Top 100 Good Joke Sayings
#1. How do you know you told a good punch line, a good joke? It's because they laugh. How do you know you've got a good scary punch line? It's because they jump out of the seat or scream. So the best reward is one you can listen to.
Katie Holmes
#2. Reagan was an exceedingly likeable guy, just a heck of a nice fellow, despite his politics. He was funny and loved a good joke, the dirtier, I'm afraid the more ethnic, the better. I don't think he brought very much to the presidency, except charisma and success.
Walter Cronkite
#3. You learn what can become a good joke and can be repeatable. You have a shorthand about how to introduce a joke to someone.
Lennon Parham
#4. I've been joking that 'On the Road' is the prequel to 'The Road.' I don't know if that's a very good joke.
Kodi Smit-McPhee
#5. In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.
Roseanne Barr
#6. Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?
George Bernard Shaw
#7. It is much easier to write a good Times leading article than a good joke in Punch.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
#9. Comedy has always been important in my family. If you got in a good joke at the dinner table, it meant more than almost anything else.
Isla Fisher
#10. Hey! D'you guys hear Dr. Atkins died? Slipped on some ice, hit his head, died on life support. The man who invented the all-meat diet ... died a vegetable. That's a damn good joke. But that joke's like a Toyota Camry - reliable, not inspiring.
Christopher Titus
#11. A good joke is life laughing at itself.
Marty Rubin
#12. There used to be an old bad joke. I hope it's not so much a good joke anymore. 'Everybody's from Scranton; no one's in Scranton.'
Joe Biden
#13. Humor can bring people under the tent. And a good joke can deflect some of the intensity surrounding a serious subject.
Ted Danson
#14. What are you grinning at?" Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we're both on the verge of an enormous joke."
"Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke.
Kristin Cashore
#15. A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes.
Pawan Mishra
#16. oh jesus. that is not a good joke Madeline: Made you smile though. Olly: yeah it did
Nicola Yoon
#17. Major Major's father had a good joke about opportunity. "Opportunity only knocks once in this world," he would say. Major Major's father repeated this good joke at every opportunity.
Joseph Heller
#18. Three witches and a werewolf. If this wasn't so dire, it'd make one hell of a good joke.
Ellis Leigh
#19. Einstein: A good joke should not be repeated too often.
Anonymous
#20. A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.
Greg Giraldo
#21. As I grow older, I become more and more of a Marxist - Groucho, that is. When you have lived two-thirds of your life, you know the value of a good joke.
Karen DeCrow
#23. Well when I made my first record I thought it would be a good joke to have me on one side, have the lable say John Fahey on one side, and this guy Blind Joe Death on the other side.
John Fahey
#24. A good joke will sell quicker than a good poem, and, measured in sweat and blood, will bring better remuneration.
Jack London
#25. Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too.
Reba McEntire
#26. Honus was a wonderful fellow, so good-natured and friendly to everyone. Gee, we loved that guy. And the fans were crazy about him. Yeah, everybody loved that old Dutchman! If anyone told a good joke or a funny story, Honus would slap his knee and let out a loud roar and say, "What about that!" So
Lawrence S. Ritter
#27. God made a real good joke
but I am the Best Jokejacket:
Petra Hermans
Petra Hermans
#28. In Classical Greek the word pathos was the same for both suffering and experience. Those Greeks knew a good joke when they heard one.
Peter Straub
#29. I am a commercial artist and author, who loves my family, a good joke, a sunny day, cheeseburgers, hockey and the Beatles.
Stooart
#30. I believe in three-act structure. When I say that to novel people, or people in the world of books, they go, 'Well, that's a film thing.' However, even a good joke has three acts.
Stephen J. Cannell
#31. Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what's the key to telling a good joke/creating great art timing.
Travis Nichols
#32. Here is a good joke. The little boy walks into an ice cream store, He asks for a sundae with extra hot fudge sauce. 'I'm sorry." says tje ice cream man. "Hot fudge only comes in one temperature." Mark, Florida
Susan Magsamen
#33. So, if any one man, in his own proper person, afford stuff for a good joke to anybody, let him not be backward, but let him cheerfully allow himself to spend and to be spent in that way.
Herman Melville
#34. I'm a taker in terms of jokes. I love to hear a good joke, but I don't retain jokes. I'm not a good teller of jokes.
Steve Carell
#35. Have you ever heard a good joke? If you've ever heard someone just right, with the right pacing, then you're already on the way to poetry. It's about using words in very precise ways and using gesture.
