Top 100 Quotes About Life Humorous
#1. When life gives you lemons, find a friend whose life has given them tequila and have a party.
Nefertiti Faraj
#2. It's human nature to view life from our own reality.
This causes serious problems when a rescue mission is being led by the senile or insane.
Jaime Buckley
#3. If I want to dress up like Princess Leia and lightsaber fight the clone army in my living room, well the Han Solo in my life is just going to have to accept it.
Michelle M. Pillow
#4. How beautiful would history have been if it could be written beforehand and then acted out like drama!
Aihebholo-oria Okonoboh
#5. Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the 'totality'. The television also told her she wouldn't age if she bought expensive creams and pills.
Guillermo Del Toro
#6. A writing day is like any other day. Except I live in my pajamas, I forget to eat, and I suddenly look up, wondering when day turned into night.
Christy Hall
#7. I mean. You put puppies in a store front, I will stop and giddily stare. Every. Single. Time.
Christy Hall
#8. Why had his mother gone to the trouble of bringing him into the world if the most exciting moment in his life was having been made lame by a bayonet?
Felix J. Palma
#9. Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.
Victor J. Stenger
#10. Life without risks is like a burrito without Tabasco. Bland, but you'll still fart.
Martyn V. Halm
#11. Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
Erma Bombeck
#12. Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.
Jacob M. Appel
#13. Life is too transcendentally humorous for a man not to take it seriously. Compared with it, Death is but a shallow jest.
William John Locke
#14. I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls ...
Hiroko Sakai
#15. People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.
Stephen King
#16. If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.
Kinky Friedman
#17. Throughout life try to remember ... to always keep your head up high and your middle finger higher!
Timothy Pina
#20. He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots.
Christine Feehan
#21. I drew pictures for and about the soldiers because I knew what their life was like and understood their gripes. I wanted to make something out of the humorous situations which come up even when you don't think life could be any more miserable.
Bill Mauldin
#22. While I still did not know what self- actualization that sat on the top level of the pyramid meant, I could believe
that if I knew I would be able to say something positive about it as well in
my life.
Vann Chow
#24. That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights)
Eve Kagan
#25. [ ... ] for the philosophy of Square rendered him superior to all emotions, and he very calmly smoaked his pipe, as was his custom in all broils, unless when he apprehended some danger of having it broke in his mouth.
Henry Fielding
#26. This was shaping up to be the worst conference call of my life, even worse than that time I accidentally clogged the school toilet back in the first grade with my Boba Fett figure (I was pretending it was the Sarlaac pit).
Rick Gualtieri
#27. What is serious in laughing, worrying, grieving, mourning, concerning about anything which is temporary? Well, it is funny, actually, when you know life isn't immortal.
Bhavik Sarkhedi
#28. Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"
George Carlin
#29. Sometimes life takes oreos. But we have to learn to deal with it.
Kayleigh Zubrod
#30. I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.
W. Somerset Maugham
#31. Life is too short to be treated shabbily.
C.S. Reid
#32. My life is measured into two distinct phases . . . BC is before cellulite and AC is for after cellulite. Sad but so true!
Various
#33. You know your life is completely screwed up when you have to look up the mythological figures who talk to you in the bathroom mirror.
Maurissa Guibord
#34. ...life's about accumulating wrinkles, deep as rivers and as wide as is needed to travel along their path, so that by the time you're ready to die, your life can be read.
Liam Howley
#35. If you're a fat person - and especially if you're a woman - at all stages of your life you'll get abuse for it, so you have to work out a way of dealing with it. The best way is to be humorous about it - that defuses any tension.
Jo Brand
#36. If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
Dave Barry
#37. He bowed over her hand and kissed the knuckles. He'd never despised a glove more in his life.
Kristi Ann Hunter
#39. In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality.
Robert A. Heinlein
#40. A man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#41. Can you imagine life without the horror genre? There would be no monsters. Only a**holes.
Michael A. Arnzen
#42. Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won't sparkle in the sunshine, he'll just marry you.
Nick Shamhart
#44. I've always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life.
Ted Lange
#45. Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses.
Vladimir Nabokov
#46. It was 10:30 in the morning and I was already running behind. This is hardly unusual, but it pisses me off every single time.
Julie Powell
#47. Only few moments of love has greater value than entire life
Nitin Yaduvanshi
#48. Water is the most essential element in life, because without it you can't make coffee.
Karen Salmansohn
#49. When life gives you lemons, put your lipstick on!
Dana Page
#50. Common sense is a tool that isn't in everyone's shed.
Tanya Masse
#51. You didn't just accidentally win my favor," I dispute, slowly shaking my
forehead against his.
"You earned it. Now, if I can just save your life twenty or thirty more times ... We might actually be able to call it even.
M.A. George
#52. Noronha's Laws
1. No man works harder than he must.
2. The joy of living, lies in making little things big.
3. Try never to do what you do not want to do. The secret of a happy old age is in never doing what you do not want to do.
