Top 80 My Life's A Joke Quotes
#1. There's an old joke about a mother watching a column of soldiers pass by. Her son is in the ranks. All those men out of step, she says, except our Fred.
Kevin Pietersen
#3. I suppose there are times when I can't believe that I've lived the way that I have and done the things that I've done. Life's a joke anyway. It's all ridiculous. It's all so short.
Lauren Bacall
#4. I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can tell a joke that really makes you laugh hard, but to see some kind of personal interaction that no one could write is so good. Those are always the things that make me laugh.
Luke Wilson
#5. My whole life is a practical joke. Every evening and every show has really become about entertaining me. I was always like that. And now I've come full circle because that's what the TV show is too.
Howie Mandel
#6. And then I realized how powerless I was to revoke my own joke when throughout my life as a whole I was involved in a joke much more vast (all-embracing for me) and utterly irrevocable.
Milan Kundera
#7. Fickle as water,
our life is as dreamlike as smoke
- at our expense,
fate's private joke.
-The Bronze Horseman
Alexander Pushkin
#9. Biggest Denial God Has Ever Made : The Love
Of My Life!
Petra Hermans
#10. I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone ... it's a joke!
Kathy Griffin
#11. He was only thirty-eight. His body was clean, well-fed, and benign. He had all his teeth. A fresh Armenian joke stirred in his head like a child in its mother's womb. He thought life was wonderful.
Ilya Ilf
#12. Besides, if you're sick, I'm on life support. As wrong as that joke is.
Lia Habel
#13. Life is too important to be taken as a joke, but too ridiculous to be taken seriously.
Ashleigh Brilliant
#14. My life has been one great big joke,
A dance that's walked,
A song that's spoke,
I laugh so hard I almost choke,
When I think about myself.
Maya Angelou
#15. Sometimes, magic is like that. It lands on your head like a piano, a stupid, ancient, unfunny joke, and you spend the rest of your life picking sharps and flats out of your hair.
Catherynne M Valente
#16. I believe that life is a game, life is a cruel joke and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it." She
Neil Gaiman
#17. You cannot be a powerful and life-changing presence to some people without being a joke or an embarrassment to others.
Mark Manson
#19. Life may be a grand folly, as you say, but it is harder to appriciate the joke when you're always the butt of it.
Richard Russo
#20. But if you were Charlotte, and you had been feeling that life was some cosmic joke that had no punchline, and in the space of a moment you had gone from being Charlotte-without-a-kitten to being Charlotte-with-a-kitten, you too would have found it nothing short of remarkable.
Anne Ursu
#21. I am not asking you to understand, Papa. I'm asking for you to accept."
"Accept what?"
Me. Accept me, Papa. "My decision to live my own life as I see fit."
It is so quiet that I suddenly wish I could take it back. Sorry, it was only a terrible joke. I should like a new dress, please.
Libba Bray
#22. People say I'm the life of the party Because I tell a joke or two Although I might be laughing loud and hearty Deep inside I'm blue So take a good look at my face You'll see my smile looks out of place If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my tears..
Smokey Robinson
#23. Or maybe it was just that my life was a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line.
Stephenie Meyer
#24. I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.
Milton Berle
#25. In general, I tried not to take myself too seriously - I called myself "the manalyst," after all. My life's motto: Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.
Kresley Cole
#26. When I think about myself, I almost laugh myself to death, My life has been one great big joke, A dance that's walked, A song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke, When I think about myself. Sixty
Maya Angelou
#27. I am still capable of feeling used. I am still capable of having a sexual experience that makes me feel like my entire life has been a mean joke.
Charlotte Shane
#28. The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life.
Seann William Scott
#29. I worked in a paper mill all my adult life and there were a lot of funny guys there. So you pick up on that. Even though something really bad might have happened to somebody you can still make a joke out of it.
Donald Ray Pollock
#30. I am so pathetic with machines in real life, it's not a joke. I'd rather walk, or even run, than take the car out myself. I like to be driven around. Yes, I like fancy cars, and fancy bikes, too. It's my dream to learn how to ride one myself, but for now, I am content being driven around.
Bipasha Basu
#31. The particular way he had of structuring his paragraphs, beginning and ending each with a joke that wasn't really a joke, but an insult cloaked in a silken cape.
Hanya Yanagihara
#32. Gweneth [sic] Paltrow is a joke. Her life is like taking bullets for a soldier. What a joke! My 2 sons serving in the military should talk to her,
Cindy McCain
#33. Are my characters copies of people in real life? ... Don't ever believe the stories about authors putting people into novels. That idea is a kind of joke on both authors and readers. All the readers believe that authors do it. All the authors know that it can't be done.
Ayn Rand
#34. Maybe I was what Leah thought she was. Some kind of dead end that shouldn't be passed on to another generation. Or maybe it was just that my life was a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line. -Jacob
Stephenie Meyer
#35. The joke I always make is I'm either running for reelection, running for Senate, running for governor, or running for my life. The latter is also a viable possibility.
Cory Booker
#36. I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
Jim Gaffigan
#38. When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke, But sometimes life is scary and dark. That is why we must find the light.