Rita Dove
#36. I hate Mother's Day. If anything, it's an affront to all women who think full-time moms have never worked a day in their lives. Which reminds me of a good joke: What do you call an angry feminist on Mother's Day? You don't.
Kimberly Guilfoyle
#37. A good joke can spread throughout the Internet between the time you go to bed and the time you wake up, leading to an inbox filled with pictures of funny cats and cheeseburgers.
Rosanna Pansino
#38. If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.
Hugh Elliot
#39. When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
#40. I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
Anthony Jeselnik
#41. Luck was a joke. Even good luck was just bad luck with its hair combed.
Stephen King
#42. Ma Baxter rocked complacently. They were all pleased whenever she made a joke. Her good nature made the same difference in the house as the hearth-fire had made in the chill of the evening.
Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
#43. If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
#44. I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it.
Bill Keller
#45. I'm the joke of the family with cooking because I've never done it - primarily because I've been surrounded by people who are so good at it. Mum's brilliant. Boyfriends have always been good at it. I'm waiting for my inner chef to be released.
Emilia Fox
#46. Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.
John Krasinski
#47. Werewolves never joke about age," he said solemnly.
"Why not?"
Connor shrugged, a smile teasing his lips. "I dunno," he finally admitted. "I just thought it sounded good.
Rose Wynters
#48. Yeah, man. It's time to let de people get good herbs and smoke. Government's a joke. All dey wan' is ya smoke cigarettes and cigar. Some cigar wickeder den herb. Yeah, man, ya can't smoke cigar. Smoke herb. Some big cigar me see man wit', God bless! Me tell him must smoke herb.
Bob Marley
#49. It's all been a bad joke that just ran out of control. I got into food for fun but the business got a mind of its own. Now - my good Lord - look where it has gotten me. My products are on supermarket shelves, in cinemas, in the theater. And they say show business is odd.
Paul Newman
#50. There is no reason for believing that any sort of gods exist, and quite good reasons for believing that they do not exist and never have. It has all been a gigantic waste of time and a waste of life. It would be a joke of cosmic proportions if it weren't so tragic.
Richard Dawkins
#51. It is a good plan, with a young person of a character to be much affected by ludicrous and absurd representations, to show him plainly by examples that there is nothing which may not be thus represented. He will hardly need to be told that everything is not a mere joke.
Richard Whately
#52. Lucian's voice rang inside my head, loud and clear, "Move your ass, Elena, and no matter what, trust your reflexes." Relying on my clumsy butt was more like it. I'd made a joke, That was a good sign.
Adrienne Woods
#53. Artemus Ward used that trick a good deal; then when the belated audience presently caught the joke he would look up with innocent surprise, as if wondering what they had found to laugh at. Dan Setchell used it before
Mark Twain
#54. If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
#56. It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.
Aziz Ansari
#57. I always joke that a makeup-free day is good for the pores.
John King
#58. There's a sick joke that the reason we have not been contacted by an alien civilization is that civilizations tend to destroy themselves when they reach our stage. But I have sufficient faith in the good sense of public to believe that we might prove this wrong.
Stephen Hawking
#59. The quality of life of European cities and towns of almost any size make life in America look not just like a joke, but a sick joke, a horror movie. But I'd rather stay involved and do what I can to make this a better place than move to the south of France and enjoy the good life.
James Howard Kunstler
#60. He told me to tell you
you could have everything you want and do everything you want as long as you take good care of the kids." Hagen smiled. "He said to tell you that you're his Don. That's just a joke.
Jon Hagen
#61. That sun is lookin' good ... and hot! Get it? Hilarious! My joke writers are awesome.
Tom Bergeron
#62. It's the old elephant hunter joke, where a guy asserts he's the local elephant hunter, you respond that there aren't any elephants around there, and he, of course, says 'Yeah, see how good I am?
Ryk E. Spoor
#63. For telling a good and incisive religious joke, you should be praised. For telling a bad one, you should be ridiculed and reviled. The idea that you could be prosecuted for the telling of either is quite fantastic.
Rowan Atkinson
#64. There's an old joke about Alzheimer's: the good news is that you meet new people every day.
Stephen King
#65. I like the sound of my voice, doesn't mean it's any good but I like it. The joke is that "all good singers like the sound of their own voice" so we'll go with that.
Henry Rollins
#66. I've never really been a big fan of comedy songs, frankly. I think I enjoy the emotional payoff that the best music achieves to want to waste too much time turning good music into a joke.
Keith Murray
#67. Females create life, males end it. War, crime, violence, are primarily male franchises. Man shit. It's nature's supreme joke.
