Sorin Suciu Quotes

#1. He knew for a fact that he was so hopelessly bad at seeing through camouflage that, if left alone in the forest, he might even attempt to make fire by rubbing two snakes together.

Sorin Suciu

#2. Dishwasher safe, debit only, Deborah produced from the arsenal of useful English words for immigrants, with barely a pause for thought.

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#3. Simon did not solve problems, he just shamed them into going away.

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#4. Tuesdays are the worst. They are the spoiled leftovers of Mondays, repackaged with a new expiry date.

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#5. Master Dung's study was silent. So silent, in fact, that one might have been able to hear a gnat passing air, if only an obligingly flatulent gnat had happened nearby.

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#6. Alas, between the "shouldn't" and the "shouldn't have" - that is precisely where life happens.

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#7. Let's just say that once the party was over, the Tribe had the decency to put most of the things back into place with the possible, and otherwise notable, exception of the platypus and a moronic drinking game that later evolved into the imperial measurement system.

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#8. Merkin had used only one drop of the "just soap." Two drops would have made her Master walk slightly awkwardly. Three drops would have made a Victorian gentleman utter something really lustful, such as "you transfix me quite.

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#9. Behind the cool mask of bravado, past the one-way mirror of his mind, underneath the rock-solid layers of self-control, in the Zen garden that was Master Sewer's soul, a high-pitched anxiety fart rustled through the still leaves. If farts could talk, this one would have said, Damn coppers!

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#10. Her assignment had been to write a simple Sumerian code for preserving a jar of pickled eggs. (To the programming-inclined reader, this is the magical equivalent of "HELLO WORLD.")

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#11. Without language to give them shape, memories are just like houses with no walls. They're merely events seeking to chain themselves together into causes and effects; survival unhindered by narrative.

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#12. Love can be just like hot peppers, exciting on the way in and agonizing on the way out.

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#13. Wonderful craftsmanship, Simon decided with the expert eye of one who had played enough computer games to know art when he saw it.

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#14. The conversation had been so lacking in quality that it actually made Toddlers and Tiaras look like good entertainment by comparison.

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#15. It probably wasn't entirely her fault that she was such a bitter person. Having a name like Grace can be a serious stigma, especially when nature has endowed you with about as much charm as that of a disillusioned walrus.

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#16. The coding was anachronistic, kind of like bokeh in a renaissance painting.

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#17. At the last moment, she remembered that her Master might be watching her and, knowing that good girls bend at the knees while bad girls bend at the waist, she picked up the cigar butt, as it were, in style.

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#18. It was all kind of fuzzy, as if his mind was doing its thinking in limericks.

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#19. He spoke in a trembling voice that didn't seem to be entirely in sync with the movement of his lips. That's because sound travels slower in halitosis.

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#20. He was a good storyteller, but he told the kind of stories that made children run away from the village and adults look for a length of rope and some soap.

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#21. It had been an embarrassing moment, like the one you get when you realize for the first time that you have what it takes to become an accountant.

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#22. Many things have been compared to a brick, mainly as a tribute to their intellect or to their aerodynamic characteristics.

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#23. On a scale ranging from very little to too much, Merkin could just about categorize the amount of personal data stored in Master Loo's computer as a shitload.

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#24. There was a rare quality about Nurse Grace's smile. It was the knowledge that sooner or later her smile would inspire some witty observer to say something around the lines of, "Every time you do this, an angel farts".

Sorin Suciu