Top 100 Quotes About Penis
#1. When you find him, his name will course through your veins. Olivia courses through mine. She runs through my heart and my brain and my fingers and my penis.
Tarryn Fisher
#2. Great. Now I knew what his penis looked like. I could never have breakfast with the Paulson Pack again. Eating sausage with a straight face would be impossible.
Roxy Mews
#3. [Vik] Okay, I'll drop the subject. But if you ever do that to me again, I'll stab you in the penis, which I'm sure will hurt."
[Syn] "Yeah, it would."
[Vik] "Good. Now I'm powering down for a bit to conserve my power.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#4. He's got a pointy bald head, and too much flesh hanging around his neck. The resulting combination gives him an unlikely yet striking resemblance to an uncircumcised penis. I secretly call him Rumpelforeskin.
Megan McCafferty
#5. Any idea why there is a giant penis made out of snow in our front yard?"
Instead of an answer, I was rewarded with a face full of graham cracker cereal and milk." - from Of Cheerleaders and Gingers
K.C. Beaumont
#7. Go on, you've claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation.
Molly Harper
#8. I had to quit lifting weights because people suspected I was using steroids. Nope. My penis is naturally this small.
Jarod Kintz
#9. There are rumors about the depraved and perverted practices of the pulchritudinous protestant puritan plutocratic penis-people priesthood, of shadowy bacchanalian polyamorous practices ... I suspect, to be blunt, someone was blackmailing him.
Charles Stross
#10. Your penis will not shrivel up and die if you admit you want an umbrella instead of standing in the rain acting like a little water never hurt anyone. It's an unbrella, not a purse.
Jenny O'Connell
#11. There you are," she says flinging her arms. "And just as I suspected. I've been worrying my ass off and you've been having multiple orgasms at the end of a Greek god's penis. Figures.
M. Leighton
#12. No one is excluded from the astronaut corps based on penis size.
Mary Roach
#13. I became a diligent condom carrier and when most subsequent lovers had the good fortune to lie under my grunting, sweaty mass, they were always the grimacing recipient of an eager and rubber-sheathed penis boner.
Rob Delaney
#14. [It] began to seem amazing how often it was assumed that having a vagina automatically meant I was less intelligent, talented, capable, and interesting than the world's least interesting human being who happened to have a penis.
Francine Prose
#15. Whether you studied sexology or not, nobody will teach you how to screw, nobody will point to your vagina and say, hey that's where you pee and bonk! And nobody will say, hey, your penis can ejaculate when you stroke or slide it into a woman's punani!
Michael Bassey Johnson
#16. Rebus remembered that the premature withdrawal of the penis during intercourse for contraceptive reasons was often referred to as 'getting off at Haymarket.
Ian Rankin
#17. Put the penis schematic away, he told the coroner.
Paul Collins
#18. Memories are't like words; they're soft and gooey. Covered with a sticky slime, like a penis after sex, or your vagina when you menstruate, and shaped like tadpoles or tiny watersnakes
Ryu Murakami
#19. It bears repeating that the human penis is the longest and thickest of any primate's - in both absolute and relative terms.
Christopher Ryan
#20. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Robin Williams
#21. Do you want to know why men name their penis? So the most important decisions in their life aren't made by a stranger.
Linda Howard
#22. Let my hand be a blanket for my penis.
Jarod Kintz
#23. I mean, I think people have this mentality that sex is only real if it involves a penis.
Becky Albertalli
#24. I'm sure once he recovers from the muscle tone and tattoos he'll be fine.'
Good thing he didn't know about the penis piercing. That would give him a heart attack. Or the fact that I had seen the penis piercing.
Erin McCarthy
#25. When someone's rattling on about blocked toilets, collapsing marquees, and penis-shaped birthday cakes, it's hard to convince yourself that you're in a life-or-death situation.
Catherine Jinks
#26. Women never bought Freud's idea of penis envy: who would want a shotgun when you can have an automatic?
Natalie Angier
#27. Life's like a penis; When it's soft you can't beat it; When it's hard you get screwed. - The Fat Man, Medical Resident in The House of God
Samuel Shem
#28. Grab his penis like this, and I guarantee, it's a done deal.
Emily Giffin
#29. What if he'd just . . . I don't know . . . stuck it in, no warning or whatever. Like . . . SURPRISE! Here's a penis.
Cora Carmack
#30. I didn't try to say the penis word for Elaine. "Cock," I said to her.
John Irving
#31. That's what my penis is like: a beautiful, thorny rose.
Dash Shaw
#32. A man's sexual organ is penis and woman's sexual organ is brains.
DK Publishing
#33. Yet Another reason to hate him. The bastard had broken her libido with his wonder penis.
Nicolette Day
#34. It's the most gorgeous penis I've ever seen and it makes me wish I could paint because I could have a whole gallery devoted to the beauty of his dick and I would consistently sell out of all my paintings.
