Top 100 Tara Sivec Quotes
#1. Absence makes the dick grow fonder, isn't that what they say?
Tara Sivec
#2. I would do anything for him, even if it meant sacrificing something of myself.
Tara Sivec
#3. When you've been hurt once, it's so hard to let go and not be afraid you won't be hurt again.
Tara Sivec
#4. My father had bought him a shirt
that said Sure you can date my daughter. In a completely unrelated topic,
have you seen my shotgun?
Tara Sivec
#5. I'd rather be a complete mess with you than spend another day shattered all over the floor alone.
Tara Sivec
#6. I suddenly had a vision of my sperm swimming around and talking in Bruce Willis's voice like in Look Who's Talking. Come on! Swim faster! This little shit has no idea we escaped from the condom! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
Tara Sivec
#7. She's calling our house. What ten-year-old girl needs to call a boy's house? A slutty ten-year-old girl, that's who. She's got her sights on our son, and before we know it, she's going to be giving him blow jobs on the back of the bus and forcing him to watch porn with her. This is our BABY, Carter!
Tara Sivec
#8. I don't blame her for walking away; I shoved her out the door and told her to go. I should have realized that she was my light. She was everything bright and beautiful about my life and it went to shit after she left. I'm going to fix this. I have to fix this.
Tara Sivec
#9. It's Life. It's the bumps and the bruises, the pain and the fear; it's messy and it's real and it's not some perfect little story that can be tied up in a bow.
Tara Sivec
#10. He was so pretty I wanted to frame him and put him on my nightstand in a totally non-creepy, non-Hannibal Lector skin-suit-wearing kind of way.
Tara Sivec
#11. Anal is pretty much the sexual duct tape of the world- it fixes everything.
I should put that on a t-shirt.
Tara Sivec
#12. People in your life will let you down sometimes. It's a fact of life. What matters is how you handle it.
Tara Sivec
#13. I was trying to figure out a way to tell him his love mayonnaise had mad skills and no one at this table could stop talking about vibrators.
Tara Sivec
#14. Oh shit, the jig is up! HIDE THE COOKIES!
Tara Sivec
#15. I DON'T EVEN FUCKING LIKE GREEN EGGS!
Tara Sivec
#16. Your tits are like Bounty. The quicker dick picker upper.
Tara Sivec
#17. I'm sorry I went away, but I DID find my way back to you and I'm never fucking leaving again." ... "It's always been you. It will ALWAYS, only be you,
Tara Sivec
#18. Um, tequila please?" I asked questioningly, enunciating each word as best as my drunken mouth would allow. So really, it came out as "Uff, shakira pea?
Tara Sivec
#19. Dude, you've been fingering that box in your pocket all this time? I thought you had crabs or something. I was going to let you borrow my cream.
Tara Sivec
#20. Yes, the answer is yes! If he keeps talking to me like that he can stick it in my ear.
Tara Sivec
#21. I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you.
Tara Sivec
#22. God said "Let there be light" and George morgan flipped the switch.
Tara Sivec
#23. Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes?
Tara Sivec
#24. I never intended to be away from school that long, but I also never intended on a baby completely fucking up my life. Er, I mean, bringing me years of great joy.
Tara Sivec
#25. Ava is like a praying mantis on crack. She will not only chew off his head after she has sex with him, she will have sex with his headless body afterwards and then light it on fire.
Tara Sivec
#26. They aren't skanks and they aren't stupid. I prefer to call them 'scantily-clad ladies with limited vocabulary.
Tara Sivec
#27. It wouldn't be weird at all if I just walked up to her and ran my tongue across her shoulder, would it? I could tell her she had a piece of food there or something. Totally normal.
Tara Sivec
#28. I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe stick it in a gift bag from Target and give it to him like a present with a nice card that says, Thank you for being you! Just a little virginity to show you may gratitude!
Tara Sivec
#29. - I'm so happy for you, Ellie - I tell her honestly.
- I'm happy for me, too - she tells me with another laugh.
Tara Sivec
#30. Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough
Tara Sivec
#31. I hope his penis falls off. I hope it rots and falls off inside of Miss Teen USA, therefore causing her perfect, twenty-two-year-old vagina to rot and fall out of her thong when she sneezes.
Tara Sivec
#32. If you ramble enough, people will think what you're saying is true, right?
Tara Sivec
#33. So, this is the story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down ... no, seriously, it is. Stop singing, you heartless bastards. I'm
Tara Sivec
#34. It's mind-blowing and delicious and better
than finding a pot of gold, a unicorn, and a leprechaun who shits diamonds at
the end of a rainbow.