Adventure Time
#39. Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke.
Janet Jackson
#40. Cubans joke and satirize everything that life gives them, and I think that's a positive characteristic.
Fernando Perez
#41. Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.
Honeya
#42. Hey! D'you guys hear Dr. Atkins died? Slipped on some ice, hit his head, died on life support. The man who invented the all-meat diet ... died a vegetable. That's a damn good joke. But that joke's like a Toyota Camry - reliable, not inspiring.
Christopher Titus
#45. Oh the irony life sometimes throws our way. It's almost like fate plays a sadistic joke on us just because she's in a mood that day - fickle bitch that she is.
Suzanne Steele
#47. Finn fell asleep draped in Kittens and dreamed that the corn walked the earth on skinny white roots, liked to joke with the crows, and wasn't afraid of anything.
Laura Ruby
#48. There is no reason for believing that any sort of gods exist, and quite good reasons for believing that they do not exist and never have. It has all been a gigantic waste of time and a waste of life. It would be a joke of cosmic proportions if it weren't so tragic.
Richard Dawkins
#49. Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it to
be one huge cosmic joke at our expense, only nobody is laughing
but the forces that be - given that they are even a wee bit human.
Lori Goldson
#50. You must learn to take a joke, Francie, otherwise life will be pretty hard on you.
Betty Smith
#51. I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean?
Tone-Loc
#52. Watson loved them sour kind of jokes, which I enjoyed myself. I mean, ain't life some kind of a sour joke? Might's well laugh, that's the way him and me seen it, whether nice folks seen the joke or not. One time when Watson caught me grinning along with him, he give a wink and lifted up his hat.
Peter Matthiessen
#53. I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
#54. Well, I live a double life. Tonight, I'll escort you to dinner. Then I have to rush home and finish my calculus homework.'
'You're not joking, are you?'
'I never joke about calculus homework.
Rick Riordan
#55. There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own.
Herman Melville
#56. Hilta laughed like someone who had thought hard about Life and had seen the joke.
Terry Pratchett
#57. What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening - all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
Bob Dylan
#58. In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an accent too thick and strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke my friends. The soul is the punch line.
Tom Robbins
#59. I'm very wary of doing political stuff for a lot of reasons. One of the big ones is that the shelf-life for them is not very long, and the joke becomes old news very quickly.
Tim Heidecker
#60. Lydia shook her head. "This is my life. Getting yelled at in a Walmart parking lot on a Friday night by somebody doing a bad impression of PG-13 fart-joke-movie comedian.
Jeff Zentner
#61. A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
#62. A good joke is life laughing at itself.
Marty Rubin
#63. You only get one chance at life, not two! Don't joke around with your own life.
Dohee
#64. All of Creation's a farce.
Man was born as a joke.
In his head his reason is buffeted
Like wind-blown smoke.
Life is a game.
Everyone ridicules everyone else.
But he who has the last laugh
Laughs longest.
William Shakespeare
#65. Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"
Eddie Izzard
#66. Females create life, males end it. War, crime, violence, are primarily male franchises. Man shit. It's nature's supreme joke.
Deep in the womb, men start out as the good thing, and wind up as the crappy thing. Not all men. Just enough. Just enough to fuck things up.
George Carlin
#67. I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.
Red Skelton
#68. Did you?' the producer said. 'He's so clownish on the surface, all joke and dazzle. How in the world could you have seen it?'
'But I did. The moment I met him," she said. "A fucking supernova. Every day since.' She thought, but did not say, almost.
Lauren Groff
#69. This isn't a joke. This is life or fucking death, Lily. I am trying to save you."
"Save me from who?"
"From me, darlin'.
Teresa Mummert
#70. She'd stood by that creed. No softness, because the world wasn't soft; lots of laughter, because if you were in on the joke, the joke couldn't be on you; And no wanting what you couldn't take, because the world never gave.
Or so she'd thought.
Connie Brockway
#72. I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything.
Santosh Kalwar
#73. Grow up, study, get your certificates, get married, have kids, and die. Thank you very much for attending the joke called life. They
Cameron Jace
#74. This is like the joke where the guy climbs the mountain and asks the guru, 'What is the secret of life?,' and the guru says, 'All is One,' and the guys says, 'Are you kidding?,' and the guru says, 'You mean it isn't?
Rudy Rucker
#75. Buffett and Munger joke that envy is the only one of the seven deadly sins that isn't any fun. "Envy is crazy," remarks Munger. "It's 100 percent destructive. . . . If you get those things out of your life early, life works a lot better.
Guy Spier
#76. The quality of life of European cities and towns of almost any size make life in America look not just like a joke, but a sick joke, a horror movie. But I'd rather stay involved and do what I can to make this a better place than move to the south of France and enjoy the good life.
James Howard Kunstler
#77. I had no job at the time and was living off the cruel joke I referred to as my savings.
David Sedaris
#78. Often women are pitted against each other for an easy joke, so they fight or steal each other's boyfriends. That's not really true to life.
Hannah Simone
#79. Life is cruel. Love is a joke. And not even death is final.
Corinne Michaels
#80. It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
Rick Riordan
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