No Kidding Quotes

#1. Teller and I worked Renaissance Festivals and street performing - actually more real, no kidding around, Philadelphia street performing than we did Renaissance Festivals.

Penn Jillette

#2. Bill looks different without a suit. He was wearing his old graduate school T-shirt. Which was Brown. The school. Not the color. His girlfriend was wearing sandals and a nice flowered dress. She even had hair under her arms. No kidding!

Stephen Chbosky

#3. The last few years had taught her that, bizarrely, there might be more to life than money, heists, and adrenaline. A crazy idea, no kidding, and she wasn't entirely convinced yet, but maybe, just maybe, she could be something more than a thief?

Greg Cox

#4. You see," I explained to Joshua, "what Joy is doing is ironic, yet that's not her intent. That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm."
"No kidding?" said Josh.
"Why do I waste my time with you?

Christopher Moore

#5. For John le Carre, it was always who's betraying who: the hall-of-mirrors kind of thing. When you go back to the '30s, it's a case of good vs. evil, and no kidding. When I have a hero who believes France and Britain are on the right side, a reader is not going to question that.

Alan Furst

#6. Safe trip. I love you. No kidding.

Donna Tartt

#7. Gloucester's not some chi-chi tourist town. It's a working-class seaport: a no-kidding-around down-and-dirty place.

Israel Horovitz

#8. Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

Dana Gould

#9. I hung my head. Ranger was next on the list. "Yo," Ranger said when he answered. "Small problem." "No kidding. Your car just went off the screen." "It sort of burned up." Silence. "And you know that keypad you gave me? It was in the car." "Babe.

Janet Evanovich

#10. Incident report." That sounds so . . . I don't know.' 'Inadequate?' 'No kidding. I like what Kizzy called it better.' 'What was that?' 'A "monstro clusterfuck."' Ashby laughed dryly. 'I doubt they have a form for that,' he said.

Becky Chambers

#11. In our state - no kidding - they are called Standards of Learning, or "SOLs." (I don't think anyone intended the joke.)

Barbara Kingsolver

#12. Then I started reading this timetable I had in my pocket. Just stop lying. Once I get started, I can go on for hours if I feel like it. No kidding. Hours.

J.D. Salinger

#13. Polly was a writer of many deadlines. There were the ignorable deadlines, the not-to-be-taken-too-seriously deadlines: the deadlines-before-the-deadlines deadlines, and finally, the no-kidding-around deadlines. She set these various dates, she'd told him, to fool herself.

Martha Grimes

#14. After a long moment Laurent said, with painful honesty, "I ... find it difficult to let go of control."
"No kidding," said Damen.

C.S. Pacat

#15. Where am I? (Nick) Hospital. (Kyrian) Really? No kidding? And here I thought I was at McDonald's. (Nick)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#16. No kidding. That's really true. You're paying your own bills through this. It's not a pleasant experience.

Bruce Babbitt

#17. God always answers prayer, sometimes with a yes, sometimes with a no and sometimes with a 'You've got to be kidding!'

Jimmy Carter

#18. Shut up before I drop yo ass off at Koreatown. Now hold on, America, don't start writing no letters. I'm just kidding. But am I lying?

Bernie Mac

#19. Are you kidding me? How can you even ask me that? I'm stuck in a world I have no hope of surviving, I'm forced to depend on a guy who thinks I can't be trusted, I'm being pushed into marrying a man who believes I can't talk, and I've lost everyone I've ever cared about! Why wouldn't I feel uneasy?

Cheryl Koevoet

#20. Quoting Demosthenes, 'For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.' I would rather make money playing a piano in a whorehouse than arguing that no cost is incurred when employees are paid in stock options instead of cash. I am not kidding.

Charlie Munger

#21. I gave you sympathy. *I* want sympathy!"
"Are you kidding me? You have the sexiest man on the planet wanting you. You're getting laid regularly. No sympathy for you!

Jill Shalvis

#22. I hate dry turkey. I may have over-basted it. Who am I kidding, though? No such thing. You'll eat my fucking turkey and lick your fingers when you're done.

