Top 100 Humorous People Quotes
#1. I'm really interested in the link between creativity and humor because humor is a type of creativity, and I do think that humorous people and humorous health helps creativity.
Robert Mankoff
#2. Madam, I have just come from a country where people are hanged if they talk.
Leonhard Euler
#3. Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile.
Jim Butcher
#4. Wisdom of the Ages: "New Year" For a kid, the ultimate source of confusion. They say it's a new year, but after the break, you realize you are still in the same class, with the same lousy people.
Matthew D. Heines
#5. English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off ... Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.
Dave Barry
#6. Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn't be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road ... besides I can't talk now, I'm in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD.
Bill Maher
#7. America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are complete lunatics, and every single one of us is secretly in show business. Isn't that fabulous?
Tom Robbins
#8. Blast ignorant people with high-powered streams of information and wisdom, but only when fire hoses are not readily available.
Cassandra Duffy
#9. The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service.
Mike Harding
#10. I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?
Ljupka Cvetanova
#11. I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it to my temple, and pull the trigger. This girl is starved for attention. It's amazing to me when people are totally unaware of how bad they are at socializing.
Victoria Scott
#12. It's weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I'm expected to be humorous on talk shows.
Ben Stiller
#13. I have my welcome mat turned around backwards so when people leave they think they're going to a better place.
Stanley Victor Paskavich
#14. Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!
Neil Leckman
#15. I like to think 'The God Delusion' is a humorous book. I think, actually, it's full of laughs. And people who describe it as a polarizing book or as an aggressive book, it's just that very often they haven't read it.
Richard Dawkins
#16. Searching through Monster while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married.
Crystal Woods
#17. I realized that I was okay with myself. I was quirky and withdrawn and loud, but I liked that. I smiled at strangers without thinking they were going to attack me and drag me into their cars. I went to doctors' offices and touched magazines that had been touched by sick people.
Anna White
#18. Certainly no one has ever died of an unrequited passion - it's usually the ones that are requited that get people in trouble.
Mercedes Lackey
#19. What is there in the world NOT to love? Other than enemies, drugs, diseases, traffic, morning alarms, people snoring, dishes, folding fitted sheet, YouTube ads, group texts you don't want to be a part of, taxes, unknown callers ...
Me
#20. I'm going to photograph every single person to enter and leave this tattoo parlour."
Finbar rolled his eyes. "And they'll hate that, because people who get dragons drawn on their backs are normally so shy about other people noticing them.
Derek Landy
#21. Sometimes we know people who are
too wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know.
Michael Hogan
#22. The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have held the summit at Atlantic City and let them lose all their missiles playing Keno.
P. J. O'Rourke
#23. Stop teasing you two," Suzy jumped in, "not all of Kathy's ideas are wacky."
"Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment?
E.A. Bucchianeri
#24. Why (he wondered rhetorically) do people who have a position that's being attacked constantly state that they have a right to say it, as if the right itself-rather than the statement-has been challenged?
Peter David
#25. But I'm saying we are loosing the people who are going to pay my social security. And that bothers me.
Joycelyn Elders
#26. You can crab over the morning paper and kick the shins of the guy in the next seat at the movies and feel mean and discouraged and sneer at the politicians but there are a lot of nice people in the world just the same.
Raymond Chandler
#28. Anna gave her that disjointed look with which so many people regarded Hannah, as if they has fallen too many words behind to ever catch up.
Laura L. Sullivan
#29. Writing something new is an effective way to get rid of writer's block. Or you can observe the people around you and fantasize like I do.
B.A. Gabrielle
#30. Everything is humorous," said Shorty, "except your own death. But other people will laugh.
Joe R. Lansdale
#31. In short, we derive support for our preferred conclusions by listening to the words that we put in the mouths of people who have already been preselected for their willingness to say what we want to hear.