Tara Sivec
#35. I'm not scared because I can't give you my love in return, I'm scared because I love you so much sometimes it's hard to breathe."
[ ... ]
"Everything I have to give, it's yours. It's always been yours.
Tara Sivec
#36. Wow, I'm surprised you remembered. When you left the bar you were crying and singing at the top of your lungs ' I got ninety-nine problems and the bitch is all of them.
Tara Sivec
#37. I never should have left you. I'll never stop loving you, even if you hate me for walking away.
Tara Sivec
#38. It's easy fixing other people's problems. It's my own that can suck it.
Tara Sivec
#39. Could you stand still please?' Sylvia says in an irritated voice. If she had sweaty balls and an almost-boner she wouldn't be so judgmental. Am I right, or am I right?
Tara Sivec
#40. I was going to have to tell people I got fired from selling dildos. I can't even sell fake cocks to a room full or horny women. How do you come back from that shit?
Tara Sivec
#41. No one likes an ugly crier. It's uncomfortable for all parties involved.
Tara Sivec
#42. Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they cut your wiener," Gavin sang as he pointed his gun at random objects.
"Wow, cops have gotten pretty hardcore lately" Carter muttered.
Tara Sivec
#43. Do not enter, closed for repairs, zombies will eat your face if you try to touch this vagina.
Tara Sivec
#44. But if you were given the chance to go back, to tell the truth instead of lie to save someone's life and their feelings ... would you?
Tara Sivec
#45. It's okay, my penis is not offended in the least that it just made you throw up
Tara Sivec
#46. Will you stop calling it 'stalking'? That's such a harsh term. I prefer 'anonymous following.
Tara Sivec
#47. There's nothing more sensual than watching a man struggle to keep himself in check when he's looking at you.
Tara Sivec
#48. If you spelled George Morgan wrong on Google it didn't say, "Did you mean George Morgan?" It simply replied, "Run while you still have the chance.
Tara Sivec
#49. You make everything perfect, Lucy. You're my light and my life and all I need is your love to guide me home, no matter where I go.
Tara Sivec
#50. I'm a quirky, intelligent, dark haired chick! Me, me, me, pick me! And who the hell keeps whining and ruining my perfect moment? I will cut a bitch.
Tara Sivec
#51. This is where my story begins. Or ends. I can never really decide.
Tara Sivec
#52. You wouldn't know what the fuck to do in a dangerous situation if your life depended on it. And it would, little one.
Tara Sivec
#53. You know what happens when you assume things?"
I left out a sigh. "You make an ass out of you and me."
...
"No, you just make an ass out of you. Me, I would never be this assy
Tara Sivec
#54. Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me that four-year-olds get woodys? I am not equipped to deal with this shit, Liz.
Tara Sivec
#55. This is supposed to be a surprise - a huge, life-changing surprise that could make or break our future. Or my kneecaps if George decides he really does hate me.
Tara Sivec
#56. Granted, she was obviously one lick away from riding the short bus
Tara Sivec
#57. It's going down, and it's going down right the fuck now. I don't care if there is a room full of witnesses
Tara Sivec
#58. I had been out of the game for too long. I couldn't even get drunk and flirt anymore. I could however, get drunk and look like a stroke victim.
Tara Sivec
#59. And all of it was a prime example of why I wasn't jumping on board the marriage band wagon just yet. My dad had struck out three times and my mom twice when she had finally decided marriage wasn't for her when I was twelve and packed up to get a condo in the city.
Tara Sivec
#60. Don't you ever forget that, hummingbird. You can go anywhere you want to go, be anything you want to be. Play because you love it and for no other reason. The day you stop loving it is the day it becomes a job. Making music should never be a job.
Tara Sivec
#61. Death changes everyone ... It changes the way you think, the way you feel, and the way you live your life. Sometimes it makes you thankful for what you have, but more often than not, it makes you regret what you've lost.
Tara Sivec
#62. I should ask her to marry me now. If I do it while she's coming, she probably won't be able to say no. It would be physically impossible. Like performing a sex exorist. THE POWER OF THE ORGASM COMPELS YOU!
Tara Sivec
#63. His voice made me want to take my pants off.
Claire
Tara Sivec
#64. I love my best friends, but sometimes, I want to punch them in the face. Lovingly, of course.
Tara Sivec
#65. I'm going to remind her why we're perfect for each other. I'm going to show her that there's no one else on this earth that can love her like I can.
