Beryl Dov Famous Quotes & Sayings

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Top 100 Beryl Dov Quotes

#1. Santa's Little Helper
Isn't it ironic that Homer calls his pet
the same name Marge calls his penis? - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1157077
#2. Grandma's Advice on Picnics
Not every day is going to be a picnic,
because there are ants everywhere you go ~
and a few of them are even insects. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1411413
#3. Lies vs. Truth [10w]
Lies are more credible than truth because they are nuanced. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1398164
#4. She vs. Sex [10w]
"She knows everything about sex
except how to enjoy it. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1379971
#5. Love in the Afterlife [10w]
Maybe I'll love you in the afterlife.
This life, fuhgeddaboudit. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1314481
#6. Foodiedom
Never in the history of foodiedom
has food at a newly discoveredrestaurant
tasted as good on the second visit. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1310227
#7. Good Egg [10w]
Picking up the pieces is the responsibilty of the egg. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1290519
#8. Pulling a Houdini
Relationships are magic;
we're always getting each other out of handcuffs and strait-jackets
while locked in a steamer trunk underwater. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1230383
#9. Fantasy World {Couplet}
"I live in no fantasy world
as you unjustly claim,
so insult not my dragon
by proclaiming him an iguana,
or I'm gonna make it my quest
to stick my sword up your ass
and thusly achieve Nirvana. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1219131
#10. Spoiled [10w]
When a woman gets used to an industrial quality pneumatic drill,
I seriously doubt if she'll use a vibrator again. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1206037
#11. Frivolous Gossip and Poetry
It's just so much frivolous gossip to dwell upon the moral merits of a poet;
what should only concern the reader is the merit of his words.
Leave moral judgments to the preachers and aesthetic judgments to the critical readers. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1193684
#12. Overcopulation
The Main Street Babbitts
are fucking like rabbits,
competing and coping
in a crowded place,
overeating and moping,
bleating and hoping,
it's not the end
of the human race. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1186056
#13. Poetry as Symphony [10w]
Mind is orchestra,
words are instruments,
the poem,
a symphony. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1180865
#14. Hey Diddle Diddle
You can diddle with mystery or jerk off in the unknown,
but when you're screwing with hard facts,
one of you are going to get fucked. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1421998
#15. Satirists [10w]
I do best what satirists have always done ~
make enemies. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1143373
#16. Two Obligations [10w]
We've got two obligations in this world:
Love and Poetry. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1098026
#17. Multiple Dimensions of Love [10w]
Make time and space for the multiple dimensions of love. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1089759
#18. Poems Should Speak [10w]
Poems should speak to you, for you,
not around you. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1077907
#19. McDonald's: I'm loving it!...
...because feeding my family healthy food is not worth more than $4. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1031350
#20. Horticulture ]10w]
I am an advocate of horticulture and higher-education for sluts. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1016090
#21. PlayStation: Live in your world. Play in ours...
...and once you're hooked on gaming
you'll live and play in our world exclusively. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1012310
#22. Victorian Self-Improvement Affirmations
"I shall venture to do something different after my postprandialconstitutional.
Today, I shall suffer fools gladly. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #966855
#23. White Collar Crime
White collar crime is neither immoral nor evil ~ it's simply unlawful.
We should think of it as a subspecies of gambling;
we wager the potential loss of our freedom against a big payout.
Win or lose, we get to live in a big house. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #957025
#24. Mirror [10w]
Do no mock a mirror;
it will mock you back. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #933591
#25. Want vs. What's Coming to You
As the Rolling Stones say,
You can't always get what you want ~
but God will always give you what's coming to you. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #926644
#26. Georgia State Motto
Wisdom, justice, and moderation.
If the heat don't kill you the stupidity will. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1590240
#27. Hate Sits on a Stool
Hate sits on a 3-legged stool of
suspicion, jealousy and fear.
Kick away any one of these legs
and the hater will fall flat on his ass. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1872590
#28. Pets in the Afterlife [10w]
All dogs go to heaven;
all iguanas go to hell. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1869072
#29. Lotto [10w]
If lotto winners squander their winnings,
why not on me? - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1862738
#30. Fix
If it ain't broke, fix it ~
because anything in this world
can be improved. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1804529
#31. Uncle Ted's Advice
Kid, you gotta walk through the door of fear
and either
