Top 100 Quotes About Farts
#1. I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts.
John Entwistle
#2. She loved dogs, New York, television, children, friendship, sex, laughing, heartbreaking songs, marijuana, farts, and cuddling.
Sarah Silverman
#3. Just as you and I speak by forming words, the natural, private discourse of the Sanza twins appears to consist entirely of farts and savage beatings. What
Scott Lynch
#4. Thanks for agreeing to watch Fat Rabbit. Hope you're prepared for lots of farts in your future. From the dog, of course.
Karina Halle
#5. So I'm standing there, holding a googly-eyed can of beans as it shakes and loudly farts the birthday song to me in a gas station.
Jenny Lawson
#6. The girdle went from just under my breasts to the top of my knees. It cinched me in pretty tight. In fact, it was so tight that when I sat in it and farted, the farts would slide up my back, shoot out the top of the girdle, and make my hair fly off the back of my beck.
Mollie Gross
#7. Narinder squeezed the giant bottle of washing-up liquid until her fingers touched through the plastic. All she got was bubbles and farts.
Sunjeev Sahota
#9. They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsner Beer' on the label. It is a crime.
Michael Jackson
#11. There is Harlan Ellison the human being, who takes a crap a couple of times a day, and who farts, and who eats chicken croquettes, if I can find them. And then there is the writer, this writer-person, who is a much finer person than I. Much more orderly, much more meaningful. Worthier, than I [am].
Harlan Ellison
#12. At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.
Craig Benzine
#13. You know things are weird when you start appreciating your farts.
John Corey Whaley
#14. A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts
Frank Skinner
#15. Bug? You sack of sweat stink. I've got farts that smell sweeter than you. Think you're better than me? Poop ice cream cones, do you? Call me a bug! Rachel, let me do him now.
Kim Harrison
#16. Kangaroo farts, as fate would have it, don't contain methane.
Steven D. Levitt
#17. Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word 'fart' makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there's nothing funnier.
George Clooney
#18. Readers of my online journal - I refuse to use the word blog because it sounds like something that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts
Yahtzee Croshaw
#19. Most people enjoy the sight of their own handwriting as they enjoy the smell of their own farts.
W. H. Auden
#20. Growing old is an unwinnable campaign. During this war we witness ugly scenes. Truths mutate to whims. Faith becomes cynical transactions between liars. Sacrifices turn out to be needless excesses. Heroes become old farts, and young farts become heroes. Ethics become logos on sports clothing.
David Mitchell
#21. There's a place for farts, and there's a place for sharts.
J.E. Haldeman
#22. No matter how politely one says it, we owe our existence to the farts of blue-green algae.
Diane Ackerman
#23. You're all mad for words. Words are just farts from a lot of fools who have swallowed too many books. Give me things!
Robertson Davies
#24. Sounds like your life just let out a bunch of bad farts.
Helen Landalf
#25. I doubt he'd give me the smell from his farts - no, tell a lie: in that one respect he's being more than generous.
Ian Rankin
#26. You know why farts smell?" "I don't." "So the deaf can enjoy them too.
Bernard Cornwell
#27. These days if I ate three bites of a Blizzard, that Blizzard would turn into a tornado of farts.
Mamrie Hart
#28. And people still laugh about as much as they ever did, despite their shrunken brains. If a bunch of them are lying around on a beach, and one of them farts, everybody else laughs and laughs, just as people would have done a million years ago.
Kurt Vonnegut
#29. And then all of a sudden she let out the biggest, loudest, smelliest fart in the history of farts. Mom
R.J. Palacio
#30. Had Eudokia been granted divinity she'd have found something better to do with it than watching two old farts in ugly robes mutter gibberish over summer wine.
Daniel Polansky
#32. It having been a very cold night last night I had got some cold, and so in pain by wind, and a sure precursor of pain is sudden letting off farts, and when that stops, then my passages stop and my pain begins
Samuel Pepys
#33. No one ever answered my question," Hayden says. "Looks like no one has the guts"
"Which one?" Asks Connor. " You've got questions coming out of you like farts on Thanksgiving.
Neal Shusterman
#34. The rest of the guys in Sabbath became boring old farts, and there I was, this crazy guy, still into wrecking hotel rooms and having parties.
