Top 100 Quotes About Asshole
#1. He's the kinda hot a woman would forgive a lot of asshole, he's that kinda hot. But he's that kinda hot without the asshole part which is a plain miracle.
Kristen Ashley
#2. She knows how to make me feel better - when she isn't making me feel like an asshole
Abria Mattina
#3. I turned around to see Jim standing in the aisle with a smirk and a box of tampons in his hand.
Very funny asshole. Looks like you're on the rag this week. Make sure to get yourself some Midol and a copy of Terms of Endearment so you can have yourself a good cry.
Tara Sivec
#4. Yes. I was, I see now, an asshole who wanted to roll the dice.
Colin Harrison
#5. Now, if you're white and you don't admit that it's great, you're an asshole.
Louis C.K.
#6. I lend all of you who need it my full-on black-clad asshole super-strength
Maggie Stiefvater
#7. When I was writing my biography of LeBon," Bob Nye told me, "he seemed to me the biggest asshole in the whole of creation.
Jon Ronson
#8. Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"
George Carlin
#9. One of the most heinous, insidious lies is the notion that you have to be an asshole to be a successful business person.
Alan Cooper
#10. I'm going to make you come so hard you forget that you're supposed to be the world's biggest asshole.
Christina Lauren
#11. The satisfying sound of bone giving way, as well as his outraged cry, made the you-had-it-coming-asshole angles sing.
J.A. Saare
#12. Keep your pants on, asshole, and cut the possessive caveman crap.
C.M. Stunich
#13. A jerk, a creep or an asshole in a wheelchair, is still a jerk, a creep or an Asshole.
Michael Kroft
#14. Pretty people do ugly things.
It was one of those laws of nature that Gaia had understood for years. If she ever started to forget that ride for a second, there always seemed to be some good-looking asshole ready to remind her.
Francine Pascal
#15. Sometimes his expired faith in rational logic revives itself long enough to believe in points ... but in the end he always ends up feeling like an asshole for thinking any of the pain he either inflicts or endures has meaning beyond the senseless fact of its existence.
Anthony Marra
#16. I should've let her walk right out the door, but something about Nadya made it tough for me to be the asshole I wanted to be.
Lisa Kessler
#17. Still, to paraphrase what John Stuart Mill said about the stupidity of the Tories, while not all people who claim to be politically incorrect are assholes, it's exactly the sort of thing an asshole is apt to say. (183)
Geoffrey Nunberg
#18. Wear something sexy." "Asshole." "That will certainly work.
Josh Lanyon
#19. Don't be an asshole," the guy snapped as he cracked a freshie.
"Oh, right, because two in this group would be overkill.
J.R. Ward
#20. I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
#21. And what is any artist, really, but someone who doesn't mind being an asshole?
Jade Chang
#22. I thought you went out with the guys," Shea said, scrolling down his list.
"Nah, thought you needed to talk." Shea looked up, confused.
"Huh?"
"You know, talk, where your mouth moves and words come out."
"Shut up, asshole, I know what talking is. I just don't know why I need to talk.
Toni Aleo
#23. Broken hearts are for assholes, are you an asshole?
Frank Zappa
#24. This was typical of my parents: in their minds, no one was just an asshole. There was always something wrong with people other than just sucking: they had socialization disorders, or borderline personality syndrome, or whatever.
John Green
#25. What was interesting about being the needy one was how much in love you felt ... He'd lost the ability to be an asshole. Now he was smitten, and it felt both tremendous and scary.
Jeffrey Eugenides
#27. Not that I was ever an asshole but I used to be much more of a bulldozer.
Janeane Garofalo
#28. I think there's a real hunger for people speaking truth to power. Like, there's a little minority now that's saying you sounded like an asshole and a whiner. But that's just the player-hating fringe. I wouldn't worry about it.
