If You Can't Take A Joke Quotes

#1. Sometimes, the universe just does what the universe wants to do, and screw you if you can't take a joke. I

Elliott James

#2. Hey, that's life, flick it off if you can't take a joke.

Neil Gaiman

#3. If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined.

Karen Traviss

#4. How many pessimists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never mind. Nobody would get the joke anyway.

Garrison Keillor

#5. Just hear me out. While you were napping, I was busy chatting up our allies. Didn't you know
your woman's a golden-tongued ambassador! My sisters always said I graduated from the shock-and-awe school of diplomacy, but joke 'em if they can't take a fuck, right?

Kresley Cole

#6. We must be able to deal with ridicule and scorn, which it always seems that Buddhists receive. But we feel that it doesn't matter. God's laughing at us; God's laughing at God. We can take a joke too. We're pretty funny.

Frederick Lenz

#7. I take a lot of pride in managing to be funny without having a victim at the end of my joke. I laugh at a really dark joke as much as the next person, but my jokes, I feel, don't have to hurt anybody to be really funny.

Ross Mathews

#8. Mothers, take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unused one-on-one time with each child. Be a real friend to your children.

Ezra Taft Benson

#9. The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

Oscar Wilde

#10. My friends joke because I will take my clothes off, at the drop of a hat.

James Cromwell

#11. Jokes have a relation to the unconscious.'
'Jokes may indeed have a relation to the unconscious. But also: sometimes a joke is just a joke.'
'Directed against-'
'Directed against you. Whom else? The man who doesn't laugh. The man who can't take a joke.

J.M. Coetzee

#12. She did not believe that the world was a vale of tears but rather a joke that God had played and that it was idiotic to take it seriously.

Isabel Allende

#13. How many software developers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, it's a hardware problem.

Laura Griffin

#14. A joke's a joke; you can either take it, or you can't.

Brian Dunkleman

#15. Fuck em if they can't take a joke

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

#16. The whole Universe is a large joke. Everything in the Universe are just subdivisions of this joke. So why take anything too serious.

Frank Zappa

#17. At nine, my mom used to tell me she saw an Olympic medalist in me. I used to take it as a joke, but she was very serious.

Saina Nehwal

#18. As The Book of the SubGenius (the main text of a hilarious faux religion based in Dallas - get The Book of the SubGenius) says, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke," right?

Nick Offerman

#19. America has got to learn to take a joke.

Herman Cain

#20. Time for you to go all in, Joke. And time for you to stop accepting the dregs, reach for what you deserve, and take hold of butterflies.

Kristen Ashley

#21. I learned a long time ago from when I did 'Seinfeld' never to take anything seriously, and to be part of the joke is the best way to show what a good sport I was.

Marlee Matlin

#22. I want someone that I can have fun with and laugh with. I love to laugh, and I'm really sarcastic, so it's important that she can take a joke. I think if you are going to be with someone for a while, you really need someone you can let loose with and let go of all the stress of the day.

Matt Lanter

#23. It was a bit of fun. But of course like anything that starts as a joke, people started to take it all seriously!

Steven Wilson

#24. Twitter is a much more dangerous cauldron of groupthink than happy hours or dinners. On Twitter the reward comes from agreeing or loudly disagreeing with the joke, or the "smart take." In person you hash things out.

David Weigel

#25. I even get tired performing standup, which is normally a low-impact exercise in futility but looks hard the way I do it. That's why I take a lot of breaks, often stopping in the middle of a joke to catch my breath, or blame the crowd for not laughing before the punchline.

Andy Kindler

#26. The school crossing guard is a zombie?" screams the youngest Smiley. Then she starts crying. "I hugged her once, Mommy! Am I gonna turn into a zombie, too?" "Take it easy, dear," says Aunt Smiley. "It's just a joke. I think. Right, Jamie?

James Patterson

#27. They take away your options and all you can do is live, and it's just like Humble said: I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of living. I was afraid before, but I'm afraid even more now that I'm a public joke.

Ned Vizzini

#28. If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?

Robert Orben

#29. You must learn to take a joke, Francie, otherwise life will be pretty hard on you.

Betty Smith

#30. When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I cannot really trust it and I am not taking the risk of circulating my naked photos around.

M.F. Moonzajer

#31. I honestly and truly love and believe in what I'm making, and it's not a joke, whereas some people would take a singer-songwriter sitting behind an acoustic guitar as sincere.

Casey Spooner

#32. I've just confirmed every bad joke ever told about second violin players. Question: How many second violinists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: They can't go that high. Gerda

Tess Gerritsen

#33. My therapist and I even have a joke about it: shit is truly fucked up when I start threatening to take a road trip.

Chris Gethard

#34. It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

Max Eastman

#35. Someone said to me at a party once, 'Oh, yeah, you're a comedian? Then how come you're not funny now?' And I just wanted to say, 'Well, I'm just going to take this conversation we're having and then repeat that to strangers, and then that's the joke. You're the joke later.'

Mike Birbiglia

#36. Monkeys
What! His partner said.
Monkeys are funny, said Peabody.'So why didn't we we pick monkeys.
His partner sighed and shook his head with sad dismay.
Monkeys? Jesus.
Monkeys' idea of fun is throwing their shit at you. Monkeys always take the joke a step too far.

Toby Barlow

#37. I think I see it." I hoped I was looking in the right place. Constellations had always seemed like a cruel joke to me. How could someone take a few dots in the sky, turn them into an elaborate picture, and expect everyone to share their delusion?

Silvia Violet

#38. It can take a few months to get a new 10 minutes. Usually it takes like 10 times of repeatedly trying different variations of a joke until I land on one I think is really good.

Aziz Ansari

#39. How many Lojbanists does it take to change a broken
light-bulb?" goes the old Lojban joke. "Two: one to decide
what to change it into and one to decide what kind of bulb
emits broken light.

Arika Okrent

#40. He told me to tell you
you could have everything you want and do everything you want as long as you take good care of the kids." Hagen smiled. "He said to tell you that you're his Don. That's just a joke.

Jon Hagen

#41. Could you imagine me and the roasters taking on the GOP field? It would be the greatest show ever. Prove that you can take a joke. Prove that you're a man or woman of the people. Prove that you're not above criticism even in the form of a backhanded compliment.

Jeff Ross

#42. She'd stood by that creed. No softness, because the world wasn't soft; lots of laughter, because if you were in on the joke, the joke couldn't be on you; And no wanting what you couldn't take, because the world never gave.
Or so she'd thought.

Connie Brockway