C.J. Roberts

#23. They are always telling us that Carolina Blue is not a color, that it is really Columbia blue or sky blue. But there is no bad blood amongst the teammates. All of our kidding is in good fun.

Lorrie Fair

#24. God always answers prayers. Sometimes it's "yes." Sometimes the answer is "no." Sometimes it's "you gotta be kidding.

Jimmy Carter

#25. But I've been kidding myself that this thing I feel for her is just a crush. No matter what I'd heard or read or seen in a movie - no one ever said it was supposed to suck so badly.

Melissa Keil

#26. But no one laughed. No one would. The universe, I'd learned, was never, ever kidding.

Cheryl Strayed

#27. Parked in the school lot, I grab their two backpacks, which I swear weigh more than they do, get out, and open the back door like a chauffeur. Who am I kidding? Not like a chauffeur. I am a chauffeur. No one moves.

Lisa Genova

#28. My background is in dance. No, I'm kidding. I was actually really uncoordinated as a child, when it came to dance, but I did play a lot of sports, and I do some break-dancing from time-to-time. No, I really don't.

Beth Riesgraf

#29. Sometimes if I tell people, 'I'm afraid that I'm really a fraud,' or 'I have a lot of self-doubt,' they go, 'Oh, no, you're kidding.' I go, 'No, I'm really honest.'

Al Franken

#30. OCEANA: Are we here to take a tour of the museum? Is this your surprise?
ORPHEUS: This is my house.
OCEANA: (gasps) You gotta be kidding me.
ORPHEUS: (now glaring at her) No I'm not.

Scarlett Brukett

#31. It is my mission to change the world. I'm not kidding: Make no small plans, dream mighty things. I feel if we get enough people engaged in climate change, we will get enough people to change the world. We will revolutionize the way we produce electricity and provide clean water to people.

Bill Nye

#32. She'd be the perfect choice."
Jake snapped his head around to find Charli no smiling. "Who?"
"Annie."
"Are you kidding me?" Jake barked out a laugh. "We'd tear each other's throat out."
"Or each other's clothes off. Which sounds like a much better solution to me.

Candis Terry

#33. Peppermint Patty's team is short a glove, so I'm walking over to lend them mine."
"You're kidding! Don't you think they're taking advantage of you?"
"No, I'm doing it because I want to do it."
"What are you, some kind of mystic?!

Charles M. Schulz

#34. Dor shook his head. "The phrase. What does it mean?"
Sarah wondered if he was kidding. "Time flies? You know, like, time goes really fast and suddenly you're saying goodbye
and it's like no time passed at all?"
His eyes drifted. He liked it. "Time flies."
"With you," she added.

Mitch Albom

#35. I can't look at you anymore. I just want to kiss the fuck out of you. There's no way ... What the hell would you want with a guy like me?
A guy like him? Was he kidding? Beautiful Gabriel, my ever-demanding artist. What in the world was he thinking?

C.L.Stone

#36. There were very strict social conventions, and you adhered to it, and I think it gave you a lot of character. When a man said something, he meant it. He wasn't kidding around. There were no jokes involved. Nobody was in the mood to joke unless you hit a guy with a baseball bat.

Jack Kirby

#37. Hey police? I just saw the world's oldest, slowest kid climbing into Pleasantview Cemetery. Looked like he was dying to get in. Yeah, looked like a grave matter to me. Kidding? Oh no, I'm in dead earnest. Maybe you ought to dig into it.

Stephen King

#38. Kiss my lickity-split," the doper shouted.

Judy Byington

#39. Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.

Craig Ferguson

#40. I've never been bored in my life, man. I've never been bored or lonely. Are you kidding? No way! I'm an orchestrator, a musician, a producer. I love everything. I've studied languages from Farsi to Greek to French, Swedish, Russian ... How can you get bored?

