Andy Weir Quotes

#1. If you asked every engineer at NASA what the worst scenario for the Hab was, they'd all answer "fire." If you asked them what the result would be, they'd answer "death by fire." But

Andy Weir

#2. We'll keep you posted.

Andy Weir

#3. Just once I'd like something to go as planned, ya know?

Andy Weir

#4. Okay, enough self-pity. I'm not doomed. Things will just be harder than planned. I have all I need to survive.

Andy Weir

#5. Everyone, I understand your positions. We have procedures. Skipping those procedures means risk. Risk means trouble for your department. But now isn't the time to cover our asses. We have to take risks or Mark Watney dies.

Andy Weir

#6. I've looted that poor Hab for everything it could give me, and in return it's kept me alive for a year and a half. It's like the Giving Tree.

Andy Weir

#7. Well, that concept is critical to the "Mark Watney doesn't die" project

Andy Weir

#8. Damn it, Jim, I'm a botanist, not a chemist!

Andy Weir

#9. You'd think after almost killing myself twice, I'd be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.

Andy Weir

#10. So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It's kind of silly if you think about it. I'm in my space suit on Mars and I'm navigating with sixteenth-century tools.

Andy Weir

#11. Something very hot and very explodey had happened, and I wasn't sure what. Or how.

Andy Weir

#12. I admit it's fatally dangerous," Watney said. "But consider this: I'd get to fly around like Iron Man." "We'll keep working on ideas," Lewis said. "Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man.

Andy Weir

#13. Any concerns or reservations?" Venkat asked. "Yeah. I'm concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it." "I'm sure there wasn't an eyeball." "The engineers here made it for me special," Mitch said. "There may have been an eyeball," Venkat said. "They hate you.

Andy Weir

#14. Million-mile-high club," Martinez said. "Nice!

Andy Weir

#15. So what do we do, then? He's not going to decompose. He'll be there forever." "Not forever," Teddy said. "Within a year, he'll be covered in sand from normal weather activity.

Andy Weir

#16. There's no way to be sure," Irene said. "The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there's no chance to survive, he'll stop trying.

Andy Weir

#17. because after what I've been through, stuff on Mars should be named after me.

Andy Weir

#18. It's the simple things in life that matter.

Andy Weir

#19. It's all good to go. No problems that I can see.

Andy Weir

#20. I need some encouragement. I need to ask myself, "What would an Apollo astronaut do?" He'd drink three whiskey sours, drive his Corvette to the launchpad, then fly to the moon in a command module smaller than my Rover. Man those guys were cool.

Andy Weir

#21. [09:09] MAV: You're sending me into space in a convertible.
[09:24] HOUSTON: There will be Hab canvas covering the holes. It will provide enough aerodynamics in Mars's atmosphere.
[09:38] MAV: So it's a ragtop. Much better.

Andy Weir

#22. It just feels nice to be an astronaut again. That's all it is. Not a reluctant farmer, not an electrical engineer, not a long-haul trucker. An astronaut.

Andy Weir

#23. Well, it is a photo taken from orbit," Mindy said. "The NSA enhanced the image with the best software they have." "Wait, what?" Venkat stammered. "The NSA?" "Yeah, they called and offered to help out.

Andy Weir

#24. I'm the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn't expecting to be first at anything.

Andy Weir

#25. I figure if there's a God, He won't mind, considering the situation I'm in.

Andy Weir

#26. I already knew that, of course. But there's a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it. All

Andy Weir

#27. I used a sophisticated method to remove sections of plastic (hammer), then carefully removed the solid foam insulation (hammer again).

Andy Weir

#28. Earth is about to set. Resume 08:00 my time tomorrow morning. Tell family I'm fine. Give crew my best. Tell Commander Lewis disco sucks.

Andy Weir

#29. There aren't many people who can say they've vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I'm one of them.

Andy Weir

#30. I'll give my dad credit; he never claimed it was to build character or teach me the value of hard work. "Snowblowers are expensive," he used to say. "You're free.

