Top 100 Funny Self-mockery Quotes
#1. We, as Americans, at least - I mean, I love my country - but we're so self-righteous sometimes, in terms of, like, our nationality, our country. But we're people from somewhere else; the true 'Americans' are the original peoples. It's funny, but we're a very territorial species.
Peter Dinklage
#2. I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she's really self-deprecating, which is something I like to see in a comedian. I think those are really the best comedians: people who can make fun of themselves.
Chelsea Handler
#3. It's funny because the most sane women I've ever met are my mom and my grandmothers. I think you have to be incredibly sane and self-aware to function in relatively insane environments.
Jenny Lawson
#4. Olgun! Wake up!"
Her mind was filled with a sense of self-righteous and
vaguely drowsy protest.
"Sure you weren't, she needled at him. You were just
practicing snoring, so you'd be sure to get it right later on,
yes?"
Olgun's response very strongly resembled an indignant
snort.
Ari Marmell
#6. Often the inspiration to write music comes from the voices in your head. You're not crazy. Just be thankful they are not making you rescue people in 20-degree weather at 2:30 in the morning in the forest.
Shannon L. Alder
#7. You're not exactly up for the Humanitarian of the Year award, so save your altruism for someone who can't see through you like cellophane.
Rebecca McNutt
#8. I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly.
Pawan Mishra
#9. You were upset. I don't want you feeling forced into anything, he pressed on, horrified at his own words. Mental. Since when did he let chivalry get in the way of a blowjob? Talk about boycotting oneself, jeez.
Elle Aycart
#10. It's funny how there's a word like overprotective to describe some parents, but no word that means the opposite. what word do you use to describe parents who don't protect enough? underprotective? neglectful? self-involved? lame? all of the above. olivia's family
R.J. Palacio
#11. A funny yet interesting read, Will Self knowa his stuff and must do a lot of deep research.
Will Self
#12. The gummy bears tattoo was my idea. It's my son's favorite candy. The sketch was my other son's idea. It's a self-portrait of himself. I just showed the artist his sketch and had him tattoo it on my forearm. It looks like a stick person with big hair. It's pretty funny.
Prince Fielder
#13. I really like writing heroes who aren't necessarily 'Hollywood handsome.' Personally, I think men who are self-confident, intelligent, and funny are outrageously attractive - and my heroines tend to think that, too!
Suzanne Brockmann
#14. Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.
Claudia Gray
#15. It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.
David Sedaris
#16. The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
Greg Giraldo
#17. I love the sad songs with their maudlin, self-deprecating, almost funny lyrics. As an Englishman, they make a lot of sense.
Teddy Thompson
#18. Flatterers should be mistrusted, especially when they praise the dead. To seek a place in society is self-serving, but to seek one in history affects everyone.
Bauvard
#20. Caution! Be very careful of false, meaningless, self-contradictory, and not even very funny warnings, like this one.
Ashleigh Brilliant
#21. I took a bite of lobster meat with rice. It was quite tasty. 'Arguing the morality of slaughter will send you into a tailspin of self-loathing every time.' 'Unless you're a vegan.' 'Uh-huh. But then you're a vegan and you don't count.
Julie Powell
#22. It's funny because sometimes one doesn't actually consider these things for one's self until one's in a situation like this [press conferece] where one has to kind of think about it.
Gillian Anderson
#23. I find things funny that aren't self-aware. That don't know they're funny, and I think the same can hold true for drama. If you think you're in this tragedy and you play it for tragedy, there's a self-awareness there that I think takes you out of watching it and I believe it cuts both ways.
Steve Carell
#25. And get some self-esteem. What the fuck is that? It's so annoying to see a pretty girl see herself as not worthy. You know what it makes us guys think you aren't worthy? We see you how you see you. You're pretty and funny and smart. Stop being such a douche-canoe.
Tara Brown
#26. I wasn't very good at the bike thing. Really, it was just dangerous to trust two skinny little wheels and spindly brakes with the considerably uncoordinated woman that is me.
Kathryn Smith
#27. I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor.
Rachael Ray
#29. It's funny. When we first started hanging out I didn't want Ashley to think I was a pig, so I was careful not to eat too much in front of her ... Now, I don't even think about it.
Natasha Friend
#30. That's funny, isn't it, how you can know him one way and we can know him some way completely different. Funny how a person can contradict their own self.
Leonard Pitts Jr.
#31. If you think it's funny to make fun of the "used car salesman," you better only buy new and never sell your car. Just sayin.
Richie Norton
#32. Not that I don't appreciate the rescue," Holt said. "But I'm forced to ask, in the interest of self-preservation ... exactly how well armed are you right now?
Rachel Vincent
#33. Don't look now, but that's my ex over there."
Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked.
"Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control?
