Top 100 Quotes About Kidding
#1. Owners who buy aggressive dogs for security may be kidding themselves: The chances that the victim of a fatal dog attack will be a burglar or human attacker are 1-in-177. The odds that the victim will be a child are 7-in-10.
Jon Katz
#2. You go back," Jack said. "And you catch the scum who did you." "Back?" I said. "Back to ... " "Earth, yeah," Jack said. "Chicago." He closed the folder and dropped it into his out-box. "You gotta find out who killed you." I arched an eyebrow at him. "You're kidding.
Jim Butcher
#3. You're kidding, right?" Ezra barked. "We're not just going to wait." "I suppose we could help people clean up a bit," "Girl!" Ezra called out. "Big eyes!" Winter turned from what she was looking at. "Are you talking to me?
Obert Skye
#4. Warren Buffett's company reportedly owes the IRS a billion dollars in back taxes. When he said he wasn't paying enough taxes, he wasn't kidding.
Jay Leno
#5. All kidding aside, just be careful around this guy, okay, Gin? A slick smile can hide a lot of sins." He paused. "Trust me. I know all about that." "Of course you do. You've broken far more hearts than I've ever cut into.
Jennifer Estep
#6. Tell them you're pregnant with a married minister's baby, then say, "Just kidding! I'm a vampire,'" she suggested.
Molly Harper
#7. Gloucester's not some chi-chi tourist town. It's a working-class seaport: a no-kidding-around down-and-dirty place.
Israel Horovitz
#8. Did I tell you what veal practice is? Oh! Veal practice involved me lying very still on the sofa trying as hard as I could to mimic the life of a veal. While eating veal. I wish I were kidding. It. Was. Magic.
Shonda Rhimes
#9. I'm not really deaf; I just faked it to win the Oscar KIDDING.
Marlee Matlin
#10. I turned to Alex. 'Hey, are you female today?'
'Hold on... There! Now I'm female.'
My expression must have been priceless.
Alex burst out laughing. 'I'm kidding. Yes, I'm female today. She and her.
Rick Riordan
#11. The goddam movies. They can ruin you. I'm not kidding
J.D. Salinger
#12. Quoting Demosthenes, 'For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.' I would rather make money playing a piano in a whorehouse than arguing that no cost is incurred when employees are paid in stock options instead of cash. I am not kidding.
Charlie Munger
#14. She's in that show on the CW, what's it called, Uncovered? She plays a teenage hooker." "A hooker?" Stevie said. "A teenager?" Susan Carol said. "That woman plays a teenager? You're kidding, right?
John Feinstein
#15. I gave you sympathy. *I* want sympathy!"
"Are you kidding me? You have the sexiest man on the planet wanting you. You're getting laid regularly. No sympathy for you!
Jill Shalvis
#16. Andrew interrupts. "You're letting her drive your car? Are you kidding me? You've never even let me sit behind the damn wheel!" I look over at Andrew and shrug. "You aren't the one I'm in love with.
Colleen Hoover
#17. Get away from me," she cried. "What are you?"
"Death," Lok answered menacingly.
Brooke looked at him in horror.
"Haha, just kidding.
Will Collins
#18. There were some situations where I was giving up everything I had for the band and I just expected everybody else to feel the same way. I realized I was just kidding myself.
Jerry Only
#19. We're dodging bullets and this is right after we've just seen [inaudible] shot and we're running and the woman who John accused of being out to kill us and everyone thought he was kidding. When we see her she appears and she's after us.
Mary-Louise Parker
#20. My agent called me and said, "You have an audition for James Bond. They're looking for the girl." And I told him, "Listen, it's all in English. I'm not an actress. I'm not going to go." He thought I was kidding with him.
Gal Gadot
#21. Are you kidding? You just told her that an invisible man who tells you to kill people just showed up when you didn't want him to." "Not one of our smoothest interactions," Tobias agreed.
Brandon Sanderson
#22. I hate dry turkey. I may have over-basted it. Who am I kidding, though? No such thing. You'll eat my fucking turkey and lick your fingers when you're done.
C.J. Roberts
#23. Rogers and Zinger hustling, and they hadn't been kidding about pain. His leg throbbed at the move, a deep ache that felt different than it had a few hours ago. Please don't let me lose it. They
Annabeth Albert
#24. People play the victim forever," she continued. "But who are they kidding? They are only robbing themselves. Life doesn't owe you anything. Neither does anyone else. Only you owe yourself. So the best way to make the most out of life is to appreciate the gift of it, and choose not to be a victim.