Karina Halle
#35. Nor did Kevin go, "Ew-w," when he pulled his penis out and it was brown and smelly, and that, too, Guy considered a rite de passage.
Edmund White
#36. But somewhere, there is a skeleton. And that skeleton has a penis. And it will fuck your life.
Neil Strauss
#37. Machinery often responds favourably when it senses a penis-equipped human in the vicinity, Jo used to claim, but not this time.
Stephen King
#38. Will you hold on to my penis while I drive?"
"If it's absolutely necessary, yes.
Stephanie McAfee
#39. You were at the part where we're Barbie and Ken with absolutely no problems." He drops his stare back to mine, his irises swirling with beautiful amusement. "Not true. Ken doesn't have a penis and I'd say that's a major problem.
Skyla Madi
#40. Santa's Little Helper
Isn't it ironic that Homer calls his pet
the same name Marge calls his penis?
Beryl Dov
#41. Then, Jason looked up and asked, "Do you realized that there are more words for penis in English language then there are for love?"
"I did not know that," Praline replied.
"Can we discuss it later?
Marshall Thornton
#42. You just implied you're banging me tonight." His grin gets bigger as his hands snake around my waist.
"Play your cards right."
"I forgot my cards ... But I did bring my penis.
Christina Lauren
#43. He had a penis eight hundred miles long and two hundred and ten miles in diameter, but practically all of it was in the fourth dimension.
Kurt Vonnegut
#45. Did we ever find out for sure about the possible forked penis?
Rachel Vincent
#46. Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.
Justin Halpern
#47. Girls' night out was sacred, and that meant nothing with a penis was going to be within ten feet
Maya Banks
#48. Sometimes I marveled at how grown-up we'd all become, and then Dick would recite a sixteen-stanza penis-based epic poem, and I'd take it back.
Molly Harper
#49. Sophie hadn't tought an erect penis would be so big. Or so hard. Or so silky.
I thought it would be like a hot-dog.
Pamela Clare
#50. Theia: "We're very high up here, aren't we?"
Haden: "Well, you certainly are. Theia, I need you to wake up."
Theia: "Did you know that I have never seen a penis?"
He laughed again. "When you wake up, you are going to hate yourself.
Gwen Hayes
#51. do I look like the kind of girl to lie back demurely so my gentleman friend can politely slip his penis inside my vagina? I think not." He
E.J. Shortall
#52. The kangaroo has a double penis - one for week days and one for holidays.
Henry Miller
#53. It's just empty boxers. Empty. It's not like there's a penis hiding in them.
Cassie Mae
#54. God's penis would still rank high among those vistas a priest and a nun could not comfortably share.
James K. Morrow
#55. Of course you'd say that. That's your answer to everything. Rub some penis on it, it should clear right up.
Veronica Larsen
#56. You're the champion, I reminded myself. You have to fight a dragon. You're not allowed to be scared of a penis.
Nicole Peeler
#57. I have to say it's a bit traumatic at times, not knowing when the next penis will appear.
Melina Marchetta
#58. Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and now that hope is gone.'
'What penis doesn't try to make you feel that way?
R.J. Silver
#59. That's my problem.
I go these long periods without sex, and then at some point, I just crack; I break down and try to hump the closest swinging penis.
Natalie E. Wrye
#60. The Beautiful Poem
I go to bed in Los Angeles thinking
about you.
Pissing a few moments ago
I looked down at my penis
affectionately.
Knowing it has been inside
you twice today makes me
feel beautiful.
Richard Brautigan
#61. She gasped again and opened blue eyes lit with erotic mischief. "Are you trying to steal the reins from me?"
Even with his penis buried deep within her, even moments from climax, he arched an eyebrow. "You have them only by my permission.
Elizabeth Hoyt
#62. Lord, this man before me is known to you. Beckett's soul is littered with sins that he committed to protect Blake and me. "
Beckett interrupted.
"Some of those sins were for the sake of my horny penis.
Debra Anastasia
#63. Can we stop talking about penis fly traps for like two seconds? This is serious!
Kandi Steiner
#65. It doesn't matter, because I have found my match. It's Nick, laid-back and calm, smart and fun and uncomplicated. Untortured, happy. Nice. Big penis.
Gillian Flynn
#66. What, does he have a sword for a penis? Fallon asked.
Gail McHugh
#67. Male territorial insanity yields only to another male. What a difference the possession of a penis makes!
Marilyn French
#68. Exactly how long can you stand on a street corner showing two drug dealers your scar-tissue-induced radical penis curvature? The answer is twelve seconds. After that it feels weird.
Jeremy Robert Johnson
#69. Men are mystifying creatures. For instance why do all men think their penis is a panacea for all the world's problems?