Jonathan Franzen
#29. You can be a cocky asshole to me. I deal with little pricks like you all of the time. But you leave Jenn the hell alone or the next time you take a piss, it will be through a fucking tube. Do we understand each other?
Teresa Mummert
#30. Anyone who doesn't want you to be happy with who you are is an asshole. Fuck pleasing everyone else. You only live once. Who are you gonna do it for?
Dahlia Adler
#31. An entire greased-up baby being squirted out of a gay biker's asshole during a weird gay biker sex ritual. I guess the word weird isn't really necessary there.
Anonymous
#32. What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?
Jon Stewart
#33. Get in the fucking car. You're a mean drunk.
You haven't seen me mean, mama's boy!
I told you we're close!
Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day!
Jamie McGuire
#34. South Africa, it's like the little asshole of the whole world - it's, like, the bottom. It's, like, in the dark depths of the hallway.
Watkin Tudor Jones
#35. Is it broken? Seriously. I mean my vagina. Not the vibrator. The vibrator definitely had some kicking power left in it. I think that cocky, sexy, asshole broke it.
Victoria Ashley
#36. You already have one asshole, you don't need another one
Greg Behrendt
#37. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like "hey, there's an asshole."
Demetri Martin
#38. If someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer, belittle them. It's better to be an asshole than look stupid.
John LeFevre
#39. In pharmaceutical speak, psilocybin is known as an asshole inhibitor.
Bill Maher
#40. I was an abusive, selfish, needy, angry asshole.
Now I'm just kind of selfish, a little less angry, occasionally needy, with flights of asshole. I've grown.
Marc Maron
#41. Why don't I like you?"
"Because you think I'm an asshole, and I'm not really, I'm just British and, well, you're not.
Alan Rickman
#42. Everything in Los Angeles is too large, too loud and usually banal in concept ... The plastic asshole of the world.
William Faulkner
#43. I'm pigheaded, grouchy and I say the wrong things at the worst time. Basically, I'm an asshole - but I'm your asshole.
Avery Flynn
#44. Whenever I don't feel so well, I always try remind myself of the Siamese twin whose brother is gay, whose boyfriend is coming over ... and they share the same asshole.
Jay Mohr
#45. When I asked Vera why Michael was so obstinate, she told me that some asshole had recently broken Eliza's heart. A drummer, no less. Hell, even I know girls should stay away from the goddamn drummers.
Tiffanie DeBartolo
#46. There's Adam Clymer, major league asshole from The New York Times.
George W. Bush
#47. But today? I'm taking the low road because that man, that jerk, deserves it, whoever he is. Fucking asshole ...
Winter Renshaw
#48. I came to the conclusion that if a woman of the cloth could be so sure she was going to heave despite being such a massive asshole, God must be more lenient than I'd been led to believe.
Jessica Knoll
#49. Steve [Jobs] proves that it's OK to be an asshole ... He just has a different OS.
Guy Kawasaki
#50. You said you'd kiss me if I lost Tank."
"You want me to kiss you?" Oh boy. "You were happy I'd lost your puppy?" He was looking like he was still thinking about smiling as he glanced down at Tank, tucked under his arm. "No. That would make me an asshole." Right ...
Jill Shalvis
#51. I skip the introduction. If the book goes in the trash, I want it to go because of my thoughts on it, not because of some Asshole's thoughts who wrote the introduction.
James Frey
#52. Bettman is an asshole. A frikkin asshole. I think he's ruined the game of hockey. He's supposed to be impartial. He's supposed to speak for the good of the league, but in my opinion, he's strictly behind the owners. Those 1996 rule changes are a joke
Bob Probert
#53. I respect your right to worship Satan, or to worship a tea kettle, or to be a NIMBY, or to be an asshole. There's no law against being an asshole.
Chicken John
#54. You're not getting this back you know. Consider it an asshole tax.
Chuck Palahniuk
#55. We've already established whoever is writing us is an asshole.
