Some Humour Quotes

#1. No woman ever yet either reasoned or acted long together consequentially; but some little thing, some love, some resentment, somepresent momentary interest, some supposed slight, or some humour, always breaks in upon, and oversets their most prudent resolutions and schemes.

Lord Chesterfield

#2. Yes ... I miss that everyone in Ireland tries to knock some humour out of every situation. I don't think I appreciated that. It's unique to Ireland.

Deirdre O'Kane

#3. There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not going to make them laugh. But there are quite a lot of poems there that aren't funny at all.

Wendy Cope

#4. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired,' said Maxie.
'I know how that feels,' said Blue.
'I think some Pharaoh had that carved on his tomb,' Maxie added.
'Yeah? Times don't change much, do they?

Charlie Higson

#5. In the event of some sort of gathering, if one of the bossy, over bearing, possessive, fur balls has not flipped his switch and attacked some poor young pup in some misguided attempt to protect his woman's virtue, then the night is not yet over.

Quinn Loftis

#6. Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?

Hannah Harrington

#7. Is only a novel ... or, in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humour, are conveyed to the world in the best-chosen language.

Victoria Connelly

#8. So you're a fellow mercenary, then."
"Does this mean you'll afford me some professional courtesy?"
"Don't ask for that. All it means is that you might get to face the person who kills you ... But only if it's convenient.

Howard Tayler

#9. Shee-it, you people have all the fun. You guys are givin' people strokes and havin' sex parties and doin' rescues while I'm off gallivantin' in the forest, shootin' at some stupid dang targets.

Elle Casey

#10. Please Note:
Although it is true that some have
been captured; we would like to
assure you that no thoughts, or
images, have been harmed during
the making of this book.

Clive Blake

#11. He jokingly thought that this guy fancied himself some kind of Jedi knight, waiting for him to say, 'these are not the droids you're looking for.

Wendy Owens

#12. The pity is that the public will demand and find a moral in my book, or worse they may take it in some serious way, and on the honour of a gentleman, there is not one single serious word in it.

James Joyce

#13. Some travel to find themselves - I was travelling to get lost.

Zanesh Catkin

#14. I personally feel that, for some people, their physique and looks work for them. And when you're deprived of both these aspects, you rely on humour!

Riteish Deshmukh

#15. Sadly, I hate foreigners. And Americans. And animals. And flora, and some fauna. Also the magma that is the very core of this our mother earth. I'm full o' hate!

Joss Whedon

#16. I've never heard a eulogy about a person where they talk about the value of wealth and how much money the've left behind. They only talk about the character ,love, integrity, humour strength etc.
So why is it so important to some that they lose sight of everything else in life ?

Lou Silluzio

#17. Not even a hand-stitched suit could hide a body gone ruinously to seed. I was tempted to offer some fashion advice, but I didn't think he'd welcome the news that this year, bellies are being worn inside the trousers

Val McDermid

#18. A lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine line, I actually think there's a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he?

Bill Bailey

#19. Do you know what I think about crying? I think some people have to learn to do it. But once you learn, once you know how to really cry, there's nothing quite like it. I feel sorry for those who don't know the trick. It's like whistling or singing.

Anne Rice

#20. Scientists never study the important things. Like why some animals seem to have evolved the ability to gloat.

Joe Hill

#21. At some point I was a Happy African Feminist Who Does Not Hate Men and Who Likes to Wear Lip Gloss and High Heels for Herself and Not For Men.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

#22. Evan ran his finger across the faded leather spines. He laughed at how silly some of the names were: Paint Your Roses Red, Edelweiss and Me, World of Mushrooms and Fungi, The Toadstool Diaries, Daffodils Unseen and Exotic Plants Unleashed, to name but a few.

H.B. Bolton

#23. Your dad's not dead." I winced. "In fact, isn't he some kind of big-shot union labor guy?" He nodded. "Yup. That's who they called. Dad confirmed he died this morning.

KevaD

#24. His knowledge was not far behind
The knight's, but of another kind,
And he another way came by't ;
Some call it Gifts, and some New Light.
A lib'ral art, that costs no pains
Of study, industry, or brains.

