Top 100 Al Yankovic Quotes
#1. I'd like to be able to be more topical and timely and more of-the-moment and I think the way to do that is, instead of waiting until I have twelve songs to release all at once, just to release them as I come up with them.
Al Yankovic
#2. It's hard to force creativity and humor.
Al Yankovic
#3. I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime.
Al Yankovic
#4. Boys like Peter are afraid of alot of things, like nuclear annihilation and flunking algebra, but they're not afraid of wolves.
Al Yankovic
#5. I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.
Al Yankovic
#6. I've done a movie and a TV series, and someday I'd like to do a successful movie and a successful TV series. That would be nice.
Al Yankovic
#7. I've learned how to use my spam filter pretty effectively.
Al Yankovic
#8. You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes.
Al Yankovic
#10. You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.
Al Yankovic
#11. There are probably a few library fines I haven't paid yet, but I'm a pretty clean-cut guy overall.
Al Yankovic
#12. The window doesn't open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I haven't been in a crowd like this since I went to see the Who.
Al Yankovic
#13. I like the guitar-driven music of Nirvana at its peak. At that point, I thought there was a lot of really exciting music coming out.
Al Yankovic
#14. It's hard to say, I picked one of my favorite articles for the MAD vault. Which is one of the features of the Magazine so they don't have to actually pay artists or writers to come up with new stuff.
Al Yankovic
#15. I did have a child, and I was reading a lot of picture books to her, but at the same time writing a children's book was something that I'd been wanting to do for many years, pretty much since the start of my career.
Al Yankovic
#16. As a wise man once said, "April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads."
Al Yankovic
#17. I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem that time that you made it with the whole hockey team.
Al Yankovic
#18. I don't want to pooh-pooh modern pop. I appreciate that as well, but my personal favorite kind of music is guitar-based rock. I like grunge and garage bands and alternative music, but that's more my personal taste.
Al Yankovic
#19. Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue.
Al Yankovic
#20. Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.
Al Yankovic
#21. I'm a music fan, and I can listen to the radio, or music, without thinking, "How am I going to screw this up?" [Laughs] If I'm really actively trying to think of a parody, then I'll have my antenna out, and be a little more proactive about it.
Al Yankovic
#22. I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art!
Al Yankovic
#23. When I go to my live shows it's often a multigenerational audience, a family bonding experience.
Al Yankovic
#24. As a kid, I certainly never thought I would get to spend my life doing something fun.
Al Yankovic
#25. It was difficult to get into my friends' rock bands when I was a teenager. They somehow didn't see the need for an accordion player. That's when I realized that I had to find my own path in life.
Al Yankovic
#26. You still have Top 40 radio now, but it's 40 different stations. There aren't many hits that everybody knows, and there aren't many real superstars.
Al Yankovic
#27. Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe I'll go bowling.
Al Yankovic
#28. So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.
Al Yankovic
#29. My brothers and sisters hated me because I was an only child.
Al Yankovic
#30. Whenever I do a parody it's not meant to make you hate anybody's music really.
Al Yankovic
#31. If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.
Al Yankovic
#32. What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?
Al Yankovic
#33. People say releasing an album is like giving birth, but it's more like having a gallbladder operation.
Al Yankovic
#34. You don't need to be defined by your job.
Al Yankovic
#35. At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad ... it's meant to be a tribute.
Al Yankovic
#36. As much as people are griping about the Internet taking sales away from artists, it's been a huge promotional tool for me.
Al Yankovic
#37. I'm watching the charts every week and hoping something will pop into my head.
Al Yankovic
#38. I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals.
Al Yankovic
#39. I don't think there are any new media I'd like to cover.
Al Yankovic
#40. Right now I'm listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT'S MY JOB.
Al Yankovic
#41. If I could find the right kind of property, get tied in with the right movie, I'd love to be involved, but I just find it hard to be motivated to do another screenplay right now.
Al Yankovic
#42. I don't like to label myself. I know I'm very hard to pigeonhole.
Al Yankovic
#43. I enjoy all kinds of music. But it is kind of strange when I do parodies, instead of setting up drums and guitar amps.
Al Yankovic
#44. That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.
Al Yankovic
#45. I know now that everything I write, I'm going to put out, and I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life.
Al Yankovic
#46. A lot of artists have really been supportive over the years.
Al Yankovic
#47. If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.
Al Yankovic
#48. I suppose I had my rock star fantasies while I was singing into my hairbrush in the bathroom mirror, but I never really consciously said, 'OK, this is what I'm going to do for a living and I'm going to be Weird Al.'
Al Yankovic
#49. How can you get bored if the audience is cheering and laughing at something you're doing?
Al Yankovic
#50. When I swore that you're getting more and more beautiful everyday. Well, I was only kidding, honey.
Al Yankovic
#51. I have a long-standing history of respecting artists' wishes.
Al Yankovic
#52. I'm obviously not a rapper, and I don't have any claims to be one, really.
