Top 100 Penis's Quotes
#1. Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis.
David Wong
#2. A man's sexual organ is penis and woman's sexual organ is brains.
DK Publishing
#3. It's the most gorgeous penis I've ever seen and it makes me wish I could paint because I could have a whole gallery devoted to the beauty of his dick and I would consistently sell out of all my paintings.
Karina Halle
#4. That's what my penis is like: a beautiful, thorny rose.
Dash Shaw
#5. What if he'd just . . . I don't know . . . stuck it in, no warning or whatever. Like . . . SURPRISE! Here's a penis.
Cora Carmack
#6. Grab his penis like this, and I guarantee, it's a done deal.
Emily Giffin
#7. Life's like a penis; When it's soft you can't beat it; When it's hard you get screwed. - The Fat Man, Medical Resident in The House of God
Samuel Shem
#8. Women never bought Freud's idea of penis envy: who would want a shotgun when you can have an automatic?
Natalie Angier
#9. When someone's rattling on about blocked toilets, collapsing marquees, and penis-shaped birthday cakes, it's hard to convince yourself that you're in a life-or-death situation.
Catherine Jinks
#10. It bears repeating that the human penis is the longest and thickest of any primate's - in both absolute and relative terms.
Christopher Ryan
#11. Whether you studied sexology or not, nobody will teach you how to screw, nobody will point to your vagina and say, hey that's where you pee and bonk! And nobody will say, hey, your penis can ejaculate when you stroke or slide it into a woman's punani!
Michael Bassey Johnson
#12. [It] began to seem amazing how often it was assumed that having a vagina automatically meant I was less intelligent, talented, capable, and interesting than the world's least interesting human being who happened to have a penis.
Francine Prose
#13. There you are," she says flinging her arms. "And just as I suspected. I've been worrying my ass off and you've been having multiple orgasms at the end of a Greek god's penis. Figures.
M. Leighton
#14. Your penis will not shrivel up and die if you admit you want an umbrella instead of standing in the rain acting like a little water never hurt anyone. It's an unbrella, not a purse.
Jenny O'Connell
#16. He's got a pointy bald head, and too much flesh hanging around his neck. The resulting combination gives him an unlikely yet striking resemblance to an uncircumcised penis. I secretly call him Rumpelforeskin.
Megan McCafferty
#17. B," Holly continued to list, ignoring her. "The way he's always angled to where you are. Like he's a big arrow, pointing at you all the time. And I mean that in a metaphoric, romantic way, not like, you know, a penis.
Erin Lawless
#18. There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis.
This was not one of those times.
John Green
#19. My dad had once told me, crimson-red deep in "the talk," that with sons, all he had to worry about was one penis, but with a daughter, he had to worry about everyone else's.
Nicole Williams
#20. What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyone in possession of a penis? I'll tell myself that a sandwich is masculine because if left alone for a week or two, it will eventually grow a beard.
David Sedaris
#21. Not permitted to desire another man's penis, the bodybuilder phallicizes that which he is permitted to desire: his own body.
Mark Simpson
#22. He looked closely. It was very disconcerting to have your gay unicorn best friend studying your penis that intensely. Finally, he gave his verdict. "It's a very nice penis." "Thank
T.J. Klune
#23. The power of the man, with a mind shut down. The strength of the super human. The survival of the species. The deafness of a beast. That's the power of the penis.
Deborah Ainslie
#24. Because if that's what she meant, then yes, I just stared at him. I didn't realize it was a conversation because penis.
Maggie Stiefvater
#25. I've given up men. It's true. At first, I was just going to give up attorneys, but that seemed immature - and far too exclusive, so I'm playing it safe and giving up all the penis-carrying humans.
Jill Shalvis
#26. Shock stung her into a quivering mass of pleasure when he captured one of her hands and fed it down to the velvet-smooth thickness of his penis, then urged her to stroke it between her legs.
Michelle Reid
#27. Men are mystifying creatures. For instance why do all men think their penis is a panacea for all the world's problems?