Samuel Butler

#25. I'm so hungry, comrade! It has been days since we ate those two raccoons!'
'I know comrade. I'm even beginning to wish we had some of your homemade quiche!'
'Oh comrade! Do you mean it?'
'Hey
Hey! None of that! If you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it!

Jeff Smith

#26. Mma Ramotswe tucked the cheque safely away in her bodice. Modern business methods were all very well, she thought, but when it came to the safeguarding of money there were some places which had yet to be bettered.

Alexander McCall Smith

#27. Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.

Lois Greiman

#28. Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake; all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.

John Mortimer

#29. Fever jumped aside just in time to dodge the shower of urine, and stumbled into the path of a religious procession - celebrants in robes and pointed hats whirling and clapping and chanting the name of some old-world prophet, 'Hari, Hari! Hari Potter!'

Philip Reeve

#30. Are you one of his teammates?"
"Yeah," Adam said, and it wasn't a lie because according to some people, both he and Tony were playing for the other team. Which made them teammates of a sort.

Suzanne Brockmann

#31. I like to think that even with some of the more intense ones sometimes there is humour in there, you try to make a complete human being, whether the guy is good or bad.

Ray Liotta

#32. In lieu of Tasers, you'll have to hit me. Hard as you can. Then maybe some kind of fight-or-flight response will kick in and I'll turn into a bat to get away from you."
"Fight or flight."
"Yes."
"Only half of that is flight.

Adam Rex

#33. The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that's bad luck. You know what's worst luck? Is getting married, itself. I've read studies. It's like 2 out of 3 of those end in divorce, sometimes more. 3 out of 2, some.

Hank Moody

#34. I'll betide thee, say I, and may the Gods, or at least the Athenians, confound thee for a vile citizen and a vile third-rate actor! Read the evidence.

Demosthenes

#35. Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

Eoin Colfer

#36. I flinch. Maybe you have to be male to understanding that castration can't be reduced to finger-scissors and some onomatopoeia.

Mark Mills

#37. Some people just don't find their Prince Charming straight away, they have to search for him.

Charlotte Fallowfield

#38. She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I'm confident I can trick her into it.

Robyn Carr

#39. They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.

Karl Pilkington

#40. Whenever dark things happen in my life, there is always some dark humour.

Ken Bruen

#41. Here's a health to our Captain, so gallant and free
Whether stuck on a rock or asleep 'neath a tree
Or rolled in the arms of some nymph of the sea
Which is where we would all like to be, man!

Margaret Atwood

#42. Why were kings cross? Maybe their trains were late! Some say warrior Queen Boudica was buried under platform 8.

Terry Deary

#43. Call it a personal foible. Some people are scared of spiders. I'm scared of immolation. Also spiders.

Mark Lawrence

#44. Check it out. She's scandalously popular, insanely beautiful, and obviously in the middle of some emotional shoot-out to consent to date the human Tator Tot.

David Bischoff

#45. Welcome to Aureus, land of illegal freaks. Have some torture and tea while you're here.

Lydia Kang

#46. For some reason when I type the word "love" in my iPad it keeps autocorrecting to "live". I find it oddly profound. My ipad IS. My iPad is ZEN:
"Only the iPad that autocorrects can write the true thing.

Annastacia Dickerson

#47. If you want to add a little spice to your life, plant some dill. And learn to salsa.

Ellen DeGeneres

#48. In some company it's perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.

George Carlin

#49. Mr Gray didn't care much for Jonesy's body (or so he told himself; in truth it was hard not to feel at least some affection for something capable of providing such unexpected pleasures as 'bacon' and 'murder'), but it did have to take him another couple of hundred miles.

Stephen King

#50. Some people seem quite destitute a sense of humour.

George Grossmith

#51. No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it

Fernando Pessoa

#52. I swiftly discovered that there are few things in DIY (and possibly life) that can't be solved with a large mallet, a bag of ten-centimetre nails and some swearing.

