Top 62 Saying No Funny Quotes
#1. For about four years, I've been telling people I hate sour cream. One time I sent back nachos because they had sour cream on them. I started saying this because a friend I admire hates sour cream. I told him I hated it too so we could have a funny thing in common.
Megan Boyle
#2. Deep inside, she knew who she was, and that person was smart and kind and often even
funny, but somehow her personality always got lost somewhere between her heart and her
mouth, and she found herself saying the wrong thing or, more often, nothing at all.
Julia Quinn
#3. I can't make out what they're saying; it sounds like: hiss, blah, she hiss, squeak. But the aunt appears to speak the native language.
Emma Chase
#5. The funny thing is, strangers still seem to feel comfortable coming up to me and saying things, but now usually it's because they recognize me, and they say nice things.
Todd Solondz
#6. I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
Bill Bailey
#7. She always called him Luca, in the Italian manner, and said it with that funny trans-European intonation, the accent oddly placed on the first syllable: 'Where's Loo-ka?', just like Audrey Hepburn saying, 'Take the pic-ture,' in Funny Face.
Adam Gopnik
#8. I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.
Hannah Harrington
#9. Well, you know that old saying, "Keep your friends close and make out with your enemies.
Shae Ross
#10. My knowledge of Vancouver and Canada was limited to what I knew about Bob and Doug McKenzie. I thought they were funny, talking out of the sides of their mouths and saying 'eh' and wearing toques.
Peter DeLuise
#11. No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I would like tea. Why don't you put it on my breasts?" "Certainly. Tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?"
Eddie Izzard
#12. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain
#13. Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
Bill Bailey
#14. Six minutes isn't sex," I hear him
saying as my eyes crash shut. "Six
minutes is a boiled egg.
Sophie Kinsella
#15. I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, "What?" So I say it again, and he says, "What?" Really, it's just some insignificant stuff I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!"
Mitch Hedberg
#16. I never meant it," he was saying.
"Never meant it to happen. Can't stand it,
seeing her suffer. Must do something, do something ... What do I do? What can I do ... ?
Rachel Caine
#17. I find being funny very hard work. I am always asked about it, and I feel guilty saying that, but it's the truth. I love my work, but it ain't easy.
Madeline Kahn
#18. All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're saying is, 'Hey, we're not Jews.'
Rich Vos
#19. It's funny how that works. Sometimes not speaking says more than all the words in the world. Sometimes my silence is saying I don't know how to speak to you. I don't know what you're thinking. talk to me. Tell me everything you've ever sad. All the words. Starting from your very first one.
Colleen Hoover
#20. I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"
Henny Youngman
#21. Your baby is crying, says the driver to Taiwo, the Ghanian way of saying your cell phone is ringing.
Taiye Selasi
#22. Lilli . . . Lilli . . . Lilli."
Sweet Jesus, she was going to kill him. She'd just gotten to sleep. Now he was running a finger up and down her spine, saying her name in an extremely life-threatening singsong voice.
Susan Fanetti
#23. I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, 'Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.'
Anna Torv
#24. Here you are. Would you like some pickles?"
"Pickles gives me the wind something awful."
"In that case - "
"Oh, I wasn't saying no," Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.
Terry Pratchett
#25. Saying 'no' has gotten me here...'here' sucks. Saying 'yes' might be my way to someplace better. If not a way to someplace better, at least a way to someplace different.
Shonda Rhimes
#26. With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I was, like: 'No, he didn't - he looked like someone had melted goat's cheese over a sex doll.'
Russell Howard
#27. You're not always right. You're often wrong. But at least you're looking at it as objectively as you can with as much experience as you can in the moment and saying, "Yeah, I think it's funny" or "No, I don't think it's funny yet."
Victor Levin
#28. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
Rita Rudner
#29. I had no idea what they were saying in Italian as a child, they spoke too quickly on the radio. But I realized that language was very funny.
Dominic Chianese
#30. It's funny how when you say "yes" to something (like the man of your dreams), you don't think about the fact that you are also saying "no" to something else.
Amy E. Spiegel
#31. Chalk again?" Cal seemed almost disappointed. "Too bad there's no chalk monster."
Penn snorted with amusement. Chalk monster. That was like saying it was a vampire. Everyone knew vampires didn't exist. Zombies who drank blood to stay alive. Ridiculous.
