Top 100 It Humor Quotes

#1. It [humor] inhabits the marginal.

Penelope Gilliatt

It Humor Quotes #1396713
#2. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Steven Wright

It Humor Quotes #247
#3. Everything about you fascinates me, Sophie. The smell of your skin. The sound of your voice. Your long legs. Your sense of humor. Your personality. You don't seem to need me, and if you don't need me, it is much more gratifying that you want me.

Elisa Marie Hopkins

It Humor Quotes #248
#4. I looked over at Edwart. It occurred to me that I had never seen him in direct sunlight. Interestingly enough, I had also never seen him sparkle. Could the two be related?

The Harvard Lampoon

It Humor Quotes #311
#5. Hell hath no fury like a queen scorned. ...
... That would be the last time he made a crack about being a flamer to someone with a flamethrower for hands. Though he'd really lost it when Raven sang the lyric to Disco Inferno.

J.T. Bock

It Humor Quotes #332
#6. Pathetic, huh?" He learned that word
from me.
"Yeah. It's like the opposite of a fish,
right?

Hannah Moskowitz

It Humor Quotes #476
#7. It's as if the universe has a sense of humor, since at a deep level it's impossible not to lead a spiritual life ...
the universe is living through you at this moment. with or without belief in god, the chain of events leading from silent awareness to physical reality remains intact.

Deepak Chopra

It Humor Quotes #645
#8. Acheron: You're really not right, are you?
Nick: Yeah. I know. It was all the paint chips I ate as a kid. They were good, but chromosomally damaging

Sherrilyn Kenyon

It Humor Quotes #653
#9. It was mild monsters like these that made Jack the Ripper go after young women, she decided: who could tolerate yielding the world to someone who behaved as if she had given birth to the very world herself?

Gregory Maguire

It Humor Quotes #813
#10. No offense, Jaron, but I don't want your life. Even locked away behind closed doors I got a taste for how awful it can be."
"Did anyone try to kill you while I was gone?"
"No."
"Then you didn't even get a taste.

Jennifer A. Nielsen

It Humor Quotes #838
#11. Don't tell me it's going to fucking be okay! I am not okay with being that fucker's pinata!

Nenia Campbell

It Humor Quotes #1043
#12. And then - thwack! - Anne had brought her slate down on Gilbert's head and cracked it - slate not head - clear across.

L.M. Montgomery

It Humor Quotes #1151
#13. Well, I've almost got the problem licked. I'm eighty now, and in a few more years, I think I'll have it completely under control. (referring to his love of coffee)

J. Golden Kimball

It Humor Quotes #1712
#14. He wondered if it was safe to grin. Very slowly and carefully, he grinned. It was safe.

Douglas Adams

It Humor Quotes #2056
#15. My God, the corruptions of literature. It put all these notions into our heads.

Charles Baxter

It Humor Quotes #2136
#16. There are times when I love to play all kinds of complicated games in painting. But this is one case when I need to be fairly straightforward. I'll just try to paint the man, his intelligence, his amiability and his stature, maybe paint him fairly close to humor and try to get it just right.

Nelson Shanks

It Humor Quotes #2209
#17. Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.

Alan McKay

It Humor Quotes #2869
#18. I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and they use humor to help them through it. I think it's a great remedy for many things.

Brian Regan

It Humor Quotes #2923
#19. If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.

Yogi Berra

It Humor Quotes #3213
#20. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go.

Kendall Ryan

It Humor Quotes #3529
#21. Life is supposed to have ups and downs. But for me, it's been more like ups and downs ... and downs ... and downs.

James Patterson

It Humor Quotes #3654
#22. When I'm out of politics I'm going to run a business, it'll be called rent-a-spine

Margaret Thatcher

It Humor Quotes #3719
#23. Are you sleepwalking?' A voice asked behind me.
"I was testing dorm security," I said. "It sucks.

Richelle Mead

It Humor Quotes #3733
#24. Where. Is. He?" Alphonse repeated, although it sounded more like "Don't make me eat your face.

