Top 39 Kill Me Funny Quotes

#1. I have a rule: I prefer anyone who doesn't try to kill me to anyone who does. I'm funny that way.

China Mieville

Kill Me Funny Quotes #9510
#2. Oh the wonders of being married. Put a gun in one hand and a woman in the other, I'm never sure who's going to kill me first.

Michael W. Grimard

Kill Me Funny Quotes #50087
#3. You don't like Blue, do you?"
"No," Mira said, caught off guard by the change of subject.
"I was worried he was doing his knight-in-tarnished-armor thing and it was winning you over.

Sarah Cross

Kill Me Funny Quotes #69225
#4. It never ceases to amaze me how many people think I kill for fun."
"Don't you?"
"Well, not just for fun.

Karen Chance

Kill Me Funny Quotes #131316
#5. A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

James Patterson

Kill Me Funny Quotes #188947
#6. I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse."
"I am you Prince and you cannot refuse."
"I am your loyal servant and I just did."
"Refusal means death."
"Kill me then.

William Goldman

Kill Me Funny Quotes #227847
#7. Tom, you're with me. Bring the tranq gun, we don't want to kill her, but if she so much as looks funny in my direction, you're going to send her off to play with the magical pastel bunnies in the Shouldn't-Have-Fucking-Done-That Meadow.

Mira Grant

Kill Me Funny Quotes #230548
#8. Let me get this straight. I can't take the vampire with me because if I remove the stake, he can kill us all. Now I can't take the girl because she's what? some kind of ninja witch?

Tate Hallaway

Kill Me Funny Quotes #313048
#9. Its funny when I'm cyber bullied(anonymously) because when people do it to me,I don't think of how much I want to hurt them or punch them in the face like my friends do ... but I go on this site and write a quote to them back, hoping to kill them with kindness.

Ashley Jackson

Kill Me Funny Quotes #383282
#10. Peter is ... adjusting. He's back in school, and he's doing quite well. I wish you could find it in your heart to forgive him."
"I've got this funny resentful streak about people who try to kill me.

Josh Lanyon

Kill Me Funny Quotes #510012
#11. But if someone calls me 'poor thing' one more time, I may go postal and kill everyone around me. Except children and dogs. And old people. And you. And Connor. Fine, I won't kill anyone. But it's driving me crazy.

Kristan Higgins

Kill Me Funny Quotes #532175
#12. When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer ...

Robin Williams

Kill Me Funny Quotes #593251
#13. Will you promise to keep this to yourself, to not tell anyone of what we are? By his words you'd think he was giving me a choice. Like I could say,no deal, honey bunch, I'm off to shout your secret from the rooftops, and he'd be like, oh no please don't do that. In
reality, he'd have to kill me.

L. H. Cosway

Kill Me Funny Quotes #612964
#14. The silver in his eyes burned. "I want to kill him."

"Me too, but that's not really going to help things."

He flashed me a wild smile. "But it would make us feel better."

"Damn, you've gotten dark. Funny, but dark.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

Kill Me Funny Quotes #630214
#15. Well don't get your hopes up," I warned. "I'm a lot more trouble than i'm worth."
"I don't doubt that," he said, indicating my box of junk.
"What did you do to get sent here?"
"I can't tell you."
"Because then you'd have to kill me.

Christine Manzari

Kill Me Funny Quotes #634876
#16. It's funny - some producers ask me, 'Man, how do you work on a Bieber record? That would kill my career.' I can work on any record there is as long as they are good records and you're pushing things forward.

Diplo

Kill Me Funny Quotes #661458
#17. It's been nice knowing you, Clara,
Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.
Say a prayer for me, will you? He gives me a shaky grin.
Because I'm pretty sure my parents are going to kill me

Cynthia Hand

Kill Me Funny Quotes #672247
#18. You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.

Steve Martin

Kill Me Funny Quotes #768854
#19. Vamps were homebodies - high-maintenance, party-till-you-die, don't-look-at-me-funny-or-I'll-kill-you homebodies, but homebodies nevertheless.

Kim Harrison

Kill Me Funny Quotes #875781
#20. No more Dane," he eventually said with unnerving finality.
I tried to be funny. "I can't decide if that means you don't want me to see him again or if you're planning to kill him."
"It means if the first thing happens, the second thing is likely to follow.

Lisa Kleypas

Kill Me Funny Quotes #968423
#21. Do yourself a favor,' I said. "Forget it. Forget you ever saw me."
"Forget that you tried to kill me too?"
"Yeah. That, too."
"But who are you?"
"Percy-" I started to say. Then the skeletons turned around. "Gotta go!"
"What kind of name is Percy Gotta-go?"
I bolted for the exit.

Rick Riordan

Kill Me Funny Quotes #969435
#22. I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Bill Burr

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1019568
#23. When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he sighed.
The Enemy of Old fucking sighed.
Dear gods, it'd finally happened to him.
Happiness.
Then his own fangs sharpened.I will kill anyone who tries to take this feeling away from me.

Kresley Cole

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1036371
#24. Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."

Jim Gaffigan

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1214213
#25. Hervey (Weinstein) thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today

Jennifer Lawrence

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1226778
#26. Can you just kill me? Carry me out in a box?" I looked up at her. "Do you even have a gun?""What kind of bodyguard would I be if I needed a gun to kill someone?" Becca smiled

Nichole Chase

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1302109
#27. At fifty times the distance, you dispatched that ko-bold with three arrows to the neck. I've earned a trio to the chest. Seems you slapped him while you're tickling me. You doona want to kill me, which is a good sign. Maybe this is your way of flirting?

Kresley Cole

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1411185
#28. All of a sudden, he began to laugh. Had I said something funny? Had he? How long had I been spacing out for, slowly growing conscious that my fate was in the hands of a group of college kids who'd kill me off just for a laugh.
Little did they realize that I was organizing a revolt.

The Harvard Lampoon

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1497559
#29. Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me?

J.K. Rowling

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1502407
#30. You funny thing! So selfish, so practical. Never mind. I will not ask you to kill me, for you would surely find it an annoying task.

Nisi Shawl

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1572851
#31. A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have kill you too.

Jake Johannsen

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1640029
#32. This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are ... and when I find you I am going to kill you.

Lewis Black

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1655712
#33. I know it's hard on her. If I don't tell her she'll kill me." He pauses. "That was supposed to be funny.

Julie Anne Peters

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1701679
#34. (Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and - oh - tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.

Charlaine Harris

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1709656
#35. I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don't want to be friends. - Raven from Blood of Prey

R.J. Dennis

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1717148
#36. It's funny that these people think I'm so powerful. I've figured out over the years, you can only hurt me if I love you; if I don't know you, I really don't care. There are people who want to kill me and I'm always like, 'Well, get in line, darling.

Conchita Wurst

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1726198
#37. I can't kill him." Celena
"You can do it baby." Rafeal
"You told me just last night that you wanted to choke the life out of me." Rafael
That was for hogging the remote, and I wasn't serious. This is entirely different." Celena

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1731769
#38. Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny.

Ilona Andrews

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1825153
#39. Well. Yes. Someone's trying to kill me. But you don't have to make such a big deal out of it.

Sarah Rees Brennan

Kill Me Funny Quotes #1858382

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