Daniel M. Gilbert
#32. In London there was no home cooking worthy of the name. When you were in funds you ate out. But only the people whose faces appeared in such publications as Town and Queen could afford to eat in restaurants serving food which would leave them looking and feeling better instead of worse.
Clive James
#33. Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Marshawn Lynch" Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football.
Matthew D. Heines
#34. People who always arrive early aren't worth waiting for.
Crystal Woods
#35. Are you going to be all right now?" Loki asked. He'd walked me over here, and he waited just inside the doorway.
"Yeah I'm great," I lied and sat on the bed. "The entire kingdom is falling apart. People are dying. I have to kill my father. And my husband just went crazy
Amanda Hocking
#36. I issued a number of denials to people I thought needed to hear them
William J. Clinton
#37. Some people react to suffering by denying the very possibility of God's existence
Michael Ots
#38. I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
Derek Landy
#39. The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work.
George Mikes
#40. The people shall further be graded according to wealth, and - humorous touch this - the more obviously a man labor, the more stinting shall be his reward; the more he work in the out-of-doors, the thinner his clothing shall be; the more his labor filthy him, the less water shall he have to wash
Jamie O'Neill
#41. These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.
George Carlin
#42. And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts ... Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for.
Billy Joel
#43. People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.
Julia Kent
#44. Despite the fact that he loves books and owns a bookstore, A.J. does not particularly care for writers. He finds them to be unkempt, narcissistic, silly, and generally unpleasant people. He tries to avoid the ones who've written books he loves for fear that they will ruin their books for him.
Gabrielle Zevin
#45. He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots.
Christine Feehan
#46. I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny 'stuff' but yet could not make the people laugh; then, again - I have seen others whose stuff was anything but humorous, and the audience would howl with laughter.
Al Jolson
#48. People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.
Stephen King
#49. I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
Gary Shandling
#50. Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!
Bob Hope
#51. Do you follow the wrestling? Most people think it's illegal, but you can watch it there. Ruby and Python are on display this evening.
Samuel R. Delany
#52. People stubbornly lived their lives as they wanted, without regard to me, to an amazing degree.
Charlaine Harris
#53. When people ask how old I am, I just tell them twenty-one, and if they assume I mean years instead of decades or centuries, then that can't be my fault, can it?
Kevin Hearne
#54. Streets crowded with people strolling, or sitting at outdoor cafes. And always, talking, gesturing, singing, laughing. I liked Rome immediately.Everybody was a performer.
Kirk Douglas
#55. Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts
P.G. Wodehouse
#56. A terrified-looking bystander, a nerdy man in a sweater, calls the police and stammers into the phone: 'A huge group of people are fighting and there's pepper spray and superheroes and I don't know.
Jon Ronson
#57. [how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread than theirs. After all, those fine clothes were once worn by a sheep, and they never turned it into anything better than a sheep.
Thomas More
#58. I cannot articulate enough to express my dislike to people who think that understanding spoils your experience ... How would they know?
Marvin Minsky
#59. I'm basically one of the best people I know.
Jeff Kinney
#60. There shouldn't ever be a gas shortage in our world ... when so many people are full of it!
Timothy Pina
#61. Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with.
Richard Brinsley Sheridan
#62. Young singers ask me, "Do I have to live in New York?" I say, "You can live wherever you want-as long as people think you live in New York."
Benita Valente
#63. Eternity is a ham and two people" (also given as "Eternity is two people and a ham") is an old quip from the days when a ham was huge - far more than two people could finish. Irma Rombauer mentions this line in her famous cookbook, The Joy of Cooking.
Dorothy Parker
#64. Like most people who smoked umpteen cigarettes a day, I tasted only the first one. The succeeding umpteen minus one were a compulsive ritual which had no greater savour than the fumes of burning money.
Clive James
#65. One acronym to live by: PDADP, meaning Personal Displays of Affection Disturb People.
Michelle A. Lammers
#66. Switzerland is only bearable covered with snow," Aunt Augusta said, "like some people are only bearable under a sheet.
