Josh Stern Famous Quotes & Sayings

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Top 100 Josh Stern Quotes

#1. Some people try to climb the ladder of success, while others try to jump on it - Author: Josh Stern
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#2. Never wear a top hat and tails and bring a saw to a funeral - Author: Josh Stern
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#3. I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers - Author: Josh Stern
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#4. An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet - Author: Josh Stern
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#5. Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends - Author: Josh Stern
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#6. I hate cutting my wrists while shaving - Author: Josh Stern
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#7. If you're going to walk down the aisle together, best to go single file - Author: Josh Stern
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#8. Revenge is a dish best served by a tennis racket - Author: Josh Stern
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#9. If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody - Author: Josh Stern
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#10. I freely admit to enjoying the attentions Women lavish on me- Although it's usually when they're taking my order - Author: Josh Stern
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#11. I might feel ten feet tall, but I wouldn't touch you with my pole - Author: Josh Stern
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#12. Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy - Author: Josh Stern
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#13. There's a fine line between stuff, and if you stare at it long enough it'll drive you insane or to genius - Author: Josh Stern
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#14. Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack - Author: Josh Stern
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#15. I started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting ... but I'm still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonet - Author: Josh Stern
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#16. When people try to rain on your parade, ... pee on theirs - Author: Josh Stern
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#17. I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser ... any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance - Author: Josh Stern
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#18. I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear - Author: Josh Stern
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#19. If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith - Author: Josh Stern
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#20. The practice of doing more than necessary works best when packing lunch boxes - Author: Josh Stern
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#21. Trying to balance chivalry with equality, I always open a door for a Lady ... then stick my foot out - Author: Josh Stern
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#22. If Life flashes before your eyes just before you die ... mine will be wearing a trench coat - Author: Josh Stern
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#23. I always fall butter side down - Author: Josh Stern
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#24. Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle - Author: Josh Stern
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#25. When she says 'I've never done this before she just means with you - Author: Josh Stern
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#26. To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it - Author: Josh Stern
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#27. Some Women have this thermogenic effect on you, even after they've left, you can still breathe her scent, feel her electricity & be stunned - Author: Josh Stern
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#28. If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months - Author: Josh Stern
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#29. If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels ... - Author: Josh Stern
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#30. The gene pool could use a deep end - Author: Josh Stern
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#31. If positivity is not your mindset, then reset - Author: Josh Stern
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#32. Ever feel like dialing 911 is just simply not enough, and you really need to speak to someone on the Supreme Court ... ? - Author: Josh Stern
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#33. If you see the light at the end
of the tunnel, you're looking
through binoculars the wrong
way - Author: Josh Stern
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#34. At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control - Author: Josh Stern
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#35. Never send a Man in to do a Donkey's job - Author: Josh Stern
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#36. Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials ... I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months - Author: Josh Stern
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#37. To acknowledge the absurdly surreal is the clarity to embrace life as it is, not as we desire it- what you do with this information, hell if I know - Author: Josh Stern
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#38. If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse - Author: Josh Stern
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#39. Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings - Author: Josh Stern
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#40. My recipe for success: Have someone else do it - Author: Josh Stern
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#41. I hate pulling out ... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing ... - Author: Josh Stern
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#42. In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips? - Author: Josh Stern
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#43. The only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner - Author: Josh Stern
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#44. The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.... but it's willing too - Author: Josh Stern
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#45. Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are - Author: Josh Stern
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#46. Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs - Author: Josh Stern
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#47. If we are expected to show a gentle compassion for humanity, shouldn't we all have a wash care label sewn into each & everyone of us? - Author: Josh Stern
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#48. I hate carrying a torch, which is weird because otherwise I'm such a pyromaniac - Author: Josh Stern
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#49. The line forms on the right, but I prefer the chaos on the left - Author: Josh Stern
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#50. 'Having' Your Cake ... a little perverted ...
