Humor Thought Quotes

#1. I stared at him (Dionysus). You're ... you're married? But I thought you got in trouble for chasing a wood nymph-

Rick Riordan

#2. In other words, he looked like uniformed police hotness, and she wasn't entirely uninterested in being cuffed. Wait. That's a bad thought. I don't mean it. She took him in again, her throat suddenly dry. Well, she didn't exactly not mean it, but she knew better than to want it.

Cindi Madsen

#3. Once I thought I found love, but then I realized I was just out
of cigarettes.

Jeffrey McDaniel

#4. He had no idea about the 'loving deeply' part. Scarlet was the one love he'd had. They'd married the weekend after they'd discovered they both like sangria. He'd thought they were waltzing through life and it turned out she was line dancing.

Jodi Thomas

#5. The cops got out of the car and came straight towards me. My first thought was, How hypocritical ... They head straight for the kid all in black ...

Bella Shadow

#6. One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.

Mitch Hedberg

#7. The basis of love that most people share is the intimacy they developed with their partners, the intensity of their attraction, or the similarity of their thought patterns,

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#8. Jim finished his beer and wondered how in the hell he'd found himself in the role of Cupid. Man, if those four lads even thought about getting him to wear the wings and a diaper while he nocked his arrow, he was so renegotiating his employee contract. And not with words.

J.R. Ward

#9. I thought you people had a manual for this kind of thing."
He laughed. "We have a manual. Magic doesn't.

Devon Monk

#10. And if the Colonel thought that calling me his friend would make me stand by him, well, he was right.

John Green

#11. Falderson," he said quietly to Bahzell in passable Navahkan, "is as stupid as the day is long." He craned his neck to gaze up at the hradani and shook his head. "In fact, he's even stupider than I thought. You, sir, are the biggest damned hradani-no offense-I think I've ever seen.

David Weber

#12. I've never stunned anyone except in our D.A. lessons," said Luna, sounding mildly interested. "That was noisier than I thought it would be.

J.K. Rowling

#13. Fat Charlie thought it highly likely that Rosie's mum went out at night in bat form to suck the blood from sleeping innocents. He had mentioned this theory to Rosie once, but she had failed to see the humor in it. Rosie

Neil Gaiman

#14. I like Thomas Jefferson, though he intimidated me. I thought he would have been very tough to be around. I don't know if he had such a sense of humor.

Maira Kalman

#15. Now that I thought of it, perhaps whacking the burglar wasn't quite ... necessary.
It occurred to me that he said "Hi." I thought he did, anyway. He said hi. Do burglars usually
greet their victims? Hi. I'd like to rob your house. Does that work for you?

Kristan Higgins

#16. Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day. The Yellow Kid was predicated on what people thought was funny about the immigrant Irish. When you're different in a society, you're funny.

Will Eisner

#17. Blodgett and Hobart are named for and oven and a mixer?" Justin asked. "Huh. And all this time I thought they were named for some unfortunate relatives.

Jenn McKinlay

#18. Nick subjected him to a long, judgmental stare. "There's something very wrong with you," he said at last. "I thought you should know.

Sarah Rees Brennan

#19. I have been quiet today because fear in my heart has been fighting with frustration in my brain, leaving little energy for my mouth.

Camron Wright

#20. As I sat in the hot, salty water, I thought, 'No wonder Mr. Bubble always gives me a urinary tract infection and hives.' Mr. Bubble was for common people. Mr. Bubble was for my so-called brother, their true child. I was a Vanderbilt. I should bathe in condiments and seasonings.

Augusten Burroughs

#21. Perhaps naively I thought people understand what humor was, that it was invented by the human race to cope with the dark areas of life, problems and terrors.

Bill Forsyth

#22. Holy Avon, Batman, I thought as worry relaxed into annoyance-tinged humor, I've been attacked by a multilevel marketer.

Patricia Briggs

#23. All groups are a little intimidated by ya show of power. I mean who ever thought the monarchy was dead didn't realize it changed zip codes. - Cross

Mira Monroe

#24. Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.

Robert Collier

#25. I used to look at Jinks and marvel at her smooth complexion, but over the years I have come to realise that she has been spared wrinkles by virtue of never having succumbed to heavy thought.

Sandi Toksvig

#26. I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

Mitch Hedberg

#27. Sorry, I thought I was just thinking that.

Kelly Oxford

#28. I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She would'nt do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end.

Jennifer Crusie

#29. If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

Josh Stern

#30. Thorn, Gardener, get it? More skeptical people tended to believe that the Thorn family simply named itself after their high position in the Gardeners. I had my own theory. I thought his name was Thorn because he's a giant prick.

Erica Lindquist

#31. That's brilliant."
"I thought so. But I'm glad you agree. It will make this journey much more pleasant if you are impressed with my brilliance.