Bronnie Ware
#25. Oh it's fantastic because I get to whip people like David into shape and tell them to go get me coffee. Kidding - okay.
Debra Messing
#26. I'm like a Happy Meal without the toy."
Liam gave him an incredulous look. "Are you kidding? You're like a Happy Meal with two toys.
K.A. Merikan
#27. Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.
Nancy Cartwright
#28. Death is a great tragedy ... a profound loss ... I don't accept it ... I think people are kidding themselves when they say they are comfortable with death.
Ray Kurzweil
#29. Jess in a Speedo.
Just kidding. That was too bold a look even for him. Maybe a ...
Naked. Yeah, naked.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#30. I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
#31. She's gone from Disney Channel Miley Cyrus to Full-on Twerk Mode Miley, and it's officially time for me to put a stop to it before she moves straight to Let's Make a Sex Tape Miley. Wait - has Miley ever made a sex tape? Fuck, who am I kidding? Of course she has.
Anonymous
#32. You know, actors lie all the time. 'Can I ride on the horse? Are you kidding? Of course! I was born on a horse!' ... It's the same with motorcycles.
William Lucking
#33. Most men spend their lives in one of two states of being: kidding others or kidding themselves. It's probably fair to say a proportion of them exist in both modes simultaneously.
Sandie Zand
#34. It was highly possible that I saved that cookie from possible extinction. Ok, who was I kidding? When it came to cookie extinction, I was a world-ender.
Bradford Bates
#35. How many straight men maintain inappropriately intimate relationships with their mothers? How many shop with them? I want a gay son. People laugh, but they assume I'm kidding. I'm not.
Ayelet Waldman
#36. You're only kidding yourself if you put creativity before craft.
Twyla Tharp
#37. Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
#38. One thing I've noticed is that I can tell when a young actor or a young actress is going to become a huge star. Everybody else will say, "Oh come on, Michelle Pfeiffer, are you kidding?" and I'm pretty much always right about that.
David Carradine
#39. Just kidding, I've been very athletic all my life.
Kiana Tom
#40. I keep saying that the sexy job in the next 10 years will be statisticians, and I'm not kidding.
Hal Varian
#41. They are always telling us that Carolina Blue is not a color, that it is really Columbia blue or sky blue. But there is no bad blood amongst the teammates. All of our kidding is in good fun.
Lorrie Fair
#42. It feels like you dropped your nightstick down your pants.'
'Oh, so that's where that went.'
'I'm not kidding. Is this all you? Because if so, I think I may need to rethink a few things. I may need to rethink the shape and depth of my vagina.
Charlotte Stein
#43. Sometimes I am so dry that people don't know I'm kidding and think I'm being serious. I enjoy this because their reactions are often funny.
Robert Crais
#44. Science is a method to keep yourself from kidding yourself.
Edwin Land
#45. Hey, I'm kidding. And I'm also curious why'd you do that. The sun rises and sets out of Aiden's ass, according to you.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#46. I was doing a scene in a medical tent in 18th-century battle dress, pantaloons and a ripped shirt, and the guy from the crew kept asking me if I was OK, if I was too cold. I told him, 'Are you kidding? I'm from Wales!'
Owain Yeoman
#47. We don't know who we are or how to function, much less how to bloom. Blind nature. Homo sapiens. Who's kidding whom?
Jeanette Winterson
#48. If you have a universe that was just the mirror image of the one we know about, then in fact, presumably it would have right-handed amino acids. That's why I'm only half kidding when I say there is a guy on the other side of the universe with his heart on the right hand side.
Ronald Breslow
#49. I'm not David Bowie. Who are we kidding? At the end of the day, I'm the same person I've always been. I'm Don Garvey's son from up the road.
Guy Garvey
#50. Who am I kidding? What am I going to do with a girl like her?"
"We had this talk when we were fourteen. I even brought my brother's Hustler for visual assistance.
Shelly Laurenston
#51. [On acupuncture:] The needles are small and won't hurt at all. In fact, they'll feel good. Ha, ha! Just kidding. They feel like needles. Because they are.
Jenny Lawson
#52. The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
Daniel Tosh
#53. Hey, this is weird. I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don't happen to like frozen yogurt do you? I love it! You're kidding! What a crazy, random happenstance!
