Top 40 Dark Jar Tin Zoo Quotes
#1. I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#2. I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik's artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that's all fake heart and no brain is what's commonly called a "politician," and must be destroyed.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#3. Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#4. We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn't have enough time to have sex with me.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#5. She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It's kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn't listening.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#6. I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it's a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#7. I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#8. Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#9. We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#10. I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#11. I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#12. I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#13. If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#14. My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#15. I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#16. If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#17. Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#18. Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#19. I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#20. I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#21. We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she'd never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#22. We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#23. Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#24. Love is inaudible - until you hear it. And once you do, you'll never forget the sound of her voice.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#25. To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#26. I love like I'm thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#27. I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#28. Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#29. I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#30. She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#32. My love's got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#33. I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#34. Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#35. Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle - and mine just got stolen.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#36. I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#38. She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#39. The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#40. Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
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