Karen Chance

It Humor Quotes #3835
#25. But you hardley even know him"she said."He could be a serial killer"
"I did have that thought.I checked the apartment out,but if his got an ice cooler full of arms in it,I havent seen it yet.Anyway he seems pretty since.

Cassandra Clare

It Humor Quotes #4092
#26. I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

Steve Martin

It Humor Quotes #4561
#27. Catholics get on well with tyranny. It's in the culture.

Richard K. Morgan

It Humor Quotes #4662
#28. It rained toads the day the White Council came to town.

Jim Butcher

It Humor Quotes #5158
#29. To call it helmet hair was an insult to my helmet.

Jessica Fortunato

It Humor Quotes #5159
#30. Harry, we saw Uranus up close!" said Ron, still giggling feebly. "Get it, Harry? We saw Uranus - ha ha ha -

J.K. Rowling

It Humor Quotes #5270
#31. I hear myself saying these words: What this movement is about is options. I say it to friends who are frustrated, or housebound, or guilty, or child-laden, and what I'm really thinking is, If you really got it together, the option you would choose is mine.

Nora Ephron

It Humor Quotes #5457
#32. Or perhaps Zeus was just messing with me again - giving me a taste of my old power before yanking it away once more. Remember this, kid? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!

Rick Riordan

It Humor Quotes #6425
#33. Some guys say it with flowers," Tucker said. "I bring you arson reports.

Josh Lanyon

It Humor Quotes #6467
#34. Ho there, it ignites!

Nicole Sager

It Humor Quotes #6490
#35. I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.

Stephen Colbert

It Humor Quotes #6899
#36. He made the country down in Illinois, and He made the Missouri", the little girl continued. "I guess somebody else made the country in these parts. It's not nearly so well done. They forgot the water and the trees.

Arthur Conan Doyle

It Humor Quotes #6978
#37. A whole lot of good my IQ came when it came to judging his character.

DiAnn Mills

It Humor Quotes #7005
#38. So what's the point of it all?"
"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You're asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?"
"Well it's a reasonable question," you persisted.

Andy Weir

It Humor Quotes #7052
#39. People who were born in '66 are nearly fifty? I know the show's fifty, but it seems like yesterday. Human years are different. I'd have guessed that Tim was twenty-five for thirty.

Nick Hornby

It Humor Quotes #7332
#40. My love, wherever you are - whatever you are - don't lose faith. I know it's gonna happen someday to you.

Morrissey

It Humor Quotes #7666
#41. My leg hurts," the soldier whined.
"Of course it does," Halt told him. "I put an arrow through it. Did you expect it not to hurt?

John Flanagan

It Humor Quotes #7828
#42. This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?"

"It's a walking stick, I'll have you know."

"Same difference."

"Hardly. It's fashion.

Danika Stone

It Humor Quotes #7966
#43. I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!

Charles M. Schulz

It Humor Quotes #8008
#44. My Grandmother says that love is like a bout of diarrhea, it needs neither an invitation nor privacy.

Dora Okeyo

It Humor Quotes #8148
#45. I wish we could make out in your bed."
Noah sighed. "As do I, but I'm afraid we have ritual burning to conduct."
"It's always something."
"Isn't it though?

Michelle Hodkin

It Humor Quotes #8790
#46. Hey, er ... " said Zaphod, "what's your name?"
The man looked at them doubtfully.
"I don't know. Why, do you think I should have one? It seems very odd to
give a bundle of vague sensory perceptions a name.

Douglas Adams

It Humor Quotes #9396
#47. Comedy is a man in trouble. And without it, there's no humor.

Jerry Lewis

It Humor Quotes #9767
#48. Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."
My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look.
Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right.
"It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven."
"Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy.

Jeaniene Frost

It Humor Quotes #9786
#49. I took the one letter he had for us. It was from the Switchblade Gas & Electric Company. I didn't know I had admirers there too, but I wasn't that surprised. I threw it in the trash with the IRS's love letters and closed the door without reply.

