Top 100 Lemony Snicket Quotes
#1. Baudelaires had visited the office of Vice Principal Nero and learned about all of the academy's strict and unfair rules. When they worked
Lemony Snicket
#2. It is one of the peculiar truths of life that people often say things that they know full well are ridiculous.
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#3. They can teach you anything. That doesn't mean you learn it. It doesn't mean you believe it.
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#4. You might think that climbing a mountain is half the battle, only to find out that the mountain goats who live at the top are vicious, and heavily armed.
Lemony Snicket
#5. It's bitten her!' he cried. 'It's Bitten her! It's bitten her! Calm down! Get moving! Call an ambulance! Call the police! Call a scientist! Call my wife! This is terrible! This is awful! This is ghastly! This is phantasmagorical! This is-
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#7. But there are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them
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#8. But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, this would be an irrational fear, because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul.
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#9. Like an envelope, a hollow figurine, and a coffin, a refrigerator can hold all sorts of things, and they may turn out to be very important depending on what kind of day you are having.
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#10. Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day.
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#12. Is the mask working?" she asked me.
"How can I tell?"
"If you can breath, then it's working.
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#13. Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said.
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#14. I will love you as a cufflink loves to drop from its shirt and explore the party for itself.
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#15. Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
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#16. Mcguffin," Sunny said, which meant "Your scheming means nothing in this place.
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#17. I don't think people have made staples by hand since the fifteenth century.
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#19. The trick to following someone without getting caught is to follow somebody who doesn't think they're being followed.
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#20. Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.
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#21. I'm not a stranger," I said, and pointed to his book. "I'm someone who reads the same authors you do.
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#22. The fire was set in the Library of Records by the Baudelaire murderers, and has spread to the Sore Throat Ward, the Stubbed Toe Ward, and the Accidentally Swallowed Something You Shouldn't Have Ward.
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#23. The passageway was still as dark as a bar of extra-dark chocolate sitting in a planetarium covered in a thick, black blanket
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#25. When you have only know someone for a few hours it is difficult to now what they would like to hear.
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#26. She was stronger than Stew Mitchum, or maybe she just wanted something more than he did.
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#27. Terrible fires resemble terrible people. They are unpredictable. They are selfish. they are deadly and ruinous. And no matter where they are prowling, no matter what treachery they are cooking up, they have something in common. They can be stopped.
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#28. Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.
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#29. Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.
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#30. For Beatrice- I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.
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#31. Members of your family might say they are working hard all day long, while you are off at school or clarinet lessons, but the only way to know this for sure is to follow them at a discreet distance.
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#32. There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't.
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#33. You and I, of course, would never do this to any of our grieving acquaintances, but it is a sad truth in life that when someone has lost a loved one, friends sometimes avoid the person, just when the presence of friends is most needed. - P. 34
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#34. I can see the headline now: 'murderer attempts to murder murderer.
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#35. Yes,' she said, in a faraway voice, 'he was my husband, but he was much more than that. He was my best friend, my partner in grammar, and the only person I knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth.
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#36. Olaf: Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else
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#37. These brats know a lot of words,' Shirley said, in her ridiculously fake high voice. 'They're book addicts. But we can still create an accident and win the fortune!
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#38. Get out of my way, you cakesniffers! said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Baudelaire orphans aside as she dashed by.
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#39. It was confusing pretending to be completely different people, particularly because it had been so long since the Baudelaires were able to be the people they really were.
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#40. It is most likely that I will die next to a pile of books I was meaning to read.
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#41. Course, mountains serve as homes to mountain goats and mountain lions, who enjoy attacking helpless picnickers and eating sandwiches or children. So
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#42. A short woman might be difficult to see on a crowded city street, particularly if she has disguised herself as a mailbox, and people keep putting letters in her mouth.
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#43. Count Olaf was so obsessed with getting his filthy hands on the money that he hatched a devious plan that gives me nightmares to this day.
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#44. I recommend learning how to write a very good thank-you note. A child who can write a nice thank-you note can turn into a cocaine dealer five years later and be remembered as child who wrote nice thank-you notes.
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#45. A good thing to do when one is sitting, eating, and resting is to have a conversation.
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#46. There are some things you cannot explain to anyone, even when they have been explained to you, over and over, almost since the day you were born.
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#47. Don't talk, Snicket," Theodora said. "Fools talk while wise people listen, so listen up and I'll tell you how we will solve this case sensibly and properly.
