No Condom Quotes

#1. I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids.

Bill Cosby

#2. You're going to need this," she said, and pulled out a condom.
"At some point, we're also going to need a defibrillator and a fire extinguisher."
"Promises, promises.

Nora Roberts

#3. I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But why would I? That's why I'm wearing a condom.)

Jarod Kintz

#4. The condom has saved so many lives, and it'll save so many more lives. We really owe a great deal to the rubber tree.

Mechai Viravaidya

#5. Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a condom full of walnuts ...

Clive James

#6. I'm not your old lady," I declared. He grinned and asked, "You aren't?" "No," I stated firmly. "In my tee, in my bed, after a night where my condom stash got lighter by three, lady. Beg to differ," he replied.

Kristen Ashley

#7. It's hard to unlock a door with a condom," Emma shot back.
His brilliant smile stole her heart. "Honey, you'd be surprised how many doors those babies have unlocked.

Jami Davenport

#8. I would think that if you understood what sex education is, you would get down on your knees and worship a condom.

Jane Fonda

#9. About President Bush's stand against condoms, condoms will not protect you from AIDS . So to just throw a bunch of condoms over to Africa and say, here, we're helping you with AIDS, is just going to further the spread of AIDS over there.

Christine O'Donnell

#10. I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

Dana Gould

#11. Ranger was grinning widely. As soon as he got to Landry, who was still giggling, Ranger straddled him again and planted a hand on either side of his head as he spit out the condom.

Patricia Logan

#12. Religion reminds me of a lace condom. While lovingly crafted, it's not designed for pleasure; unless inflated with fervour, it collapses; one size does not fit all; and no matter how many times you dunk it in holy water, it will not prevent misconceptions or contagion.

Lowestoft Thellow

#13. I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.

Aziz Ansari

#14. SlingBlade: If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.

Tucker Max

#15. Okay. No joke, there is a talking, dancing, bright red, studded dildo on the screen. There are other ones that look like him, and I swear to God one is wearing a condom on his head. That's a kids' show?

Amber L. Johnson

#16. After slipping the condom on, he rolled on top of her, shoved her hair out of her face and held it while he got lost in those sea green eyes that, in a darkened room, shined bright.
He wanted her. And it wasn't just the sex. He wanted the whole nutty package.

Adrienne Giordano

#17. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 The first time was a nightmare. Who shows you how to use a condom?

Adam Ant

#18. Oh yeah, this was so comforting. Like a porcupine in a condom factory.' (Danger)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#19. The guy who doesn't wear a seat belt doesn't wear a condom. You should put one on.

Chris Kasparoza

#20. Until someone invented a fang condom, she'd continue stealing from the blood bank.

Kresley Cole

#21. By that she means fully erect. Condom-ready.

Chuck Palahniuk

#22. So, did the costume come with a condom, or is that sold separately?

Rachel Vincent

#23. From the woman who musters the courage to ask her husband to wear a condom, counter to cultural pressures, to the woman in Parliament who demands access to affordable reproductive health services for women who need them most, daring knows no scale or status.

Purnima Mane

#24. There is no such thing as safe sex, since no one can create a condom for the soul.

Jayce O'Neal

#25. No matter how strong a condom is, it won't protect you from a broken heart.

A. C. Green

#26. The most embarrassing one is that I had no idea - and please excuse me - that you guys call a condom a rubber. My version of a rubber is an eraser. I've done that - very loudly asked for a rubber and people have given me strange looks. That was embarrassing!

Emma Watson

#27. No one has invented a condom for the pen yet

Khushwant Singh

#28. No matter what those sex-ed teachers say about how great condoms are, there's not a condom in the world to protect you from heartbreak.

Natasha Friend

#29. The Catholic Church - it's so difficult because I don't want say anything offensive but it makes me very angry that religious leaders from this faith have tried to respond negatively to sexual education and to the promotion of condom use

Emma Thompson

#30. Just a bit of advice," I mutter. "That sort of physical contact with Chloe Murphy should require a full body condom, lest you contract something extremely difficult - if not impossible - to get rid of.