Gena Showalter
#34. My biggest influence is someone I really don't know at all: Tina Fey. Smart, funny, beautiful, self-deprecating, also a mom and a wife.
Laura Benanti
#35. I took notes on the people around me, in my town, in my family, in my memory. I took notes on my own state of mind, my grandiosity, the low self-esteem. I wrote down the funny stuff I overheard. I learned to be like a ship's rat, veined ears trembling, and I learned to scribble it all down.
Anne Lamott
#36. I don't dwell on the fact that I may have ridden on planes. That which I can't remember having needed, I simply accept. It is the most preferable kind of self-insight: one that does not require any accompanying change in behavior.
Benson Bruno
#37. Novels are not about expressing yourself, they're about something beautiful, funny, clever and organic. Self-expression? Go and ring a bell in a yard if you want to express yourself.
Zadie Smith
#38. Results for I looked as respectable as the bum they were booking. I fancied I smelled better, but perhaps not. I've noticed that most of us don't have a clue what we smell like to other people. It's almost as though our noses blank us out in self-defense.
Sue Grafton
#39. Oh please," Scout said."Don't take that tone with me. You know you'd love to have a minion. Someone at your beck and call. Someone to do your bidding. How many times have you said to yourself," Self, I need a unicorn to run errands and such?
Chloe Neill
#40. Envy is for people who don't have the self-esteem to be jealous.
Bauvard
#41. Besides, take away self-interest and you condemn the species to extinction, that's my motto!
X
#42. The people I grew up around who I really liked were quick on the draw. It always just wowed me. And my mum would make weird funny comments. I can see in myself her self-deprecating, hippie humour. I can't take myself too seriously.
Drew Barrymore
#43. Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would much rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own - "
"That's enough, Phineas," said Dumbledore.
J.K. Rowling
#44. My self-confidence can be measured out in teaspoons mixed into my poetry, and it still always tastes funny in my mouth.
Sarah Kay
#45. Beware of solipsism
Funny word. Sounds like it means "love of melons" or something. I looked it up. It means believing that "the self is the only reality."
Am I solipsist?
Jerry Spinelli
#46. You, lass, have a self-image problem.
Well, that might be a little true, but she also had a mirror.
Cherise Sinclair
#47. I paid, got up, walked
to the door, opened
it.
I heard the man
say, "that guy's
nuts."
out on the street I
walked north
feeling
curiously
honored.
Charles Bukowski
#48. Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat.
Gary Hopkins
#49. If I could ever be on a Missy Elliott record, I could then die. Missy Elliott, Mary J. Blige - I love hearing them interviewed, I love the way they talk about their art. They're very self-assured, they're funny, they're inviting. I love it.
Neko Case
#50. When I say I love you and you don't believe me, you're being a jerk. Basically what you're saying is I only love conditionally. You think you're being self-deprecating and funny, but you're really saying I'm not a good enough person to love you if you have a few flaws. It gets old.
Donald Miller
#51. This quote will self-destruct in ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Just kidding ... Or am I?
Craig Benzine
#52. Given the current state of publishing, I think it helps to have a brand name on the cover of your book. Comedians are proven commodities with built-in audiences. They may not have the writing chops of a Dave Eggers, but they're salacious and funny and self-reflective.
Michael Showalter
#53. The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes.
Bauvard
#54. Economists and psychologists get confused when they are asked 'out of syllabus' questions by life!
Saurabh Sharma
#55. When anyone lacks self-awareness and doesn't recognize their transparencies, it's always funny.
Merrill Markoe
#56. You know what to do?"
"Wander around," I said. "Until I spot a self-assembled whangdoodle from the Foggy depths.
Joel N. Ross
#57. I suddenly realize that I'm naked, which shouldn't bother me since it's the phone, but for some reason it does.
"How's it hanging?" Kyra asks and now I think I'm blushing. It's just an expression, but jeez!
Barry Lyga
#58. Laughter, Susannah would later reflect, is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny.
Stephen King
#59. Unless you're in an early seventies-era Eagles cover band, a founding member of a religious cult, or sleeping under a bridge in Seattle, lose the beard and get a haircut. Power doesn't have time for any form of hirsute hipster self expression.
Ari Gold
#60. Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you'll never get your balls back. - Simon Hunt
Dannika Dark
#61. Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.
Charles Dickens
#62. Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its nice to have an overview of what it/he/she contains. - Of A Sense of Self
Amrita Sarkar
#63. Hey!" He snapped out of his musings as Destiny's hand trailed down his body to cup his less than interested cock through his trousers. "Claws to self, Vampira, I assume you brush your teeth twice a day but I have no idea where those hands of yours have been.
Jane Cousins
#64. American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
#65. Funny, how it took a little bit of pain to remember that certain parts of yourself were alive.