Ozzy Osbourne
#35. No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!
George Lopez
#36. ...it was like finding a brother who farts in key.
Dale McGowan
#37. If Joanie dies before me, I wonder if I'll ever be with another woman. I can't imagine going through all of the preliminary stuff - the talk, the chatter, the dinners. I'd have to take someone places, explain my history, make jokes, dole out compliments, hold back farts.
Kaui Hart Hemmings
#38. I always thought that farts were funny, and I always thought that they were mine to talk about because they came out of my body.
Jenny Slate
#39. Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die!
Tori Amos
#40. If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it's like - you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.
Megan Fox
#41. Bel pointed. "Head. Tail. Pets go here." He pointed to the dog's head again. "Farts come out here." He pointed to the dog's back end. "That's all you need to know about Stump.
Lisa Henry
#42. Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else ...
Demetri Martin
#43. Dad also has the loudest, stinkiest farts in creation. I don't know how he manages to control them at work, or even if he does, but when he'd get home, he'd let them loose. They'd start as he walked up the stairs.
Sharon M. Draper
#44. A person who discreetly farts in an elevator is not a divine being, and a man needs to know this.
Robert Bly
#45. When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the ploughboy find treasure we must be told. But when the ploughboy farts ... er ... keep it to yourself.
Kingsley Amis
#46. They glanced around at each other almost furtively, embarrassed, as Americans always seem to be, by the raw fact of their own success - as if cash were hardcooked eggs and affluence the farts that inevitably follow an overdose of same.
Stephen King
#47. Kids are like farts in that way. They never seem to bother the owner as much as they bother everyone else.
Karl Pilkington
#48. If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.
Robin Williams
#49. The coaches stunk of coal smoke and rationed tobacco and rationed booze and the farts of people eating wartime food.
Kurt Vonnegut
#50. I will never win an Oscar, and do you know why? First of all, because I'm not Jewish. Secondly, I make too much money for all those old farts in the Academy.
Clint Eastwood
#51. Around them small animals scampered along knotted cables and flaking vines, chirruping, squealing, venting yellow farts. Everywhere was animation, purpose, hurry. Momentum.
Gregory Benford
#52. The idea of spending another six hours with Leon and his farts was more than I could take.
John Scalzi
#53. I swear, guys in groups are capable of the stupidest things."
"Like war," Kellan says, heaping napkins and ketchup packets onto her tray.
"And jumping off rooftops."
"And lighting their farts on fire," she says.
Jay Asher
#54. You're not crazy. And yes, cow farts chase the fog away. The only problem is the smell.
L.R.W. Lee
#55. Males and farts. Any species, any planet, didn't matter. We
Ilona Andrews
#56. I want no part of this nonsense. This whole city is a butt that farts horror.
David Wong
#58. Anyone can see that he's bad," said Marcus, speaking calmly, "but we've splinted it, we've wrapped it, and I can drug him so hard he'll think he's flying home on a magical gumdrop rainbow. You could get high on his farts." "Patterson
Dan Wells
#59. Behind the cool mask of bravado, past the one-way mirror of his mind, underneath the rock-solid layers of self-control, in the Zen garden that was Master Sewer's soul, a high-pitched anxiety fart rustled through the still leaves. If farts could talk, this one would have said, Damn coppers!
Sorin Suciu
#60. Just let them sit in the goddam sun. But the world won't let them because there's nothing more dangerous than letting old farts sit in the sun. They might be thinking. Same thing with kids. Keep 'em busy or they might start thinking.
Frank McCourt
#61. Don't let the elegance act fool you," Varen said, drawing out his notepad. "She farts.
Kelly Creagh
#62. Envy is like farts? BELLA. Everyone suffers from it. But, if you let it out . . . you don't smell very nice. And everyone moves away from you.
Nina Raine
#64. There's nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, and that's a fact.
Robert Plant
#65. I am happy everywhere except in places where I see glitz and rich farts. I am happiest in Brooklyn, where the concentration of rich farts is minimal.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb
#66. Oh for God's sake, Jack, lighten up. You know the old saying. Every man loves the smell of his own farts." In
Jake Needham
#68. I like to keep in touch with younger photographers. It's important that a younger generation comes up and questions the assumptions made by old farts like me.