Joss Whedon
#54. Are you kidding? This is crazy, man. I thought I was Mr. Pre-Televised awards.
TobyMac
#55. She didn't get me at all. She didn't understand, and holy hell, she thought she wasn't good enough. Was she kidding me? She was so damn near perfect it hurt.
Abbi Glines
#56. Graham Norton makes me laugh. I love him. I'm not kidding. I watch him on BBC America every week. He's so fast.
Sarah Jessica Parker
#57. When people are coming to Krakow and we show them how and where we practice, they are like, 'Seriously? Are you kidding me?' But we're always saying that what matters about the courts - the lines, the nets - are the same. I'm practicing in Poland even when I don't have good facilities.
Agnieszka Radwanska
#58. You've got to be kidding me. You're propositioning me in a church?"
"Now where else are you going to be civil to me?
Jae T. Jaggart
#59. The chorus of "Jack and Diane" is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life.
Mindy Kaling
#60. Hamilton was bug-eyed. "Who are those people?"
Jonah held his head. "Man, I should have known it was a mistake to say I'd be leaving town soon! Why do fans have to be so literal?"
"Are they going to let us go get the faxes?" Hamilton asked.
Jonah stared at him. "You're kidding, right?
Gordon Korman
#61. Go down on you? Are you kidding me? In two years, you can count the times on one hand?" Lucas looked appalled. "He had the sweetest pussy in all creation right next to him all that time and he didn't spend his days and nights buried in it?
Melanie Harlow
#62. I would rather people take me as straightforward and not have to wonder if I'm kidding or not. Because what I have to say, and what I'm interested in doing and communicating, is worthwhile enough that I don't want to muck it up with people being confused about where I'm really coming from.
Charles Grodin
#63. I didn't pretend to know Eli at all, but even so, I'd noticed that his manner was slightly hard to read. It was something in the way he talked that made it difficult to tell whether he was kidding or serious or what. This bothered me. Or intrigued me. Or both.
Sarah Dessen
#64. It is economically irrational to exclude large environmental costs from the balance sheets of the producers and the consumers. You are only kidding yourself if you export those costs on to society as a whole.
John Holdren
#65. Jack, I'm just telling you, if it turns out. . .I want you to shoot me."
"Dee - "
"I'm not kidding, not exaggerating, just telling you that I do not have it in me to handle that."
"You have a daughter, too. You don't have the luxury not to handle shit.
Blake Crouch
#66. I suppose this means I can claim all those other sons and daughters of mine and send you some siblings next summer."
"Ha-ha."
Poseidon reeled in his empty line.
I shifted my feet. "Um, you were kidding, right?
Rick Riordan
#67. Writing is active. It requires your fully conscious self. You need to show up and show us your gift. Until you do that, you're just practicing in private. Playing around. Kidding yourself. Don't do that.
Jeff Goins
#68. You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.
Dov Davidoff
#69. My wife asked me about that: "What happened to your beard?" I said, "What are you talking about?" She said, "Hey, the right side is shorter than the left." I said, "You gotta be kidding me." So I went in there and looked, and I combed it out and I said, "I don't know, that's just the way it grows."
Si Robertson
#70. On Receiving Straight As on My Report Card Hot damn! You're a smart kid - I don't care what people say about you! ... I'm kidding, nobody says you're not smart. They say other stuff, but not that.
Justin Halpern
#71. Where are you supposed to stay?" He ground out ...
"Hendrix, are you kidding me?"
"By me, Reagan. Always, by me," he answered, ignoring my sarcasm.
Rachel Higginson
#72. There's always a little truth behind every 'just kidding'. A little knowledge behind every 'I don't know'. A little emotion behind every 'I don't care'. And a little pain behind every 'it's okay'.
Anonymous
#73. The universe, I'd learned, was never, ever kidding. It would take whatever it wanted and it would never give it back.
Cheryl Strayed
#74. Are you kidding? Aren't you worried I'll become that hung up on you?"
"I'm hoping you become that hung up on me.
Laurelin Paige
#75. Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Rodney Dangerfield
#76. Sophia Mercer," Elodie intoned, "we have come to induct you into our sisterhood. Say the five words to begin the ritual."
I blinked at her. "Are you freaking kidding me?"
