Top 87 Knowledge Humor Quotes
#1. Generally speaking, it is injudicious for ladies to attempt arguing with gentlemen on political or financial topics. All the information that a woman can possibly acquire or remember on these subjects is so small in comparison with the knowledge of men...
Samuel Orchart Beeton
#3. It's common knowledge that shiny rocks are preferred among human females.
Melissa Landers
#4. I'd venture to guess that a list of things you know nothing about could fill volumes.
Heidi Schulz
#5. Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.
Howard Nemerov
#6. Some days I tell myself that my mission is to say something about the art and sometimes the bliss of limitation. And the legibility of landscape. Other days are more dismal. As if I were queueing in the rain outside confessional literature's nudist colony, mirrors everywhere, blue with cold.
Fredrik Sjoberg
#7. Do the girls emerge quite ruined for marriage after you stuff them full of knowledge?"
"I should imagine most of our girls emerge less tolerant of fools, if that's what you mean."
- Dryden and Phoebe
Julie Anne Long
#8. Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.
Eoin Colfer
#9. There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.
Bertrand Russell
#10. The Theist tells us that the truth is god exists,
the Atheist tells us that the truth is there is no god,
while the truth tells us we don't know.
Kodai Okuda
#11. Provided that nothing like useful knowledge could be gained from them, provided they were all story and no reflection, she had never any objection to books at all.
Jane Austen
#12. What did Mira show your attacker last week? he asked, desperate to turn the attention away from himself now. Yakut shrugged. Only he can know. The girl has no knowledge of what her eyes reflect. Thank God for that. Niko hated to think of the education she might have just gotten otherwise.
Lara Adrian
#13. Your lack of geographical knowledge is truly astounding.
Chelsea Handler
#14. The dead know everything but they don't give a damn.
Joanne Harris
#15. She is my companion on my many genealogical hunts, and I will be forever indebted to her for the knowledge that she bequeathed to me. And I can think of nobody I would rather traipse through a cemetery with, and that says a lot about a person.
Rett MacPherson
#16. Universities are truly storehouses for knowledge: students arrive from school confident they know nearly everything, and they leave five years later certain that they know practically nothing. Where did the knowledge go in the meantime? In the university, of course, where it is dried and stored.
Terry Pratchett
#17. I know lots of things you don't"
"Name five."
"The Grand Unification Theory, tax law, binary, the capital of Azerbailan, and how tractors work.
Daniel Nayeri
#18. School sucks. I'm dropping out and becoming a truck stop waitress. I think i'll change my name to Flo and get a really bad perm. Flo the truck stop waitress with a bad perm doesn't need high school. She lives off the knowledge of life.
Tammy Blackwell
#19. Miss Austen's novels ... seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer ... is marriageableness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#20. Knowledge empowers people. If people know the rules, and are sensitized by art, humor, and creativity, they are much more likely to accept change.
Antanas Mockus
#21. People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show' ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
John Oliver
#22. G. I. Gurdieff, "Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson"
So-and-so-and-so-must-be; do-not-do-what-must-not-be.
Mullah's favorite saying. p. 598
Gurdieff
#23. I know nothing," I say, cheerfully.
"You never seem to. Have you ever wondered why that is?"
"It's very deliberate. I've found that knowledge is usually a burden. I prefer to be surprised and then eventually horrified.
Matthew Norman
#24. I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up.
Karl Kraus
#25. Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge ... or when I want to create some.
Stephen Colbert
#26. Fools live life; intellectuals only think thoughts arising from borrowed knowledge.
That is why fools enjoy life while so called wise people are busy posting tweets about life.
Unfortunately, I am a wise man.
Saurabh Sharma
#27. ... zebra crossings were rather like Bosnia's "safe zones": places where, if you die, you may simply die with the knowledge that your killer was in the wrong.
Lucy Wadham
#28. There was a rare quality about Nurse Grace's smile. It was the knowledge that sooner or later her smile would inspire some witty observer to say something around the lines of, "Every time you do this, an angel farts".
Sorin Suciu
#29. Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.
G.K. Chesterton
#30. All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.
Voltaire
#31. I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I'm heaven's landscape painter.
Bauvard
#32. Probably the last man who knew how it worked had been tortured to death years before. Or as soon as it was installed. Killing the creator was a traditional method of patent protection.
Terry Pratchett
#33. The clump-and-thud of avalanching books suggested that someone must be using the weapon of knowledge in an unconventional fashion.
Dean Koontz
#35. Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.
Carroll Bryant
#36. The English novels are the only relaxation of the intellectually unemployed. But one should not be too severe on them. They show a want of knowledge that must be the result of years of study.
Oscar Wilde
#37. He gives him of his joy, of his interest, of his understanding, of his knowledge, of his humor, of his sadness - of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in him.
Erich Fromm
#38. It was too bad, but sometimes a little knowledge could ruin your whole day, or at least take off some of the shine.
Jacqueline Kelly
#39. The medical profession is unconsciously irritated by lay knowledge.
John Steinbeck
#40. I had never thought much of genealogy. A lot of wasted time collecting the names of the dead. Then stringing those names, like skulls upon a wire, into an entirely private and thus irrelevant narrative, lacking any historical significance. The narcissistic pastime of nostalgic bores.
Joshua Ferris
#42. Does it not occur to people that I might be artificial by nature?
Maurice Ravel
#43. I had the right to remain silent ... but I didn't have the ability.
Ron White
#44. Sebastian it is. You can tell me what a patron saint is later, since I have no knowledge of such things. Sebastian Kane.
"Sebastian Kane Cannon. You're going to marry me and use my last name, right?"
