Kill You Funny Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 76 famous quotes and sayings about kill you funny to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 76 Kill You Funny Quotes

#1. So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time. - Author: Richelle Mead
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#2. Gansey held Ronan's arm a second longer to make sure he hadn't mistaken his meaning, and then dropped it and turned to Adam. "Were you just going to stand there?"
"Yeah," replied Adam.
"Decent of you," Gansey said.
There was no heat in Adam's reply. "I can't kill his demons. - Author: Maggie Stiefvater
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#3. You named the chicken, Chicken?"
She looked embarrassed. "When we decided not to kill it, I got attached. - Author: Tracey Garvis-Graves
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#4. Hervey (Weinstein) thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today - Author: Jennifer Lawrence
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#5. Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling." - Author: Jim Gaffigan
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#6. I went out to dinner with a Marine last weekend. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, "I'll just have toast, then." - Author: Margaret Smith
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#7. It's so funny; I grew up in the Midwest, I have two older brothers, and you're just as competitive playing football as you are eating pickled eggs, or trying to kill zombies. As long as you don't take it too far, I think it's a good way for people to relate. - Author: Jose Pablo Cantillo
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#8. Aside from cutting off her head, though, I didn't really mean to kill her."
Granuaile laughed. "You know I'm on your side, but to an objective listener, that sounds like a less than convincing argument. - Author: Kevin Hearne
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#9. My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident. - Author: Jimmy Carr
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#10. You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! - Author: John Green
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#11. You're never going to go. Why would you go? It's a disgusting place. It's always wet even when it's dry. There's nothing there. Farmers aren't really people, you know this. They're just necessary, we need somebody to kill cows. - Author: Dylan Moran
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#12. If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. - Author: Billy Wilder
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#13. As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces. - Author: Doug Stanhope
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#14. No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum. - Author: Bill Engvall
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#15. Do yourself a favor,' I said. "Forget it. Forget you ever saw me."
"Forget that you tried to kill me too?"
"Yeah. That, too."
"But who are you?"
"Percy-" I started to say. Then the skeletons turned around. "Gotta go!"
"What kind of name is Percy Gotta-go?"
I bolted for the exit. - Author: Rick Riordan
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#16. No more Dane," he eventually said with unnerving finality.
I tried to be funny. "I can't decide if that means you don't want me to see him again or if you're planning to kill him."
"It means if the first thing happens, the second thing is likely to follow. - Author: Lisa Kleypas
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#17. He's not my boyfriend."
"Ha. That's a good one. I saw you two tonsil surfing out there."
I could kill her. "I don't even have tonsils!"
"I know that and I bet Nick knows that too, now." She slaps her leg because she's just too funny for words. - Author: Carrie Jones
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#18. Sorry for your loss' Gordan said.His extended hand was immediately rejected with an if-looks-could-kill stare from Shelly's father, who was, as of yet, oblivious to the fact that we had stolen the last of his daughter.
'Right. Well,fuck you too. - Author: Ty Roth
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#19. Vamps were homebodies - high-maintenance, party-till-you-die, don't-look-at-me-funny-or-I'll-kill-you homebodies, but homebodies nevertheless. - Author: Kim Harrison
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#20. This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are ... and when I find you I am going to kill you. - Author: Lewis Black
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#21. There are ledgers. Those I kill. Those I reward."
"There are legends. You used to be one."
"I am a legend."
"Dani's a legend. Not you."
"This Dani appears to matter to you."
"Perhaps you had a funny way of showing it. - Author: Karen Marie Moning
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#22. You cannot hurt animals, so what do I do? I kill the dog first. Then I do it with the boy. You're not supposed to break the illusion of this being a film, so I make the actor talk to the audience. Provocation is the principle of the whole film [ Funny Games]. It is very ironic. - Author: Michael Haneke
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#23. Well. Yes. Someone's trying to kill me. But you don't have to make such a big deal out of it. - Author: Sarah Rees Brennan
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#24. What doesn't kill you makes you CRAZY, GRUMPY, MAD AS EVER? NO it makes you STRONGER! Yep,you'll get there eventually! - Author: Karen Gibbs
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#25. Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny. - Author: Ilona Andrews
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#26. You can't kill us all, human.'
He was right. I raised the machine gun a little. 'True, but who's going to be first in line? - Author: Laurell K. Hamilton
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#27. I can't kill him." Celena
"You can do it baby." Rafeal
"You told me just last night that you wanted to choke the life out of me." Rafael
That was for hogging the remote, and I wasn't serious. This is entirely different." Celena - Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
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#28. It's funny that these people think I'm so powerful. I've figured out over the years, you can only hurt me if I love you; if I don't know you, I really don't care. There are people who want to kill me and I'm always like, 'Well, get in line, darling. - Author: Conchita Wurst
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#29. You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting. - Author: Adam Carolla
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#30. Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with. - Author: Dave Barry
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#31. Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you. - Author: Satchel Paige
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#32. A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have kill you too. - Author: Jake Johannsen
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#33. Nothing is impossible to kill. It's just that sometimes after you kill something you have to keep shooting it until it stops moving - Author: Mira Grant
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#34. You funny thing! So selfish, so practical. Never mind. I will not ask you to kill me, for you would surely find it an annoying task. - Author: Nisi Shawl
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#35. You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it'll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it's not even funny. - Author: Steve Irwin
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#36. At fifty times the distance, you dispatched that ko-bold with three arrows to the neck. I've earned a trio to the chest. Seems you slapped him while you're tickling me. You doona want to kill me, which is a good sign. Maybe this is your way of flirting? - Author: Kresley Cole
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#37. Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it' ... but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance. - Author: Dennis Miller
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#38. Can you just kill me? Carry me out in a box?" I looked up at her. "Do you even have a gun?""What kind of bodyguard would I be if I needed a gun to kill someone?" Becca smiled - Author: Nichole Chase
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#39. Tom, you're with me. Bring the tranq gun, we don't want to kill her, but if she so much as looks funny in my direction, you're going to send her off to play with the magical pastel bunnies in the Shouldn't-Have-Fucking-Done-That Meadow. - Author: Mira Grant
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#40. Is there a reason why you're standing there, staring out the window and watching the neighbors? Are we preparing to kill them and drag them down to the basement and bury them alive? - Author: R.L. Mathewson
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#41. I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end. - Author: Dorothy Gish
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#42. You see, in Washington they have these bodies, Senate and the House of Representatives. That is for the convenience of the visitors. If there is nothing funny happening in one, there is sure to be in the other, and in case one body passes a good bill, why, the other can see it in time and kill it. - Author: Will Rogers
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#43. And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first! - Author: Susan Kay
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#44. You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you. - Author: Lois Greiman
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#45. Time heals all wounds. Unless they're infected. Like gangrene. That shit'll kill you. - Author: Johnny Moscato
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#46. I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen. - Author: George Carlin
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#47. You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have to be such a bitch - Author: Carrie Vaughn
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#48. If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke. - Author: Richard Russo
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#49. IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY! - Author: J.K. Rowling
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#50. I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then. - Author: William Goldman
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#51. Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you'll steal Nick's powers and kill them both," said Mae. "Great idea. Hey, can i come? I'll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to let blood get on the sandwiches. - Author: Sarah Rees Brennan
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#52. I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik's artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that's all fake heart and no brain is what's commonly called a "politician," and must be destroyed. - Author: Dark Jar Tin Zoo
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#53. Hate is funny. Love isn't. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive. - Author: Carol Grace
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#54. What? Why are you making the glee nose? The death of my world is funny? The final vengeance of my people? I will kill you. - Author: Jackson Lanzing
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#55. It never ceases to amaze me how many people think I kill for fun."
"Don't you?"
"Well, not just for fun. - Author: Karen Chance
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#56. We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.' - Author: Elayne Boosler
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#57. You don't like Blue, do you?"
"No," Mira said, caught off guard by the change of subject.
"I was worried he was doing his knight-in-tarnished-armor thing and it was winning you over. - Author: Sarah Cross
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#58. The silver in his eyes burned. "I want to kill him."