Sarah Beth Durst

#32. And I thought
when you're a half-hour late, and your friends think you're in jail, it's probably a sign you steal too much.

CrimethInc.

#33. Helios thought he looked pretty hot, and he had an annoying habit of calling the sun his chick magnet.

Rick Riordan

#34. I am an unlikely guardian. A month ago I thought the Medicare doughnut hole was a breakfast special for seniors. I am a care inflictor.

George Hodgman

#35. I thought I was in love, but it was only a head cold. (Humans)

Robert Emmett

#36. Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes?

Tara Sivec

#37. Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because they'd get yelled at if they didn't.

Terry Pratchett

#38. His stream lasted so long I thought about throwing a quarter into the toilet bowl to make a wish.

Atom Yang

#39. When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely" ... It's a basic skill isn't it ...

Tim Vine

#40. At one point I thought I broke his face, but he turned out to just be laughing really hard.

Vali Chandrasekaran

#41. Ell?" Kate asked. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I thought I saw a spider." I shook my fist at Will and scowled. "A big, really ugly one. Sorry.

Courtney Allison Moulton

#42. Death by family silver, I thought, before I could turn off that part of my mind.

Alan Bradley

#43. I'd heard that if you saw a Reaper, you saw what you expected to see, what you thought the agents of Death would look like. Personally, I wanted to see little, fuzzy pink bunnies, but apparently my subconscious visualized tall, scary, and skeletal. My subconscious and I needed to have a long talk.

Lisa Shearin

#44. I thought about getting out and looking for some kind of clue, until I realized how silly that was. Did I think I was Tonto, faithful Indian guide? I couldn't look at a bent twig and tell how many white men had been past in the last hour.

Jeff Lindsay

#45. So it's true. You can walk in sunlight. I thought perhaps it might have worn off."
"If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know.

Cassandra Clare

#46. The trouble with cousins, Lizabeth thought, was that they knew all about you, even your allergies.

Erika Tamar

#47. Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. I'm not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one.

Mark A. Cooper

#48. The Sims is an escapist vehicle for people who want to escape to where they already are, which is why I thought this game was made precisely for me.

Chuck Klosterman

#49. He glared at Mr. Diddley's yellow-toothed smile, and thought how he'd like to shove a toothbrush in his mouth and teach him how to use it.

Justin Swapp

#50. When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.

Noel Fielding

#51. Forgive me ... I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.

Lloyd Alexander

#52. I could only approach girls half my age, so I never brought any girl home. Mom thought I was disciplined, but the truth is that I was deprived.

Nick Nwaogu

#53. [ ... ] And those women with the camera looked loose.
Excellent, Phin thought. At last, some good news.

Jennifer Crusie

#54. Can I have a glass of water?" Her voice was hoarse, probably from screaming. She'd always sounded like that after they'd-

He didn't just force the thought aside. He clubbed it unconscious, threw it into a crawl space and walled it up alive.

Jenny Trout

#55. I always thought the biggest failing of Americans was their lack of irony. They are very serious there! Naturally, there are exceptions ... the Jewish, Italian, and Irish humor of the East Coast.

Colin Firth

#56. She was a bitch,' Carl suddenly heard somebody say in the background, and that apparently refreshed everyone's memory.

yes, thought Carl with satisfaction. It's the good stable arseholes like us who are remembered best.

Jussi Adler-Olsen

#57. What a nice neat deep trench,' I said. 'Er - should Nefret be down in it?'
'She thought she saw a skull,' Ramses said. 'You know how she is about bones.

Elizabeth Peters

#58. Everybody generalizes from one example. At least, I do.

Steven Brust

#59. It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.

Steven Wright

#60. I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.

Andrea Fay Friedman

#61. - Why did blondes vote for Clinton?
- They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious!

Bryanna Reid

#62. And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.

Robert J. Morrissette

#63. Action without thought is mindlessness, and thought without action is hypocritical.

Ayn Rand

#64. I have been thinking about what might happen if they installed clappers to turn on and off the lights in a concert hall. Maybe they could spare the cost of hiring some people for the next rock concert.

Linnea Gelland

#65. Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

Eoin Colfer

#66. You have really nice teeth, Terry said and thought they could be excellent for his collection of human body parts.

Jonas Eriksson

#67. What are you doing?" she asked, trying to raise herself.
"First, I thought I'd show you what a pity it would be if they cut off my wicked tongue.

Melina Marchetta

#68. I thought I recognized you.
Really? He remembered me looking like Swamp Thing? How flattering.

Josh Lanyon

#69. Pointed teeth would give one an appearance of ferocity," he said, tapping a straight white tooth. "Although that might require one to follow through with biting someone from time to time, and the thought is enough to make one feel ill. I don't even like my meat cooked rare.

