Top 100 The Joke Quotes
#1. The cheek of the man. She liked cheek. She liked a man who spoke to her as if she was a person, an equal as if she were in on the joke.
Julie Anne Long
#2. Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.
Daniel Tosh
#3. When I watch TV I can tell when someone is punching the joke and telling me when to laugh. I'll decide when to laugh, thank you very much.
Nathan Fillion
#5. Lacroix has been fantastic. He's very nice. He gets the joke, and I think that's a good thing.
Jennifer Saunders
#6. A comedy can actually get funnier and funnier. Even though you know the joke, you enjoy it so much, it's the facial expression, you laugh. The laugh doesn't wear off. It could be with you for thirty years.
Eli Roth
#7. Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they can't stand is being laughed at and they're the joke of Panem
Suzanne Collins
#8. The joke I always make is I'm either running for reelection, running for Senate, running for governor, or running for my life. The latter is also a viable possibility.
Cory Booker
#9. There is nothing in the world so incomprehensible as the joke we do not see.
Agnes Repplier
#10. To know how to structure the joke perfectly so that the narrative information is given in the right tempo, in just the right dose - it sometimes takes quite a lot of work. It seems easy when you hear the joke.
David Salle
#11. I don't do plays without jokes anymore. I've retired from those plays. I think it's bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke.
Bill Nighy
#12. For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny.
Jim Gaffigan
#13. When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh. So you become the hero rather than the victim of the joke.
Nora Ephron
#14. Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.
Jack Benny
#15. I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.
Roseanne Barr
#16. Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.
Dana Carvey
#17. Anytime I can get either of them really laughing, I immediately pull out a pad of paper write the joke down, regardless of where we are or what we're doing. I must be absolutely insufferable.
Anthony Marra
#18. I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.
Bob Woodward
#19. It used to bother me when people called me a pussy. But the joke's on them - after all, you are what you eat!
Jon Schmidt
#20. I wish the world had been made in six days, and knocked to pieces again in six more. And I wish I had done it. The joke's good enough in a broad way, sun and moon and the image of God, and all that, but they keep it up so damnably long.
G.K. Chesterton
#21. I had mostly been writing humor books, and my instinct is generally to go for the joke.
Jory John
#22. The generations that were exposed to sitcom have the people actually saying the line, saying the joke, whereas sort of before that, you have much more observational humor.
Robert Mankoff
#23. When you're in the editing room, the dangerous thing is that it becomes like telling a joke again and again and again. Eventually, the joke starts to not be funny. So you have to be careful that you're not throwing the baby out with the bath water.
Ridley Scott
#24. In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
Graham Chapman
#25. The joke is the purest, most essential form of storytelling. Every word has to count.
Paul Auster
#26. I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you can't force it to.
Nick Kroll
#27. I've heard the joke a million times that "Jews in Sports" must be the thinnest book in the world. Actually, I've seen a lot of great players working at the Maccabi Games.
Dolph Schayes
#29. She turned to John to share the joke, and he was transfixed, looking into the catastrophe of her sagging, bleary-eyed face.
R.A. MacAvoy
#30. I think you make better jokes when you don't break logic for the joke, unless you make a movie just about jokes.
Michael Lehmann
#31. Only in the mystery novel are we delivered final and unquestionable solutions. The joke to me is that fiction gives you a truth that reality can't deliver.
Scott Turow
#32. Call me Meier, Goring said, but he did not pause to explain the joke .
Philip Jose Farmer
#33. You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than you. The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level.
John Krasinski
#34. A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
Clifton Fadiman
#35. From as long as, literally as far back as I can remember I've liked puns, word jokes, I can literally recall looking at a comic at the age of six or seven and I remember what I enjoyed and what it was precisely and how the joke worked.
Tom Stoppard
#36. The worst thing ever that you have to explain your joke because I was very disappointed trying to explain why the joke is funny for the interrogator.
Bassem Youssef
#37. The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.
Scott Adams
#39. There is a simple explanation for why men haven't found women funny. It's because men only ever experience women in relation to men: they never get to see what women are like with one another. Shows like ours started to let men in on the joke.
Magda Szubanski
#40. The joke was thinking you were ever really in charge of your life. You pressed your oar down into the water to direct the canoe, but it was the current that shot you through the rapids. You just hung on and hoped not to hit a rock or a whirlpool.
Scott Turow
#41. Whenever I realize I'm being a goofball, I write it down. When I release the joke onstage, I love watching the effect it has on the audience. No one wants to see someone talk who takes themselves too seriously.
Billy Gardell
#42. A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
Bob Saget
#45. The joke is that U2's new record only looked like a virus. Enjoy mining bitcoins for me losers.
Thom Yorke
#46. What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke?
Gore Vidal
#47. And the bigger the fall, the bigger the joke. It would be better fun to throw a custard pie at a bishop than at a curate.
George Orwell
#48. Advertising that makes fun of itself is so powerful because it
implicitly congratulates both itself and the viewer (for making the joke and
getting the joke, respectively).
David Foster Wallace
#49. I really like comedy. There's always a choice, when you're writing: you can either go for the joke or you can go for the story, the important stuff.
David Chase
#50. We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure!
Paul Provenza
#51. The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.
H.G.Wells
#52. My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
Stephen Colbert
#53. As the joke goes, you don't have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away.
Kim Harrison
#54. I don't mind being the butt of the joke ... It doesn't really bother me. I quite enjoy it.
Ryan Seacrest
#55. I need gnome books. You know, because sorcerers just don't get them. He didn't get the joke.
