Jokes And Funny Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 100 famous quotes and sayings about jokes and funny to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 100 Jokes And Funny Quotes

#1. A joke is a witticism or play on words that's meant to be funny. I say 'meant to be' because most jokes aren't funny. They range between mildly amusing and grimace-inducingly annoying. - Author: Michael Monroe
Jokes And Funny Quotes #36938
#2. There were some particular themes that I knew I wanted to hit, and when I got deeper into the project I found that it was becoming serious in and on its own. By the end, it's not very funny at all. I think, now, that part of the power of the book is that the jokes are kind of sparkly distractions. - Author: Moshe Kasher
Jokes And Funny Quotes #45471
#3. I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?" - Author: Chris Rock
Jokes And Funny Quotes #56342
#4. I make some jokes about it, but they're not funny and just add to the depression. - Author: Robert M. Pirsig
Jokes And Funny Quotes #61215
#5. Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny. - Author: Alan King
Jokes And Funny Quotes #66382
#6. He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're with Eddie Murphy you've got to improvise. He's always making jokes and making me crack up when the camera's on. - Author: Raven-Symone
Jokes And Funny Quotes #127933
#7. I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don't find funny, saying things I don't really mean - because at the end of the day that's what we're all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately trying to pretend we're all the same. - Author: Tabitha Suzuma
Jokes And Funny Quotes #129646
#8. Tino laughed with him and then asked, "What the hell is up with you? You acted like I murdered your mother today."
"Not funny." Chuito sobered. "Mafia doesn't get to make jokes about murdering my mother. - Author: Kele Moon
Jokes And Funny Quotes #161834
#9. Anybody can make jokes. But unless they come from conviction, and there's truth in them, you haven't nailed it. They aren't as funny as they could be, and they don't make a point. - Author: Dan Jenkins
Jokes And Funny Quotes #163843
#10. I seem to get into situations that make people laugh, but I don't consider myself that funny of a person. I'm not witty. I'm kind of slow in conversations. I'm not that articulate with jokes. The first time I made stuff and screened it for an audience, I was surprised what people were laughing at. - Author: Nathan Fielder
Jokes And Funny Quotes #183252
#11. But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore. - Author: Jonathan Dunne
Jokes And Funny Quotes #208280
#12. Everything we do means something, Ender realized. Them laughing. Me not laughing. He toyed with the idea of trying to be like the other boys. But he couldn't think of any jokes, and none of theirs seemed funny. Wherever their laughter came from, Ender couldn't find such a place in himself. - Author: Orson Scott Card
Jokes And Funny Quotes #231147
#13. If you play Mark Twain and he's not funny, you are definitely not playing Mark Twain. That was the biggest challenge, in some ways. Writing and performing jokes that can come out of that brilliant delivery system he constructed: the friendly, avuncular truth-teller. - Author: Val Kilmer
Jokes And Funny Quotes #244300
#14. I try to play the stiff, as much as I can, and play it dry, which is sometimes hard for me. My problem with comedy is to want to clown it up, but she's the funny one. Those are her jokes, not mine. For me, it's a lot of not doing anything. I just don't want to muck it up. - Author: John Cho
Jokes And Funny Quotes #281731
#15. I have a lot of people in my life who are truly ridiculous characters, and they're very, very funny people, but they don't really try to be. They're not cracking jokes. - Author: Emile Hirsch
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#16. What I do know is I've got a brain filled with jokes I can't forget - like a tumor the size of a grapefruit inside of my skull. And I know that eventually even dog shit turns white and stops stinking, but I have this permanent head filled with crap I've been trained my whole life to think is funny. - Author: Chuck Palahniuk
Jokes And Funny Quotes #303608
#17. A good team needs three things: the right people, the right spirit, and a couple inside jokes. - Author: VanillaCreamPie8888
Jokes And Funny Quotes #307270
#18. You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from people who meant it. See: Pryor, Bruce, Carlin, etc. - Author: Hari Kondabolu
Jokes And Funny Quotes #313958
#19. Beer makes all jokes funny. Beer makes ugly and fat women attractive, which is something ugly women can't do for themselves, because they're too busy getting fat. Beer is also refreshing and a good listener. - Author: Dick Masterson
Jokes And Funny Quotes #316805
#20. Who decides which defects are funny and which ones are tragic? Nobody laughs at blind people or makes iron lung jokes. - Author: David Mitchell
Jokes And Funny Quotes #318029
#21. I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. - Author: Paula Deen
Jokes And Funny Quotes #369792
#22. Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny out of a premise. I never have my own jokes written. I have to change things as I go along, and I have to entertain myself. - Author: J. B. Smoove