Danielle L. Jensen

#70. I must try this again, I thought; I must try again someday to sit still and not say a word. Maybe when I'm dead.

Nora Ephron

#71. The arrogant man probably thought his path to heaven was already assured, and that he acted in accordance to God's will just by breathing.

Maya Banks

#72. He had been drunk over in town, and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a sight to look at. A body would a thought he was Adam, he was just all mud.

Mark Twain

#73. But you hardley even know him"she said."He could be a serial killer"
"I did have that thought.I checked the apartment out,but if his got an ice cooler full of arms in it,I havent seen it yet.Anyway he seems pretty since.

Cassandra Clare

#74. Thought you were making a James Band Joke. Hard to tell with that accent

G. Norman Lippert

#75. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Steven Wright

#76. Well you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should.

J.K. Rowling

#77. Thinking is the most overrated human activity.

Wendell Berry

#78. I thought the two ugly ones were sisters, but they got very insulted when I asked them. You could tell neither one of them wanted to look like the other one, and you couldn't blame them, but it was very amusing anyway.

J.D. Salinger

#79. She swept away, putting an extra kink into her walk. I would not have thought that a woman with an ass that bony could make it wiggle so much but she proved me wrong.

Ilona Andrews

#80. Zaphod Beeblebrox, adventurer, ex-hippie, good-timer (crook? quite possibly), manic self-publicist, terribly bad at personal relationships, often thought to be completely out to lunch.

Douglas Adams

#81. When I started, I wanted to be thought of as tortured and seductive, not funny, but humor tends to be a reflexive part of a person's sensibility. It's an almost impossible thing to teach anyone, which leads me to believe that it's intuitive.

Mark Leyner

#82. The first clear thought I have is that I have to stop thinking with my penis. It always points me into trouble.

Jonas Eriksson

#83. Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought.

E.A. Bucchianeri

#84. I recently published a new book. It's a Christian urban fantasy about mad science gone wrong. And then after I'd written that in a blurb I thought to myself - when does mad science ever go right?!

Greg Curtis

#85. Nick stopped at the door. The grin on his face warned trouble. "By the way, loved the bows on your panties."
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Reece's jaw became so hard I thought it would snap off as he watched Nick saunter out the door.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#86. Werewolves never joke about age," he said solemnly.
"Why not?"
Connor shrugged, a smile teasing his lips. "I dunno," he finally admitted. "I just thought it sounded good.

Rose Wynters

#87. Dishwasher safe, debit only, Deborah produced from the arsenal of useful English words for immigrants, with barely a pause for thought.

Sorin Suciu

#88. This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought.

Lin Yutang

#89. What the fuck happened to you? [...] You look like you lost a fight with a lamprey. Hickey, hickey...bruise, bruise, bruise...bite. I thought that thing on your neck the other day was just a fluke. I guess not--looks like you get off on picking up a few souvenirs when you...get off. ~Crash

Jordan Castillo Price

#90. Once you've crawled into what's commonly thought of as the sordid underbelly of life, you realize it's all just different versions of normal.

Josh Kilmer-Purcell

#91. They're going to leave me. All I wanted to do was lie in the dry prickly grass with my feet in a ditch forever. I could be a convenient sort of milemarker, I thought. Get to the thief and you know you are halfway to Methana. Where ever Methana might be.

Megan Whalen Turner

#92. children spend their time for they think they have more time; adults cry over their time for they see they have less time

Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

#93. Echo lived her life according to two rules, the first of which was simple: don't get caught.
........ Some rules it would seam were meant to be broken..........
Rule number two, Echo thought snagging a pork bun from a food stall as she sailed past it. If you do get caught, run.

Melissa Grey

#94. It seemed my self defense skills had that effect on people, I thought, remembering when I threw Halette over my shoulder in Paris, twice.

Elle Klass

#95. I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."

Jim Gaffigan

#96. We thought it was nice of you to let him have a go, because, in England, he wouldn't be trusted with a pair of scissors.

Russell Brand

#97. But we are living in a skeptical and, if I may use the phrase, a thought-tormented age; and sometimes I fear that this new generation, educated or hypereducated as it is, will lack those qualities of humanity, of hospitality, of kindly humor which belonged to an older day..

James Joyce

#98. Fill me in on the details of your life."

"I thought you didn't give a shit."

"It'll give me something to do while I wait for you to stab me to death.

Christina Dodd

#99. I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

George Carlin

#100. And your excuse?' I asked.
'I'm a sociopath; I don't have to be nice,' Nicky said.
I gave him a look.
'You're mad at him.I can feel it; which means I really don't have to be nice to him.'
'I thought you were friends.'
'What part of sociopath didn't you understand?' he asked.

Laurell K. Hamilton