David Wong Famous Quotes & Sayings

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Top 100 David Wong Quotes

#1. If I knew me as somebody else, I would hate me just as much. Why have a double standard? - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1188694
#2. We've gone from, in the '50s and '60s, being very optimistic about the future, where the future is all spaceships and The Jetsons and flying cars, to where we were just sure the future was going to be a massive pile of rubble. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1487051
#3. What do normal people do when they're together? - Author: David Wong
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#4. That whole bit was something John had come up with, the man having a terrible habit of carrying out his drunken 3:00 A.M. ideas even after daylight and sobriety came. It was always 3:00 A.M. for John. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1470691
#5. Please don't not panic!" The - Author: David Wong
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#6. For those of us who aren't great with people, we figure that silence is always the safest bet. If you're an introvert, you spend so much of your time wishing that other people would just shut the hell up that you figure you're doing everyone a favor. - Author: David Wong
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#7. They had puddled in the floorboards and they poured out onto the pavement like the jackpot from the Devil's slot machine, the bugs raining down with a sound like frying bacon. - Author: David Wong
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#8. Somebody said my name, asked if I was okay. I didn't answer, the sound of the commotion dying around me as the heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, hairy ass on my eyelids. - Author: David Wong
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#9. I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1294681
#10. Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee."
That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1262962
#11. I cursed and rubbed my forehead. The radio sang its bigotry in perfect '80s pop harmony. Let's send 'em aaallllllll ba-ack to Aaaaafrica . . . I reached down to the knob, to find the radio was already off. Here we fucking go. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1259134
#12. Which would prove I'm a monster, Arnie? Sacrificing the people I love for the fight? Or walking away from the fight to save the people i love? - Author: David Wong
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#13. Anyway, it's two in the morning and we're taking turns pissing off of the tower (rather than going at the same time, because we weren't raised by wolves). - Author: David Wong
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#14. She thanked the toilet, but it did not respond. That was good - if she started to think of it as a sentient being, it would probably be much harder to poop in its mouth. - Author: David Wong
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#15. Okay, there is no possible combination of English words that would form a dumber plan than that. - Author: David Wong
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#16. I once saw Arnold Schwarzenegger kill a man in a movie by grabbing his head and twisting it until the neck broke. Was that difficult? Could a man do it without a lot of practice? - Author: David Wong
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#17. What's up. This is Dave, the one you saw in your hallway. He's not a psychotic killer or anything," he lied - Author: David Wong
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#18. And, well, that's my story," I said. "I'm sorry that it's so, you know. Retarded. - Author: David Wong
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#19. You see, Frank found out the hard way that the dark things lurking in the night don't haunt old houses or abandoned ships. They haunt minds. - Author: David Wong
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#20. And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There's something I don't trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1063059
#21. Guys like him, the ones who grip the Bible so tight they leave fingernail grooves, they're the ones who are the most scared of their dark side. Always going too far the other way, fighting for the Lord, often just because it gives them an excuse to fight. - Author: David Wong
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#22. He gave me a look that would have made cancer apologize, then ran like hell. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1049329
#23. I stopped at a red light, feeling foolish as always for stopping at an intersection at an hour when the streets are deserted, just because a colored lightbulb told me to. Society has got me so fucking trained. I rubbed my eyes and groaned and felt utterly alone in the world. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1040812
#24. He had braces, sported a black Limp Bizkit Tshirt. Limp Bizkit is a band that was popular at the time. If you're fortunate, you've never heard of them. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1018791
#25. Life is a flickering candle we all carry around. A gust of wind, a meaningless accident, a microsecond of carelessness, and it's out. Forever. - Author: David Wong
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#26. Most of the rest of the crowd was lined up in front of food carts selling kebabs, pizza cupcakes, and ice cream churros. - Author: David Wong
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#27. I had a familiar, nervous sensation, one that goes all the way back to elementary school. It's the simultaneous realization that I may have talked my way into another fistfight, and that I had not spent any time learning to fight since the last one. - Author: David Wong
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#28. Son, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him. I - Author: David Wong
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#29. Some would have doubted their sanity at this point, but by now the part of my mind that issued doubts about my sanity had melted from overuse. - Author: David Wong
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#30. We rode in silence, I think all of us wondering what was behind the flowery wallpaper our perceptions had always pasted on the unknown. All the things the mind won't allow us to see, to protect our sanity, or our soul, or maybe just to keep the shit out of our pants. - Author: David Wong
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#31. We fixed him just by telling him that he wasn't crazy, that the horrors he was seeing were real. He seemed oddly comforted by that. He was a lawyer. - Author: David Wong
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#32. Do they know they make the honey for you? Or do they work tirelessly because they think its their own choice? - Author: David Wong
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#33. A ghost sighting is usually nothing more than your brain trying to put a familiar face on something that does not have a face at all. - Author: David Wong
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#34. You know, I observed a man who masturbated until he bled. Did he want to do that? - Author: David Wong
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#35. The gun without the training just means you've given your attacker a free gun. - Author: David Wong
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#36. If Zoey Ashe had known she was being stalked by a man who intended to kill her and then slowly eat her bones, she would have worried more about that and less about getting her cat off the roof. - Author: David Wong
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#37. I'm scared David"
"That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of - Author: David Wong
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#38. My melon soul
Crushed by your Gallagher of apathy - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1685826
#39. I turned, ran, fired the shotgun into the air and shouted, "Bomb! There's a bomb in the fountain! Everybody run for your lives! Please don't not panic! - Author: David Wong
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#40. Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies. - Author: David Wong
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#41. Whoops,' said John. 'I tossed our ball into another universe.'
