of changes that. No matter what you thought coming in, what ignorant thing you believed, you're in show business for two years, you're like, "OK, I was wrong." It's hard to be mad at any particular group of people when you're an artist.
Chris Rock
#77. Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we're all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it's like this is where I need to be.
Chris Rock
#78. The only plan I have is to not do anything I don't want to do - and to never work just for money.
Chris Rock
#79. Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.
Chris Rock
#80. You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!
Chris Rock
#81. Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was to be a teenager. Boy, was I wrong.
Chris Rock
#82. If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it's not that smart.
Chris Rock
#83. A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
Chris Rock
#84. I love seeing black people do normal things, being judged as normal people.
Chris Rock
#85. When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them, you're meeting their representative.
Chris Rock
#86. Black comics, they only watch Black comedians. You're a comedian; you're not just a Black comedian. You're a comedian. I try to get that through to everybody.
Chris Rock
#87. When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.
Chris Rock
#88. A black Christian is like a black person with no memory.
Chris Rock
#89. All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?
Chris Rock
#90. You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.
Chris Rock
#91. I don't think my comedy is that political. It's more social. But whatever. When you make comedy and you do stand-up, you work alone. Movies have to go under so much scrutiny. A stand-up special is a vision, and a movie is a consensus in a lot of ways.
Chris Rock
#92. When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
Chris Rock
#93. All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.
Chris Rock
#94. The only reaction that frightens me is people not laughing. It's extraordinary to me when you get a laugh. That you can go in front of a bunch of people you never met before, you can say some stuff and they all laugh in unison - that's amazing. It's a miracle.
Chris Rock
#95. I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy ... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie.
Chris Rock
#96. Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.
Chris Rock
#97. I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.
Chris Rock
#98. Not a Harvard-type education, ... Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
Chris Rock
#99. It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.
Chris Rock
#100. A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you're surrounded by an entourage, you're not living in your head.
Chris Rock
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