Al Yankovic
#53. As it turns out, there is a thing called the Internet, and stuff does go out there whether the suits like it or not.
Al Yankovic
#54. I mean, I hate to gloat, but I'm extremely satisfied with my position in life and the way things have worked out for me.
Al Yankovic
#55. I do original songs in the style of other artists, where I try to learn all their musical idiosyncrasies and try to do something that sounds like them and yet is a bit more sick and twisted.
Al Yankovic
#56. I'll bet every great thinker and leader we've got
Could see all kinds of things other people could not!
So then why get upset if somebody like me
Tries to look at the world just a bit differently?
Al Yankovic
#57. Beans, beans, the magic legumes - the more you ingest, the more you consume.
Al Yankovic
#58. My personal taste doesn't enter into it a lot when I make my decisions as to what to parody.
Al Yankovic
#59. It becomes more important to me as time goes on to make every album the best thing I've ever done, so it's a lot of self-imposed pressure that also kind of slows me down a bit.
Al Yankovic
#60. I don't watch a lot of other people's parodies because I don't want to be unduly influenced.
Al Yankovic
#61. My hobbies just sort of gradually became my vocation.
Al Yankovic
#62. Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month.
Al Yankovic
#63. It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.
Al Yankovic
#64. One of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my career is keeping my material topical even though I only release albums every three or four years.
Al Yankovic
#65. Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine.
Al Yankovic
#66. It fit pretty nicely into my schedule because we'd pretty much finished the bulk of promotion for Mandatory Fun and were just getting geared up for the World Tour so this was a nice time for me to be working on it.
Al Yankovic
#67. I make charts of songs that are good candidates, good targets, so to speak. Then I try to come up with ideas for parodies. And 99% of those ideas are horrible.
Al Yankovic
#68. You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will.
Al Yankovic
#69. People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'
Al Yankovic
#70. I was a huge fan of 'Mad' magazine when I was 11, 12, 13 years old. I'd scour used bookstores trying to find back issues, and I'd wait at the newsstand for a new issue to come out. My life revolved around it.
Al Yankovic
#71. I'm an ugly girl,
My face makes you hurl,
Sad I have it,
I should bag it.
Acne everywhere,
Unwanted facial hair.
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation.
Al Yankovic
#72. I do a lot of different things, sometimes at the same time, and it's very difficult to figure out where I fit.
Al Yankovic
#73. In the '80s, I was the only game in town, I was the only one getting that kind of exposure in any rotation on MTV. Now with internet culture it seems like everyone is doing music parodies. And they're not all good!
Al Yankovic
#74. People that were a little nerdy in high school would look up to me and know it gets better.
Al Yankovic
#75. By the time I'm in the studio recording my parody, 10,000 parodies of that song are on YouTube.
Al Yankovic
#76. Why of course it's unlikely!' I said. 'Oh, by far!
The awesome-est things in the world often are!
Al Yankovic
#77. I love the way they run in fright when I turn on the kitchen light. And when I squish them on the ground, they make a pleasant crunchy sound.
Al Yankovic
#78. I don't really look at myself as the kind of person who craves attention, but I've never been to therapy so there's probably a lot of stuff about myself that I don't know.
Al Yankovic
#79. I think that nerds, if you want to call them that, have only gotten more hip and assimilated into the culture.
Al Yankovic
#80. Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don't make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows. I am not making this up. Needless to say, as soon as I discovered that, I gave up meat entirely.
Al Yankovic
#81. I start with a comprehensive list of all the recent songs that have been big hits - and then I go down that list and see if I can come up with funny ideas for them. I can always come up with ideas, but not necessarily good ones!
Al Yankovic
#82. When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be an architect, because when I was 12 years old I had a guidance counselor that convinced me that that was the best career choice for me.
Al Yankovic
#83. I can't get too offended when somebody parodies me.
Al Yankovic
#84. Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.
Al Yankovic
#85. I'm free to do what I please, I'm probably not going to do albums. Just because I think releasing tracks as singles is a better way for me to stay topical.
Al Yankovic
#86. You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.
Al Yankovic
#87. I think my chances of getting into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli's.
Al Yankovic
#88. You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.
Al Yankovic
#89. There are a lot of songs that would ostensibly be a good candidate for parody, yet I can't think of a clever enough idea.
Al Yankovic
#90. Until you came along I never dated anyone this low on the food chain.
Al Yankovic
#91. As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.
Al Yankovic
#92. You fake something until you're good at it.
Al Yankovic
#93. I notice you're not wearing any... galloshes ;)
Al Yankovic
#94. I think I'm equally as abusive as the editors normally are for the "Letters and Tomatoes" column, which is the fan mail part of MAD Magazine and an ongoing feature.
Al Yankovic
#95. I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.
Al Yankovic
#96. The music has always been my bread and butter, and I've focused more of my attention on that.
Al Yankovic
#97. If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.
Al Yankovic
#98. Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I'm praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight.
Al Yankovic
#99. I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.
Al Yankovic
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