Adi Alsaid
#66. I like getting up in front of an audience. It's fun when you go to a baseball game and the crowd is cheering you. I can't deny it. And it's very funny, too. Sometimes you're shy; you go somewhere and everyone's looking at you, so you feel a little self-conscious.
Jon Lovitz
#67. Money by Martin Amis. I read it when I was 15, I read it hundreds of times since then and it always makes me laugh. Amis has managed to create a world that is both funny and abrasive. I'd love to play John Self, the depraved hero, who's without illusions, he created.
Robert Pattinson
#68. Our whole lives, it was like we were always trying so hard to be perfect - for our families and our friends, for each other - when the funny thing was, we didn't have to. In the end, we were better than that.
Brenna Yovanoff
#69. It's funny how the ugly duckling always has so many beautiful things to teach us.
Curtis Tyrone Jones
#70. Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way.
Tom Hiddleston
#71. I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow ... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.
Jimmy Carr
#72. It's not hard for me to be funny in front of people, but most of that is just horrified nerves taking the form of what makes people laugh, and afterwards I'd always feel dreadfully depressed, kind of self-induced bi-polar disorder.
Lynda Barry
#73. To ugly ducklings everywhere,
Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans
Zoe Marriott
#74. It's funny: I spend time in the book criticizing social media, but I'm also aware that a lot of my success is because of social media. I can broadcast myself and my work to thousands of people that are following me or my friends. I do think that social media can be good for self-promotion.
Kim Stolz
#75. It's not funny anymore...", did you heard your self, you are entering a position called, "I wanna be a victim..., please take me".
Deyth Banger
#76. Nanny Ogg was about to say: What? You mean not compliant and self-effacing like what you is, Esme? But she stopped herself. You didn't juggle matches in a fireworks factory.
Terry Pratchett
#78. Girls are like Pokemon, it doesn't matter how good you are, you can't catch any if you don't have any balls.
Auliq Ice
#79. I like smart, funny, self-deprecating men.
Jules Asner
#80. Boys! Are they always this impossible? Do they always say cryptic, indecipherable things? (Note
to self: work with Liz to adapt her boy-to-English translator into a more mobile form - like maybe a
watch or necklace.)
Ally Carter
#81. Evan Handler is not only a fine actor, he's a damn good writer. It's Only Temporary is wise and funny and as righteously indignant as it is endearingly self-effacing. In what may be a literary first, the book actually left me wanting more.
Meghan Daum
#83. The young Dickens was so alive, so self-confident, so funny.
Claire Tomalin
#84. It's funny, in a human kind of way, how we can convince ourselves that we're in control at the very moment we are beginning to lose it.
William Moyers
#85. I am always happy, because whenever I am sad I just know that somewhere, somehow, there is a person who is PUSHING a door that says PULL.
Auliq Ice
#86. To me, the best humor is indeed the ability to laugh at one's self. So I give myself endless opportunities to do so.
Tom Althouse
#87. So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#88. You can't make Christ funny. He's self-aware, he's too flexible within the situation. It's rigidity, it's when the ego takes over and the behavior becomes inappropriate that it becomes funny.
John Cleese
#89. Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.
Denis Leary
#90. I have always sensed the exhilaration and independence of being self-propelled. Besides, you can jog while pushing a baby carriage. Maybe I'm a product of Wonder Woman comic books
Nina Kuscsik
#91. Why are we so addicted to social media?
Because, our limbic system is craving for rewards, pleasure, acceptance and expansion through mind.
Saurabh Sharma
#92. Her philosophy was, if it had a pulse, it could be killed. I didn't really have a philosophy, but I could see how talking with the school director would be difficult for her. If he said something she didn't like, chopping him to tiny pieces wouldn't exactly help me get into the school.
Ilona Andrews
#93. So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal' and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.
Mike Birbiglia
#94. Children are wise in a funny kind of way. They haven't developed so many vested interests of self. There is a wisdom, a lack of self-consciousness, that is innocence.
Frederick Lenz
#95. I had gotten to a place where I truly believed everything I was called: 'not sexy,' 'not funny,' 'too intense,' desperate.' All those labels they gave me, I took them because there wasn't a trace of my true self left.
Naomi Watts
#96. Aha! I take my three keys on my ring (car, house, El's) and hold my hand in a fist so that each of the keys is peeking out from between my fingers. I remember seeing this on a self-denfense special of Maury. Television saves lives.
Julie Murphy
#97. I've never been bothered with my conduct. I've only been bothered by people that don't get it correct when they gossip about me.
Shannon L. Alder
#98. Note to self: When noticing flyaway hairs, do not use lip gloss as an 'on-the-go' hair gel.
Danica McKellar
#99. Elisa Albert in a nutshell: funny, self-aware, and genuinely fearless that she might be a lunatic, or a genius, or both.
Emily Gould
#100. I don't want to dig him or his sexy self. But I keep losing my clothes when I'm with him.
Jill Shalvis
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