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#49. if you have ever wondered why horse-drawn carriages and dogsleds are far more common modes of travel than sheep-dragged sleighs, it is because sheep are not well-suited for employment in the transportation industry.
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#50. Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.
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#51. And Sunny crawled around solemnly biting each of Edgar and Albert's shoes, leaving small teeth marks in each one so she would not be forgotten.
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#52. And if you jump for joy, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful bump on the head, unless you make sure you are standing someplace with very high ceilings, which joyous people rarely do.
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#53. All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk.
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#54. Where are the books? All these elegant bookshelves are empty.
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#55. The phrase 'for naught' is simply a fancy way of saying 'for nothing,' and it doesn't matter which phrase you use, for they are both equally difficult to admit.
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#56. Perhaps I should just bury myself and become a diamond after thousands of years of intense pressure
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#57. Just knowing that they could read made the Baudelaire orphans feel as if their wretched lives could be a little brighter.
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#58. Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.
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#59. There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head.
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#60. Unpleasant in the world. It is called Lousy Lane. Lousy Lane runs through fields that are a sickly gray color, in which a handful of scraggly trees produce apples so
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#61. This knowledge sits in my heart, heavy as a paperweight.
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#62. In every other place on Earth, nobility and integrity are vanishing quickly.
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#63. Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want ...
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#64. One of the world's most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen's younger, more attractive boyfriends.
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#66. The story of the book filled the car with exciting adventures of the sort that are fun to read about, so we didn't have to think about the exciting adventures of the sort that are no fun to live through.
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#67. Mob psychology, Sunny said, remembering a term Klaus had taught her shortly before she took her first steps.
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#68. Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems.
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#69. ...he couldn't help but think that nearly anything could be used as a weapon, if one was in a weaponry mood.
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#70. Telling an adult to go see something for themselves always works. They never take your word for it. They always, always, have to go see, and Hungry was no different.
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#71. The scientific principles of the convergence and refraction of light are very confusing, and quite frankly I can't make head or tail of them, even when my friend Dr. Lorenz explains them to me.
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#72. I have stood in a department store, and seen something written on a price tag that told me I had to leave at once, but in different clothing.
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#73. It doesn't matter if you never see someone again, I told myself. There are millions of people in the world, and most of them never see each other in the first place. You hoped to know Ellington Feinr forever, but there's no such thing as forever, really. Everything is much shorter than that.
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#74. Buildings - faded brick buildings enclosed by a faded brick wall. A school, perhaps, or the estate of a dull family. The buildings had once been elegant, but many of the windows were shattered
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#75. That a story in The Daily Punctilio was completely true, and to show this article to so many volunteers, including the Baudelaire parents, the Snicket siblings, and the woman I happened to love.
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#76. -the phrase "lion's share" here means "the biggest part" and has nothing to do with lions or sharing-
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#77. I know we have to hurry!" Klaus cried. "I'm moving these noodles as quickly as I can!
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#78. Tall and skinny, with arms and legs sticking out at odd angles, as if [they] were made of drinking straws instead of flesh and bone.
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#79. Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.
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#80. Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.
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#82. Tea should be bitter as wormwood and as sharp as a two-edged sword.
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#83. You'll have to observe everyone you see, and make such judgments yourselves.
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#84. When you think of me," she said quietly "think of a food you love very much.
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#86. I think everyone's parents have secrets. You just have to know where to look for them.
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#87. Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.
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#88. There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.
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#89. Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.
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#90. Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action.
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#91. Some of the bravest and most resourceful people in the world have come to bad ends
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#92. I was tired of working in the lumber industry," Phil said. "I was sure I could find a better job, and look at me now - cook on a dilapidated submarine. Life keeps on getting better and better." "You always were an optimist," Klaus said.
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#93. How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?
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#94. It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.
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#95. The children knew, as I'm sure you know, that there is usually no reason to be afraid of the dark, but even if you are not particularly afraid of something, you might not want to get near it
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#96. When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.
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#97. [I]t was the color of someone buying you an ice cream cone for no reason at all.
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#98. Klaus had known for all twelve of his years that his older sister found a hand on her shoulder comforting - as long as the hand was attached to an arm, of course.
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#99. The children had been using these spatulas as oars, but rowing a boat is very hard work, particularly if one's traveling companions are too busy bragging to help out, and Violet was trying to think of a way they might move the boat faster.
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#100. To those who hadn't been around Violet long, nothing would have seemed unusual, but those who knew her well knew that when she tied her hair up in a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes, it meant that the gears and levers of her inventing brain were whirring at top speed.
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