Matthew D. Heines Quotes

#1. Wisdom of the Ages: "Being Poor" Of all the crimes committed in America, undoubtedly the most unforgivable.

Matthew D. Heines

#2. Wisdom of the Ages: "New Year" For a kid, the ultimate source of confusion. They say it's a new year, but after the break, you realize you are still in the same class, with the same lousy people.

Matthew D. Heines

#3. Wisdom of the Ages: "The Nativity" The Son of God was born in a manger-not surprising, have you seen the prices of hotel rooms in Bethlehem? Oy Vay! Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah Peace!

Matthew D. Heines

#4. Wisdom of the Ages: "Boxing Day" In the UK, the day after Christmas is named after the first activity that takes place between husband and wife after the Christmas receipts are added up.

Matthew D. Heines

#5. Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Marshawn Lynch" Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football.

Matthew D. Heines

#6. If Jeb Bush gets elected, I'll know that on my way back from overseas, I entered Biff Tannen's parallel universe.

Matthew D. Heines

#7. Wisdom of the Ages "Assault and Battery" Weather forecast for the St. Louis Rams next Sunday in Seattle.

Matthew D. Heines

#8. Wisdom of the Ages: "Uppity" How Obama's new aggressive style is described below the Mason-Dixon line.

Matthew D. Heines

#9. Wisdom of the Ages: Another Bush in the White House-Yep they keep forgetting to grab the TV and silverware.

Matthew D. Heines

#10. Wisdom of the Ages: Do the aliens on the moon pull down their pants and 'earth' their friends for fun?

Matthew D. Heines