The Harvard Lampoon

It Humor Quotes #10054
#50. It's the perfect solution. We argue all the time. We can't stand each other. It's like we're already married.

Lisa Kleypas

It Humor Quotes #10265
#51. I hate to read books but a friend said he read the dictionary and that the Zebra did it.

Stanley Victor Paskavich

It Humor Quotes #10947
#52. Leaning forward in the chair, Harley squeezed out a controlled fart, so no one could hear it. This damn reception area was like a echo chamber. If he weren't careful, it could reverberate around the hall like a shotgun blast.

Alan Kinross

It Humor Quotes #11039
#53. It may not seem like much, but grand theft auto is still a pretty serious offense.

Elle Todd

It Humor Quotes #11141
#54. Don't you understand?" snarled Rincewind. "We are going over the Edge, godsdammit!"
"Can't we do anything about it?"
"No!"
"Then I can't see the sense in panicking," said Twoflower calmly.

Terry Pratchett

It Humor Quotes #12121
#55. They say a woman's loyalty only lasts as long as it takes her to hang up and dial again.

Kim Gatlin

It Humor Quotes #12223
#56. Is it painful?" the groundskeeper asked. "I am asking for science.

John Scalzi

It Humor Quotes #12585
#57. Something girls never understood about poker night. The real point of the card play was to razz. Razzing calls forth unbridled farm-boy humour, earthy by some standards. The best quip involves belittling someone else's penis, or turning it back on the sayer, or both.

Allan Dare Pearce

It Humor Quotes #12599
#58. At the dealership, I pulled out the sieve and toyed with it threateningly. When the salesman was ready for me, I held it up, told him I was not a tourist and demanded a large discount.

Tahir Shah

It Humor Quotes #13413
#59. Over time, I have realized that at 20, you can wear too much makeup and people assume you're a slut. Do it at 40 and they think you're a sea witch.

Melodie Ramone

It Humor Quotes #13417
#60. There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about.

Neel Burton

It Humor Quotes #14289
#61. Popularity's a weird thing. You can't really define it, and it's not cool to talk about, but you know it when you see it. Like a lazy eye, or porn.

Lauren Oliver

It Humor Quotes #14691
#62. I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always ... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there.

Rhys Darby

It Humor Quotes #14940
#63. As an actor I'm always interested in dialogue, the way the characters speak to each other. I also enjoy a bit of humor, especially when it's unexpected.

Michael Boatman

It Humor Quotes #15041
#64. I can tell you I've crunched the numbers time and time again; it is always more fun to have eight people with one beer than one man with eight beers.

Nick Offerman

It Humor Quotes #15130
#65. In a moment of panic, he reached back and grasped the large punch bowl, still three quarters full of bright red juice and an assortment of fruit slices. He lifted it above his head and threatened the growing crowd.

"Stand back," he said. "I will splash you all.

Christopher Meades

It Humor Quotes #15660
#66. It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

George Carlin

It Humor Quotes #15712
#67. It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be
approached without some humor and some bewilderment.

Freeman Dyson

It Humor Quotes #15983
#68. If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.

Mark Twain

It Humor Quotes #16164
#69. If you're asking all this because of Wendell, forget it. Wendell has a few marbles missing when it comes to women. I like that expression very much, even though I disagree. If anything, Wendell has more marbles than he needs when it comes to women.

Francisco X Stork

It Humor Quotes #16197
#70. But one place ain't no different from no place else. People try and make it like everything's new only to find the devil done followed you wherever you moved and all you can do is hold him off whiles you catch your breath

Amina Gautier

It Humor Quotes #16658
#71. I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.

George Carlin

It Humor Quotes #17078
#72. I think I've discovered the secret of life
you just hang around until you get used to it.

Charles M. Schulz

It Humor Quotes #17098
#73. Commander: What's that?
Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?

Eoin Colfer

It Humor Quotes #17195
#74. Jimmy Finn was not burned in the calaboose, but died a natural death in a tan vat, of a combination of delirium tremens and spontaneous combustion. When I say natural death, I mean it was a natural death for Jimmy Finn.