'You wanna go home?'
'Yeah, just let me get my ball. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1663906
#42. But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them. - Author: David Wong
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#43. Falling in love with a house or a car or a pair of shoes, it was a dead end. You save your love for the things that can love you back. - Author: David Wong
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#44. THE END IS NOT NEAR
IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED
WE JUST DIDN'T CARE - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #1627708
#45. Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns. - Author: David Wong
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#46. I didn't cry. And if you think I did, good luck proving it, asshole. - Author: David Wong
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#47. Your 'let's remain calm and stay put' speech would be a lot more convincing if you weren't giving it in front of a pile of burning skeletons. - Author: David Wong
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#48. The channel got switched to Fox News and a panel of experts was desperately trying to fill airtime by finding ways to rephrase the nothing that they knew, over and over again. - Author: David Wong
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#49. I wrapped up the remaining half burrito and tossed it into the trash can. Molly watched this act of wastefulness with an expression like she had just seen her entire family die in a fire. - Author: David Wong
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#50. The phrase 'sodomized by a bratwurst poltergeist' suddenly flew through my mind. - Author: David Wong
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#51. Cops do this every day, rifling closets and digging through your dildo drawer. - Author: David Wong
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#52. Show me your knife.' Man don't got a knife, I got no use for him - it's the universal tool. - Author: David Wong
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#53. John. I would ask you what you are doing, but I fear you would actually tell me. - Author: David Wong
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#54. You know what the scariest part is about people like him? Everything he's doing makes perfect sense in his own mind. - Author: David Wong
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#55. My next novel will be the third volume in the John Dies at the End series, and in fact may already exist, again depending on when you're reading this. - Author: David Wong
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#56. Well, you'd better hope I am because the world was built by sociopaths, men willing to send a million innocent boys into battle to be chopped to screaming giblets, all so a banner can be raised over another piece of land with houses and markets and roads soon after. - Author: David Wong
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#57. There was a faded brown stain on the carpet and I wondered if a patient had once taken a shit in here in the middle of a session. I - Author: David Wong
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#58. Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It'll be time to start a Web site soon, where you'll type out everything in one huge paragraph. - Author: David Wong
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#59. If you had to choose, and if you were not allowed to see either ahead of time and had no other information to go on, would you rather fight Mindcrow or Gonadulus? - Author: David Wong
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#60. Here's exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that - - Author: David Wong
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#61. I wanted to curl up into a fetal position and start sucking my thumb, let my tears and dripping saliva pool under me.