'Eating' it too ... a lot perverted! - Author: Josh Stern
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#51. When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow - Author: Josh Stern
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#52. Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce ... ? - Author: Josh Stern
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#53. Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert - Author: Josh Stern
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#54. Manners without sincerity, is called polite society - Author: Josh Stern
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#55. Everything is a drive-thru. You just have to aim really fast - Author: Josh Stern
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#56. Who enjoys life more? Well to start with, definitely the Living - Author: Josh Stern
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#57. Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity - Author: Josh Stern
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#58. Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub - Author: Josh Stern
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#59. If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator - Author: Josh Stern
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#60. Flying is simple. Hitting the ground is hard - Author: Josh Stern
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#61. Hotness and Genius have the same byproduct: Insanity - Author: Josh Stern
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#62. Trashy Women should probably exclusively date Garbage Men - Author: Josh Stern
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#63. The only threesome I've ever experienced is with Pantene 2 in 1 - Author: Josh Stern
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#64. People who live in brick houses shouldn't throw wrecking balls - Author: Josh Stern
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#65. You'll never know what psychopathic heights you're capable of, just lying there on the sofa - Author: Josh Stern
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#66. Only the good die young'- especially when they're milk fed - Author: Josh Stern
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#67. I'd rather be a nodding acquaintance, than a bobble head - Author: Josh Stern
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#68. Never borrow trouble, the payback's a bitch - Author: Josh Stern
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#69. There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident - Author: Josh Stern
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#70. Camus said 'Love Lasts or Love Burns'. I want a Lasting Burn-just nothing requiring a series of painful treatments by a rubber-gloved Doctor - Author: Josh Stern
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#71. My greatest fault is trying to stuff the baggage of an impossible situation into the trunk of an elegant solution - Author: Josh Stern
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#72. Don't you wish some people came with a silencer? - Author: Josh Stern
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#73. Every rule has an exception, and it's usually remedial - Author: Josh Stern
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#74. Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity - Author: Josh Stern
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#75. When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door - Author: Josh Stern
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#76. Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day, give him some horns and he can be a Circus Seal act - Author: Josh Stern
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#77. I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free - Author: Josh Stern
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#78. If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried - Author: Josh Stern
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#79. All the world's a stage and I'm just going through a phase - Author: Josh Stern
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#80. If you're not part of the problem, you're not ambitious enough - Author: Josh Stern
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#81. I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on - Author: Josh Stern
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#82. My Anorexic Ex was so skinny she didn't give head, she gave skull - Author: Josh Stern
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#83. Death is life's way of telling you, you've been recalled - Author: Josh Stern
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#84. As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father? - Author: Josh Stern
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#85. Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you're exhaling - Author: Josh Stern
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#86. it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong - Author: Josh Stern
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#87. You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order - Author: Josh Stern
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#88. Not only will those ultra bright European sulphur diode high beams ' catch a deer in the headlights' they'll vaporize it too - Author: Josh Stern
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#89. There's a fine mascara line between genius and insanity - Author: Josh Stern
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#90. If Life is short, then mine is fat and balding also - Author: Josh Stern
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#91. If life is a bowl of cherries ... do you know how many virgins it took to make that ... - Author: Josh Stern
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#92. I have a keen sense of the oblivious - Author: Josh Stern
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#93. I wanted to marry the first girl that I fell in love with, but there were religious differences.
I was an agnostic and she was a Polycarbonate - Author: Josh Stern
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#94. Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season - Author: Josh Stern
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#95. Waiting for something to fall into your lap is a good way to get goosed - Author: Josh Stern
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#96. When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time - Author: Josh Stern
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#97. The only way I'd ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard - Author: Josh Stern
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#98. If you live life on your own terms, people will definitely not understand you - Author: Josh Stern
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#99. There is truth in wine, but you never see it listed in the ingredients on the label - Author: Josh Stern
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#100. Treat me like a king and I'll treat you like a queen ... Treat me like a queen and off with your head - Author: Josh Stern
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