10,000 shiny new doors will open for you -
or you'll be eaten by monsters.
That's life! - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1773924
#32. His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama My Ass
When empathy becomes a trend,
we haven't reached a higher level of consciousness,
just a higher level of competition. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1739193
#33. Heart on Your Sleeve [10w]
If you wear your heart on your sleeve, don't sneeze. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1732811
#34. Second Chances [10w]
Every time we go full circle
it's a new circle. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1698085
#35. Garden [10w]
A garden is a poem
written with flowers on earth. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1695345
#36. Speculator [10w]
A speculator's eyes light up alternately by greed and concupiscence. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1685568
#37. Life as Art
If you want to turn your life into a masterpiece
you must humble yourself to sell
a couple of shitty postcards
along the way. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1632006
#38. Venison Haiku
Deer, O dear, you're
heart's centered in my cross-hairs.
I love venison. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1605250
#39. Poetry Calling [10w]
Poetry's not a calling.
It's a whispering in your ear. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #915389
#40. What Might Have Been {Couplet}
Dwell not upon what might have been,
Within such idle spin, you can never win. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1588953
#41. Idiots vs. Fools [10w]
Idiots listen to other's bullshit;
fools listen to their own. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1562690
#42. Jonesing [10w]
Is it odd of me that I'm Jonsesing for strange? - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1524228
#43. Raise Your Hand [10w]
Raise your hand to answer questions,
not to hit children. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1503083
#44. Penetrate the Mysteries
"If you ever hope to penetrate the mysteries of the universe,
you've got to buy her a drink first and then pretend you're listening. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1493943
#45. Is Prayer Only for Man? II [10w]
God created man so He'd have something to pray for. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1477157
#46. Hellman's Mayonnaise: Bring out the Hellman's and bring out the best...
...artery clogger since Burger King's Triple Whopper with Cheese. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1457161
#47. Jesus Christ, Is That A Puppet? [10w]
The Bible performed entirely by puppets would produce more converts. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1456236
#48. Growing Pains [10w]
Man's growing pains end promptly at the time of death. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1435771
#49. Maori, Te'mutunga'ke'mai'o'te'rori'o'te'tangata
That uncontrollable laughter that causes milk to shoot through a Maori's nose when he sees a picture of Mike Tyson's face tattoo. Literally, 'What a fucking loser'. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1429835
#50. Love is Beautiful [10w]
Even an average woman becomes beautiful when she's in love. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #1426336
#51. My Heart
My heart has so many scars
you could read it like braille. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #238029
#52. Clairol: Does she or doesn't she...
...take it up the ass. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #464505
#53. Between the Murmurs of My Heart
I kneel in awe at the altar of myself,
resonating in the realization
between the murmurs of my heart, that
'I
am
the
miracle
of
life. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #456301
#54. Lourdes
Poetry is my Lourdes ~
a spiritual oasis where I come to heal
in the divine power of words. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #438825
#55. The Life Coach with Too Many Cats
My new life coach said, "Make sure you learn one new thing every day."
Before our session, I averaged learning at least two new thing every day.
Not only did her cats make my eyes itchy, that bitch made me stupid. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #395365
#56. How to Score a Promotion [10w]
First make yourself irreplaceable,
then tell your boss you're leaving. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #380108
#57. Mums the Word [10w]
Chrysanthemum died to atone for our sins in the garden. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #377500
#58. Jane Austen vs. My Penis [20w]
"It is a truth universally that a single man
in possession of a penis must be in want of pussy. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #351843
#59. Telekinetic Poker Players
You can tell telekinetic poker-players are bluffing ~
they raise you. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #347170
#60. How 'We' Assume the Throne [10w]
We've become royalty
when the first-person-singular leaps
into the first-person-plural. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #333630
#61. Money vs. Mouth [10w]
'Put ya' money where ya' mouth is,'
so it's grabable. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #301432
#62. Poetry as Initiation
Every poem embraces our passion to connect
its reader to snippets of knowledge
that have become life-giving to us.
Poems go beyond simple sharing to initiation,
beyond the need to express
to the urgency to edify. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #267354
#63. The Written Word
The only thing I hold dearer than myself
(and my moms, yo') ~

is the written word.