Tyne O'Connell
#28. I've always thought that Freud's theory of penis envy was fairly ridiculous
but I'm absolutely certain that if you put a piece of bread in your mouth and suck on it you'll go to heaven.
Anna Quindlen
#29. We sent so many risque pictures to each other that I was pretty sure after that year I could pick out Jag's penis in a police lineup any old day.
Harper Bentley
#30. Whenever someone implies that history is boring, I bring up Napoleon's penis.
Tony Perrottet
#31. Never, and by this I mean never, criticise the English weather. Especially if you're an alien. For an English woman, it's as though you are scolding her first born child. For an Englishman, it's as if you are criticising the size of his penis. Or even worse: his football team.
Angela Kiss
#32. Fine, a Lithuanian couple gets lost because, like men across the globe, he values his penis - among other things - as a compass. So he's incapable of asking for directions and thereby disparaging the power of his penis.
Nora Roberts
#33. The size of Frank Sinatra's penis had been on my mind for weeks. I don't know why it was bothering me so much, but it was.
Peter Evans
#34. He sits on the edge of the couch, his hair damp and ruffled in every direction. I turn the page and unfortunately a lurid diagram of an erect penis glares up at me. "I am trying to be a bit more normal." He looks at the page. "How's it working out so far?" "I'm glad this isn't a pop-up book.
Sally Thorne
#35. Once again, Rylann tried to catch the eye of the female bartender working Firelight's main bar.
One of the few times I've ever wished for a penis,
Julie James
#36. There's only so much I can do aside from locking him in his room or super gluing a condom to his penis
R.K. Ryals
#37. Frank, this case is a publicity stunt and a shakedown. My clients did nothing illegal, and you and I both know I'll have no problem proving that to a jury. So there's no reason to discuss your ridiculous settlement offer any further. Call me when somebody sees a penis.
Julie James
#38. two Lesbian Agents with glazed faces of grafted penis flesh sat sipping spinal fluid through alabaster straws
William S. Burroughs
#39. Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than 'stellar' work ethics, had to play Where's Waldo to find Steve's dick beneath his gigantic waistline.
A.T. Hicks
#40. Not all gay men send me penis pictures. But no straight men do. And to date, no woman has sent me a picture of her vaginal canal. 'I know it's a little stretched out, but I've had four kids. What do you expect? LOL.
Augusten Burroughs
#41. It doesn't matter, because I have found my match. It's Nick, laid-back and calm, smart and fun and uncomplicated. Untortured, happy. Nice. Big penis.
Gillian Flynn
#42. Lord, this man before me is known to you. Beckett's soul is littered with sins that he committed to protect Blake and me. "
Beckett interrupted.
"Some of those sins were for the sake of my horny penis.
Debra Anastasia
#43. That's my problem.
I go these long periods without sex, and then at some point, I just crack; I break down and try to hump the closest swinging penis.
Natalie E. Wrye
#44. I have to say it's a bit traumatic at times, not knowing when the next penis will appear.
Melina Marchetta
#45. Of course you'd say that. That's your answer to everything. Rub some penis on it, it should clear right up.
Veronica Larsen
#46. God's penis would still rank high among those vistas a priest and a nun could not comfortably share.
James K. Morrow
#47. It's just empty boxers. Empty. It's not like there's a penis hiding in them.
Cassie Mae
#48. Santa's Little Helper
Isn't it ironic that Homer calls his pet
the same name Marge calls his penis?
Beryl Dov
#49. You were at the part where we're Barbie and Ken with absolutely no problems." He drops his stare back to mine, his irises swirling with beautiful amusement. "Not true. Ken doesn't have a penis and I'd say that's a major problem.
Skyla Madi
#50. My dick's wisdom impeded my ability to have meaningless intercourse.
John Duover
#51. Will you hold on to my penis while I drive?"
"If it's absolutely necessary, yes.