Deep in the womb, men start out as the good thing, and wind up as the crappy thing. Not all men. Just enough. Just enough to fuck things up.
George Carlin
#68. Most people don't understand what humor is. They think it's something lighthearted and cheerful. Like 'good humor.' But it isn't. It's looking into the darkness and spitting at it with a joke. Humor is dark. Humor is that we're all going to die.
B.G. Harlen
#69. No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke.
John Waters
#70. Pan took the joke good-naturedly, probably deciding it wasn't a good idea to argue with a fifteen-year-old who had just pulled two people up ten feet.
Grace Anthony
#71. Challenging someone is good. You need to do it. Sometimes they don't even realize you're doing it, like when you joke with a goalie, 'What's wrong today? You losing it?'
Sidney Crosby
#72. I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can tell a joke that really makes you laugh hard, but to see some kind of personal interaction that no one could write is so good. Those are always the things that make me laugh.
Luke Wilson
#73. I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel.
James C. Humes
#74. Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shouting, whoa! while a good many of the rest are busy strewing banana peels along the line of march.
Elbert Hubbard
#76. I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I know maybe they don't really think it's a funny joke.
Thom Yorke
#77. I learned a long time ago from when I did 'Seinfeld' never to take anything seriously, and to be part of the joke is the best way to show what a good sport I was.
Marlee Matlin
#78. It's OK to joke about yourself and have self-perspective, but, like, when you constantly put yourself down to get other people to tell you you're good, that annoys me. Have confidence!
Tove Lo
#79. And I liked pluralist Australia. I got a taste for pluralist Australia. I like, I like Australians and I can't believe that they're going to go to hell because they tell a good dirty joke, you know.
Thomas Keneally
#80. My joke is a picture of David Bowie on his balcony in the '70s in a suit in Paris, and unless that's you, I'm not interested. There are very few aesthetic types that I have, and people who look like that are not always necessarily good for me.
Jen Kirkman
#81. It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.
Brian D. McLaren
#82. No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
George Carlin
#83. It's almost a joke how good I am at charades. Not to pat my own back, but I'm literally - I'm kind of unstoppable.
Wilson Bethel
#84. It's a basic rule of humor that a joke is always at somebody's expense. Really good jokes, however, tend to be at everyone's expense.
Richard Kalvar
#85. Once you do a joke and it works it's only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
Bill Burr
#86. No fear. Now is for laughing. The truth is a joke and they're good in Supply.
Hugh Howey
#87. Writers are encouraged to "keep 'em laughing" and complain "with good humor" in order to "win" allies. The joke is always on ourselves.
Alice Childress
#88. There is a painful joke that Europeans often tell of their Gallic neighbors: God created France, the most beautiful country in the world with so much good in it, and ended up feeling guilty about it. He had to do something to make it fair. And so, he created the French people.
Janine Di Giovanni
#89. Good morning, baby. You know that the government has a responsibility for their own actions.
Zechariah Barrett
#90. I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she's laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke.
George Carlin
#91. As we left they told us the old joke. To start a journey in a sandstorm is good luck.
Michael Ondaatje
#92. Before YouTube, I used to show videos at film festivals, and that was good and constructive. Watching things with an audience is a great way to gauge - it's pretty clear what's working in comedy when there's a joke and people laugh or don't laugh.
Jason Woliner
#93. I often joke that 100 years from now I hope people are saying, 'Dang, she looks good for her age!'
Dolly Parton
#94. There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.
A.P. Herbert
#95. When comedy is good, it's jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It's all melody to me.
Billy Crystal
#96. Lacroix has been fantastic. He's very nice. He gets the joke, and I think that's a good thing.
Jennifer Saunders
#97. The sad thing is, I was discovering that you almost have to make a joke of being good to strangers. Up and down the country, these people doing their good deeds were doubtless being seen as slightly eccentric, when in reality and in an ideal world they should be deemed the most normal people of all.
Danny Wallace
#98. If I think something's funny, I try to mold it into a joke as soon as possible. Once I have a joke, I say it a million different ways on stage until I find a rhythm and it feels like it's as good as it can be.
Michael Che
#99. You can cause earthquakes?"
He sighed, a playful look in his eyes. "There's such a delicious joke there, but I'm going to be good and hold back. With the amount of sexual tension permeating these grounds, even a bad 'rock your world' line is liable to ignite something.
Elizabeth Hunter
#100. You ever hear that old joke about the guy who jumped off the Empire State Building?" D.W. asked her. "Yeah. All the way down, you could hear him say, 'So far, so good. So far, so good. So far, so good.' That is George's life story in a nutshell.
Mary Doria Russell
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