R.P. Noronha
#53. Reframing your past painful experiences and seeing them in a humorous light takes away the power and emotional charge attached to the memory of the hurtful event.
Miya Yamanouchi
#54. Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
#55. There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
George Bernard Shaw
#56. When I was a younger man and had a life, I owned an El Camino pickup in the '70s. It was a real sort of Southern deal. I had Astroturf in the back.
William J. Clinton
#57. I can't help but think about things critically. Sometimes it can be a curse. What I wouldn't give every once in a while to be a blithering idiot skipping through life with shit in my pants like it's a goddamned party.
Justin Halpern
#58. Men fight like men. Women fight like unchained demons.
Heather Blanton
#59. Don't eat earwax avoid roasted cabbage and look on the bright side of life -Angela
Christopher Paolini
#60. I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#62. Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!
Christina Scalise
#63. I refuse to have a life partner who spends his days pretending to be on a BBC show.
Lisa Lutz
#64. I'm turning into an old man. I own four pairs of oxfords, my stories get a little long winded, and my neighbors play their music too loud.
Christy Hall
#65. It seems an easy choice - sacrifice the tree for a human life - until one learns that three trees must be destroyed for each patient treated. Suddenly we must confront some tough questions. How important are the medical needs of future generations?
Al Gore
#66. Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!
Neil Leckman
#67. Occupation: Writer
Occupational Hazard: Carpel tunnel
Solution: Wrist guards to bed or my hands do all the sleeping
Perspective: I've decided my wrist guards have turned me into a Ninja Superhero that hides in the shadows
Christy Hall
#68. Just because someone's a pain in the ass in life, doesn't mean when they're dead, we shouldn't be respectful.
M. Judeth Nelson
#69. The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, and the effect was much the same, I guess. (Dark City Lights)
Warren Moore
#71. Walking the Camino de Santiago taught me the wonders of physical challenge, the wonders of spiritual freedom, and the wonders of baby powder.
Christy Hall
#72. If it is gay, ribald and lascivious night-life you are after, Israel is not the place for you. The night clubs you do find are nearer in spirit to a YMCA than to dens of iniquity.
George Mikes
#74. I feel like my life has been very serendipitous and really kind of humorous. Everything that's happened to me has been like an, 'Omigod, are you kidding me?'
Vicki Lawrence
#75. Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter.
Vann Chow
#76. My life is a plate of perfectly edible but ordinary scrambled eggs. I want them savory, creamy, cheesy and maybe with bacon on the side.
Varsha Bajaj
#77. Q: Best part about being a musical theatre book writer?
A: Explaining what that is.
Christy Hall
#78. If I had a nickel for all the times I've been shushed in my life? Bam! Instant millionaire!
Christy Hall
#79. Life is not for understanding or to known rather it is for living & only for living
Nitin Yaduvanshi
#80. Quote from In Love of Honey, Money....and My Virgin Passport
If you think you've the most wicked sense of humour, try life!
Mita Jain
#81. You can do this (this thing, where your body will cease to produce hormones and your skin, hair, muscles and bones ... basically every part of you will notice, go into withdrawals, and stage a coup). Be prepared for this mentally, and you'll own this thing.
Lisa Jey Davis
#82. If men had to have babies there wouldn't be any sex life left.
Thorne Smith
#84. Since the teachers weren't picking, I ended up with a boy with bad body odour. 'You should wear deodorant,' I said to him. 'And you should shut your trap,' he replied.
Lorna Schultz Nicholson
#85. I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.
Neil Leckman
#86. Among the top ten things I've learned in life: when your hair stylist is having a bad day, reschedule.
P.M. Terrell
#87. You don't seem to realise, that in married life three is company and two is none.
Oscar Wilde
#88. A life is similar to a book. Some chapters are boring,a few emotional, a handful memorable,others saddening,one or two thoughtful and many full of smiles.
Elizabeth Adeniyi
#90. Life is full of things that can kill me, you vampire m*****f****r, and you sure as shit can just get in line!
Dr. Adin Tredeger
Z.A. Maxfield
#92. Obviously life was a mean girl, and she was its bitch.
Naima Simone
#93. I love the very exposed, humorous, imperfect, never-trying to-pretend-to-be-perfect journey that I have been on in my life.
Drew Barrymore
#94. Sweetie, you don't need to drive me to the brink of insanity ... I'm close enough to walk!
Tanya Masse
#96. The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life.
V.S. Pritchett
#97. This must be the most embarrassing moment in my life. I am glad I am too ill to appreciate it fully.
Janet Mullany
#98. Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you.
Salman Aditya
#100. Throughout most of my life, I raised tobacco. I want you to know that my own hands, all of my life, I put in the plant beds and transferred it! I hoed it! I've dug in it! I've sprayed it! I've chopped it! I've shredded it, spiked it, put it in the barn and stripped it and sold it!
Al Gore
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