Tyne O'Connell
#70. There are numerous historical reports as well as visual images that link mushroom consumption to the ritual of sacrifice. These include bloodletting, penis perforation, and even the improbable act of self-decapitation.
John Rush
#71. Stupid Jimmy Ferris and his amazing mouth and penis. Who needed him? Not me, I could look after myself.
Kylie Scott
#72. If it were possible to raise the penis by means of a simple command, then sexual excitement would have no place in the world.
Milan Kundera
#74. Oh, please," Della said. "Excuse me while I go and grow a penis so the sausage-and-meatball-toting gender will stop thinking I need a man to protect me.
C.C. Hunter
#75. Doesn't the seventeenth-century use of the measurement yard for penis strike you as a bit of an exaggeration, unless the yard then was not the yard now?
Siri Hustvedt
#76. Harley studied his erection, lightly running her fingers over the smooth skin. His cock jumped at her touch. It was a pretty penis, she had to say. Good length, pleasing circumference. Not too big, not too small ... the Goldilocks of cocks. Just right.
Erin McCarthy
#77. The sweet juices of your mouth
are like castles bathed in honey.
i've never had it done so gently before.
you have put a circle of castles
around my penis and you swirl them
like sunlight on the wings of birds.
Richard Brautigan
#78. two Lesbian Agents with glazed faces of grafted penis flesh sat sipping spinal fluid through alabaster straws
William S. Burroughs
#79. How do you know she had sex?" Dallas asks.
"Every time a penis touches Britain, I receive a telepathic notification."
"Oh," Dallas says with a straight face. "Well that explains a lot.
Iris Blaire
#80. Footnote: In 1998, a woman in Saline, Michigan received a patent for a Decorative Penile Wrap ... The patent included three pages of drawings, including a penis wearing a ghost outfit, another in the robes of the Grim Reaper, and one dressed up to look like a snowman.
Mary Roach
#81. I know a lot about birds and bees, but I don't know very much about the birds and the bees. Everything I do know I had to teach myself on the Internet, because I don't have anyone to ask. For example, I know that you give someone a blowjob by putting your penis in their mouth.
Jonathan Safran Foer
#82. They looked at their reflections in the mirror, she in her torn skirt and dingy bra, he naked, his penis flaccid, his face covered with bright white shaving cream. Megan shook her head. "What a vision we'll be.
Anonymous
#83. Frank, this case is a publicity stunt and a shakedown. My clients did nothing illegal, and you and I both know I'll have no problem proving that to a jury. So there's no reason to discuss your ridiculous settlement offer any further. Call me when somebody sees a penis.
Julie James
#84. There's only so much I can do aside from locking him in his room or super gluing a condom to his penis
R.K. Ryals
#85. Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody?" Adina scoffed. "Is she all, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't see your penis there'?
Libba Bray
#86. One more victim sucked in by John. You get into the room with him and you just fall into a warm pool of beer and video games and penis jokes, staring at the universe with him and saying, Do you believe this shit?
David Wong
#87. I stood there alone in the eerily silent streets of Las Vegas and listened to my penis cry.
Warren Ellis
#88. Jake West had ruined the entire male penis experience for me for eternity. Any dick that wasn't his may as well be flaccid and the size of a pin.
Amity Cross
#89. I'd recently had a gun to my head and wasn't in the mood for any more shenanigans from the penis-endowed gender. I reached into a side pocket of my bag as nonchalantly as I could and wrapped my fingers around Margaret, my Glock.
Darynda Jones
#90. The final word on the political non-implications of group differences must go to Gloria Steinem: There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all the other occupations should be open to everyone.
Steven Pinker
#91. Mick, I love your tiger. Which isn't a euphemism for your penis. Though I really like that too.
Lauren Dane
#92. So, my conservative-looking, suit-wearing boss has a tattoo and has his penis pierced?" I ask with a smile.
Nate laughs and takes another pull on his beer. "Yes. You didn't seem to mind the piercing, if memory serves correctly.
Kristen Proby
#93. I have followed my penis into hell
and returned with the story.
Christopher Moore
#94. I had a date last night with my boyfriend on batteries. What does a girl have to do to get laid by a real penis?
Sandi Lynn
#95. There are very few jobs that actually require a penis or vagina. All other jobs should be open to everybody.
Florynce Kennedy
#96. Why not? It's natural selection. Just like nature." I wrinkled my nose. "Boudas love this argument, because it gives them an excuse to do all the wrong things. 'I'm sorry I screwed your sister and got my penis stuck in your German shepherd. It's in my nature. I just couldn't help myself.
Ilona Andrews
#97. Whenever anyone tells me that history's boring, I bring up Napoleon's penis.
Tony Perrottet
#99. Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.
John Green
#100. Last week she wanted to be gay. Before that she talked monasteries. I think this is a constructive step toward her forgiving every penis-possessing human and moving on with her life.
Kylie Scott
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