Monty Halls

#53. Rhage!" She laughed some more. "You brought me out here just to-"
He started kissing her mouth and putting his hands around her waist. "Outcome Engineer. You knew it when you mated me" ~ Rhage & Mary

'The Shadows' Page 446

J.R. Ward

#54. I may not hate al of the people all the time, but I hate all of them some of the time, and I hate some of them all of the time.

Kathy McCullough

#55. Sighing dismally, she acknowledged that some things just weren't humanly possible - not even Martha Stewart could fold fitted sheets.

Karen Marie Moning

#56. She opened her mouth, clamped it shut again. This was new, this sudden favor shown Gloucester, had been brought back with him from Burgundy like some malevolent foreign pox.

Sharon Kay Penman

#57. I suddenly realize that I'm naked, which shouldn't bother me since it's the phone, but for some reason it does.
"How's it hanging?" Kyra asks and now I think I'm blushing. It's just an expression, but jeez!

Barry Lyga

#58. Of course she was bloody found dead." Moore grumbled. "Some bastard cut off her head and her limbs. If she'd been found alive I would have been more than bloody surprised.

Sarah Pinborough

#59. You sure you don't want me to bring you back something?" Her eyes moved in the direction of his office. "A hit man? Some holy water?

Christina Lauren

#60. Sorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.

Darynda Jones

#61. That said, it was pretty awkward and a weird thing to shoot. Some women had a sense of humour about it and we'd laugh, but some were very serious and suspicious ... like I might be doing something bad, or maybe they were just uncomfortable.

Nicole Holofcener

#62. Theory of Evolution (Summary)
First, there were some amoebas. Deviant amoebas adapted better to the environment, thus becoming monkeys. Then came Total Quality Management.

Scott Adams

#63. Romance blossomed over a carrier bag full of mackerel. It wasn't exactly how I imagined it would happen; there were no sunsets, or butterflies, or birdsong, just some smelly dead fish and a slimy carrier bag.

Victoria Twead

#64. If I'd have been thinking I would have left some Woolite and my delicates by the sink for him to rinse out, but you never think to turn your pet raccoon into a tiny butler until it's too late.

Jenny Lawson

#65. If you find a saint who has no sense of humour, then he is not a saint at all. Impossible. His very seriousness says that he has not achieved. Once you have some inner experiences of your own you become very playful, you become very innocent, childlike.

Rajneesh

#66. Some people have great ideas maybe once or twice in their life, and then they discover electricity or fire or outer space or something. I mean, the kind of brilliant ideas that change the whole world.
Some people never have them at all ... I get them two or three times a week.

Neil Gaiman

#67. Humour is the most engaging cowardice. With it myself I have been able to hold some of my enemy in play far out of gunshot.

Robert Frost

#68. Some men say get them crying on your shoulder and you have the sheets half-unfurled already. Other fellows say get them laughing. I say get them drunk. I ordered up more Riesling ...

Stewart Hennessey

#69. Insomnia
I cannot get to sleep tonight.
I toss and turn and flop.
I try to count some fluffy sheep
while o'er a fence they hop.
I try to think of pleasant dreams
of places really cool.
I don't know why I cannot sleep -
I slept just fine at school.

Kathy Kenney-Marshall

#70. I think that gay people in some ways end up forming a very different sense of humour to straight people. We all go through similar things and it's a way of dealing with it.

Jason Sellards

#71. Patrick actually used to be popular before Sam bought him some good music.

Stephen Chbosky

#72. I allowed an uncertain smile to cross my face, though it did so with a little reluctance, wary of being run down by some more powerful expression.

Ian Barker

#73. Telescopes and bathyscapes and sonar probes of Scottish lakes, Tacoma Narrows bridge collapse explained with abstract phase-space maps, some x-ray slides, a music score, Minard's Napoleonic war: the most exciting new frontier is charting what's already here.

Randall Munroe

#74. It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up.

Karl Pilkington

#75. Something girls never understood about poker night. The real point of the card play was to razz. Razzing calls forth unbridled farm-boy humour, earthy by some standards. The best quip involves belittling someone else's penis, or turning it back on the sayer, or both.