Stephanie McAfee
#52. We flew to Los Angeles, where I secured a new passport. The picture in my stolen one wasn't half bad, but in the new one I look like a penis with an old person's face drawn on it.
David Sedaris
#53. Seeing your friend's penis and riding it hard moved us beyond the point of no return.
Becca Lee
#54. Eve rose stiffly when he strode out of the house. In silence, she watched Julia look after him. "The male ego," Eve murmured as she crossed the room to put an arm around Julia's shoulders. "It's a huge and fragile thing. I always envision it as an enormous penis made of thin glass.
Nora Roberts
#55. You are aware that a healthy portion of the vagina-owning population wants to do you? Don't even get me started about the penis-wielding people, because there's quite a few of them into you as well.
Kylie Scott
#56. Let me put it this way. I wouldn't say she's a slut, but her favourite shade of lipstick is penis.
Kristen Proby
#57. Can you take me back into town?" I say. "I can't get my voicemails."
"Why don't you calm down, D-Dub. I know you're menstruating, but everything's going to be fine. Once we get inside, I'll explain all about maxi pads, personal hygiene and the feel of a man's penis.
Victoria Scott
#58. Hey, how 'bout those Cubs'"-the bad male impersonation was back-" 'let's play some golf, smoke some cigars. Here's my penis, there's yours-yep, they appear to be about the same size-okay, lets's do some deals.
Julie James
#59. I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But why would I? That's why I'm wearing a condom.)
Jarod Kintz
#60. I don't think we have properly met," Faye said as we danced together. "So you're the penis that's been inside my best friend's vagina."
Well, that's one way of putting it. "And you're the highly inappropriate best friend.
Brittainy C. Cherry
#61. It's a penis not an introduction to the president.
K. Webster
#62. Are you ready for my love gun?" he says.
Uh-oh. "What's a love gun? Is that a sex toy?"
"No," he says. "I'm talking about my penis."
"Oh," I say. "Then yes. Fire away
Fanny Merkin
#63. I bet he has a very nice penis. I bet it's glorious, like his stupid perfect face, and gorgeous eyes, and muscled body. I bet if he entered his penis in a competition, it would win "Best in Show" and he could walk around with a giant blue ribbon stuck to his crotch.
Leisa Rayven
#64. Ship, lady. This here's a ship," he said defensively, as if she'd told him, "Your penis: I find it minuscule.
Kresley Cole
#65. What it looks like is that you're having sex with one of my oldest friends in the linen closet of our reception hall. Unless, of course, she's lost something in her vagina and you were gallant enough to try and fish it out for her. With your penis. If that's the case, I suggest using a larger lure.
Christine Bell
#66. Do you think the penis ever gets tired?
Whose?
Anybody's. I mean anybody with one. Does the penis ever just think: for God's sake pal, give it a rest? Or is it all: Woo-who!! Here we go again!
J.D. Robb
#67. In his mind he saw them standing with the tips of their organs pressed together ejaculating into each other's penis.
Dean Koontz
#68. Wad Rayyes, you're a man who talks. rubbish. Your whole brain's in the head of your penis and the head of your penis is as small as your brain.
Tayeb Salih
#69. Is the gun really necessary?"
"No," he admitted. "It's just fun to have one."
"Like an extra penis," I mused.
He smiled unkindly. "Something like that.
Karina Halle
#70. Lawrence concluded that Alan's penis scheme must have finally found a taker.
Neal Stephenson
#71. Anyone want some of my foot long sub? It's huge! It's nearly half as long as my penis.
Jarod Kintz
#72. All to prove to her I'm not lying and I'm not sleeping around on her. She's a vagina with arms, and legs, and two faces. Do you know what it's like to have your penis ridden by a two-hundred thirty pound woman?" He stood now, looking traumatized.
Lucian Bane
#73. Something girls never understood about poker night. The real point of the card play was to razz. Razzing calls forth unbridled farm-boy humour, earthy by some standards. The best quip involves belittling someone else's penis, or turning it back on the sayer, or both.