Kim Holden

#31. Tagged by a whiny little vamp. Rache, take this sword and stick it in me. Just go and stick it in me. I'm a back-drafted, crumpled-winged, dust-caked, dew-assed excuse of a backup. Worthless as a pixy condom. Taken down by my own partner. Just tape my ass shut and let me fart out my mouth.

Kim Harrison

#32. Wearing a condom is like eating an icecream cone with a sock on your tongue.

Mark Gungor

#33. It seemed to me, watching, that if you were dextrous enough to gift-wrap an independent-minded amphibian, you could just about manage a condom.

Naomi Wolf

#34. did he bring a condom to have sex with a woman with no uterus?

Carol Maloney Scott

#35. Me and Vinny are dead careful, and we only had sex once without a condom, our first time, and it's a scientific fact that virgins can't get pregnant. Stella told me.

David Mitchell

#36. Liberty," he continued, wrinkling his nose at the used condom that lay on the bottom flight of steps, toeing it to the side of the stairs with distaste. "Someone could slip on that. Break their necks," he muttered, interrupting himself. "Like a banana peel, only with bad taste and irony thrown in.

Neil Gaiman

#37. A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.

Bill Engvall

#38. I suddenly had a vision of my sperm swimming around and talking in Bruce Willis's voice like in Look Who's Talking. Come on! Swim faster! This little shit has no idea we escaped from the condom! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

Tara Sivec

#39. As a film was little more than a ninety-six minute search for a condom, I had to wonder why anyone thought it wise to spend almost eighty million dollars producing it.

Marshall Thornton

#40. The difference between a retiring man and a used condom is that the condom isn't given a golden watch to inspire the illusion that it still matters to whomever that has just used it.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#41. One of the problems with sex education ... is that it also strips kids - especially girls - of their modesty to have every detail of anatomy, physiology and condom usage made explicit.

James Dobson

#42. It needs to become as easy to get hold of a condom in a poor country as Coca-Cola.

Clare Short

#43. Is that a condom?" I asked.
"Yeah, basically", she said.
"But is different than a condom? Like, what do you call the product?"
"A condom.

Lena Dunham

#44. Sometimes you're about as funny as a busted condom.

Mark Coggins

#45. She didn't tell me to use a condom, so I didn't: a bit of a risk, but it's her risk, not mine,

David Mitchell

#46. Princess, your temper tantrums make you as defective as an open-ended condom.

Gena Showalter

#47. Some men send me condoms and underpants. I'm not sure what they want.

Martine McCutcheon

#48. If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.

Stephen Colbert

#49. Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

Katt Williams

#50. When someone is HIV-positive and his partner says, I want to have sexual relations with you, he doesn't have to do that. But when he does, he has to use a condom.

Godfried Danneels

#51. Do you happen to have another Condom? I think I've discovered the cure for headaches.

Stephen King

#52. Speaking of which, about assuming you had a condom - I just meant that you, with your experience, would be prepared for responsible sex, even if it were on the fly. An intelligent man is prepared for spontaneity.

Roberta Pearce

#53. And why did men insist on buying the largest size? Didn't they understand the concept of sizes? Did they think buying a magnum sized condom was going to fool me into thinking their Toyota Camery was an aircraft carrier?

Penny Reid

#54. But since Sloth I've been so monogamous I make the demonstration banana that AIDS educators use to show how to put on a condom, look slutty.

Lauren Beukes

#55. I feel like I should have a formation and make the plantoon sergeants demonstrate how to put a condom on the correct way."

~Evan Loehr

Jessica Scott

#56. There are three things you never want to find in your boyfriend's locker: a sweaty jockstrap, a D minus on last week's history test, and an empty condom wrapper.
Lucky me, I'd hit the trifecta.

Gemma Halliday