Top 55 I'm Sorry Funny Quotes
#1. Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain.
Kyousuke Motomi
#2. I'm sorry I have issues with my boyfriend doing other men. I'm sorry I have issues with me doing other men. Why was I always being made to feel guilty because I wasn't having sex with more people? Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?
Laurell K. Hamilton
#3. I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
Zach Galifianakis
#4. I'm sorry I laughed ... I know it isn't funny for you. It was incredibly stupid of me to laugh. Does it hurt a lot anywhere?
'Not really,' I said.
'Only a bit in your soul?'
'Maybe a bit.'
'Let it sink,' he said. 'Just leave it. You can't use it for anything.
Per Petterson
#5. I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.
Woodrow Wilson
#6. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a dickhead. Well, I did.
Simone Elkeles
#7. I've always loved independent women, outspoken women, eccentric women, funny women, flawed women. When someone says about a woman, 'I'm sorry, that's just wrong,' I tend to think she must be doing something right.
Diane Keaton
#8. Hello? ... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven ... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.
Katt Williams
#9. I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
Norman Wisdom
#10. Now I really feel sorry for her. Your hand is as bad as Rob's paddle," Cassie shuddered.
"Thank you."
"I didn't mean it as a compliment!
Breanna Hayse
#11. I sure do miss that woman. Smart. Funny. Sweet. She never gave me a moment's trouble."
"Gosh, I'm sorry about that. I knew it was boring between you two, but not that bad.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips
#12. Noah held my hand and my bag as he escorted me to the third floor - the Women's Pavilion. The elevator bell rang and the doors opened.
"Jesus, Echo, circulation in my hand would be a good thing," said Noah.
"Sorry." I tried to let go, but Noah kept his fingers linked with mine.
Katie McGarry
#13. Which college?'
'Hmm?'
'Which college do you go to?'
Fletcher nodded. 'Yes.'
'I'm sorry?'
'Oh,' Fletcher said, and laughed.
Valkyrie's parents looked at Fletcher in near bewilderment. Fletcher looked back at them in total bewilderment. Valkyrie shook her head.
Derek Landy
#14. Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"
Ellen DeGeneres
#15. Sorry, Ian," Cameron said. He found himself saying that to Ian quite a bit. "I didn't understand."
Ian gave him a faint nod but didn't answer. His look told Cameron that he knew his older brother was an idiot, but he'd learned to put up with it.
Jennifer Ashley
#16. Sorry for the delay," Vogel said. "I was required to make a bomb.
Andy Weir
#17. I just heard a very funny story about somebody who died yesterday, I'm sorry to say so but it was so absurd that you can't help laughing. And the person that was concerned about that story was laughing too.
Sophie Marceau
#18. I already apologized for that."
"No, you didn't."
"Then I'm sorry.""
"Fuck your sorry."
"Fine. Fuck my sorry.
Kenya Wright
#19. The Black Parade has to go home soon, so you're gonna be stuck with My Chemical Romance. I'm sorry. That singer has a despicable mouth, he dresses funny, and he can't sing!
Gerard Way
#20. Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
Jon Stewart
#21. I'm sorry. The Truth is....
I'm an Otaku.
- Serinuma Kae
Junko
#22. Am I suggesting that you must feel sorry for divorce lawyers and prepare to pay every penny of their fees? Of course not! You deserve justice, and the lawyer can be lured into delivering said justice at a seriously discounted price!
Portia Porter
#23. In terms of my own behavior and activity, the funny thing about regrets and saying "I'm sorry," is that there's so much I would do differently and want to do differently moving forward.
Bill Ayers
#24. I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay?
Nenia Campbell
#25. Fuck You!' [Oskar said] 'Exuse me!' [His mom said] 'Sorry. I mean, screw you.' 'You need a time-out!' 'I need a mausoleum!
Jonathan Safran Foer
#26. Does Hallmark make a "Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner" card? I settled for "How much do you remember?
Molly Harper
#27. Leo laughed. "I keep forgetting about your amnesia. Heh. Forgetting about amnesia. That's funny. But yeah, her dad's Tristan McLean." "Uh - Sorry, what was he in?" "It doesn't matter," Piper said quickly.
Rick Riordan
#28. You're ruining that book!" He pointed to the page I'd torn out. "That's a perfectly good book!" Holding his gaze, I reached down and ripped another page out. "I'm making roses." "Well, it's my book." "Sorry." I tore out another.