Andy Weir

#31. CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG

Andy Weir

#32. Software engineers are sneaky bastards when it comes to data management.

Andy Weir

#33. Why doesn't Rosco just go to the Duke farm and arrest them when they're not in the car?

Andy Weir

#34. It was fucking cold. The rover and trailer regulate their own temperatures just fine, but things weren't hot enough in the bedroom. Story of my life.

Andy Weir

#35. My asshole is doing as much to keep me alive as my brain.

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#36. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.

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#37. Any bacteria planning to rot my taters will die screaming. In

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#38. I was hired as a computer programmer for a national laboratory at age 15.

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#39. I've gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town.

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#40. Tomorrow night, I'll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli's favorite hole!

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#41. How come Aquaman can control whales? They're mammals! Makes no sense.

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#42. For tonight, I have to get back to Three's Company. I stopped last night in the middle of the episode where Mr. Roper saw something and took it out of context.

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#43. As usual, I'm working with stuff that was deliberately designed not to burn. But no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.

Andy Weir

#44. Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?

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#45. I study orbital dynamics as a hobby. My idea of a good time is sitting down and drawing on that knowledge to imagine a space mission from beginning to end, getting as many details right as I can.

Andy Weir

#46. What's next on your reading list? Discover your next great read! Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author. Sign up now.

Andy Weir

#47. It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet.

Andy Weir

#48. The NSA?"

"Yeah, they called and offered to help out. Same software they use for enhancing spy satellite imagery."

Venkat shrugged. "It's amazing how much red tape gets cut when everyone's rooting for one man to survive.

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#49. FUCK!" Annie Montrose said. "You have got to be fucking kidding me!

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#50. Mars is a barren wasteland and I am completely alone here. I already knew that, of course. But there's a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it.

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#51. An Essay from Andy Weir: How Science Made Me a Writer I'm a nerd. Okay, a lot of people say that these days. But I really am. I was hired as a computer programmer for a national laboratory at age fifteen.

Andy Weir

#52. Designing a station with artificial gravity would undoubtedly be a daunting task. Space agencies would have to re-examine many reliable technologies under the light of the new forces these tools would have to endure. Space flight would have to take several steps back before moving forward again.

Andy Weir

#53. i'm pretty much fucked.

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#54. They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially 'colonised' it. So technically, I colonised Mars.
In your face, Neil Armstrong!

Andy Weir

#55. By my reckoning, I'm about 100 kilometers from Pathfinder. Technically it's called "Carl Sagan Memorial Station." But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I'm the King of Mars.

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#56. Fortunately, when you spend a lot of time in space, you learn how to shit in a bag.

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#57. Just so we're clear, Mark Watney is who I want to be. He has all the qualities I like about myself magnified without any of the qualities I dislike. Mark Watney isn't afraid to fly.

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#58. NASA doesn't have total faith in my kludged-together rover

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#59. An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.

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#60. I'm pretty much fucked. That's my considered opinion. Fucked.

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#61. Computer programming is pretty much guaranteed income. I'm good at it, and I like it.

Andy Weir

#62. Fun fact: This is exactly how the Apollo 1 crew died. Wish me luck!

Andy Weir

#63. It was great! Straight-A student. Hanging around nerdy guys too scared to try anything. No wild side at all. You were every father's dream daughter." "Thanks, Dad, I - " "But then you got on a giant bomb that blasted you to Mars. And I mean that literally.

Andy Weir

#64. Everything went great right up to the explosion.

Andy Weir

#65. I was born too late to experience Apollo 11, though I do trek to Dad's house every time there's some space event. There's something awesome about crossing your fingers and watching a tense Mission Control room do their thing.

Andy Weir

#66. Thanks to the fine taxpayers of America, I have over 100 square meters of the most expensive solar paneling ever made. It has an astounding 10.2 percent efficiency,

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#67. Ayyyyyy!" Annie mocked. "Why would he do that?" "Have you met Mark Watney?

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#68. This is the happiest day of my life.

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#69. You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome.