Quincy Jones

#41. Are you up? Dressing? (Astrid)
No. I'm pissing on your rug. What do you think I'm doing? (Zarek)
I'm blind. For all I know you really are peeing on my rug, which is a very nice rug incidentally, so I hope you're kidding. (Astrid)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#42. I was kidding. Even I'm not that promiscuous. You guru people have no sense of humor."
"I'm not a guru people, and I happen to have a very well developed sense of humor. Why else would I still be talking to you?

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#43. Green Lantern: "What are your powers anyway? You can't fly."
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Super-strength?"
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Hold on a second ... You're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you? Are you freaking kidding me?!

Geoff Johns

#44. I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are ...

David Cross

#45. Baby?" She perched beside him in the chair. "You're kidding me right?" "I was trying it out, no?" "no," she said firmly Simon & Clary

Cassandra Clare

#46. I have often said in answer to inquiries as to how I got away with kidding some of our public men, that it was because I liked all of them personally, and that if there was no malice in your heart there could be none in your "Gags", and I have always said I never met a man I dident like.

Will Rogers

#47. Question (from a reader) : Will the Wise Goddess Athena overthrow Zeus and become the ruler of Olympus?
Athena's answer : What an interesting idea ... No, just kidding, Dad. Put away the lightning bolt.

Rick Riordan

#48. So softly Lizzy has to lean over to hear me, I say, 'I can't face the world until I know why I'm here.'
You're kidding me.'
I shake my head vehemently. 'No. I need to figure out my purpose. Until I do, what's the use of getting up?

Wendy Mass

#49. I had no expectations about fatherhood, really, but it's definitely a journey I'm glad to be taking. Number one, it's a great learning experience. When my mother told me it's a 24/7 job, she wasn't kidding.

Christopher Meloni

#50. Charlie whistled "Amazing Grace" as he drove. It was all I could do not to whip my head around and snap, Are you kidding me? Couldn't he pick something more appropriate, like "Shout at the Devil" or "Don't fear the Reaper"? Some people had no sense of the proper music for a kidnapping.

Jeaniene Frost

#51. To play Hillary Clinton? I'm kind of winging it. No, are you kidding me? I prepared obsessively. I mean, as much as I could in the time that I was given. Of course, with someone like Hillary Clinton, obviously, anything you want is on YouTube and at your fingertips there.

Hope Davis

#52. The thing about talking swords ... it's hard to tell when they're kidding. They have no facial expressions. Or faces.

Rick Riordan

#53. And Sanderson?" "Are you kidding? I bet his girlfriend is a dominatrix or something." "Or his boyfriend." "No, he's so not cool enough to be gay." She was very funny.

Mary Calmes

#54. Who are the advertising men kidding, besides the European tourist? Between the tired, sad, gentle faces of the subway riders and the grinning Holy Families of the Ad-Mass, there exists no possibility of even a wishful identification.

Mary McCarthy

#55. She gave me a hard look. "No one likes a wiseass, Harry."
"Are you kidding? As long as the wiseass is talking to someone else, people love 'em.

Jim Butcher

#56. My favorite show tune has got to be Stephen Sondheim's "I Remember Sky." It's probably the saddest song of all time I sing it to myself in the mirror. No, I am kidding. That's the joke.

Laura Benanti

#57. No one should ever take them self or others too seriously."

~R. Alan Woods [2012]

R. Alan Woods

#58. Who's he kidding? He's no gentleman. He has my panties

E.L. James

#59. I love eating at Sonic with my family in Oklahoma. And no, I'm not kidding.

Kristin Chenoweth

#60. I like to work and there's no movies for actors, period, especially black actors. When white actors are like, 'Man, there's no work out there,' then black actors are like, 'Are you kidding me?'

Marlon Wayans

#61. Hey Baby. Baby? You're kidding me, right? I was trying it out. No? No.

Cassandra Clare

#62. Who am I kidding? I have no reason for being here other that the fact that I want to be near her.

Simone Elkeles

#63. Sophia Mercer," Elodie intoned, "we have come to induct you into our sisterhood. Say the five words to begin the ritual."
I blinked at her. "Are you freaking kidding me?"
Anna gave an exasperated sigh. "No, the five words are 'I accept you offer, sisters.

Rachel Hawkins