Top 100 Quotes About Masturbation
#1. Virtual sex, no matter how realistic, was really nothing but glorified, computer-assisted masturbation.
Ernest Cline
#4. Masturbation is an absolutely peerless cure for the hiccups
Inga Muscio
#5. Fuck you . . . you fucking body-dysmorphia porn-addict trust-fund-baby compulsive-masturbation motherfucker.
Warren Ellis
#6. Admittedly, the masturbation story is just a "Hey, this is one of my best-of's, I'll throw it in the special." But the grandmother stuff, really, I feel like is part of the theme and part of the best way to end the story that I'm telling with the special.
Jen Kirkman
#7. Sex without love is nothing more than a complex form of masturbation.
August Clearwing
#8. Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.
Thomas Szasz
#9. The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.
Sigmund Freud
#10. A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.
Karl Kraus
#11. I think the internet is the greatest waste of time since masturbation was discovered.
Norman Mailer
#13. Writing is a lonely pursuit. The only thing working is imagination and hands.
The only difference between writing and masturbation is one is presumably intended for a mass audience.
Mark Bell
#14. Abused as we abuse it at present, dramatic art is in no sense cathartic; it is merely a form of emotional masturbation ...
Aldous Huxley
#15. To me, video games aren't something as necessary as food or sleep, but they're just as important as delicious food, drinks, afternoon naps, walks, music, and sex (or masturbation). Not having them won't kill you, but without them, your life would be so boring you might as well be dead.
Hidetaka Suehiro
#16. The act of writing itself is done in secret, like masturbation.
Stephen King
#17. It is practically an axiom in psychiatry that precocious intellect combined with physical weakness can give rise to many unpleasant character traits - avarice, delusions of grandeur , and obsessive masturbation, to name just a few.
Sam Savage
#18. Masturbation is a democratic pleasure, practiced by rich and poor, young and old, married and single.
Mason Cooley
#19. The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Patrick Murray
#20. I used to think masturbation was not really sex because it only involved me. That's a very limited view of human sexuality, and it isn't going to work for women.
Betty Dodson
#21. Philosophy is to science as masturbation is to sex.
Karl Marx
#22. Reading - like masturbation - is something you do alone and very little in life brings more pleasure.
Chloe Thurlow
#23. Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
Bob Saget
#25. AA 241:87 - I would argue that masturbation is the human animal's most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization.
Ernest Cline
#26. I'm a promoter of masturbation. Don't sleep around ... learn yourself first! Guys do it, but girls don't. They should.
Taylor Momsen
#27. Masturbation is our first and natural form of sexual activity and if that's inhibited or damaged, then we suffer for the rest of our lives.
Betty Dodson
#28. What was said about him, what the females needed to believe about him, was just oral masturbation for mouths that needed to be otherwise occupied.
J.R. Ward
#29. What do you want, douche-whore? Haven't you ruined my night enough by interrupting my mouth fucking session with your fuckhot teammate? Now you have to disturb my masturbation session, too?
Helena Hunting
#30. We were born into a peace of plenty, a pleasure-economy, a bonobo masturbation society. The future that our elite handlers have in store for us advertises more of the same. More detached pleasure, less risk, freedom from want, more masturbation.
Jack Donovan
#31. But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
Woody Allen
#32. Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.
Dana Gould
#33. Well, you know what procrastination and masturbation have in common, don't you?" She waits a beat, then answers her own question. "When it comes right down to it, you only end up screwing yourself.
Amy Hatvany
#34. In the early days all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there's no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.
Les Claypool
#35. They are this horrible thing where you are distorted. The chin is too big, the head is too small. No, this is electronic masturbation.
Karl Lagerfeld
#36. Poor boys are easier than middle-class or rich ones. Boys who've been busted are easier than boys who have not. Southern boys are easier than Northern boys. Marines are easier than Masturbation.
John Valentine
#37. Life is just masturbation in a sense, mentally. What people do is they just create a world out of their self-reflection.
Frederick Lenz
#38. In his parochial school, the nuns had advised him and his classmates that they should sleep each night on their backs with their arms crossed on their chests, hands on opposite shoulders- a presumably holy posture that, not incidentally, made masturbation impossible.
Gay Talese
#39. In the United States, the last recorded clitoridectomy for curing masturbation was performed in 1948
on a five year old girl.
Eve Ensler
#40. Physics is to mathematics like sex is to masturbation.
Richard Feynman
#41. People who detest their sanity love to tell you they are insane, authors included...and all for a few bucks. Their charlatan madness is masturbation.
W.T. Shad
#42. Light mayonnaise is like masturbation - it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled,
ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff.
Susan Donovan
#43. Writing is like masturbation. It might not bear fruit, but it certainly does feel good.
Charles Delmar
#44. An ancient truism had once decreed, Self-improvement is masturbation. ...
Anonymous
#46. Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!
James Joyce
#47. Masturbation and meditation both promote physical and mental wellbeing.
Abhijit Naskar
#48. [Norman Mailer] is against masturbation, he's against homosexuality. He believes that murder is essentially sexual. I think he's rather an anthology of all the darkest American traits.
Gore Vidal
#49. It's disgusting. On trains, the number of those people doing that strange masturbation-like gesture is multiplying.
Hayao Miyazaki
#50. I think we're in an age starved for genuine experiences, instead of cathartic phony experiences through the media, structured, engineered experiences. And those are the fast food, the masturbation of experience. They don't really exhaust any aspect of ourselves; they don't make us any stronger.