Jokes And Funny Quotes #385146
#23. I'm a bug on acting, which distinguishes Second City from a lot of other revues. It comes from the character, the behavior, and not from the jokes. I don't think jokes are funny. Humor comes out of character and out of situations the character is in. - Author: Bernard Sahlins
Jokes And Funny Quotes #414690
#24. First and foremost when you're doing comedy, you gotta be relevant and applicable to the times that you're living in. When you try and just do comedy about who is dating who and lifestyle jokes, it gets tiring after a while. It's hard to be funny in that realm. - Author: Adam McKay
Jokes And Funny Quotes #424201
#25. Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too. - Author: Margaret Mahy
Jokes And Funny Quotes #446023
#26. I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice. - Author: Mitch Hedberg
Jokes And Funny Quotes #456819
#27. Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it's not jokes that are funny, it's characters that are funny. And isn't that true! That's why I always kill jokes. I'm terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I can't get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon. - Author: David Mitchell
Jokes And Funny Quotes #461342
#28. Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags. - Author: Fakeer Ishavardas
Jokes And Funny Quotes #475878
#29. In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings. - Author: Josh Zuckerman
Jokes And Funny Quotes #476462
#30. Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were like you are on stage, you would be obnoxious. With the jokes and the putdowns, I would need to take a break ... juggle something. - Author: Dom Irrera
Jokes And Funny Quotes #496256
#31. I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap'n Crunch and I'd have to take a nap. - Author: M.J. McGuire
Jokes And Funny Quotes #516432
#32. Seinfeld was typically American in that show. He was a pretty funny guy, but he had no sense of style. Tacky like a Texan tux. Tasteless dressing and tasteful jokes. That's Seinfeld for me. I would have preferred it the other way around. - Author: Hallgrimur Helgason
Jokes And Funny Quotes #540201
#33. I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. - Author: Mitt Romney
Jokes And Funny Quotes #560132
#34. So but anyway, being funny is a way of not doing. Sit around and make jokes and be Mr. Funnypants and just make fun of everyone else's attempts to do something... So that's it. I'm going to start doing. - Author: John Green
Jokes And Funny Quotes #560894
#35. One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably. - Author: John Hodgman
Jokes And Funny Quotes #578625
#36. There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. - Author: Tom Stoppard
Jokes And Funny Quotes #588312
#37. It's kind of low brow, but the show 'Bob's Burgers' is hilarious, and being from the Midwest, I can kind of relate to a lot of the jokes. 'Orange is The New Black' is a Netflix Exclusive, I think - that's really funny. - Author: Gracie Gold
Jokes And Funny Quotes #593779
#38. I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place. - Author: Bill Bryson
Jokes And Funny Quotes #615777
#39. It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic. - Author: Iliza Shlesinger
Jokes And Funny Quotes #616458
#40. Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. - Author: Carol Burnett
Jokes And Funny Quotes #617607
#41. Twitter is the place where I try to be more funny. And then I use Instagram just as my diary. I pull some jokes on there, but I think people have a better sense of humor on Twitter. - Author: Gigi Hadid
Jokes And Funny Quotes #627966
#42. I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. - Author: Michael Summers
Jokes And Funny Quotes #630171
#43. I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny. - Author: John Mulaney
Jokes And Funny Quotes #655010
#44. I think David Letterman is a genius. Night after night he is funny and smart. He seems to really enjoy his jokes. They seem connected to who he really is. I like watching him, and there is no one better at turning an awkward moment into something very funny. - Author: Casey Affleck
Jokes And Funny Quotes #674622
#45. I was always useless at flirting, and simply did not know what needed to be done in order to snare my target... I always ended up resorting to jokes, and most men don't like funny women. They like to do the jokes. - Author: Joan Sims
Jokes And Funny Quotes #694836
#46. While 'The Middle' is still funny for adults to watch, there aren't sex jokes. And I'm fine with that. I like the idea that my nieces and nephews can watch it without their parents. - Author: Neil Flynn
Jokes And Funny Quotes #701189
#47. The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes. - Author: George Carlin
Jokes And Funny Quotes #701558
#48. You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go do my thing, and my jokes have got to be funny. Whatever I do has got to be great. - Author: Jamie Foxx
Jokes And Funny Quotes #706648
#49. I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. - Author: Jimmy Carr
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#50. I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives. - Author: M.J. McGuire
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#51. There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. - Author: Fred Allen