I'd give my life for that bitch,
(yo'.) - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #240651
#64. Soulmate My Ass [10w]
Aspire to marry the person
the least wrong for you. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #471797
#65. New [10w] + {Couplet}
Poetry is fashion, its new arrivals
are simply just revivals. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #232515
#66. Muse [10w]
Poetry's a collaboration with your muse.
Silence!
Let her speak. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #217662
#67. Nobel Prize in Literature [10w]
Only fools and Swedes equate literary prizes with literary merit. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #205530
#68. Weltanschaung as Ennui [10w]
When world-view turns to world-weariness,
we see staleness in everything. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #200398
#69. Rules
Rules,
like hearts,
were meant to be broken - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #193854
#70. Live Today [10w]
Don't plan for the future if you can't live today. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #126906
#71. Save One Heart [20w]
If you can save one heart from breaking
without breaking yours
it is as if you have saved the world. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #124652
#72. Peter Piper
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
why couldn't he use his kick-ass alliterative skillz
to write Spoken Word poetry? - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #123584
#73. Disneyland: The happiest place on earth...
...for its Board of Directors and stockholders. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #97095
#74. Regret [10w]
Regret's like a microwave
cooking you from the inside out. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #74774
#75. Life's Tragedy
Making a living and making a life
are at odds. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #64244
#76. Love's Kiss of Death [10w]
Love's kiss of death is taking each another for granted. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #588436
#77. Texas [10w]
Every Texan has a project and every picnic has fire-ants. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #907843
#78. Random Acts of Kindness [10w]
Performing random acts of kindness invites random acts of imitation. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #888543
#79. Rub It In {Couplet}
You were right, I was wrong;
how often will you repeat this song? - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #824217
#80. Nostalgia [10w]
Nostalgia is a time machine
set to your perfect past. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #808231
#81. Spite
If we can't quite live beyond our bodies,
we should, as a matter of spite, live beyond our income. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #806061
#82. Simple Pleasures
Life is all about the simple pleasures
so I passed on the multilingual GPS option
on the my Bentley Continental GTZ Zagato
and felt the better man for it. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #751681
#83. Pearl II [10w]
If the world's your pearl then you're an empty shell. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #744834
#84. Religion is Existential GPS
The mind needs religious myths to navigate the world,
or it gets lost in its own sterility. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #708878
#85. Pussies [10w]
Pussies are like parachutes ~
they work best when wide open. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #687832
#86. Maine Haiku
"Winter don't matter
when there's steaming lobster and
girls are steaming hot. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #668210
#87. Poor Excuses for Men {Couplet}
Every now and then good ink flows fluent from my playful pen,
Causing jealous minds to moulder in these poor excuses for men. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #657289
#88. Grandma's Advice to Girls [10w]
Grandma's advice to girls:
Fuck the athlete;
marry the mathlete. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #608578
#89. Over 50% of Modern Relationships [10w]
Best match for a narcissiist is a low self-esteemed enabler. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #61576
#90. Rules [10w]
There are no rules
is the hardest rule to follow. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #581595
#91. Humble Wishes [10w]
"God, all I simply ask is that I become perfect. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #576496
#92. First Day at Harvard [10w]
Smartest kid in the room
walks into room of competitors. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #574018
#93. Old Timer's Disease
The celebrity
with Alzheimer's
sued himself for writing his
unauthorized autobiography. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #561696
#94. FBI vs. CIA
When a person works for the FBI for 20 years and retires,
he gets a watch.
When a person works for the CIA for 20 years and retires,
he gets watched.
I know this not because I'm in law enforcement or with the NSA ~

I know this because I have HBO. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #558123
#95. Texans reckon someone's a half-wit without even making a comparison. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #553947
#96. How to Anesthetize theM asses [10w]
Build more shopping malls and get rid of the internet. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #546932
#97. First Memories
Without language we cannot create distinct memories,
that's why the first year-and-a-half of my life is still a blank,
other than a lingering vague premonition I owed
someone something. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #506725
#98. Choose Your Tears
If we cry over spilled milk,
what tears will be left over for spilled blood? - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #505207
#99. Familiar vs. Strange [10w]
The sexiest part of strangeness is its most familiar quality. - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #484858
#100. Show Up [10w]
I've waited for you all my life ~
show up already! - Author: Beryl Dov
Beryl Dov Quotes #478349

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