John Scalzi
#56. Steve sighed, wishing for a cigarette. "The Buddha teaches respect for all life." "Oh." She considered this. "Are you a Buddhist?" "No. I'm an asshole. But I keep trying.
Scott Hawkins
#57. I go to the theater, all the time. I'm not one of these secret movie, watch a 35mm print in my living the weekend it comes out guys. I'm not Jon Bon Jovi. I go to the Arclight, like a regular asshole.
Seth Rogen
#58. Hey, would you look at that shit?"
I turned on my heel. The patrons who'd fled at the first hint of trouble had come back and were enjoying the spectacle.
"Clear out!" I barked.
They paid me no mind. Asshole innocent bystanders.
Ilona Andrews
#59. The man was a walking felony, it should be illegal for someone to look and smell as good as he did; especially considering he was such an asshole. "Uh - I'm
Cassia Brightmore
#60. Tristan held his hand out toward Sam with his beautiful smile. "Nice to meet ya, Sam." "You too, Tristan," Sam said warily. Tristan patted him on the back, his wolfish grin in full force. "Oh, no need to be so formal with my name. By all means, call me asshole.
Brittainy C. Cherry
#61. That's what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside."
"I've run into some of those at the dog park," Oberon said. "They're usually attached to Chihuahuas.
Kevin Hearne
#62. First you shoot me," he muttered. "Now you're handin' me your damn club and spoutin' love poems." "She was sixteen, motherfucker, you woulda shot you." "No, asshole, I woulda killed me." At that, Preacher just kept grinning. Jesus, was he in the twilight zone?
Madeline Sheehan
#63. I wanted this girl, entitled asshole that I was, but I didn't deserve her.
Annabel Joseph
#64. As with the douchebags of the world, calling an asshole an asshole sometimes is exactly what needs to happen.
George Takei
#65. Your religious beliefs are your business. They are not and should not be the basis for law. If you use them as justification to discriminate against others, don't be upset when others decide you're an asshole.
[Blog post of July 26, 2011]
Jim C. Hines
#66. Idealists are either blind or clowns; because they think it is possible to have a beautiful world with asshole creatures like humans.
M.F. Moonzajer
#67. Shut up. Asshole. (Shahara) I live for your endearments. (Syn)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#68. Violet: "You're an asshole."
Onyx: "Thank you, it's something that took an eternity to perfect.
Jessica Shirvington
#69. Love is bullshit. Emotion is bullshit. I am a rock. A jerk. I'm an uncaring asshole and proud of it.
Chuck Palahniuk
#70. To the eternal "Opinions are like assholes - everybody's got one," I just say, "Yeah, but not everybody's got ten thousand of them." It distresses me that the wit of this riposte so often fails to impress the asshole I'm talking to.
Robert Christgau
#71. Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that's how nostalgia works, right? We only remember the best of the available memories.
Jarod Kintz
#72. You better not turn out to be an asshole," she says quietly.
"And you better be done with that guy in Italy," I reply.
Colleen Hoover
#73. I punched him nos so lightly in the arm. 'Asshole.'
He was silent for a few minutes, and then he smacked my arm.
'OW!'
'You had a mosquito.'
'No, I didn't.
Michelle Hodkin
#74. DOES EVERYBODY THINK I am an asshole?" Curran asked. "Only people who know you or have met you.
Ilona Andrews
#76. Cut the sarcasm. It makes you sound like an even bigger asshole
Maya Banks
#77. I stopped opposite the counter and looked back up at him. "Have I told you you're an asshole today?"
"You just got up, so, no."
"You're an asshole."
He grinned again.
Kristen Ashley
#78. It's not illegal to be an asshole. It's not illegal to be racist, even. It's not illegal to do anything.
Ariel Pink
#79. I know you told me you thought you'd be okay being a secret, and I thought I'd be all right with it too. But I've lied to my family enough. I feel like a spineless asshole. I don't want to hide anymore.