Chuck Palahniuk
#52. Prince's music calmed me as much as masturbation or a cheeseburger.
Jonathan Lethem
#53. Cycling, like masturbation, is fun and easy to do - sometimes all day long.
Tom Doig
#56. They command a fascination, however reluctant, that borders on psychic masturbation.
Hunter S. Thompson
#57. Masturbation never got anybody pregnant, does not make anybody go crazy, and what we're about is preventing HIV in our bright young people.
Joycelyn Elders
#59. No matter what your race, creed or sexual preference, there is a word that people use to describe you that is very nasty. It's what we all have in common. That, and masturbation.
Jon Stewart
#60. If masturbation is a crime then I should be on death row.
Jeremy Piven
#61. I also believe in cigarettes, cholesterol, alcohol, carbon monoxide, masturbation, the Arts Council, nuclear weapons, the Daily Telegraph, and not properly labeling fatal poisons, but above all else, most of all, I believe in the one thing that can come out of people's mouths: vomit.
Dennis Potter
#62. Don't tell me he's bisexual! Don't tell me this is more of the guy in the hallway! Don't tell me he wants us to have it off together, Philip Roth fucking Philip Roth! That, I'm afraid, is a form of masturbation too fancy even for me.
Philip Roth
#64. I do not need a man. I am devoted to masturbation. I think it's probably one of the most pleasurable experiences in life.
Gloria Stuart
#65. We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
Lily Tomlin
#66. Masturbation is a meditation on self-love. So many of us are afflicted with self-loathing, bad body images, shame about our body functions, and confusion about sex and pleasure, I recommend an intense love affair with yourself
Betty Dodson
#67. Physical development was alleged to assist spiritual and intellectual development, while also helping safeguard boys from the 'solitary and sexual sin' of masturbation.
Martin Crotty
#68. Everyone thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.
Chuck Palahniuk
#69. Sexual intercourse is a poor substitute for masturbation.
Quentin Crisp
#70. I never did like working out - it bears the same relationship to real sport as masturbation does to real sex
David Lodge
#71. It's masturbation for writers to be able to write this absolutely outrageous personality, in a character that you somehow agree with, part of the time, at least.
Rie Rasmussen
#72. The piano bar is the gateway to the halls of masturbation.
Henry Miller
#73. Among our egocentric sad-sacks, despair is as addictive as heroin and more popular than sex, for the single reason that when one is unhappy one gets to pay a lot of attention to oneself. Misery becomes a kind of emotional masturbation.
Tom Robbins
#74. Maybe in the 90s or possibly in the next century people will look upon the 80s as the age of masturbation, when it was taken to the limit; that might be all that's going on right now in a big way.
Bob Dylan
#75. We can learn to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about gay people. The same way we have learned to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about shellfish, about slavery, about dinner, about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation.
Dan Savage
#76. I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor [Karen Berger]. She told me, "There's no masturbation in the DC Universe." To which my reaction was, "Well, that explains a lot about the DC Universe.
Neil Gaiman
#77. Philosophy stands in the same relation to the study of the actual world as masturbation to sexual love.
Karl Marx
#78. The Greatest thing about masturbation is that it is always available. I wager that many a condemn man has consoled himself this way during the night before his execution.
Robert Anton Wilson
#79. Methamphetamine is so Flowers for Algernon: All that super-human cerebral ability fades to limited physical activities like stapling carpet scraps to the wall or masturbation antics worthy of The Guinness Book of World Records.
Clint Catalyst
#81. Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.
Woody Allen
#82. Writing a book is like masturbation, and making a movie is like an orgy.
Clive Barker
#83. Masturbation is killing thousands and tens of thousands.
Ellen G. White
#84. Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction ...
Chuck Palahniuk
#85. I sometimes feel like when you're talking to boys, they just hear certain keywords ... But if you had a bubble above their head, they'd be thinking about game scores, masturbation and food.
Kate Hudson
#86. Drawing and masturbation were the first sacred experiences I remember.
Carolee Schneemann
#87. Well, people got attatched. Once you cut the umbilical cord they attatched to the other things. Sight, sound, sex, money, mirages, mothers, masturbation, murder, and Monday morning hangovers.
Charles Bukowski
#88. It [masturbation] too often leads to grievous sin, even to that sin against nature, homosexuality. For, done in private, it evolves often into mutual masturbation - practiced with another person of the same sex - and thence into total homosexuality.
Spencer W. Kimball
#89. Novels, except as aids to masturbation, play no part in contemporary life.
Gore Vidal
#90. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity, you will become a statistic.
Chuck Palahniuk
#91. Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.
Dudley Moore
#92. The war against illegal file-sharing is like the church's age-old war against masturbation. It's a war you just can't win.
Lawrence Lessig
#93. Well, one thing you can say for masturbation ... you certainly don't have to look your best.
Mart Crowley
#94. The profuse phallic symbolism of chess provides some fantasy gratification of the homosexual wish, particularly the desire for mutual masturbation.
Reuben Fine
#96. This is a rumour-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics ... or masturbation.
Johnny Depp
#97. He looked like an angelic little boy who had been kicked out of his orphanage for failing to take part in group masturbation.
Charles Wright
#98. Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
Gilbert Gottfried
#99. Contempt for others, like masturbation, is best as a secret pleasure.
Mason Cooley
#100. I think that at a certain age, say fifteen or sixteen, poetry is like masturbation. But later in life good poets burn their early poetry, and bad poets publish it. Thankfully I gave up rather quickly.
Umberto Eco
