Top 48 You're Welcome Funny Quotes
#1. Being funny is a way of being liked and a way of dealing with sadness.
Wendy Wasserstein
#2. You should write about your life. It's kind of funny. When it's not depressing as hell.
Jeni Decker
#3. I'm not a big prank guy, because I don't like them done to me. I've been on movies sets where one guys goes into his trailer, and then people move the stairs, and he comes out of his trailer, and there's no stairs. That's not funny! I don't want to be that guy!
Terry Crews
#4. As an actor myself, the opportunity to sing and dance and be dramatic and be funny - it's really irresistible to actors. You get to show all sides of your talent.
Elizabeth Banks
#5. Growing up my mother used to tell me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Funny how I always wanted to be me.
Leona Keyoko Pink
#7. The way you might fear a cow sitting down in the middle of the street during rush hour, that's how I fear Canadians.
Maria Semple
#8. And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.
Nigella Lawson
#9. The Salton Sea is a huge dead lake south of Palm Springs. There's a town there that's the asshole of the armpit of the world. You'd fit right in.
Neal Shusterman
#10. I guess the breakfast burritos are going to have some extra protein in the morning.
Jon S. Lewis
#11. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go.
Kendall Ryan
#12. [Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.
Virginia Woolf
#13. I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.'
Bob Newhart
#14. You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."
Louis C.K.
#15. Teaching someone to be funny is like teaching someone to be fast. They're already fast. You're just making them faster.
Ali Farahnakian
#16. What did the mat say to the door? You must be really aDOORable to open up to everyone who knock at you. And I welcome everyone and what do I get? People stepping all over me
Ana Claudia Antunes
#17. I think I have a clue how much you love me now, Hop," I told him when he broke the kiss.
"Good to know, baby," he said through a grin.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"So far from a hardship, it isn't funny, lady, but you're welcome.
Kristen Ashley
#18. The funny thing about writing is, although you are writing about an experience which only you have had, you are trying to welcome other people into it, and there are ways I think of doing this, and one of them is through the senses, through the sounds and the smells.
Ronald Frame
#19. What a welcome sight. You know, it's funny how often people forget that presidents need to eat, too, President
Suzanne Collins
#20. Welcome to apartment life," Cash breathed.
"I sure know how to make a great first impression," I muttered, following Cash as he laughed. I didn't see what was so funny. I'd been yearning for that kiss for months.
"No welcome cookies for you then.
Shaye Evans
#21. Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome.
Carla H. Krueger
#23. I doubt she'll welcome you if I tell her you undressed me."
"Maybe she'll only partially welcome me."
Smart-ass.
Kresley Cole
#24. It's a funny thing, now; I very often think of my poor wife, but I cannot think of her very much at any one time." "Often, but a little at a time, like poor old Swann," became one of my grandfather's favourite phrases, which he would apply to all kinds of things.
Marcel Proust
#25. It's funny when I hear people complain - particularly about the most fabulous parts of being a designer, like when you're getting ready to work on a show. I don't even know that I'm tired. I could stay up for six days straight! No drugs, no coffee, no nothing. I'm just so excited.
Michael Kors
#26. She says screens are the cigarettes of our age. They're toxic, and we're only going to realize the damage they're doing when it's too late.
Sophie Kinsella
#28. Funny, there had been a time when building things was what America did. From massive dams to towering skyscrapers, from mechanized factories to moon rockets, the nation had created, had viewed that as part of the national identity.
Marcus Sakey
#29. Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
Steven Wright
#30. What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over.
Paul Feig
#31. He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money.
L. Frank Baum
#32. Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#33. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Will Rogers
#36. Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding."
Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding.
Tamora Pierce
#37. Sometimes writing is like talking to a stranger who's exactly like yourself in every possible way, only to realize that this stranger is as boring as shit.
Chuck Klosterman
#38. I've seen people who are not very likeable but hilarious. I think comedians get to a point where they know they're funny, so they don't care - in the sense that they know what they're doing. They have a skill.
Ted Alexandro
#39. It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon.
Jackie Vernon
#40. Maybe I think you're cute and funny. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean.
Ingrid Michaelson
#41. I see young quarterbacks just coming into the league, and they're throwing screens and layoffs right away. As funny as this might sound, I really learned a lot by going downfield, even in tight coverage.
Peyton Manning
#42. The tires are called wets, because they're used in the wet. And these tires are called slicks, because they're very slick.
Murray Walker
#44. The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.
Russell Howard
#45. I grew up a really shy kid, but I always surrounded myself with a lot funny people. It depends on the day - if I feel like being quiet, I will be. I'm not a complete goofball, though.
Manny Montana
#46. I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.
Jon Stewart
#47. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.
Tim Vine
#48. All of the films I'm doing are young, urban, high-concept, funny films. That's the zone where I'd like to play and have fun in.
Vir Das
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