"Me too, but that's not really going to help things."

He flashed me a wild smile. "But it would make us feel better."

"Damn, you've gotten dark. Funny, but dark. - Author: Jennifer L. Armentrout
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#59. You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again. - Author: Steve Martin
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#60. I love Fidel Castro, I respect Fidel Castro, you know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that motherf****r is still here. - Author: Ozzie Guillen
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#61. Raphael met Michaela's gaze. "If you could kill every single beautiful woman in the world, would you?"
Her smile never faded. "In an instant. - Author: Nalini Singh
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#62. Hasn't stopped us before. And besides, if they wanted to kill us, we'd be dead by now and would be having an entirely different conversation. I wonder if I'd still be mad at you, or if we would talk in words or pictures. Maybe in smells. That would be cool. -Janco - Author: Maria V. Snyder
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#63. It's been nice knowing you, Clara,
Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.
Say a prayer for me, will you? He gives me a shaky grin.
Because I'm pretty sure my parents are going to kill me - Author: Cynthia Hand
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#64. My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some. - Author: Dark Jar Tin Zoo
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#65. It's funny - some producers ask me, 'Man, how do you work on a Bieber record? That would kill my career.' I can work on any record there is as long as they are good records and you're pushing things forward. - Author: Diplo
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#66. Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. Well, you know what they say: If you love someone, let'em go. If they don't come back, hunt'em down and kill'em! - Author: Alex Sanchez
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#67. Well don't get your hopes up," I warned. "I'm a lot more trouble than i'm worth."
"I don't doubt that," he said, indicating my box of junk.
"What did you do to get sent here?"
"I can't tell you."
"Because then you'd have to kill me. - Author: Christine Manzari
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#68. If looks could kill ... well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing.
"See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny. - Author: Molly Harper
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#69. This isn't funny. She was almost killed.'
'I'm aware. You're waiting to see if I will get angry.'
'I already know you're angry. You're sitting very still and you're talking very quietly. You're getting ready to kill someone.'
'I just need a name. - Author: Derek Landy
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#70. Will you promise to keep this to yourself, to not tell anyone of what we are? By his words you'd think he was giving me a choice. Like I could say,no deal, honey bunch, I'm off to shout your secret from the rooftops, and he'd be like, oh no please don't do that. In
reality, he'd have to kill me. - Author: L. H. Cosway
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#71. When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer ... - Author: Robin Williams
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#72. Isn't it funny to think that this magnificent piece of matter is in a state of decay? Really, can you think of any other living thing that looks this glorious as it's dying? - Author: Tiffanie DeBartolo
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#73. If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill." - Author: Jim Gaffigan
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#74. But if someone calls me 'poor thing' one more time, I may go postal and kill everyone around me. Except children and dogs. And old people. And you. And Connor. Fine, I won't kill anyone. But it's driving me crazy. - Author: Kristan Higgins
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#75. Peter is ... adjusting. He's back in school, and he's doing quite well. I wish you could find it in your heart to forgive him."
"I've got this funny resentful streak about people who try to kill me. - Author: Josh Lanyon
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#76. We were surrounded by thirty-foot-tall giants who were about to kill us. Then the sky opened up, and the gods descended."
"Grandad," the kids said, "you are full of schist."
"I'm not kidding!" he protested. - Author: Rick Riordan
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