Chloe Neill
#56. What is a sense of humor? Surely not the ability to understand a joke. It comes rather from a residing feeling of one's own absurdity. It is the ability to understand a joke, and that the joke is on oneself.
Clifton Fadiman
#57. Comedy is similar to hockey ... in only one way. You get a lot of credit for assists. So I try to serve whatever the intention is, be it the joke or the story or the scene or the moment or the kiss, even if it's not my joke or moment.
Johnny Galecki
#59. I like a woman who will laugh when you don't have to point her right at the joke, you know
Stephen King
#60. Never laughing too loudly in a restaurant no matter how good the joke.
Paulo Coelho
#61. We made the joke when we screened 'Bucket List' that there was 100% desire to see amongst our demographic with a 40% ability to get them to see it.
Rob Reiner
#62. Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign.
Kinky Friedman
#63. I think that the joke and the ghost story both have a similar set up in that you kind of set something up and pay it off with a laugh or a scare.
Simon Pegg
#64. The men who made the joke saw something deep which they could not express except by something silly and emphatic.
G.K. Chesterton
#65. So, whenever Scooter was the Pilot, he never had a chance to fly the orbiter. So, the joke is: I'm going to have a chance to fly it first and hand it over to him.
Duane G. Carey
#66. When all the mythologies have been set aside, we can see that, children or no children, the joke of evolution is that it is a teleology without a point, that we, like all animals, are a project that issues in nothing.
Maggie Nelson
#67. When I write, I create really absurd situations which become false because I am after the joke.
Sally Phillips
#68. Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.
Daniel Tosh
#69. Often when you're filming comedy and you've done six or seven takes, the joke's been done and you know you're gonna have to say it again in another set up. I think it's good not to be indulged too much.
Jim Howick
#70. I'm not opposed to doing science fiction or comedy, but there has to be respect. I refuse to be the joke, the fat woman joke, in any movie. I've turned down roles.
Darlene Cates
#71. The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy.
Mark McKinney
#72. My friends often say I'm the most racist person they know against Asians. And it's sort of like, "If I make the joke first, then I have the power and I'm holding the cards and you're not going to put me down for that."
Pearl Tan
#73. Comedy is just to me, maybe it's a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and I can see where the setup is and I can tell this is the way to make it.
Matt LeBlanc
#74. A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.
Alonzo Bodden
#75. The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.
H.P. Lovecraft
#76. Dying wasn't the joke, it was the punchline, the final guffaw, the crack-up, when your listeners' eyes should be streaming and your woman pees in her pants with laughing. You had to live with sufficient panache that the punchline worked.
Jane Messer
#77. What the joke displays is a switch in perception. This is important in changing the way we think.
Edward De Bono
#78. The intention which is fixed on God as its only end will keep people steady in their purposes, and deliver them from being the joke and scorn of fortune.
Thomas A Kempis
#80. I used to tell myself when I was much younger that I didn't want to wake up one day and be 32 years old and still playing records. It's just not going to happen. Well, the joke is on me, because I'm 56 years old now.
Frankie Knuckles
#81. When you're going for a big studio comedy, the joke tally better be pretty high, and you better have some big comedy set pieces. That was one of the issues when I was trying to get 'Swingers' made for the first time, which is that there weren't any broad comedy set pieces.
Jon Favreau
#82. The joke's on them. One little hypodermic wont' be enough. Split a piece of wood, and they'll find me. Lift up a stone, and they'll find me. Look in the mirror, and they'll find me ... If you really want to know what makes someone a killer, ask yourself what would make you do it.
Jodi Picoult
#83. A man sits in some museum somewhere and writes a harmless book about political economy and suddenly thousands of people who haven't even read it are dying because the ones who did haven't got the joke.
Terry Pratchett
#84. Happiness requires that we give up a worldly orientation-not worldly things, but a worldly attachment to things. We have to surrender all outcomes. We have to live here but appreciate the joke.
Marianne Williamson
#85. You can't wait forever for an audience to get the joke, but you should give them at least two seconds to join in before you go on to the next one.
Franklyn Ajaye
#86. Despite that, for a fleeting moment I have the urge to ask if Dean Thomas is still in Gryffindor, or if he's gone over to Hufflepuff, where I'd always believed he belonged. But my father wouldn't get the joke, and in this case, Dean isn't a first name.
Mimi Cross
#87. In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke.
Lynda Barry
#88. Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life.
Stephenie Meyer
#89. The joke I always make about myself is that I'm self-involved, but I'm not vain.
Lena Dunham
#90. The joke used to be that in every Indian home, there is the mother, father, children, grandparents, and the anthropologist.
Elizabeth Cook-Lynn
#91. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
Oliver Herford
#92. You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.
Lenny Bruce
#93. The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.
G.K. Chesterton
#94. You know when I told you the joke about how a friend will help you move, but a real friend will help you move a body? I was only kidding.
Brad Thor
#95. Every bad joke, every endorsement deal, all of the things that a typical host would normally get creamed for, people don't mind, because they know I don't cheat when it comes to the work I actually try. I'm a lab rat. I'm a perpetual apprentice. The joke is on me if there is one.
Mike Rowe
#96. I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a robot had rolled on the surface of Mars, and in Afghanistan we were still telling Mullah Nasruddin jokes.
Khaled Hosseini
#97. Wonder Showzen was one of the first shows that realized each sketch, each segment is essentially one joke, and, once you know what the joke is, it's time to move on.
Eric Andre
#98. A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke was. Because they match.
Jerry Seinfeld
#99. Americans do believe in progress and there is almost certainly a kernel of truth in the joke.
Alan Dundes
#100. Mystery is the face everybody shared before they were born and the joke they'll finally get after they're dead.
Tom Robbins
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