R. Cooper
#32. The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
Henny Youngman
#33. I could always get by on a fake ID, calm face, and a smile. My sister could look guilty saying her prayers.
Huntley Fitzpatrick
#34. We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.
Karl Pilkington
#36. I try not to laugh at the fact that even when she's drunk, she has a hard time saying it. "Where do you want me to take you?" She drops her head back against my chest. "You can just keep carrying me. It's very relaxing.
Jessica Sorensen
#37. I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?
Ljupka Cvetanova
#38. This may sound funny, but as much as the 'Today' show matured me, it also was something of a cocoon. I'd been happy there. I never went into the boss's office and pounded my fist on the desk, saying, 'Give me more money! Give me a prime-time show!'
Jane Pauley
#39. Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.
P. J. O'Rourke
#40. I'm just saying stupid, funny things when I'm hanging out on the TV show. When I'm making music I'm in a completely different zone.
Chanel West Coast
#41. I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don't find funny, saying things I don't really mean - because at the end of the day that's what we're all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately trying to pretend we're all the same.
Tabitha Suzuma
#42. I'm writing a political comedy that takes place in Canada in Quebec. It's funny. Saying political comedy is a little redundant but it's a first. I've never done any comedy per se.
Philippe Falardeau
#43. How funny your name would be if you could follow it back to where the first person thought of saying it, naming himself that, or maybe some other persons thought of it and named that person. It would be like following a river to its source, which would be impossible. Rivers have no source.
John Ashbery
#44. You heard her the other night," Bruiser said. "She wants love. And devotion and compromise. Funny, isn't it, how women seem to want those things, when they're saying words like 'Till death do us part.
Tessa Dare
#45. Nothing makes you think you might need years of therapy like saying the word breasts in front of your mother.
Katie McGarry
#46. There's an old saying among scientific guys: "You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on them from a crane."
Dave Barry
#47. If we all learnt cat-speak, we would often find they are saying, "You stupid human, I am trying to tell you something important right now!
Leah Broadby
#48. Every once in a while you definitely have to film someone for half an hour saying something that you do not think is funny because for the previous two hours they said a bunch of stuff that you think is really funny.
Seth Rogen
#49. I gotta stop saying "how stupid could you be?" I'm beginning to feel like people are taking as a challenge
Kevin Hart
#50. First person singular obtaining colloquial orgasm within a Caledonian sandwich' it said, then looked annoyed, and spoke incoherently into a grille set in its belly which replied. It looked up and said, 'Sorry, as I was saying: I come in peace
Iain M. Banks
#51. I don't regret saying something," I said as he pulled down the street.
He glanced at me."Well, I regret not punching him in the face."
My lips twitched."Sorry. I couldn't let that happen."
"I'm sure I'll get another opportunity," He muttered, squinting out the windshield.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#52. I had gone to New York with no plan at all. I did a lot of jobs - barman, teacher, security guard, postman and construction worker - and I was meeting many eccentric characters, and they were saying funny things, which I always wrote down.
Adrian McKinty
#53. A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge
Robert Breault
#54. If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny.
Sarah Silverman
#55. I went swimming the other day and my wife was watching and she said, 'You know, it's funny, it's when you've got no clothes on, no one recognizes you.' I said, 'What are you saying? That I should do more love scenes?'
Eddie Marsan
#56. An American judo fighter was expelled from the Olympics after testing positive for marijuana. Officials became suspicious when he kept stopping the match and saying, 'What are we fighting for, man?'
Conan O'Brien
#57. To this day, I've found that it doesn't matter what a guy looks like if he's really funny. His sense of humor makes him attractive. On the other hand, you don't hear men saying, 'No she's not pretty, but is she ever funny!'
Catherine O'Hara
#58. I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'
Marc Maron
#59. All those people who go around saying Life begins at forty, they're notable by their absence. The nerve.
Steve Coogan
#60. I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual ... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying ...
Craig Ferguson
#61. As an actor, you can really play the intensity and gravity and seriousness of the moment, and just rely on the circumstances being funny. The joke is kind of the situation you're in, or the way you're reacting to something, as opposed to the characters just saying something witty.
Ed Helms
#62. I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired.
Ellen DeGeneres
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