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#52. me in bed - with a honeymoon present. Some of them were small, some were funny jokes, and some were extravagant, but every present came straight - Author: James Patterson
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#53. Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. - Author: Lemony Snicket
Jokes And Funny Quotes #892196
#54. I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny ... I do not agree with that at all. - Author: David Rees
Jokes And Funny Quotes #897957
#55. What I didn't realize is that the writing process for comedies is that you do your table read, and if you aren't funny on that first day during the table read, they take your jokes away and give them to somebody else. - Author: David Morse
Jokes And Funny Quotes #931524
#56. What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning
and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands. - Author: Lewis Carroll
Jokes And Funny Quotes #979299
#57. I'm so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I'm a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable. - Author: Jimmy Fallon
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1002466
#58. I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our weaknesses and exaggerating them, and that's how it becomes funny. - Author: Don Rickles
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#59. One thing I would say is real cops have real gallows senses of humor and make incredibly funny and inappropriate jokes in the presence of dead people all the time. - Author: Daniel J. Goor
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#60. I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. - Author: Mark Russell
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#61. I always hate telling my jokes in print 'cause I always feel like it reads so not funny and people read it and they think, 'Oh, so that's what that guy does in his stand-up? That's terrible.' - Author: Aziz Ansari
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1056790
#62. As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and be funny. - Author: Busy Philipps
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#63. We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. - Author: Daniel Dennett
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#64. With my boyfriend, we can make sexist jokes to each other because we know it's absolutely not true. If I get home from a long day and he says: 'Go on, get in the kitchen,' it's funny because we know it's not our lives. - Author: Emily Browning
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1176430
#65. For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going. - Author: Jim Gaffigan
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1205375
#66. I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays. - Author: Steve Wozniak
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1207837
#67. If you think of the people who are funny in your life, you'll note it's not because they tell jokes, it's because of their character. If you develop characters, then you'll know them, and you'll know how they'll speak. The comedy will come out of the character. - Author: Anne Beatts
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1215588
#68. With comedy, the jokes will come out, and people will see them coming. Changes in daily life or current events can change the consciousness of audiences and can make the show less funny or feel more stale. - Author: Robert Lopez
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#69. I don't laugh so much at jokes and premises as I do at a guy who goes onstage and starts twitching and acting funny. - Author: Harland Williams
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#70. I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes. - Author: John Roberts
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#71. To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to be more than just funny and more than just jokes about human gaseousness. - Author: Neil Peart
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1274234
#72. The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine that vein a lot. This isn't just common to me; it's anybody who's funny. - Author: Bill Bryson
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1328062
#73. She never wanted an extravagant life-- only one filled with simple joys like children, family, friendship, good books, funny jokes, and a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. - Author: S.A. Huchton
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1347584
#74. There is funny ha-ha, and there is funny peculiar, and beneath a trapdoor in Kevin's mind is a place where the two blur together, the place of jokes, churning so furiously frequently, when it kicks up a line, he has no idea what it will turn out to be. - Author: Kevin Brockmeier
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1363183
#75. There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. So it sort of selects itself. It has to. And plus, often something that wouldn't be funny at the time is okay to make jokes about later. - Author: Calvin Trillin
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1372554
#76. What did the soup say to the tea plate?