Kate Avery Ellison
#29. Sorry I'm late, Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late.
Adam Rex
#30. I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why.
"Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.
***
"Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.
R.L. Mathewson
#31. When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
Rodney Dangerfield
#32. I trust you all slept well," I said, deliberately keeping my tone light. I returned Malich's glare with a tight-lipped grin.
"Yes, we did," Kaden answered quickly.
"I'm sorry to hear that.
Mary E. Pearson
#33. Same as you, Arthur. I hitched a ride. After all, with a degree in maths and another in astrophysics it was either that or back to the dole queue on Monday. Sorry I missed the Wednesday lunch date, but I was in a black hole all morning.
Douglas Adams
#34. Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases.
Richard Brinsley Sheridan
#35. First person singular obtaining colloquial orgasm within a Caledonian sandwich' it said, then looked annoyed, and spoke incoherently into a grille set in its belly which replied. It looked up and said, 'Sorry, as I was saying: I come in peace
Iain M. Banks
#36. Aaron: Dude, one thing the guy said is you don't taunt voodoo.
Zak: Am I taunting?
Aaron: Dude, you're taunting the crap out of it!
Zak: I am sorry, I am not taunting you I am just talking ... Talking loudly.
Zak Bagans
#37. Congratulations to your mom and dad for birth of a sweet child!
Sorry that I couldn't wish them when you were born.
Hasil Paudyal
#38. I don't regret saying something," I said as he pulled down the street.
He glanced at me."Well, I regret not punching him in the face."
My lips twitched."Sorry. I couldn't let that happen."
"I'm sure I'll get another opportunity," He muttered, squinting out the windshield.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#39. Nothing abnormal about the abnormal!" I laughed and finally he smirked, "Sorry just that's funny as shit.
S.L. Walker
#40. I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'
Tommy Cooper
#41. I'm sure that my parents' behavior has entered my work, I'm sorry to say. I don't think you need to have a difficult childhood to be funny, but it helps.
Roz Chast
#42. Robert said, "This is great, huh? Sorry to butt in and everything, but I really need the extra points. For my grade."
Ben nodded and tried to smile. Right, for his grade. He probably wanted to get an A++ in social studies instead of just an A+
Andrew Clements
#43. I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
#44. I can't dance, remember?" I whispered.
"It's just a tango. It is like sex, except with clothes on." Then, squeezing me closer: "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot, you do not know how to do that either.
Joe Schreiber
#46. You say very funny things. I am sorry I can't say funny things back. This is not a funny time for me.
Kurt Vonnegut
#47. Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend some up-close and personal time with ninety pounds of barbarian woman-flesh! Sorry, I don't know how much that is in kilos.
Christopher Moore
#48. What was that?" Taylor snapped, suddenly alert.
"Oh, sorry," Paige said, standing up and rubbing her eyes, "I fell off the bed."
Suddenly, I couldn't help it
I giggled.
"Oh, shut up, Tess," Taylor said at the same time as Paige snapped, "It's not funny!
Embee
#49. Dear Literary World, Sorry for breaking down your door ... I'll pay for that!!! Since I'm here and planning to stay a while, let me tell you some stories!!
C.K. Webb
#50. A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."
Frank Carson
#52. I told you not to drink that much water on the drive," Sarah told her. "You never listen to me."
"Sorry I don't have the bladder of a freaking sloth."
"You mean camel," Sarah corrected.
"I meant sloth," the other girl said. "I read somewhere they only have to go once a week.
Alexandra Bracken
#53. You think it's funny?" Shay said with annoyance.
"Yes." Her friend paused to get her laughter under control. "I'm sorry. It's just that you're the last person in the world I'd ever imagine marrying again after ol' Mr. Flaccid Flagpole.
Lindsey Brookes
#54. You see I've been taking these tests to tell when I'm ovulating and when I'm mostfertile. And well ... it's now."
"Oh, so you came up here for a fuck?"
Emma cringed. "Do you always have to be so crude?"
He chuckled. "I'm sorry. Would you prefer I call it an afternoon delight?" he teased.
Katie Ashley
#55. Sorry. My friends didn't mention certain ... details about you and you just wouldn't believe how nutty some people are. Just last week, I had a woman convinced her trailer was haunted by Tupac, as if he'd want to spend eternity in a double wide that smelled like cat piss.
Jeaniene Frost
