Angela Kiss Quotes

#1. If you sit on an airplane and you tell the English person sitting next to you that you have a bomb in your bag, they would probably be pissed off. Not as much pissed off as if you were talking to them all the time during the journey, but still, quite pissed off.

Angela Kiss

#2. According to them, everyone wants to be English. Being English is the best thing in the world. (Far behind, the second best thing is being God himself.)

Angela Kiss

#3. English people don't like to be told 'enjoy your meal'. They will enjoy their meal if they feel like enjoying it. It is advisable not to command them such things in case they have other plans with their meal, such as preferring to dislike it.

Angela Kiss

#4. Being drunk is the only situation when English people completely avoid health and safety rules.

Angela Kiss

#5. Dating in England is different. First of all because English people don't like at all other people knowing them, and second, because English people are romantically impaired.

Angela Kiss

#6. There are those lunatic people who always prophesy the end of the world. I belong to them.

Angela Kiss

#7. Never be ashamed of asking for tap water in restaurants. It is only embarrassing and a sign of poorness in Europe. (According to The English, England is not part of Europe. Never has been, never will be. England is England, not part of anything.)

Angela Kiss

#8. It is a well-known fact that English people never know anything. They only think. The only exception they know and they are sure about in the whole world is Marmite. 'Love it or hate it.' There are no other options; there is no space for grey space.

Angela Kiss

#9. Never, and by this I mean never, criticise the English weather. Especially if you're an alien. For an English woman, it's as though you are scolding her first born child. For an Englishman, it's as if you are criticising the size of his penis. Or even worse: his football team.

Angela Kiss

#10. In the mind of The English, kissing in the rain, as well as other public displays of affection, belongs to the category of soft porn. Sane people don't do soft porn in public. Only animals do. And aliens.

Angela Kiss