"You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours. - Author: Ana Claudia Antunes
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1374726
#77. I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me ... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree. - Author: Chris Rock
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1378386
#78. Comedians who are 22 years old can certainly be funny and clever, and be capable of telling jokes - but are they talking about their favorite TV shows, or a particular brand of shampoo? - Author: Rob Delaney
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1416062
#79. He toyed with the idea of trying to be like the other boys. But he couldn't think of any jokes, and none of theirs seemed funny. Wherever their laughter came from, Ender couldn't find such a place in himself. He was afraid, and fear made him serious. - Author: Orson Scott Card
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1423043
#80. One more victim sucked in by John. You get into the room with him and you just fall into a warm pool of beer and video games and penis jokes, staring at the universe with him and saying, Do you believe this shit? - Author: David Wong
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1428840
#81. I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace. - Author: Fakeer Ishavardas
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1439460
#82. Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. - Author: Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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#83. There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take. - Author: Cameron Boyce
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1473040
#84. I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject. - Author: Doug Benson
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#85. I used to love being the class clown. I loved to make jokes and make people laugh. There was a set of students who would find it funny. But the cool students were like, 'Eeew!' - Author: Issa Rae
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1495777
#86. Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. - Author: Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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#87. I like situational comedy when people are being completely serious and yet you can find something extremely funny, not jokes. - Author: Bruce Robinson
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#88. Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting. - Author: Lord Chesterfield
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1510238
#89. Like, I'm lazy, but I'm also good at not-doing things I'm not supposed to do ... Being funny is a way of not-doing. Sit around and make jokes and be Mr. Funny pants and just make fun of everyone else's attempts to do something. - Author: John Green
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1510313
#90. I want to roll my eyes, but I'm pretty soon they're going to get stuck in the back of my head, and penis puns are really not worth my permanent facial damage. - Author: Lauren Morrill
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1528843
#91. Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string. - Author: Jon Stewart
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1559474
#92. Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw. - Author: Woody Allen
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#93. I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can make every joke very funny. He would always come up with jokes on the loudspeaker on the bus. - Author: Steve Finley
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1586841
#94. Very funny, my lady. And that reminds me"
he pointed a finger at her
"no horse jokes."
He was making it too easy. "Ah, my lord, why the long face?"
"That's it! - Author: Cynthia Hand
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1623768
#95. It's like one of those scenes from a feel-good Hollywood movie. Where everybody is happy and nobody's hair fizzes in the wind. Where it doesn't rain, your shoes stay comfortable all day, and everybody's jokes are funny. - Author: Randa Abdel-Fattah
Jokes And Funny Quotes #1623843
#96. Overseas, language barriers keep me from doing a lot of talking and some of the jokes that I think are funny and they're like crickets. I have to sharpen up on that. - Author: Avery Sunshine
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#97. Another day gone and no jokes. - Author: Flann O'Brien
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#98. My knowledge of the universe is that if I write stupid jokes, the universe gives me a really nice house and great meals. I do not believe mankind will ever develop a formula to explain this. - Author: Joel Klein
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#99. What makes a good animated movie is being able to balance adult and knowing in-jokes and also just out and out funny things that make all people laugh. The idea that it's actually something that will appeal to a family, that's the trick. - Author: Benedict Cumberbatch
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#100. Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.' - Author: Ron Funches
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