Andy Weir

#70. Also, I'll lose half a liter of water per day to breathing until the humidity in the Hab reaches its maximum and water starts condensing on every surface. Then I'll be licking the walls. Yay.

Andy Weir

#71. The thing that is really hard about adaptation is that I try to only pick things I love because if it is something where you think, "Oh, that sounds like an interesting idea but I don't love it," then I can't do my job well.

Andy Weir

#72. My father has a great love of science, and he indoctrinated me into it early. I think I was 12 or so when we designed a moon base.

Andy Weir

#73. Yuri Gagarin had a much more reliable and safe ship than I do. And Soviet ships were death traps.

Andy Weir

#74. I am smiling a great smile. The smile of a man who fucked with his car and didn't break it.

Andy Weir

#75. You may wonder why I'm not in the Hab right now. Because I fled in terror, that's why! And I'm not sure what the hell to do next.

Andy Weir

#76. The battery was a lithium thionyl chloride non-rechargeable. I figured that out from some subtle clues: the shape of the connection points, the thickness of the insulation, and the fact that it had "LiSOCl2 NON-RCHRG" written on it.

Andy Weir

#77. Now I'm in a rougher neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood where you keep your rover doors locked and never come to a complete stop at intersections.

Andy Weir

#78. They say no plan survives first contact with implementation. I'd have to agree.

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#79. That's really the limiting factor to life support. Not the amount of oxygen you bring with you, but the amount of CO2 you can remove.

Andy Weir

#80. Over the past few days, I've been happily making water. It's been going swimmingly. (See what I did there? "Swimmingly"?)

Andy Weir

#81. So instead, I went to good old "Spare Parts" Rover 1 and stole its environment heater. I've gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town. I

Andy Weir

#82. With no magnetic field, Mars has no defense against harsh solar radiation. If I were exposed to it, I'd get so much cancer, the cancer would have cancer.

Andy Weir

#83. It just has to last long enough for me to get to safety. And where will that "safety" be? Not a damn clue.

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#84. everything. Then I kind of lounged around for a while. I wanted

Andy Weir

#85. I'll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by "enjoying" I mean "hating so much I want to kill people.

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#86. Yeah. This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure. That was sarcasm, by the way. Well,

Andy Weir

#87. People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It's even got a pleasant name: "night soil.

Andy Weir

#88. Elrond," Bruce said. "The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It's the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring."
"Jesus," Annie said. "None of you got laid in high school, did you?

Andy Weir

#89. I never realized how utterly silent Mars is. It's a desert world with practically no atmosphere to convey sound. I could hear my own heartbeat.

Andy Weir

#90. Research into manned spaceflight is shifting from low-Earth orbit to destinations much further away, like Mars and the asteroid belt. But society will have to invent many new technologies before it can plausibly send people to those distances.

Andy Weir

#91. But seeing his status doesn't help," Mindy said. "It's not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task."
"How long have you worked for the government?" Venkat sighed.

Andy Weir

#92. I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It's kind of silly if you think about it. I'm in my space suit on Mars and I'm navigating with sixteenth-century tools. But hey, they work.

Andy Weir

#93. Back in the days of Apollo, sending humans to the moon was the only viable way to get the scientific data we wanted. But now, with our computer and robotics technology, there's very little an astronaut can do on Mars that a well-designed rover can't.

Andy Weir

#94. You want an audience. If you didn't, you wouldn't be a writer. The biggest motivation to write is the knowledge that someone will read it.

Andy Weir

#95. The worst moments in life are heralded by small observations.

Andy Weir

#96. I could cut off an arm and eat it, gaining me valuable calories and reducing my overall caloric need.

Andy Weir

#97. Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass.

Andy Weir

#98. Remember, you'll be pulling some pretty heavy g's. It's okay to pass out. You're in Martinez's hands." "Tell that asshole no barrel rolls." "Copy that, MAV," Lewis said.

Andy Weir

#99. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But so do you, so don't judge.

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#100. Not enough," Annie said. "The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They're gonna meet in the middle!

Andy Weir