Graham Greene
#67. You know what we have to do?"
The Italian nodded. "I know."
"You don't look too happy about it."
"Defacing a beautiful building is a crime."
"But killing people is not?" Dee asked.
"Well, people can always be replaced.
Michael Scott
#68. Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
George Carlin
#69. What I've always done as an entertainer is try to come up with things that people will find interesting, or compelling, or humorous.
James Taylor
#70. Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.
J. P. McEvoy
#71. Stalin didn't write any memoirs. He was too secretive. He was afraid people might read them.
Jonathan Lynn
#72. This (French-Kissing) is a really sexy thing to do, according to the French people, although you should bear in mind that they also like to eat snails.
Dave Barry
#73. You can't do much for the poor, as they are not in with the right people.
Will Cuppy
#74. We're really awful animals. I mean, that dumb Barbra Streisand song, 'People who need people are the luckiest people in the world' - she's talking about cannibals. Lot's to eat.
Kurt Vonnegut
#75. People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
Terry Pratchett
#76. As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.
Mita Jain
#77. As a purely mathematical fact, people who sleep less live more.
Amy Chua
#78. Japan is the first nation in the world to accord 'comic books'
originally a 'humorous' form of entertainment mainly for young people
nearly the same social status as novels and films.
Frederik L. Schodt
#79. Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though.
Robert DeCoteau
#80. You know what people are doing on the other side of the world, what's happening on another planet, but not what's going on inside the person next to you.
Graham Spaid
#81. Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely until the train storms in, colorfully decorated, as is the tradition in New York, with the spray-painted initials of all the people it has run over.
Dave Barry
#82. Nobody uses his car in New York, because so many people use it that traffic is congested and unbearably slow.
George Mikes
#83. Feb. 9, 1999 Dear Friend, Without your previous support, Bill Clinton and I would not have won our victories for the American people in 1992 and 1996 ... And to win in 2000, I need you by my side.
Al Gore
#84. I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level.
Tori Spelling
#85. I'm going to have to give him shit for all this,' Shane said, as he wandered around. 'He lives alone and makes his bed? Who does that?'
'People who like things neat?'
'Its not natural.
Rachel Caine
#86. I'd like to see more stand-up routines venture into depicting tragedy. It's conventional to give people a humorous cathartic release; now I'd love to hear stand-up tragedy that would reduce the audience to exhausted tears.
Chuck Palahniuk
#87. Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.
Dave Barry
#88. Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.
K. Martin Beckner
#89. Tribal Chief 1: The will of the people is what is best. That is what democracy means
Tribal Chief 2: But if the people don't know what they are talking about, how can that be the best?
Leonard Wibberley
#90. Sometimes being successful means pissing people off
Philip Loyd
#91. It may have been observed that there is no regular path for getting out
of love as there is for getting in. Some people look upon marriage as a
short cut that way, but it has been known to fail.
Thomas Hardy
#92. Mr. Starr, have you no shame? Facts and law are always subordinated to the will of the American people.
William H. Ginsburg
#93. Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened?
Carroll Bryant
#94. You're bubbly and approachable.".... "I'm none of those things. The sarcastic wit and humorous charm is a front. I honestly despise people. I like to consider myself as more of a dictator that staff are confident in but scared to approach.
Eden Summers
#95. If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#96. Locavore?" But before he could answer, I figured it out. "Someone who eats food produced locally? As opposed to locovore, someone who eats crazy people?
Mari Donne
#97. I get a kick out of cursing people for life on Sundays.
Emily Kirby
#98. Lending books to other people is merely a shrewd form of housecleaning.
Joe Queenan
#99. It's more like how some people can't help but bring out the not necessarily righteous parts of your personality. Like how you meet someone and instantly know they're a full-time professional victim, and no matter how hard you try, something takes over and you can't help needling them.
Richard Kadrey
#100. What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell you magazine subscriptions in the middle of the night.
Dave Barry