Sorry. I tried living, tried being sentient. Can't do it. Can't live in the same universe with that. - Author: David Wong
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#62. The kittens will make your sad go away." The - Author: David Wong
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#63. SOCIETY IS DOOMED for one very simple reason: it takes dozens of men working months with millions of dollars in materials to build a building, but only one dumb-ass with a bomb to bring it down. - Author: David Wong
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#64. I reached out and, with a small move of my body, did something that would change my life forever. I gently moved Amy aside and stepped down ahead of her, putting myself between her and the shadows. - Author: David Wong
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#65. My shame circuits burned out from overuse years ago. - Author: David Wong
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#66. John's old Caddie had a huge engine that would qualify as a human rights violation if built today. It roared down the road, chugging gas and farting a blue cloud of dinosaur souls. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #170101
#67. I then reached out, put my hands under his armpits and lifted him into the air. He was about as heavy as a department store mannequin. I doubt you've ever lifted one of those but you can probably guess that they're not very heavy. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #161864
#68. Tip: if you ever feel a puke coming on, do not, do not put your hand over your mouth to try to catch it. It's reflex but it doesn't work at all. Vomit kind of sprays everywhere. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #154611
#69. You can't focus on death, or failure. Otherwise you're surrendering greatness to all the people too dumb to contemplate it. - Author: David Wong
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#70. The heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids. - Author: David Wong
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#71. He made the engine growl and told the headlights to fuck the night. - Author: David Wong
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#72. Are the most dangerous creatures the ones that use doors or the ones that don't? - Author: David Wong
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#73. Cynicism does not cause inaction.. - Author: David Wong
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#74. When they write the sequel to the Bible, that shit is definitely gonna be in there. - Author: David Wong
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#75. I glanced at Badly Drawn Jesus, then pulled the gun from my pocket. On Judgment Day, I'd be able to proudly state that when I thought the hordes of Hell were coming for a local girl, I stood ready to shoot at them with a small-caliber pistol. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #42619
#76. No, I don't, like, play an instrument or anything.I'm just ... well, you saw me at the beginning there. I was the guy that fell down and died. - Author: David Wong
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#77. Welcome to Undisclosed. Dreams
Interpreted for Beer. - Author: David Wong
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#78. He stared at the gadget in his hand and said, So it's a magnet for cats? Hey! It's a pussy mag - - Author: David Wong
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#79. New technology is not good or evil in and of itself. It's all about how people choose to use it. - Author: David Wong
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#80. This whole thing happened because I got up last night, because my cat got hungry and I had to go find a fork, and I stumbled into that conference room and saw Will and Ling and their cop friend messing with a severed hand." Budd said, "A severed what?" and Andre said, "Your cat eats with a fork? - Author: David Wong
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#81. I bet his real name is Chad, he looks like one. - Author: David Wong
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#82. Sound filled the room, a crystal melody that could lift any human heart and turn away any devil.
It was "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. - Author: David Wong
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#83. Start working on whatever you hesitate Because there is an ending to every beginning. When you make it to the end, You will realize the hesitation was a waste of time. - Author: David Wong
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#84. We will once again err on the side of not letting people be murdered. You take the choice in front of you. And then you keep picking the non-murder choice as long as you can. - Author: David Wong
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#85. I tried to say something cool, wound up stammering something like, "WANNA YOU WANNA WEENIE ME?" The end kind of trailed off in a shrill, choking warble. - Author: David Wong
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#86. I just realized he was phrasing all of his questions as statements. Wasn't there a character in Alice in Wonderland who did that? Did Alice punch him in the face? - Author: David Wong
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#87. Keep driving," said a soft voice in my ear. "She will not bite if you keep driving."
Fuck that. Fuck that idea like the fucking Captain of the Thai Fuck Team fucking at the fucking Tour de Fuck. - Author: David Wong
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#88. You want to walk into that funeral and have every dude in that room whip their head around and say, 'God-damn them is some fine-ass titties. I got to find me a divorce lawyer in the next five minutes. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #649552
#89. When TJ and I got to the bottom, we found Hope staring terrified at Molly. The dog had something long and horrible and meaty in her jaws. It took me a moment to register that it was a very fresh-looking human spine. Damn, she was hungry. - Author: David Wong
David Wong Quotes #75
#90. The reason why Hollywood cranks out so many sequels and adaptations is because the audience is so overwhelmed with choices, the only way to get them in the theater is to give them something familiar. - Author: David Wong
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#91. My mind didn't clear. It had been clear before. Instead it muddled, suddenly ablaze with rioting factions of insecurities and dreams, a cacophonous battleground of conflicting moral codes and dogma. I was, therefore, back to normal. - Author: David Wong
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#92. I heard a screeching like steam from a teapot, and realized it was me. - Author: David Wong
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#93. Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis. - Author: David Wong
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#94. They say Los Angeles is like The Wizard of Oz. One minute it's small-town monochrome neighborhoods and then boom - all of a sudden you're in a sprawling Technicolor freak show, dense with midgets. - Author: David Wong
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#95. Molech swung and kicked and slaughtered Mexican food with every mighty blow, while a quarter billion extremely confused Blink users watched. And - Author: David Wong
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#96. the jet stream undulating over us like an angry snake god. - Author: David Wong
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#97. The most powerful impression a person can make is that they don't care if they make an impression. - Author: David Wong
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#98. She wasn't some little princess from the suburbs who just graduated college with a humanities degree, she knew what people were really like. - Author: David Wong
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#99. We don't feel like that's a good faith offer, because it seems more like you're just trying to save money on cockroaches. - Author: David Wong
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#100. Okay, can somebody quickly just summarize for the shotgun department who it's okay and not okay to shoot? - Author: David Wong
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