Allan Dare Pearce

#76. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

Woody Allen

#77. If you want to know the Correct term for me, I'm a Dark-Hunter."
Nick digested that word slowly. "Which means what? You hunt darkness?"
"Yes, Nick. That's exactly what I do. There's just not enough of it." Now, there was some sarcasm you could cut with a knife.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#78. I've often said the most difficult things I have to say to people through humour. I can very quickly put someone in their place with it. But we all walk away unscathed because there's been some funnies around it, and I'll usually make sure that it comes back at me.

Dawn French

#79. Tobak Davenport, who is a cross between some Sugar Puffs and Lynn Faulds-Wood, was squatting there before being removed by the local constabulary after he went round to complain about Luther Blisset's pet turkey fouling the communal herb garden.

St John Morris

#80. every one of the novels. To some the delightful freshness and humour of Northanger Abbey, its completeness, finish, and entrain, obscure the undoubted critical facts that its scale is small, and its scheme, after all, that of burlesque or parody, a kind in which the

Jane Austen

#81. I need some space."
"Because of my past?"
"No, because of mine. When I'm around you I feel like I'm falling. I need to stop before I smash into the ground."
"Are you always so honest?"
"No. Mostly I'm a liar like you.

Anna McPartlin

#82. Thanks to photography, some memories overstay their welcome.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#83. The man up there raged aloud in two languages, and with a sincerity in his fury that almost convinced me I had, in some way, sinned against the harmony of the universe

Joseph Conrad

#84. Embarrassing as it was to admit, I was beginning to enjoy the role, thinking there was nothing like packing a pair of cuffs to put some spring into a woman's step.

Janet Evanovich

#85. As for Percy, he held his magic ballpoint pen like he was trying to decide whether to bust out some sword moves or autograph Nike's chariot.

Rick Riordan

#86. I'd blow someone for a valium," I said in Jacob's ear.
"Maybe he's got one ... but try offering a hand-job first so you retain some leverage.

Jordan Castillo Price

#87. I wouldn't have minded school if they taught you important things like how to have good sex and what brand of wine is the best ... But for some reason they were hell bent on teaching me algebra

Ben Mitchell

#88. That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain.
Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck, 'til some idiot killed it. (to Inara) Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint.

Joss Whedon

#89. I'm knackered now," he admits. "I think you're actually going to have to help me to the room."
I laugh. "Really, granddad? You rock stars should come with some sort of disclaimer, warning us that reality doesn't always live up to the pretty package.

Lily Morton

#90. Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With my knives.

Sarah J. Maas

#91. There are some things you just don't say...not even in a school!

X

#92. I don't think God's going to judge me based on my film work - although I hope he has a sense of humour and I hope he's a fan of movies because I've done some things that may be questionable in his eyes as an actor!

Mark Wahlberg

#93. It struck him that how you spent Christmas was a message to the world about where you were in life, some indication of how deep a hole you had managed to burrow for yourself

Nick Hornby

#94. Some of my best friends are women,' I snapped, 'though I certainly wouldn't want my daughter to marry one of them.

Kyril Bonfiglioli

#95. Some things were above my pay grade. Actually, there were things that slithered on their bellies that were higher than my pay grade.

Jodi Taylor

#96. But to the particular species of excellence men are directed, not by an ascendant planet or predominating humour, but by the first book which they read, some early conversation which they heard, or some accident which excited ardour and emulation.

Samuel Johnson

#97. My uncle would have about ten pints some nights and then drive us all home. I guess the feeling was that we weren't going to crash into anyone, because barely any fucker lived there.

Frankie Boyle

#98. All hobbies suck, but if you keep at it, you might find at the end that you've managed to kill some precious time.

Homer Simpson

#99. I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented.

Edmund Gosse

#100. Last time I was on the welcome Wagon, I was holding some guy by the balls for 15 minutes while the inspector explained why should leave (Birmingham) and go home... It were really painful.

I bet it was.

'Yeah I got terrible cramp in me fingers, but he were very attentive.

Jim McGrath