Lisa Kessler
#80. If you're playing Hitler, you don't play Hitler as an asshole. Hitler believed what he was doing was right. Any of those monsters and any serial killer believes in what they're doing. I play it subjectively.
James Purefoy
#81. You greasy shit stain on a diseased elk's warty asshole.
Ian Tregillis
#82. God damn it you asshole! Wake up or I'll fucking shoot you!
Isaac Marion
#83. You are so not an asshole. (Tory)
Trust me, I can be. But I have a height requirement before I break ass on someone. (Acheron)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#84. An asshole who sometimes pretends to be nice totally has the ability to suck you back in, making you think that you had him all wrong.
Lauren Barnholdt
#85. I didn't know I came off as a judgmental asshole," he mused. "You don't. But you are a total alpha male and you know it." "All the men in this house are," he retorted. "Maybe, but I think we both know you're number one." "Have you met my wife? She totally runs me.
Cambria Hebert
#86. Where but in the very asshole of comedown is redemption: as where but brought low, where but in the grief of failure, loss, error do we discern the savage afflictions that turn us around: where but in the arrangements love crawls us through
A.R. Ammons
#87. I'm a bad bet, Sunshine, but if you're willing to give me a whirl around the ring, I'm yours. Because you've got me so twisted up inside that I barely know if up is down. I'm so inside my head that I'm coming out of my asshole. Have mercy on me.
Jen Frederick
#88. How someone wants to explain catastrophe isn't important--that's what I know now. When shit happens, it doesn't really matter what asshole is responsible.
Catherine Lacey
#89. Okay, I'd had a variety of Rock Chick chinwags where the girls let it all hang out about their guys and how they communicated in Asshole, but I'd never experienced it personally. And Ren had just demonstrated he was fluent in Asshole.
It must be said, I didn't like it much.
Kristen Ashley
#90. I'm an asshole to everyone else in my life. You are the one thing I cherished. Don't make me stop,
Sylvia Day
#91. "Yeah, well, if you eat red meat, it stays in your colon for fifteen years!" Good! I paid for it; I want it in my ass, okay? I want them to find a meat sweater from my esophagus to my asshole when they open me up in the end! "This guy's covered in meat! He's Meat-Man! He's Meat-Tracheotomy-Man!"
Denis Leary
#92. Hey, fuck you," Lucas said. "What!" Pole started to move at Lucas, but saw something in Lucas's eyes that made him take a step back. Bell Wood got between them and Lucas growled, "Stay away from me, asshole.
John Sandford
#93. You should've known this ring belongs to me. Eye of the tiger."
I shoved him. "But I have the heart of the wolf, asshole.
Lisa Kessler
#94. Part of not being a self-centered asshole, Colin reasoned, is doing things with your friends even when you don't want to.
John Green
#95. You want to count, Gabrielle? One! She sucked in a breath, mad enough the words slid right out. You asshole, one!
Cherise Sinclair
#96. Ok. You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship.
Chuck Palahniuk
#97. You know," he said by way of greeting, "the night I caught you with Layne, I called you a future felon. I didn't realize you'd make good on that prediction so quickly."
"That night you dragged Layne out of my driveway, I called you an asshole. Guess we were both right.
Brigid Kemmerer
#98. You are under arrest for murder, attempted murder and general conspiracy to be an asshole. - Harry Bosch
Michael Connelly
#99. Last night's memories flooded over him like a tsunami. He'd been tipsy, but not drunk. He remembered it all, every single mind-blowing-intensely-erotic-second of it. Well if he wasn't sure, the crusty substance on his back was a clear indication. Asshole. Could've got a rag. Michaels
A.E. Via
#100. The hippo did, and I heard what sounded at first like a rabble, many voices talking over one another. Then I realized that they weren't talking.
"Let me get this straight," the hippo said when I explained what was going on. "Leeches are singing inside my asshole.
David Sedaris
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