Mark Twain

It Humor Quotes #17359
#75. Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either.

Jerry Coleman

It Humor Quotes #17579
#76. How bad do you want cancer? Bad enough to eat a rainbow of it? Personally, I think the red cancer would be the worst, but anything you swallow with artificial hues in it is going to pop a tumor out of your body the day after you eat it.

Laurie Notaro

It Humor Quotes #17722
#77. Integrity is a bugger, it really is. Lying can get you into difficulties, but to really wind up in the crappers try telling nothing but the truth.

David Mitchell

It Humor Quotes #17979
#78. Horror. I can't manage it. I become
well
horrified. Self-help books have a similar effect.
When asked, "Any literary genre you simply can't be bothered with?" - (By the Book: Writers on Literature and the Literary Life from the NYT Book Review, by Pamela Paul)

Emma Thompson

It Humor Quotes #18145
#79. Your bad past is for you to learn don't pass it to others.

FB

It Humor Quotes #18162
#80. I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.

Johnny Depp

It Humor Quotes #18271
#81. I don't believe for one moment that I killed him [ ... ] But if I didn't, somebody else did. I must appoint myself Investigator. I must catch this malefactor, this pig. And if at any time it looks as if I am going to catch myself, I can always accept my resignation.

Pamela Branch

It Humor Quotes #18321
#82. There is nothing to me but you. I know it's pathetic but, oh darling, it's true.

F.K. Preston

It Humor Quotes #18914
#83. It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.

Jerry Coleman

It Humor Quotes #19442
#84. I must do whatever I can to find the best partners possible."
"Did you kick their butts?"
He frowned. "The buttocks are among the least sensitive places to hit someone."
I laughed. "It's a figure of speech."
"To kick butts. Interesting.

Allison Van Diepen

It Humor Quotes #19553
#85. It would change everything, gentlemen. It would shift the entire balance of power in Europe-maybe the world. Alexander conquered half of it. Think what he would have done with arrows dipped in monster snot!

Rick Yancey

It Humor Quotes #19793
#86. Are you a degenerate, Fisher?"

"I'm working on it.

Claire Gibson

It Humor Quotes #20325
#87. Comedy is so hard to do, so it was very cool to do dead pan humor.

Brittany Daniel

It Humor Quotes #20431
#88. We have to work extra hard, because we in America are very ethnocentric
we think our culture is superior. Why's that? It's because we've got moon rocks, and nobody else has moon rocks.

Dick Couch

It Humor Quotes #20642
#89. And besides, I couldn't stay at the party. It was too dangerous. I nearly died."
"From what?"
"Boredom.

Jennifer Donnelly

It Humor Quotes #20977
#90. Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity

Josh Stern

It Humor Quotes #21014
#91. It is a fool of a shepherd who culls his dogs.

Jefferson Smith

It Humor Quotes #22209
#92. Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

Paul Terry

It Humor Quotes #22375
#93. You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.

Ellen DeGeneres

It Humor Quotes #23046
#94. It's hard to force creativity and humor.

Al Yankovic

It Humor Quotes #23166
#95. It's easier to sit there and say you don't like feminists because they don't have a sense of humor.

Joan Jett

It Humor Quotes #23478
#96. You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

Bill Cosby

It Humor Quotes #23568
#97. I looked at the place with my heart beating as I had known it to do in the dentist's parlor.

Henry James

It Humor Quotes #23710
#98. I think humor is incredibly positive, I think it is life advancing. There's medical research to show that it improves your antibodies. It's all about sense and perspective.

John Cleese

It Humor Quotes #23714
#99. It makes no difference what you wear, really. I'll put you in a dark grey. I believe I have some left over from a funeral. says the dressmaker.

Maryrose Wood

It Humor Quotes #23870
#100. Everyone has crap in their background, everyone has things they wish they could undo. But most people don't go around doing their best to screw up their present lives because of it.

Nicholas Sparks

It Humor Quotes #24150

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