Martin Parr
#69. EGGS! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!
Dylan Moran
#70. What kind of doctor are you? Get up! Get up! And then all of a sudden she let out the biggest, loudest, smelliest fart in the history of farts. Mom thinks it was actually the fart that finally woke the doctor up. Anyway,
R.J. Palacio
#71. Modern music is three farts and a raspberry, orchestrated.
John Barbirolli
#72. Ha ha," he told her. "I get it. Very funny. Everyone loves a good deaf joke. Hey, why did God make farts stink? So deaf people could enjoy them, too." When
Joe Hill
#73. Farts are just the ghosts of the things we ate.
Jane Austen
#74. There are more microbes per person than the entire population of the world. Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.
Alan Bennett
#75. Bloated software causes IT stress farts.
Kevin Focke
#76. To give an extra dimension to the scolding she gave me: The word "twerp" was freshly coined in those days, and had a specific definition - it was a person, if I may be forgiven, who bit the bubbles of his own farts in a bathtub.
Kurt Vonnegut
#77. Freedom, Truth, Honour - you could rattle off a hundred such words and behind every one of them would gather a thousand punks, pompous little farts, waving the banner with one hand and reaching under the table with the other.
Hunter S. Thompson
#78. I fart, you fart, he farts, she farts.
Let's not deny it, people. Farting is a regular, healthy, and hilarious part of life. Squeezing out big plumes of noxious gas doesn't always smell good, but it generally feels might fine.
Neil Pasricha
#79. Hey guys, stop locking antlers. The smell of testosterone is overriding the farts.
Lisa Marie Rice
#80. I suppose that the main benefit of being rich (over just being independent) is to be able to despise rich people (a good concentration of whom you find in glitzy ski resorts) without any sour grapes. It is even sweeter when these farts don't know that you are richer than they are.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb
#81. I will never write anything better than Homestuck. Nigger farts! Jews: Kill them all.
Andrew Hussie
#82. Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.
Mark Hoppus
#83. So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them.
Mark Forsyth
#85. If I could make money making armpit farts, I would. But since I can't, I teach. And write.
Richard B. Knight
#86. Words can be tiresome as a swarm of insects. They can prick and buzz! Words can be no more than a series of farts; or on the other hand they can be adamantine, obdurate, inviolable, stone upon stone.
Mervyn Peake
#87. I love baseball. I'll probably end up one of those old farts who go to spring training in Florida every year and drive from game to game all day.
Steve Earle
#88. A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.
Michael Bassey Johnson
#89. Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
Tina Fey
#90. Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts. God designed your body's plumbing system. God designed an ostrich. If He didn't do it, He permitted a drunken angel to do it. Empirical facts can add significantly to the meaning of "being godlike".
Peter Kreeft
#91. Alice finds a packet of scotch eggs in someone's bag. And then there's nothing more to do other then to put on as many clothes as we can fit into, and wait: for the troops, sleep, or asphyxiation from pete's toxic egg farts, which ever comes first.
Kirsty McKay
#92. Did I not tell you earlier that a Jew is such a noble, precious jewel that God and all the angels dance when he farts?
Martin Luther
#93. Farts demand to be passed," Augustus said, which was a line from A Posterior Affliction.
Adam Aarons
#94. Ridge: Better. I can't hear my own farts, so sometimes I'll forget that other people can hear them.
Colleen Hoover
#95. It was like finding a long-lost brother who farts in the same key.
Dale McGowan
#96. SPIRITUAL FARTS Reverend Michael Beckwith2 tells us that if we simply study and talk about spiritual truths but never actually LIVE the stuff, we're gonna get spiritual indigestion and constipation. Spiritual farts. It's not a pretty thing. Seriously.
Brian Johnson
#97. There's a Drunk Midget in My House
Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!
Tina Fey
#98. Take it easy, I carefully suggested to a pale Jo. She was chugging a glass of Champagne so quickly I half expected the bubble to shoot right down to her arse and release tiny Champagne sparkle farts.
Becca Lee
#99. The rooms were small and airless and cramped. To make matters worse, somebody in our group was making the most dreadful silent farts. Fortunately, it was me, so I wasn't nearly as bothered as the others.
Bill Bryson
#100. I have a playlist of farts on my phone.
Lena Headey
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