"Is that supposed to be a proposal?
Christine Feehan
#45. People in trailers were canned and labeled much like the apple juice down at the plant, stamped with ingredients for all the world to see: chicken fried steak, overcooked vegetables, no working knowledge of any major Italian movie directors
the list went on and on.
David Sedaris
#46. I only know everything if you ask the right questions.
Doc Coleman
#47. The pathway to enlightenment leads to states of ecstasy, knowledge, and a pretty ironic sense of humor.
Frederick Lenz
#48. Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops.
Lois Greiman
#49. Why is it that churches and religions and that whole gang behave as if they have got the whole God knowledge down. I mean what kind of arrogance is that?
Art Hochberg
#50. What's really transformative is our willingness to keep going, our openness to possibility, our patience, our effort, our humor, our growing self-knowledge, and the strength that we gain as we keep going.
Sharon Salzberg
#51. Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Ambrose Bierce
#52. Whoever interrupts the conversation of others to make a display of his fund of knowledge, makes notorious his own stock of ignorance.
Sa'di S. Shaikh Muslihu-D-Din
#53. I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
Mark Twain
#54. I must confess that most modern mysticism seems to me to be simply a method of imparting useless knowledge in a form that no one can understand
Oscar Wilde
#55. If I could go back in time to when I was 18yrs old, I would take better notes this time, because back then I knew everything.
Michael Nuccio
#56. A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.
Dave Barry
#57. Superficial knowledge leads to a bland, monotonous telling. With authorial knowledge we can prepare a feast of pleasures. Or at the very least, add humor.
Robert McKee
#58. An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#59. It takes a thorough knowledge of the English language to effectively abuse it.
Charlene Vermeulen
#60. An educated theologian: someone who's better at rationalizing what they're pretending to know.
Peter Boghossian
#61. Peg and I are in the trenches of social media, not in a "war room" back at headquarters. We acquired our knowledge though experimentation and diligence, not pontification, sophistry, and conference attendance.
Guy Kawasaki
#62. In order to avoid this bitter end, we would all have to be born again, and born with the knowledge of alternatives. Even then?
Maya Angelou
#63. HERE ARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS, CROWLEY.
And suddenly he knew. He hated that. They could just as easily have told him, they didn't suddenly have to drop chilly knowledge straight into his brain.
Neil Gaiman
#64. In some sort of crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose.
J. Robert Oppenheimer
#65. But the main reason you should read this is that I don't see why I should have to know all these terrible, terrible things and you should get off scot free.
David Strorm
#66. There are no things man was not meant to know. There are, perhaps, things man is too dumb to figure out, but that's a different problem.
Michael Kurland
#67. Just as true humor is laughter at oneself, true humanity is knowledge
of oneself.
Alan W. Watts
#68. I have brain damage, remember? I'm not responsible for my actions
or for the actions of my hand, which acted of its own volition and without my knowledge.' Cam to Bailey
Linda Howard
#69. What I learn today I shall know forever. Whether or not I remember that I know it is a different story.
Richelle E. Goodrich
#70. We are not born with a need for knowledge, but a hunger for it. Eve bit the apple and it has been gluttony ever since.
Anthony Marais
#71. Knowledge is a rope, and you're weaving a noose out of it. Leave some slack for the enemy.
Nenia Campbell
#72. When a man's knowledge is deep, he speaks well of an enemy. Instead of seeking revenge, he extends unexpected generosity. He turns insult into humor, ... and astonishes his adversary who finds no reason not to trust him.
Baltasar Gracian
#73. I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
Oscar Wilde
#74. In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.
George Herbert
#75. The sheer quantity of brain power that hurled itself voluntarily and quixotically into the search for new baseball knowledge was either exhilarating or depressing, depending on how you felt about baseball. The same intellectual resources might have cured the common cold, or put a man on Pluto.
Michael Lewis
#76. I wish I was 18 again, not that I don't like the age I'm at right now, but at 18yrs old I knew everything!
Michael Nuccio
#77. Yeah. Floyd is his batman."
His what?"
Batman, like in the British army, each officer had a batman, a personal servant."
You spend too much time reading, Spenser. You know more stuff that don't make you money than anybody I know.
Robert B. Parker
#78. Catholic schools carry out a great mission, to serve God by building knowledge and character ... By teaching the word of God, you prepare your students to follow a path of virtue.
George W. Bush
#79. Like most Michigan natives, Ferguson had a vague knowledge of a thing called barbecue, but had never actually eaten any. He was, however, intimately familiar with whiskey.
Doug Worgul
#80. Oh yes, I have learned much from Tremorlor, and so assume a like strategy. Silence, a faint mocking smile suggesting I know more than I do, an air of mystery, yes, and fell knowledge. None could guess my confusion, my host of deluded illusions and elusive delusions!
Steven Erikson
#81. If Socrates was alive today he would say : I know that I know everything. That's what contemporary philosophers do.
Ljupka Cvetanova
#82. Humor and knowledge are the two great hopes of our culture.
Konrad Lorenz
#83. Ignorance is bold, and knowledge is reserved
Thucydides
#84. Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.
Lois Greiman
#85. Moreover, man carries in his heart the desire always to wield his scientific knowledge in service of the greater good. He would of course never use it for destructive purposes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ...
Jacques Tardi
#86. What can I say? I prefer to die well informed.
Nalini Singh
#87. So you do know!" I shouted. My phone lay there like a genie's bottle, inanimate and yet containing the ability to grant me wishes and knowledge. "Girl, spill before I come over and dye your hair a natural color.
Atom Yang