Allan Dare Pearce
#74. Your boyfriend's penis is not an awkward string of spaghetti that has to be scooped up and sucked down. The Emperor of China once asked Lao-tzu: How should I rule the kingdom? To which Lao-tzu replied: Rule the kingdom as you would cook a small fish. A really good blowjob is the same.
Chloe Thurlow
#75. Somebody's on a man hunt. And she's accepting all applicants with a big wallet, a penis, and a beating heart. Good luck with that.
Kim Holden
#76. I cough. "Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin." I fake cough again into my hand. "Poor patient. What will I ever do?" He shoots me a crooked smile and I begin to pant in torturous anticipation.
S.K. Logsdon
#77. Really, for all the poetry in the world on the subject, when you get right down to it, it's mostly just boom! penis vagina.
Martin Leicht
#78. For a guy, nothing is sexier than a girl who craves his little guy and can't keep her hands off of it ... because this is exactly the way he feels about your ladyparts whether he's groping them like a savage or quietly watching TV next to you.
Roberto Hogue
#79. It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.
David Sedaris
#80. She said when a boy and a girl dog copulate, the head of the boy's penis swells and the vaginal muscles of the girl constrict. Even after sex, both dogs remain locked together, helpless and miserable for a brief period of time.
The Mommy said this same scenario described most marriages.
Chuck Palahniuk
#81. I think the last thing you should do to someone willing to put your penis in their mouth is give them criticism.
S.A. Tawks
#82. It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.
Janet Evanovich
#83. It's the invention of clothes, not nature, that made "private parts" private.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#84. Greetings people of Earth, we have come for your chocolate and your buxom women. We will negotiate only with Skyler Luiken's penis.
Jason M. Hough
#85. It's okay, my penis is not offended in the least that it just made you throw up
Tara Sivec
#86. Not everyone knows what it is to have your father's rival's penis inches from your nose.
Ian McEwan
#88. I have this thing that keeps me from being interested in prom dresses, it's called a penis.
John Green
#89. Each romance, the type of self-destructive gesture Hedda Hopper would call "marry-kiri".Instead of plunging a sword into one's stomach, you repeatedly throw yourself on the most inappropriate erect penis.
Chuck Palahniuk
#90. In Freud's theory, the wish-producing, fear-generating power of these body parts lies within them, not, with their strategic position within a historically specific, male-dominant, phallus-favoring, social organization of powers, bodies, and symbols.
Jonathan Ned Katz
#91. Cause that's all I want. A sweet, mature, normal, loving guy, with no baggage. And who has an absolutely enormous penis.
Mindy Kaling
#92. Oh God," she groaned. "We just named your penis. Honeymoon's over.
Tessa Bailey
#93. I may have overmothered you and screwed you up in ways large and small, but I think it's time you took some measure of responsibility for where you choose to put your own penis.
Jonathan Tropper
#94. A child said to me 'Do you want to see my penis?' and I said 'Maybe when you're older' and his mom said 'What's wrong with you?' so I said 'Okay, show me your penis now I guess
Tao Lin
#95. Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were.
James S.A. Corey
#96. The silent horror of Archie's ordeal had been temporarily replaced by the howling, agonising pain of the blood refusing to drain from his penis, the end of which was a deep purple verging on black where Officer Griff had tested how hard it was by using the back of his hand to give it a solid twang.
Dylan Perry
#97. I've often thought that life would have been easier had I been born a lesbian. It was one of the universe's wicked mistakes that I needed a penis to make me happy sexually
Lexi Blake
#98. Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand.
S.K. Logsdon
#99. The heart, said to be man's noblest organ, has the same shape as the penis, commonly supposed the most ignoble; the symbolism is not inappropriate, because the love which comes from the heart soon extends to the organ which it resembles.
Joris-Karl Huysmans
#100. All civilized wo/men are prostitutes: Some sell what's between their legs; the rest sell what's between their ears.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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