Tara Sivec
#66. I hate every moment that I'm away from her, but I will do whatever it takes to find the man she once loved and bring him back to her.
Tara Sivec
#67. If you two yentas are finished discussing Claire's rabid who-ha, me and the boys would like to eat sometime this century."
"You and 'the boys?' You just met them today. Does the Ya Ya Brotherhood already have a secret handshake and a password?" Liz joked.
Tara Sivec
#68. visions of just how he plans on being a better boyfriend taking over my dreams instead of dancing sugar plums.
Tara Sivec
#69. I don't give a fuck who can hear us, Garrett said angrily. This one's for me.
Tara Sivec
#70. He's been hung up on a one-night-stand he had five years ago with a girl that smelled like Cocoa Puffs.
Tara Sivec
#71. Did you see that? The fuck I give. It went that way.
Tara Sivec
#72. Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God damn you Brenda and Sonny for making me lose focus.
Tara Sivec
#73. I had the phone in my hand all set to dial when Drew had finally decided to tell me that he pooped in the litter box a few times to see what it was like.
Tara Sivec
#74. I'm gonna make like a fetus and head out.
Tara Sivec
#75. You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you, Garrett joked.
Tara Sivec
#76. I'm sorry, what do you want to order?"
"A virgin. I want to order a virgin.
Tara Sivec
#77. Why the hell is he standing there looking so God damned hot that I want to mount his face.
Tara Sivec
#78. You are always the light in my darkness. You're the reason I'm alive, you're the reason I'm here and you're the reason I breathe, every day.
Tara Sivec
#79. Jenny can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose and she guns my cock like a champ since she misplaced her false teeth!
Tara Sivec
#80. I don't care if my mind is completely gone and I'm so fucked up in the head that I'm imagining this. I'll stay a fucked up mess the rest of my life if I can have her lips on mine and it can feel this real.
Tara Sivec
#81. Someday, down the line, I'm going to marry you by that lighthouse. We'll just renew our vows or something, I tell her.
Tara Sivec
#82. Then you have the people who believe your flippancy is due to some deep, dark, secret issue with your uterus that you're overcompensating for, and they look at you and your va**na with pity.
Tara Sivec
#83. I thought I was having a heart attack. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know much, but I did know the rules about owning a dick. Rule number one: It should never bleed. Rule number two: There was no rule number two. IT SHOULD NEVER BLEED.
Tara Sivec
#84. Oh my, did you have another accident? It's a good thing I made that urologist appointment,
Tara Sivec
#85. Say it," he whispers. "I missed out on this the first time. I want to hear you say it.
Tara Sivec
#86. I don't give a rat's ass what Garrett's favorite color is. And for the record, I have a vagina, so I'm well aware of the fact I can look hot without looking slutty.
Tara Sivec
#87. It was all fun and games until someone else's dick was in your girlfriend's TMJ mouth
Tara Sivec
#88. It all just depends on the person you're with. If you can look at that person and know without a doubt that you want to spend the rest of your life kissing them goodnight and waking up next to them, marriage is for you.
Tara Sivec
#90. Hey, maybe we can even convince her to slather some Three Musketeers on her vagina. We'll just tell her you have a Willy Wonka fetish,
Tara Sivec
#91. It's never too late to live your dreams. You just have to want them enough to make them come true." Collin
Tara Sivec
#92. I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either of you, and if anyone doesn't like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters.
Tara Sivec
#93. Moving a safe distance away from her, I curse Dominic the mother fucking donkey.
Tara Sivec
#94. Love and lists. Just remember, love and lists. Nothing else matters.
Tara Sivec
#95. I brought pot mistletoe for you guys to kiss and make up under!
Tara Sivec
#96. I'm going to kick down that fucking door at the end of the long, dark hallway and show everyone that I deserve the light.
Tara Sivec
#97. In hind sight, telling him all strangers wanted to eat him wasn't my finest hour. Having to explain to a bunch of crying children in line to see Santa why my kid was screaming 'DON'T GO NEAR HIM! HE'LL EAT YOUR FINGERS!' was no picnic.
Tara Sivec
#98. Who keeps putting alcohol in my alcohol?
Tara Sivec
#99. After the epidural was firmly in place, I double checked that we had a waiver on file that states we would own the hospital should my wife become paralyzed. If I was going to feed her mashed peas and wipe her ass until we die, I wanted to be rich.
Tara Sivec
#100. Seriously? There was a condom brand called Rough Rider? Why not just go with F**k Her Hard and be done with it?
Tara Sivec
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