Anna gave an exasperated sigh. "No, the five words are 'I accept you offer, sisters.
Rachel Hawkins
#77. Friends? Ha! Who was she kidding? Friends didn't tremble just because
Milly Taiden
#78. The thing about talking swords ... it's hard to tell when they're kidding. They have no facial expressions. Or faces.
Rick Riordan
#79. I was only kidding about the hundred," she says.
oh," I say, "what will it cost me?"
she lights her cigarette with
my lighter and looks at me
through the flame:
her eyes tell me.
look," I say, "I don't think I
can ever pay that price again.
Charles Bukowski
#80. He'd already put a shirt on each leg and had stacked every shoe I owned into a precarious pyramid. The room looked like a small, overly curious tornado had torn it apart.
"You have got to be kidding me," I said. "Maybe I should give you to Shamus.
Devon Monk
#81. They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.
Daniel Tosh
#82. She said, and I'm not kidding, 'Is this a speaking role?' I wasn't quite sure how to answer that one.
Peter Bergman
#83. What are their names? Psycho and Killer?"
He shook his head. "Cupcake and Twinkie."
My mouth dropped open. "You're kidding."
A grin flitted across his lips. "Afraid not."
If naming them after dessert snacks had been Miss Marva's attempt to make them seem cute, it wasn't working.
Lisa Kleypas
#84. Not bad"? Are you kidding me? He looks like that and his kissing skills are "not bad"? You're killing me here.
Kristina Adams
#85. It's honestly every time that I'm doing something, and every time I visit a station and hear my song on the radio and people buying my stuff, I'm like 'Are you kidding me? This is insane!'
Jana Kramer
#86. If you don't have doubts you're either kidding yourself or asleep. Doubts are the ants-in-the-pants of faith. They keep it alive and moving.
Frederick Buechner
#87. I fired the nurse the next day because she didn't check out the NFL schedule in advance - just kidding, ... I plan to be in Denver. I haven't missed a lot of games over the years. But there's a bunch I wish I had.
Lamar Hunt
#88. Confidence? Are you kidding me? I mean, please. Look, some players grow up and play like that. I remember losing junior matches. Just being down 5-2 in the third, and they all just start slapping shots.
Roger Federer
#89. I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding? Neither are you. And you wanna know what? I dig it!
Vince Vaughn
#90. Any other iron on you?" he asked impatiently.
"Just my tongue stud."
His look was a mixture of curiosity and horror.
"I'm kidding, you idiot. Let's go.
Kiersten White
#91. Are you kidding? This is perfect! This is exactly what we've been hoping for! He has everything we need.
Okay, I'll admit. Turning it down does feel a little like kicking God in the balls.
Hannah Harrington
#92. I'm the guy who wrote The Authority Song. Did they think I was kidding? Did they think it was only a song to entertain?
John Mellencamp
#93. Honestly, darling," she said. "Do you even look in a mirror before you walk out the door? Your hair's a mess."
He dodged her as she reached toward his head. "Are you kidding? I spend hours in front of the mirror to make it look this way.
Richelle Mead
#94. President Obama has decided to have the United Nations review the law of Arizona. You have got to be kidding! We're now going to have countries like Cuba, Libya and Uganda sitting in judgment on Arizona's laws? Enough is enough!
Russell Pearce
#95. We should stop kidding ourselves. We should let go of things that aren't true. It's always better with the truth.
R. Buckminster Fuller
#96. Know the difference between Giant and Jumbo? Between two-ounce and a big two-ounce? Between a quart and a full quart? What's a tall 24-inch? What does Extra Long mean? Who's kidding who?
Marya Mannes
#97. It's always hard to remember love - years pass and you say to yourself, Was I really in love, or was I just kidding myself? Was I really in love, or was I just pretending he was the man of my dreams? Was I really in love, or was I just desperate?
Nora Ephron
#98. God always answers prayers. Sometimes it's "yes." Sometimes the answer is "no." Sometimes it's "you gotta be kidding.
Jimmy Carter
#99. In California, the lines on the road are just a suggestion. They're in the left lane with the left indicator on, so naturally it's time to turn right! Are you kidding me? In your Prius? I know, you're saving the Earth by trying to kill the people!
Adam Ferrara
#100. Levity is the lubricant of a crisis. We resort to jokes, pranks and good natured kidding to relieve tension, stress and boredom.
Wally Schirra
